For the life of me I can't figure out what she wants or why she did/said what she did.

[Samcro]

She’s my neighbor since me and the ex moved in here. Back then she was also in a relationship. Had a kid in this time. She caught him with another woman in bed and threw him out. She use to come over and visit my ex. I never really spoke to her. Sometime after me and the ex broke up she started asking for me favors. Simple stuff in and around the house. Then she suggested stuff like dinnners and movie nights. Referring to it as a dinner date after we finished eating. Sometimes asking if I’m making coffee and then coming over. Asking for a cigarette and when I get to the gate, to give it to her, she will have a bottle of wine in her hand. That will end up with listening music till late. With all of this I noticed some stuff she does or says. Always looking in my eyes when we talk. Facing me with her torso and legs, feet pointing towards me. Leaning towards me when we talk. Always saying something like my lips is so dry and then put lip gloss on. Telling very personal stuff about herself: I only wear g-strings, it’s(you know) shaved, it’s that time of the month. Always have an excuse for me to touch her: feel my legs it’s shaved, my hair is so soft, look at my nails it’s so long (I take her hand and she will only take it away once I take my hand away). Putting the kids plastic toy ring on her ring finger and ask me how does my enganement ring look. Asking about changing her hair colour, how her legs look when she’s wearing shorts. Showing me pictures of her photoshoot in a white bikini and commenting about her one photo, ‘nice blowjob lips’. Playing songs like KJ & Jojo - All my life, Halestorm – All I wanna do is make love to you. During this I can see her, out the corner of my eye, looking at me. I look and she looks away.

Twice she started teasing me about going on dates after I told her I had plans the evening. During one of these ‘so called dates’, she messaged me saying that she had a lot of food left over and I must come fetch for breakfast the next day. I didn’t read the message and only replied once back home. Pulling into my driveway I noticed she’s still up and the front door open. Weird as she’s normally in bed by that time with lights off, alarm on. I replied thanks I’ll get it the next day for lunch. 5 Minutes later her house is dark. This was during the week. That Friday and Saturday she came over to my place. Can’t even remember the reasons she had. That Saturday evening is when she played the Halestorm song to me.

Shortly after this, I asked her out. She rejected me. She said, ‘You such a good friend to me and this friendship means so much to me’. The first time I ever was referred to as a friend during all of this. I then told her that I cannot be friends with her when I want something more. I explained that is wrong of me towards her, and myself, and I will not do that to her. I also told her that I’m not angry towards her. It’s a decision that she made, and I respect that. I could see that she’s absolutely broken. Close to tears. Minutes later her house was dark, alarm on, obviously went of to bed. This was still early in the evening.

She then avoided and ignored me. I even saw a guy visiting her the following weekend that was last at her place when me and my ex was still together. I only saw him once and never again afterwards. Three weeks into ignoring/avoiding me she one day waved at me while I was in front of my house and she outside in her yard. She then said merry xmas and happy new year. I smiled and said thank you same to you. That next week she texted me asking if I can send my mothers number to her mother as her mother lost it. Her mother has a cleaning business and was going to clean my parents’ place. She had this long message explaining everything. Why, you asked and I will send it? Nothing more to it. Few days afterwards she asked if I had a cigarette for her. I replied that if you have one rand then I have a cigarette for you. I just reckoned no more freebees. This is going on for a while now. I started noticing she’s always making conversation when she’s fetching the cigarette. Telling me either about something of work, the little one’s school or just anything really. She came over to ask about my new car that’s standing in my driveway. It’s so nice and all that stuff.

She told her kid very abruptly, ‘he’s going out’, after the kid asked if she could come greed me while I was getting in my car all dressed up one evening in the week. This was after she looked up when I greeted them while she was locking her garage door coming back from work that evening.

Sending me a text the very next day after I came back from a 2 week work trip saying, ‘Hi stranger!’. I replied Hi and then nothing from her. Maybe cause I only replied 2 hours later, but I was busy sorting stuff out at home and didn’t hear the phone.

One evening she asked me if I can have a look at her outside light not working as it’s very dark. I go over and while looking at it it started working. She then tells me I have the magic touch. I replied well do you think my ex was with me for my looks.

The past weekend I was moving a desk in the house because I got a new one. The old one is very heavy and I cannot move it alone. I decided to ask her for help. Seconds later she’s here, all smiles and talking non-stop. Once in the house she says you asked me cause of my muscles. I just laughed and said what muscles. After moving the desks she makes a muscle and leans towards me saying, ‘feel, feel’. I must now feel her bicep.

So, I don’t know what she wants. I cannot for the life of me figure it out.

[smackie9]

Just ask her out on a date and find out. 

[Alvi]

 She is a tease but I don't know how much she is actually interested in you.  She did reject you when you asked her out so she can't be that much interested. I honestly don't understand why you keep spending so much time around her. Just wave a friendly hello when you see her and keep going.

Or ask her out again. If she says "no" this time around, seriously, forget about her. You don't have to explain to her wanting to be more than just friends. She gets it.

To be honest, you sound like an orbiter. She is probably using you as an ego boost while she is dating other guys. Or maybe she doesn't think that she is in a right place in her life to date, who knows.

[Samcro]

I don't spend time around her. She lives across the road from me. Not that I can completely avoid her. She's the one making contact all the time. She also made contact first after rejecting me. Trying to make conversation everytime she does.

One will thought that she's dating but no one ever comes to her nor does she go anywhere. Shops and that's it. Always back home before dark. Of to bed early on weekends. Only person that comes visit is her mother. 

[IrinaM]

Does your "ex" still live with you?

[Samcro]

3 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

Does your "ex" still live with you?

No, my ex moved out when we broke up.

[Alvi]

14 minutes ago, Samcro said:

I don't spend time around her. She lives across the road from me. Not that I can completely avoid her. She's the one making contact all the time. She also made contact first after rejecting me. Trying to make conversation everytime she does.

One will thought that she's dating but no one ever comes to her nor does she go anywhere. Shops and that's it. Always back home before dark. Of to bed early on weekends. Only person that comes visit is her mother. 

Maybe she is not actually ready to date but wants you to be around when she actually is. Oh maybe she is just lonely.

Well, ask her out again. If she declines, do a slow fade on her  or block her completely.

Perhaps if you start bringing women to your place, she is going to get a picture, kidding!

[Alvi]

Is she actually working? Sounds like she has too much free time on her hands.

[Samcro]

7 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Is she actually working? Sounds like she has too much free time on her hands.

She does work. She works from home though. She have told me before she has a very boring life.

I remember now another thing she did was telling her kid 'uncle Sam is back' when she saw my car standing in my driveway after my 2 week work trip. I could hear this from inside my house.

I have thought about asking her out again. I also thought about asking her if there's something she wants to talk about or something she wants to ask next time she makes conversation.

[glows]

She doesn't sound interested. She told you you were a friend and she seems friendly/neighbourly. She probably teased you a bit and flirted with you and you fell for it hook, line and sinker. You can try asking her out again but from the sounds of this you're just another guy in her orbit hoping to date her. She teases people like you because you're easy to get that male attention with but she may not ever want to date you or consider you date-material. 

As a general rule avoid dating neighbours. It's a hassle you can do without.

[ExpatInItaly]

She is trying to make herself feel desirable again after she caught her ex cheating on her. 

Maybe it makes her feel good to consider herself as some sort of irresistable sex bomb or something, but she was laying on the "look how sexy I am!"-vibes pretty thick. My guess is she enoys the validation of feeling "sexy" , and maybe she would sleep with you, but she already turned down a date so it won't amount to more. 

I don't think I would keep enabling that if she isn't interested in dating you. 

[Samcro]

18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She is trying to make herself feel desirable again after she caught her ex cheating on her. 

Maybe it makes her feel good to consider herself as some sort of irresistable sex bomb or something, but she was laying on the "look how sexy I am!"-vibes pretty thick. My guess is she enoys the validation of feeling "sexy" , and maybe she would sleep with you, but she already turned down a date so it won't amount to more. 

I don't think I would keep enabling that if she isn't interested in dating you. 

Care explain the last sentence?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Samcro said:

Care explain the last sentence?

Just wave hello and keep moving. 

Nix the personal chats. 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Samcro said:

Care explain the last sentence?

I think "stop feeding her ego"  would be good.

[Alvi]

6 hours ago, glows said:

As a general rule avoid dating neighbours. It's a hassle you can do without.

Actually, this is a very good advice. This woman is practically stalking you, and the two of you are not even a couple. Imagine what is would be like if things don't workout between the two of you. Heck, even if things work out, I can imagine her tracking every single one of your movements. She is going to sit by the window and see what time you come and leave. God forbid, if you arrive home half an hour late in her opinion. 

[Alpacalia]

Cut the games with her and stop talking to her.

Im curious though, what is stopping you from just pulling back the curtain and calling all of this out? You may not want to seem impatient or demanding from a guy's perspective, but I don't imagine that will happen.

What she says and how she acts is clearly contradictory.

From the outside, the question appears simple. Do you enjoy flirting? Enjoy being noticed? Are you able to accept her attention knowing that she can disappear at a moment's notice, never giving you another thought? If so, then just enjoy it.

If you disagree with the last premise, the answer is still simple. You deserve better. That means you deserve to be treated in a way that is fulfilling and fun for you.

Edited June 15, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Samcro]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Cut the games with her and stop talking to her.

Im curious though, what is stopping you from just pulling back the curtain and calling all of this out? You may not want to seem impatient or demanding from a guy's perspective, but I don't imagine that will happen.

What she says and how she acts is clearly contradictory.

From the outside, the question appears simple. Do you enjoy flirting? Enjoy being noticed? Are you able to accept her attention knowing that she can disappear at a moment's notice, never giving you another thought? If so, then just enjoy it.

If you disagree with the last premise, the answer is still simple. You deserve better. That means you deserve to be treated in a way that is fulfilling and fun for you.

I did stop the games and talking to her when she rejected me. She's the one that made contact again. Always asking how I am when seeing me. I don't even ask her then how she's been. She also got this nack of messaging me within 30min after I leave home over a weekend in the evenings wanting a sigarette. I just ignore the message and don't even reply. If I am at home and I don't reply she will phone me or just come over. Then she'll end up making conversation at the gate. I will just say oh or ok. Yet she still continues.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she seems lonely and starved for male attention . Try to distance yourself. 

[Samcro]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately she seems lonely and starved for male attention . Try to distance yourself. 

I am trying, but it seems difficult and not to make much of a difference.

[Samcro]

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She is trying to make herself feel desirable again after she caught her ex cheating on her. 

Maybe it makes her feel good to consider herself as some sort of irresistable sex bomb or something, but she was laying on the "look how sexy I am!"-vibes pretty thick. My guess is she enoys the validation of feeling "sexy" , and maybe she would sleep with you, but she already turned down a date so it won't amount to more. 

I don't think I would keep enabling that if she isn't interested in dating you. 

I can understand that. My ex told me back then that the woman we saw the other day is the one that she caught him with in bed. I told my ex that I will not even drive over that thing with someone elses car! She worked and took care of him. He didn't do jack s***...just lying at home everyday. Also not helping with nothing in and around the house nor with the kid. He would also take her car and go places without telling her. Twice he was in accidents and she end up paying to get the car fixed as she needs it to go to work. He would also loose his temper about simple stuff and slam/punch holes in doors, slaming the front door that the glass panel breaks. Throwing a dinner plate at her. All this my ex told me back then.

[ExpatInItaly]

Indeed he sounds awful, but what does all of the above have to do with you?

 

[glows]

2 hours ago, Samcro said:

I am trying, but it seems difficult and not to make much of a difference.

It’s gone on long enough now that she apparently thinks your home is her home. All poor boundaries so you’ll have to start from scratch. If she comes over tell her you’re busy and to leave. 

[Samcro]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Indeed he sounds awful, but what does all of the above have to do with you?

 

I didn't say it's got anything to do with me. Just painting a picture why she maybe does what she does...seeking affirmation.

[stillafool]

Yeah she sounds lonely and a bit silly tbh.  She's always in your face but doesn't want to go out on a date?  Me thinks she wants you to chase her.  I agree, as a single man, do not get involved with your neighbor.  When things go south you'll wish you lived somewhere else.  You won't want her to see who is coming over your house nor will you want to see who is coming to hers.   I agree with glows that when she comes over tell her you're busy and get rid of her.

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Samcro said:

I did stop the games and talking to her when she rejected me. She's the one that made contact again. Always asking how I am when seeing me. I don't even ask her then how she's been. She also got this nack of messaging me within 30min after I leave home over a weekend in the evenings wanting a sigarette. I just ignore the message and don't even reply. If I am at home and I don't reply she will phone me or just come over. Then she'll end up making conversation at the gate. I will just say oh or ok. Yet she still continues.

I get the impression that you want (or at least are trying to) get inside her head in order to figure out why she acts the way she does, but you shouldn't fall for it.

I suspect you are also attracted to her flirting with you on some level. How long has it been since you broke up with your ex? There seems to be some exploitation that's going on here on/from her end, and maybe you're a tad more tolerant of an attractive (I'm guessing) woman being overly sexual towards you than you should be.

The little crumbs of interest that she leaves on your figurative windscreen may lull you into thinking she's interested and wants to date you when she gets around to it. That is, it gives you hope for something that most likely won't happen.

By disregarding her attempts to communicate with you, moving on, and saying goodbye, you respect your own needs. She doesn't seem interested in connecting on a personal level.

Who knows why she chooses not to date you properly? Perhaps she felt rejected after she came on to you all those times and teased you about going out on a date, and you initially declined. So now, she is being a jerk. 

Keep in mind too - her intention was to come on to you before turning around and saying, "Oh, I just consider you my friend."

A genuine friend wouldn't act like this toward you.

Lastly, would you even want to consider dating a person that makes such overt come-ons without any sense of restraint?

I mean, this woman does not respect you or your personal space in the slightest.

I suggest you set some hard boundaries here.

Edited June 15, 2022 by Alpacalia