gr00vythumbz Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 (edited) hi. ive been dating a girl for the past, say 3/4 months. in the last few weeks she has invited me to meet her boss. invited me to meet some of her friends. invited me to a festival etc, texts me everyday.. which is all cool. I tried last week to initiate the exclusivity conversation by calling it 'THE conversation', which she thought actually meant the 'Lets call things off' conversation. She said she didnt want to sleep with anyone else, and she actually thought I did because im apparently very 'hard to gauge' and keep my stuff to myself. She added that the thought of me sleeping with someone else was not good. I agreed. but I have a slight concern in the meantime.. she told me - well before she met me - she had sex with some drummer guy in a band and that she thought he was 'gorgeous'. this honestly made me laugh and didnt bother me much, but it does slightly bother me that the same dude is booked to play with his band at the bar she works at next month. theyre playing last at night, shes in charge of welcoming the acts and being a host etc and it just makes me think shes gonna have sex with him again. am I wrong or paranoid for assuming this? and how do I approach this? Edited June 14, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
GoldSparkz Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 If she was mature and considered your feelings she wouldn't talk about another guy she had sex with and describe him as 'gorgeous'. I would tread carefully if I were you. How old are you guys? She sounds young and playing the immature 'play hard to get game'.
Author gr00vythumbz Posted June 18, 2022 Author Posted June 18, 2022 (edited) 32 minutes ago, GoldSparkz said: If she was mature and considered your feelings she wouldn't talk about another guy she had sex with and describe him as 'gorgeous'. I would tread carefully if I were you. How old are you guys? She sounds young and playing the immature 'play hard to get game'. It was during the very early days phase she said this and yes I found it tactless. Whether she would spew out something like that now, maybe not. She is 31. As am I. We ended up having the exclusivity conversation, initiated by me drunk (stupidly) and carried and re initiated by her. She went onto say the reason she's being playing it cool is because I'm hard to gauge and she had no idea what I wanted. She continued and said she wants to be more exclusive - especially after 5 months ish - and that she has no interest in meeting anyone else. All I can do is trust her word and keep my eyes open. Edited June 18, 2022 by gr00vythumbz
SumGuy Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 On 6/14/2022 at 10:10 AM, gr00vythumbz said: ....am I wrong or paranoid for assuming this? and how do I approach this? Believe you are likely wrong, not 100% paranoid but maybe 90%, and you have to approach it with trust because if she was the cheating type there is nothing you can do to stop it and being jealous is more likely to cause her to cheat than being the other way. All the objective evidence you give says she is in to you. The approach I would take is to be sure attentive before hand, if one wants to be sly perhaps come up with a cool plan to do later that night or the next morning...to keep you in her mind...and if you can get a look at this dude to see what she considers gorgeous. As weird as it may sound, if the reason she slept with him is just looks and she articulated nothing else that is likely good. Looks for a lot of women may enough to give it a try when it has been a bit, but not enough to stick around. You on the other hand seem to have the stick around material. Last but not least, not to step outside other forums, but if you rock it in bed...that physical part of a relationship is on your side. Have heard many times from women and men that their most gorgeous sexual partners are far from the best...looks on the street go only so far and most of us look better in the sheets. 1
SumGuy Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 22 minutes ago, gr00vythumbz said: It was during the very early days phase she said this and yes I found it tactless. Whether she would spew out something like that now, maybe not. She is 31. As am I. We ended up having the exclusivity conversation, initiated by me drunk (stupidly) and carried and re initiated by her. She went onto say the reason she's being playing it cool is because I'm hard to gauge and she had no idea what I wanted. She continued and said she wants to be more exclusive - especially after 5 months ish - and that she has no interest in meeting anyone else. All I can do is trust her word and keep my eyes open. On the first, tactless or trusting and honest or both..it really depends on context and tone. I've experienced it all ways. Also, some people can have the past sexual partners conversation with details and not be disturbed by it....it seems the older I get the less disturbed I am. Being hard to gauge is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you are looking for her to better understand how you feel about it all such conversations as you are having are good. Also you can take some time to try to gauge her love language. That is things you do to express you feelings may not be what she registers as love. I can respect her giving it some time (5 months) as that is wise but also being exclusive in the meantime and not looking for anyone else. Being in my 50's it is odd how some things don't show until after 6 months or so.
Author gr00vythumbz Posted June 18, 2022 Author Posted June 18, 2022 (edited) 21 hours ago, SumGuy said: Believe you are likely wrong, not 100% paranoid but maybe 90%, and you have to approach it with trust because if she was the cheating type there is nothing you can do to stop it and being jealous is more likely to cause her to cheat than being the other way. All the objective evidence you give says she is in to you. The approach I would take is to be sure attentive before hand, if one wants to be sly perhaps come up with a cool plan to do later that night or the next morning...to keep you in her mind...and if you can get a look at this dude to see what she considers gorgeous. As weird as it may sound, if the reason she slept with him is just looks and she articulated nothing else that is likely good. Looks for a lot of women may enough to give it a try when it has been a bit, but not enough to stick around. You on the other hand seem to have the stick around material. Last but not least, not to step outside other forums, but if you rock it in bed...that physical part of a relationship is on your side. Have heard many times from women and men that their most gorgeous sexual partners are far from the best...looks on the street go only so far and most of us look better in the sheets. My plan, the more I think about it is to give her space and lay low that day, keeping my mind busy. Im coming round to the more hands off approach of 'if shes gonna have sex with this guy, I have zero control over that'. I mean hes a good looking dude but so am I and yes, the sex, to me, seems great. She has to sit there for a good five minutes afterwards to stop quivering and calm her thoughts. 21 hours ago, SumGuy said: On the first, tactless or trusting and honest or both..it really depends on context and tone. I've experienced it all ways. Also, some people can have the past sexual partners conversation with details and not be disturbed by it....it seems the older I get the less disturbed I am. Being hard to gauge is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you are looking for her to better understand how you feel about it all such conversations as you are having are good. Also you can take some time to try to gauge her love language. That is things you do to express you feelings may not be what she registers as love. I can respect her giving it some time (5 months) as that is wise but also being exclusive in the meantime and not looking for anyone else. Being in my 50's it is odd how some things don't show until after 6 months or so. I quite like people who are brutally honest. Atleast then, all cards are on the table and ice may be broken. I like her alot and ive just bought her something (which isnt like me, I find it hard to express any feelings of love language usually). Thank you for your advce though Edited June 19, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
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