max3732 Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 Matched with this woman online and we had a ton of things in common and got a conversation going. Then she starts asking a ton of questions, most of which are pretty standard, but like rapid fire and also she got rather specific. She said she's met a lot of men who have lied or just scammers so she wants to be safe. For example we were discussing a shared hobby and she asked where I like to do it and I told her the general area. She wanted to know the exact place and said she knows a lot of people and I was kind of reluctant to say and she said that was odd and I must be hiding something. Eventually I relented and told her. We talked through the app and she talked a lot about her background, hobbies, career and asked me about the same. Then she said she wanted to send me some pictures to illustrate something she was talking about and gave her number so I gave her mine. During our call she asked specifically where I like to travel and asked for pics from one of those vacations, which I found a bit odd. I also told her my family has a vacation place and she asked how many bedrooms it is, is it a house or condo, etc. She also looked up my number and it shows a woman so she didn't trust I was real and wanted a picture to verify. Another thing is she asked about my ethnic background, where my parents are from and really detailed questions about my job. I went to bed that night thinking maybe this is some kind of ID theft scam or something and kicked myself for saying so much and worried about it all night. The combination of a pretty face, sweet voice and the prospect of meeting someone with similar interests seems to have gotten to me. Does she sound suspicious? What do you think?
Gaeta Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 Did she ask your full name? And any other ID like when you were born? I don't think she can accomplish much with what you told her. She sounds overly suspicious. Tell her the best way for her to confirm you are genuine is to meet you asap.
Alvi Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 (edited) 19 minutes ago, max3732 said: he wanted to know the exact place and said she knows a lot of people and I was kind of reluctant to say and she said that was odd and I must be hiding something. Eventually I relented and told her. Why didn't you ask her out? You could've said "How about we meet for a coffee and discuss that?" If she says anything but yes, move on. She may or may not be a scammer. Hard to say. Perhaps she is too cautious about meeting men on-line. She has every right to worry about her own safety. Possibly, due to some bad experience that she had in her past, she is overly cautious to the point of being paranoid. What is the point of that much chatting and the phone calls? You either want to meet in a real life or you do not (same goes for her). Seriously, just ask her out for a cup of coffee. Come up with a specific date/time/place and see what she says. Again, if she keeps stalling after you ask her, wish her well and keep moving. Next time, strive to meet in person as soon as possible. That is a sure way to avoid some on-line scammers and catfish. Skip the meaningless chitchat and the interview questions. Go for a meet instead. Edited June 10, 2022 by Alvi 1
Author max3732 Posted June 10, 2022 Author Posted June 10, 2022 49 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Did she ask your full name? And any other ID like when you were born? I don't think she can accomplish much with what you told her. She sounds overly suspicious. Tell her the best way for her to confirm you are genuine is to meet you asap. She didn't ask my full name, but she obviously is trying to research me online and with my phone number she can get it. She also knows my age from the dating app and asked it during our call and at one point asked for my birthday. Thankfully I didn't give her the exact date but just said the month. When I woke up in the middle of the night I remembered a TV show where this woman went to speed dating and asked the guys all the kinds of questions you'd answer when verifying your ID like mother's maiden name and pet growing up. She didn't ask any of those but it had the same feeling. 41 minutes ago, Alvi said: Why didn't you ask her out? You could've said "How about we meet for a coffee and discuss that?" If she says anything but yes, move on. She may or may not be a scammer. Hard to say. Perhaps she is too cautious about meeting men on-line. She has every right to worry about her own safety. Possibly, due to some bad experience that she had in her past, she is overly cautious to the point of being paranoid. What is the point of that much chatting and the phone calls? You either want to meet in a real life or you do not (same goes for her). Seriously, just ask her out for a cup of coffee. Come up with a specific date/time/place and see what she says. Again, if she keeps stalling after you ask her, wish her well and keep moving. Next time, strive to meet in person as soon as possible. That is a sure way to avoid some on-line scammers and catfish. Skip the meaningless chitchat and the interview questions. Go for a meet instead. This is yet another person who says she is planning moving to my area and wants to talk to people before she moves here. So no way I can ask her out yet. That's another thing. Her profile says she's in my area but then when we're talking on the phone she tells me she's living in another state now and is planning on moving there. If she's this paranoid isn't that kind of a red flag by itself? All these really detailed questions really kept me up at night worrying and wasn't much fun.
glows Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 It's a red flag, yes, if she is not local and claims to be planning to move to your area. You were probably so caught off-guard by her 1,001 answer and question game that you didn't ask her much about herself. In future block and delete people like this. The only way you get to truly see or verify whether a person is who they say they are is in person and over a period of time. Of course she conveniently evades this by not being in the area. Lame.
Alvi Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 1 minute ago, max3732 said: This is yet another person who says she is planning moving to my area and wants to talk to people before she moves here. So no way I can ask her out yet. That's another thing. Her profile says she's in my area but then when we're talking on the phone she tells me she's living in another state now and is planning on moving there. If she's this paranoid isn't that kind of a red flag by itself? All these really detailed questions really kept me up at night worrying and wasn't much fun. In that case, you better listen to your instincts. If you feel that something is off, then there probably is. Block her and be done with it. Or tell her to contact you when she actually moves to your area and stop talking to her for now. There is no much point continuing with a long distance relationship. If and when she actually physically moves closeby, then she can contact you. Concentrate on talking to women who live in your area. Yeah, if she is very paranoid, it is a red flag. But anything and everything cold be a red flag. Hard to say what is what since you have never actually met in person. But for me, this could very much be a dealbreaker.
poppyfields Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 1 hour ago, max3732 said: She said she's met a lot of men who have lied or just scammers 1 hour ago, max3732 said: we were discussing a shared hobby and she asked where I like to do it and I told her the general area. She wanted to know the exact place and said she knows a lot of people and I was kind of reluctant to say and she said that was odd and I must be hiding something. 1 hour ago, max3732 said: She also looked up my number and it shows a woman so she didn't trust I was real Good heavens max, ^^^ just next her, nothing good or positive will ever develop from that or from any woman who is this distrustful and suspicious before ever even meeting you. I cannot imagine saying such things to a man I had just met, on line or anywhere,. Seriously max don't give it a second thought, simply say nice meeting you, good luck with your search. Bye. NEXT. 2
Mrin Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 Just imagine if you guys start dating and you go out with your guy friends for a pint... yeeesh
Alpacalia Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 (edited) I don't think she's suspicious/mistrustful of you. In fact, she sounds more like a swindler. Give her the boot. Edited June 10, 2022 by Alpacalia
Ami1uwant Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 This is one of those things that you can see two different ways based on how it’s said. send a photo of your trip isn’t unusual.she coukd be curious what it looks like. Think of if she was there with you and you might show some pics of your phone. asking when your birthday is or what zodiac you are….this is harmless and typical. she might have seen guys say things to her that turned out not to be true so she might want to verify itwas true. a concern if you talk to much you won’t have anything to talk about when you meet
mortensorchid Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 This is a red flag. The woman might be trying to scam you like others said,but I fear something else... Years ago I had connected with this guy in the MySpace days. We met and continued most of the "relationship" through Yahoo chatting when people were still doing that. He had some very specific questions like you said ( am I into nerdy stuff), but also more specifics like why did my last serious relationship end, do I think relationships take work, etc. I wasn't sure why he was asking those questions but had a bad feeling about him over time and walked away from him. I noticed he seemed to have this MO with other women he encountered as he was sharing his experiences on his blog and I was reading it. Immature, I know, but it's what it is and it was a long time ago now. I'd reconsider this. She may have an MO as well.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 She's too paranoid. How much of the same information did she offer about herself? And she's not local so you can't even meet her yet? Nah. Move along.
Wiseman2 Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 8 hours ago, max3732 said: she tells me she's living in another state now and is planning on moving there. Don't even talk to women who aren't local and won't even meet in person in a timely fashion. After a couple of get-to-know-you questions, suggest meeting for a coffee/drink. If they won't meet next them. Do not engage with distance women, that in itself is inviting scammers and catfish. 1
CLS63AMG Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 Had that happen once years ago, she was: 1 - New to online dating 2- Extremely skeptical 3- Broken from a prior relationship I cut my losses after she wouldn't even agree to meet for a drink at the half way point between us because she use to live in that CITY and was scared she might be seen lol.
giotto Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 Could be a scammer or she really had very bad experiences in the past, so she is extra careful. Personally, I would dump her...
Author max3732 Posted June 10, 2022 Author Posted June 10, 2022 3 hours ago, giotto said: Could be a scammer or she really had very bad experiences in the past, so she is extra careful. Personally, I would dump her... Yep. My concern is that she's a scammer or trying to steal my ID. She even asked what kind of car I have (year and model), which I told her since I like cars and wasn't thinking clearly. 13 hours ago, glows said: It's a red flag, yes, if she is not local and claims to be planning to move to your area. You were probably so caught off-guard by her 1,001 answer and question game that you didn't ask her much about herself. In future block and delete people like this. The only way you get to truly see or verify whether a person is who they say they are is in person and over a period of time. Of course she conveniently evades this by not being in the area. Lame. Yep. I'd much rather meet people in person sooner rather than later. I feel like if I see someone often I can get to know them and figure out whether we're a good match vs. texting or talking on the phone. I do have an in person date from OLD setup this weekend. With all those questions I felt like I was being interviewed by a reporter or like in the police shows where they are in the interrogation room and they have the "good cop" try to extract information. I did ask her questions when I could and got some info, but she ignored some of my questions and kept barreling through with hers. 10 hours ago, mortensorchid said: This is a red flag. The woman might be trying to scam you like others said,but I fear something else... Years ago I had connected with this guy in the MySpace days. We met and continued most of the "relationship" through Yahoo chatting when people were still doing that. He had some very specific questions like you said ( am I into nerdy stuff), but also more specifics like why did my last serious relationship end, do I think relationships take work, etc. I wasn't sure why he was asking those questions but had a bad feeling about him over time and walked away from him. I noticed he seemed to have this MO with other women he encountered as he was sharing his experiences on his blog and I was reading it. Immature, I know, but it's what it is and it was a long time ago now. I'd reconsider this. She may have an MO as well. Sorry for being ignorant, but what is MO? Do you mean modus operandi, like she's a scammer? 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: She's too paranoid. How much of the same information did she offer about herself? And she's not local so you can't even meet her yet? Nah. Move along. I think that imbalance also bothers me. Sometimes on a date with someone attractive who asks me something I'm passionate about I'll catch myself talking way too much and forgetting to ask her questions. In this case I did ask her questions and try to get info but the whole time it was like "prove you're real" from her and a lot more questions on her end. There's nothing I can do to take back what I've already told her, but definitely I'm going to avoid communicating with her unless she happens to move here and if that happened I'd be on high alert going forward. It bothers me you can look up my name, address. business, relatives, etc with just my phone number. When she wanted to send me a picture I was excited to learn more about her, but I should have stuck to communicating on the app and not exchanged numbers just to get the picture. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 15 minutes ago, max3732 said: Yep. My concern is that she's a scammer or trying to steal my ID. She even asked what kind of car I have (year and model), which I told her since I like cars and wasn't thinking clearly. Ok she's either a scammer or a bit crazy. Who asks this? Delete and block her asap. It's amazing she didn't ask for a screenshot of your tax returns. 2
dramafreezone Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 17 hours ago, max3732 said: Matched with this woman online and we had a ton of things in common and got a conversation going. Then she starts asking a ton of questions, most of which are pretty standard, but like rapid fire and also she got rather specific. She said she's met a lot of men who have lied or just scammers so she wants to be safe. For example we were discussing a shared hobby and she asked where I like to do it and I told her the general area. She wanted to know the exact place and said she knows a lot of people and I was kind of reluctant to say and she said that was odd and I must be hiding something. Eventually I relented and told her. We talked through the app and she talked a lot about her background, hobbies, career and asked me about the same. Then she said she wanted to send me some pictures to illustrate something she was talking about and gave her number so I gave her mine. During our call she asked specifically where I like to travel and asked for pics from one of those vacations, which I found a bit odd. I also told her my family has a vacation place and she asked how many bedrooms it is, is it a house or condo, etc. She also looked up my number and it shows a woman so she didn't trust I was real and wanted a picture to verify. Another thing is she asked about my ethnic background, where my parents are from and really detailed questions about my job. I went to bed that night thinking maybe this is some kind of ID theft scam or something and kicked myself for saying so much and worried about it all night. The combination of a pretty face, sweet voice and the prospect of meeting someone with similar interests seems to have gotten to me. Does she sound suspicious? What do you think? Yeah I would be turned off. I don't like the "interview" vibe from dates or potential dates. Really says more about them in my opinion. I understand wanting to be safe but there is no risk-free way to date. I don't think you get to have it all, incur little to no risk and find an amazing person. To find that amazing person, you have to risk being hurt or "scammed." Maybe she needs to reconsider how she evaluates men. I know plenty of men who are not scammers so can't be a coincidence that she's finding an inordinate number of the liars and scammers. Must be some common denominator that she finds alluring about those types. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 2 hours ago, max3732 said: There's nothing I can do to take back what I've already told her, but definitely I'm going to avoid communicating with her unless she happens to move here and if that happened I'd be on high alert going forward. While not a phishing scam exactly, asking this many invasive questions is a giant red flag. Don't communicate with her further. Next time meet in person asap and keep it more basic.
ShyViolet Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 IF she's not a scammer, she's at the very least paranoid and has trust issues, to the point where it sounds like if you were in a relationship with her, she would be very controlling and invading your privacy. You should block this person immediately. 1
SumGuy Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 18 hours ago, max3732 said: ... If she's this paranoid isn't that kind of a red flag by itself? All these really detailed questions really kept me up at night worrying and wasn't much fun. Yes, May Day parade red flags to me...if not in the area would say look me up when you get here or we could meet if you are visiting ahead of time. Then again, last time someone got into the weeds like this on me (or at least tried) mentioned it seemed like too much detail too soon...it ended in her getting miffed and me saying don't believe we are compatible, man a bullet dodged there. Her name wasn't Karen but it could have been Not sure on the location for one's hobby being too much (unless it is wild mushroom harvesting and we'd need to be married before I share my spots ) but number of bedrooms, birthday (I wouldn't give a month not to someone never met), and other "prove yourself" stuff just not my cup of tea. After I feel some connection I do give my full name so they can verify who I am, but only in the context if we are going to meet, and that is about it. 3
Alpacalia Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 (edited) The woman wants to know not only how many bedrooms your family's property has but also specifics on the kind of car you drive. I have no clue what to make of that, but it certainly sounds creepy. Edited June 10, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
smackie9 Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 (edited) You know what, at first these things were great ie: emails, texting, online dating, or ebay, amazon, craigslist, FB for shopping, etc. BUT over time the scammers find opportunity to rip people off, and then the apps and stuff you use for communication becomes almost unusable. Best to not use them at all to protect yourself. Edited June 10, 2022 by smackie9
Wiseman2 Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 5 hours ago, max3732 said: I think that imbalance also bothers me. Sometimes on a date with someone attractive who asks me something I'm passionate about I'll catch myself talking way too much and forgetting to ask her questions. Well yes. You must feel someone overexposed and invaded. Heck she could have just gone for the jugular and asked for the car's VIN and your SS number, lets not forget your at home DNA test results, just to make sure. 1
glows Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 (edited) No is a complete sentence in itself. In future just decline when someone asks you such personal questions upfront. You don't have to feel guilty about it or feel like you have to say more than that. You don't even have to explain your reasoning. Block and delete and use your instincts. This is someone you haven't even met yet for goodness sake. And, yes, in response to your post above - meet sooner rather than later. Good luck on your date this weekend! Edited June 10, 2022 by glows 1
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