Date a few days in advance?

[Logo]

So you meet someone on a dating app. You chat for a week. You're hitting it off and all is well. They're matching your energy. They agree to meet. When do you set up the date for, the following weekend? There has been momentum in the messages and both of you are doing well. But you run the risk of that momentum fizzling out 6 days later, come date day. So what do you chat about in the meantime up until the date? Do you space out your messages until the day of the date? Chat less frequently? Keep it light and very short?

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

Itdepends on things like work schedule.

 

for a first meet you don’t want an elaborate date planned. You just do something simple and short.

 

try to do something mid week like at a coffee shop.  Then you can do a date over the weekend if it goes well.

[Logo]

So even a short date on the weekend can be too much BECAUSE it's the weekend? I'm just rusty. It's been a while. I usually just let things fall where they may, more naturally, but lately I'm planning my steps more carefully.

 

Mid-week. Ok. I don't want to come across as needy, but at the same time don't want to come across as disinterested.

Edited June 13, 2022 by Logo

[basil67]

 

1 minute ago, Logo said:

 

Mid-week. Ok. I don't want to come across as needy, but at the same time don't want to come across as disinterested.

Needy is about demanding attention.  If your suggestion of a weeknight date is simply a suggestion, it shows interest rather than neediness.  

If I were in her position, I'd be happy to receive a suggestion of either a weeknight or weekend and asked if I have a preference.  If I really like the vibe we have, I'd choose the weeknight so that we can meet sooner.  

[glows]

Ask her when she’s free as you’d like to meet for coffee. She will respond with a time/day that’s good for her. You go for coffee and meet. Assess and enjoy.

Don’t worry about things fizzling out. It’s not possible if someone’s equally interested in meeting. I don’t appreciate daily texting with someone I don’t know or a virtual stranger. Some people like it or prefer to keep in touch. The truth is if someone wants to see you in person and there are plans set up, they’ll see you. They won’t flake. Good luck.

[Logo]

Ok cool. I gave her options and asked if she has preference. So that should work well. I hope.

 

 

[GoldSparkz]

I presume you are a guy. Most women prefer when the guy takes the lead.

I agree with the suggestion to discuss the planning for the date to keep the conversation going.

Perhaps try to arrange a phone call. This helps cement the connection and let her know you are serious.

 

[SumGuy]

On 6/12/2022 at 8:10 PM, Logo said:

So you meet someone on a dating app. You chat for a week. You're hitting it off and all is well. They're matching your energy. They agree to meet. When do you set up the date for, the following weekend? There has been momentum in the messages and both of you are doing well. But you run the risk of that momentum fizzling out 6 days later, come date day. So what do you chat about in the meantime up until the date? Do you space out your messages until the day of the date? Chat less frequently? Keep it light and very short?

I'd dial it back a bit, but would keep up at least an every other day chat or more daily.  You can also get ideas for further discussion based on what you chatted about, things that really deserve more time and in person conversation.  I found if you reply regularly at certain times that line up with a work day, or even just mention work type commitments that may delay how fast you previously responded, it is good.  Predictability of your response is key even if people do not consciously realize it.

[SumGuy]

On 6/12/2022 at 8:18 PM, Logo said:

So even a short date on the weekend can be too much BECAUSE it's the weekend? I'm just rusty. It's been a while. I usually just let things fall where they may, more naturally, but lately I'm planning my steps more carefully.

 

Mid-week. Ok. I don't want to come across as needy, but at the same time don't want to come across as disinterested.

They both work and as you give an option that is perfect.   I'd say most of my dates where mid-week or Friday.  Mid-week give them (and you) a ready way to head home because work the next day.  It takes pressure off.  Frankly I prefer mid-week and if things are good a date 2 the coming Friday or Saturday.   If date 2 goes well, plan a date 3 for the next Friday, Saturday and keep the heat/connection going in between.  If the chemistry is strong you both may want a date 3 mid-week...not a bad idea, then a date 4 on the weekend.

Don't know if you have done it yet, but a choice of a couple days and a choice of two places and a time (like around 7pm) was my standard when OLD.   I'd research for places near her, her home turf, make sure they are safe (google street view, try to think which places, parking etc. that might make you nervous on meeting a stranger) and give a brief statement like this one appears to have this, this one that, but she knows the area better so open to suggestions.    The above style of option presentation works in business as well  

[Logo]

I guess when someone is interested they're just interested. They don't play games or make it complicated, and they are willing to work with you, kind of like a business situation.

We met. It went well, and she seems like a nice person. We're planning a second date.