newLife99 Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 We have been together for over 10 years (high school sweethearts) and were planning to get marreid this year. We were both excited about the wedding and then suddenly she told me she is not in love with me anymore and wants to break up. It has been 3 months since the breakup, I moved out and haven't had any contact with her, but I'm struggling to find hapinness in my new life. I can't stop thinking about her for even a second, yet I'm angry at her for doing this to me. I guess she has the right to break up with me, especially if she is not in love with me anymore, but I just can't help to be mad at her for not even trying to work on this together. What if we went to couples therapy? What if we tried to find that spark again? I just feel that after 10 years she gave up on us without wanting to fight for it, and all of a sudden decided to get me out of her life. That makes me very angry, but I love her to death at the same time! Just wanted to share my story.
Wiseman2 Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 3 minutes ago, newLife99 said: We have been together for over 10 years (high school sweethearts) and were planning to get marreid this year. We were both excited about the wedding and then suddenly she told me she is not in love with me anymore and wants to break up. Sorry this happened. How old is she? Did you share common goals as far as where to live, family, etc.? Was a wedding actually planned? What were the conflicts about? Finances? Household stuff? Is there someone else?
Author newLife99 Posted June 11, 2022 Author Posted June 11, 2022 @Wiseman2 I'm in my early 30s and she is in her late 20s. We both have good jobs and doing well financially. We shared similar goals in life, maybe I was a bit more focused on having kids in the short term while she wasn't, but other than that we never had any issues in our relationship. We had a date and venue for our wedding and even sent the invitations. She was traveling for a couple of months and when she came back she told me she doesn't love me anymore. I asked her if she met someone else, but she assured me there isn't anyone else. She just stopped loving me and wants to be alone...
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 4 hours ago, newLife99 said: She was traveling for a couple of months and when she came back she told me she doesn't love me anymore. I think traveling gave her a taste of what it's like to be a single woman, and she realized she is not ready to get married. It appears you've been together since she was a teenager. You are essentially all she's ever known, and my guess is that she is wanting to explore and see what else might be out there before she commits to one man forever. It doesn't necessarily mean she met someone else, but I would wager that she has been having some doubts for a while and that time spent away from you cemented those doubts and she could not continue. Or, maybe something did happen while she was traveling and it was her sign that she needed to end the relationship. In any event, when someone is that checked out that they call off an entire wedding, it's past the point where couple's therapy would help. And it wouldn't make sense if she just didn't want to be there anymore. That's why she didn't fight for it - her heart wasn't in it any longer. I am really sorry, OP. I know it must be very difficult after such a long time together. It sounds hollow now, but someday you will see that it was better that you didn't marry this woman. It probably wouldn't have been Happily Ever After. 4
glows Posted June 13, 2022 Posted June 13, 2022 All you can do is focus on your life ahead of you now. She wasn't prepared to marry you and she may have very valid reasons. If she doesn't want to be with you, be respectful of that. It's better that she backed out of the wedding and engagement now than divorce you down the line with several children in tow. What you can do is avoid globalizing this into an issue about all women as that bitterness won't be looked on too well by any future women you date. Heal from this and move forwards.
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