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I have a crush on another graduate student who is a writing instructor

jenny 73

By jenny 73
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jenny 73 Established Member

jenny 73

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi all, I have had two online session  with another graduate student (we are both working on our PhDs and had the zoom camera off) that is a writing mentor for other students. He is a helpful mentor. After the second session, I realized I really enjoy our conversations about different things even though we never met and seen each other.  We laugh a lot and I really wish I could ask him out. But I am afraid of this being inappropriate in this setting and also not sure if he is interested. I wanted to ask for your advice, cause I really feel something good can come out of it but I want to respect him and the situation. 

Edited by jenny 73
glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

I don't think it's a good idea. He has to be personable and be easily understood by his students/mentees. If he seems friendly to you it's part of his job or role.

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted

I don't think having a Zoom call with the camera off, and no contact besides that, is enough for you to know that you have a "crush" on this person.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

I don't think having a Zoom call with the camera off, and no contact besides that, is enough for you to know that you have a "crush" on this person.

For me conversation flow is a good thing to determine viability of possible relationship

 

thatsaid…this situation is not a good measure because he is working.  It’s similar to you talking to a cashier/ clerk at a store Or a server at a restaurant.

 

if the OP and him were classmates talking about this homework and they starting talking about other things other than the homework and it flowed thrn there could be something to look into.

 

 

Alvi Established Member

Alvi

Posted
Posted

You don't know if he is even single. So, you basically fell in love with his voice. Have you seen what he looks like?

I don't know, maybe wait till the sessions are over and ask him for a coffee to celebrate. How many sessions do you have? When is the end date?  If he says yes, great! If he comes up with an excuse, as to why he cannot meet you in person, let it go. I suppose you could ask to meet him in a cafe to discuss some topic. If he says no (like he says that he is busy to meet) be able to keep things friendly and professional. Who knows? Sometimes you have to go with your feeling and take a risk. It doesn't always work out but hey, at least you have tried. Just don't act hurt or weird if he turns you down.

 

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Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, jenny 73 said:

and I really wish I could ask him out

Yes why not, he will be flattered that you asked him even if he is taken,

good to take a chance follow your instinct when that feeling of good connection occurs,

I was involved in adult teaching for a few years there,

I actually went on dates with two of my students during that time,  not that I was looking for it but just felt was good rapport or whatever and no harm in seeing where it might go.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, jenny 73 said:

We laugh a lot and I really wish I could ask him out. But I am afraid of this being inappropriate in this setting and also not sure if he is interested. 

Try to get to know him better, such as if he has a GF, etc. There's no hurry so just keep talking. 

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think the "idea" of someone, the fantasy per se is enough to develop a crush, but ya gotta meet and spend time in person before knowing if they're the right fit or if something good would come of it.

Why not enjoy the crush for awhile, why push it, what's the rush?  

The crush will either fade or increase, if it increases, when the sessions end, suggest you meet for a drink or something. 

 

 

Edited by poppyfields
Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted (edited)

The most romantic times happen before feelings are shared.

So keeping things casual may be a way to proceed.

You will still be open to meeting another guy if one comes your way. Plus, you've got how many years to get to know him better; you can be really creative. You can get a taste of his sense of humor, his tenderness, his kindness, and his attitude.

'Cause if Hellen Keller and Peter Fagan did it. So can you. 

Edited by Alpacalia
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