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Dating a Pilot who has left me alone and now is standing me up for my pre-planned work event

howwouldiknownow22

By howwouldiknownow22
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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I read somewhere a few years ago that pilot's don't make a lot of money and some were getting second jobs to make ends meet.  So maybe he really needs those extra flights for his income.  I feel he put your event at the end of his priority list, but was hell bent on attending his friend's party, why?  Did he suddenly find out his ex is attending?  It's clear from the way he talks about her that there's still something there.  Was she the one who broke up with him or vice versa?  What nationality is his ex?

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howwouldiknownow22 Established Member

howwouldiknownow22

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Posted
2 hours ago, stillafool said:

I read somewhere a few years ago that pilot's don't make a lot of money and some were getting second jobs to make ends meet.  So maybe he really needs those extra flights for his income.  I feel he put your event at the end of his priority list, but was hell bent on attending his friend's party, why?  Did he suddenly find out his ex is attending?  It's clear from the way he talks about her that there's still something there.  Was she the one who broke up with him or vice versa?  What nationality is his ex?

I don't know about why this friend's party is suddenly SO important.

But, 

I just spoke with him about the weekend.  I said "so did you still want me to come to that party with you?"  His reply was "yes, but here's the deal.  I need to go to that party Saturday night and then I plan to pick up a flight on Sunday.  And probably be gone until a doctor's appointment on Tuesday.  And then I fly out again on Thursday morning".  

 

He said so if you come to (his city) for work let me know and I can try to work around that, but most likely I will be flying out next week.  So up to you.

 

I didn't reply other than to say...Ok, let me look at my schedule.  We can chat later.  

 

I don't know what to make of that -- other than I really wanted to say... "soooo you just are no longer into me..."   that's how it feels, that is for sure....

 

What would you suggest I do or say?  Seems so different now...

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howwouldiknownow22 Established Member

howwouldiknownow22

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3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

OK, then.

In summary, you have identified that he is cheap, narcissistic, vindictive, and possesses opposing political and religious views.

He is inconsiderate of your time.

Besides uninviting you to a party, he also dropped out of the event he had promised to attend with you.

I hope that this has given you a better understanding of what to expect from this relationship if you choose to stay.

 

I just spoke with him about the weekend.  I said "so did you still want me to come to that party with you?"  His reply was "yes, but here's the deal.  I need to go to that party Saturday night and then I plan to pick up a flight on Sunday.  And probably be gone until a doctor's appointment on Tuesday.  And then I fly out again on Thursday morning".  

He said so if you come to (his city) for work let me know and I can try to work around that, but most likely I will be flying out next week.  So up to you.

I didn't reply other than to say...Ok, let me look at my schedule.  We can chat later.  

I don't know what to make of that -- other than I really wanted to say... "soooo you just are no longer into me..."   that's how it feels, that is for sure....

flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I don't know about why this friend's party is suddenly SO important.

But, 

I just spoke with him about the weekend.  I said "so did you still want me to come to that party with you?"  His reply was "yes, but here's the deal.  I need to go to that party Saturday night and then I plan to pick up a flight on Sunday.  And probably be gone until a doctor's appointment on Tuesday.  And then I fly out again on Thursday morning".  

 

He said so if you come to (his city) for work let me know and I can try to work around that, but most likely I will be flying out next week.  So up to you.

 

I didn't reply other than to say...Ok, let me look at my schedule.  We can chat later.  

 

I don't know what to make of that -- other than I really wanted to say... "soooo you just are no longer into me..."   that's how it feels, that is for sure....

 

What would you suggest I do or say?  Seems so different now...

he blew off going to your party, why are you jumping through hoops to go to his party?  what is it that is so appealing about this guy?  you said he openly mocks your religion and calls you stupid for it, belittles workers in the service industry, shows little to zero respect for your time or commitments...and you're still at his feet.

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howwouldiknownow22 Established Member

howwouldiknownow22

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1 minute ago, flitzanu said:

he blew off going to your party, why are you jumping through hoops to go to his party?  what is it that is so appealing about this guy?  you said he openly mocks your religion and calls you stupid for it, belittles workers in the service industry, shows little to zero respect for your time or commitments...and you're still at his feet.

He didn't call me stupid for it....but he has been a bit too opinionated or argumentative about my belief in God and Jesus.

I guess I just tell him I won't be able to attend his party.  But ....do I leave the door open?   He had already asked me to fly with him to my mom's city next week...and that I would fly in a couple days prior...and then meet up with him.   But, now... I honestly don't want to go to such lengths for that travel....  if I am only going to meet up with him for 6 hours or whatever.... 

I just want to have a come to Jesus.  But, at the same time...I feel like I'm giving him all the power....

Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

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Posted

Too much too soon. It’s 2 months. Why so much drama? Just next him. You have nothing invested here.

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glows Established Member

glows

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Posted
1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He didn't call me stupid for it....but he has been a bit too opinionated or argumentative about my belief in God and Jesus.

I guess I just tell him I won't be able to attend his party.  But ....do I leave the door open?   He had already asked me to fly with him to my mom's city next week...and that I would fly in a couple days prior...and then meet up with him.   But, now... I honestly don't want to go to such lengths for that travel....  if I am only going to meet up with him for 6 hours or whatever.... 

I just want to have a come to Jesus.  But, at the same time...I feel like I'm giving him all the power....

This scenario only works if you don't particularly care about the guy or are casually seeing him. You both seem incompatible and it's making things worse on top of the logistics. if you choose to continue seeing him he's not a priority. Only see him when it  fits your schedule or when it's convenient.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

But, now... I honestly don't want to go to such lengths for that travel....  if I am only going to meet up with him for 6 hours or whatever.... 

Bingo! This is the choice he is hoping you will make.  I hope I'm wrong but it sounds like he already had all the bases covered.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I just want to have a come to Jesus.

Speaking of:

Corinthians 6:14:  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers

Edited by stillafool
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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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Posted
1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

he has been a bit too opinionated or argumentative about my belief in God and Jesus....I feel like I'm giving him all the power....

You're completely incompatible and have too many obstacles to have any happiness long term. No one has any "power" here. Just bickering over religion/politics.

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I just spoke with him about the weekend.  I said "so did you still want me to come to that party with you?"  His reply was "yes, but here's the deal.  I need to go to that party Saturday night and then I plan to pick up a flight on Sunday.  And probably be gone until a doctor's appointment on Tuesday.  And then I fly out again on Thursday morning".  

He said so if you come to (his city) for work let me know and I can try to work around that, but most likely I will be flying out next week.  So up to you.

I didn't reply other than to say...Ok, let me look at my schedule.  We can chat later.  

I don't know what to make of that -- other than I really wanted to say... "soooo you just are no longer into me..."   that's how it feels, that is for sure....

A number of issues you dislike have been raised by you.

Those facts will not change.

In light of his profession, you are well aware of how unpredictable his schedule already is.

You are going to have to forget about important dates.

Your life will have to be adjusted around his schedule constantly.

Is that something you can live with?

It's either you roll with it and take part or you say goodbye.

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howwouldiknownow22 Established Member

howwouldiknownow22

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28 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

A number of issues you dislike have been raised by you.

Those facts will not change.

In light of his profession, you are well aware of how unpredictable his schedule already is.

You are going to have to forget about important dates.

Your life will have to be adjusted around his schedule constantly.

Is that something you can live with?

It's either you roll with it and take part or you say goodbye.

All good points...  and you are right.  It is just up to me to make the right move...or don't.  He isn't changing...and even when I suggested we both meet in the middle a bit...regarding our travel accommodations....where he picks one time...and I pick the next....I could tell that was not going to work.  He didn't say yes... he was just like....ahhhh...maybe.

Also, I know I caught some hell here in discussing that he was "cheap" and didn't like to dress business casual...  I like to be comfortable too! 

I guess to put this in perspective ...the best thing I can say is that I noticed that he would push the limits...for example... he knew in our FIRST WEEK of meeting that I wanted to take HIM to a restaurant I really liked that was near my hotel.  It's got a great view.  He told me that he would go....but then the day he showed up he told me didn't know if he could because it requires a collared shirt.   I said ...oh...I guess I didn't realize.  He said let's try anyway.  They literally turned him away.  They offered him a men's blazer to wear and he didn't do that...

But, he just thought he could do what he pleased and it totally ruined our dinner plans since I had gotten reservations.   I rolled with it...and didn't say anything...but it was one of the first signs that it's his way or the highway...  often. 

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Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

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29 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I guess to put this in perspective ...the best thing I can say is that I noticed that he would push the limits...for example... he knew in our FIRST WEEK of meeting that I wanted to take HIM to a restaurant I really liked that was near my hotel.  It's got a great view.  He told me that he would go....but then the day he showed up he told me didn't know if he could because it requires a collared shirt.   I said ...oh...I guess I didn't realize.  He said let's try anyway.  They literally turned him away.  They offered him a men's blazer to wear and he didn't do that...

But, he just thought he could do what he pleased and it totally ruined our dinner plans since I had gotten reservations.   I rolled with it...and didn't say anything...but it was one of the first signs that it's his way or the highway...  often. 

He seems like a large baby. Good luck with him! 😂

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Acacia98 Established Member

Acacia98

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

But, he just thought he could do what he pleased and it totally ruined our dinner plans since I had gotten reservations.   I rolled with it...and didn't say anything...but it was one of the first signs that it's his way or the highway...  often. 

It seems like he goes out of his way to mess up things you organize, you roll with it, and you feel resentful. Considering it's obvious he does this stuff deliberately, I would have wished him a lovely evening and had my dinner at the restaurant.

This guy is not considerate at all, OP. And it sounds like your relationship in is largely about you accommodating him. I mean, you don't even feel like you can listen to Christian music (which matters to you) in a space that includes him, but he is free to say whatever about religion in your company. It is sometimes possible for people who are significantly different to make things work. But that can only happen if you are both respectful of each other and considerate towards each other. That's hardly the case here.

Frankly, it sounds like he's doing a slow fade. So your relationship is going to end eventually. But if you start looking after your own needs (as you should) it will likely end overnight.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I guess to put this in perspective ...the best thing I can say is that I noticed that he would push the limits...for example... he knew in our FIRST WEEK of meeting that I wanted to take HIM to a restaurant I really liked that was near my hotel.  It's got a great view.  He told me that he would go....but then the day he showed up he told me didn't know if he could because it requires a collared shirt.   I said ...oh...I guess I didn't realize.  He said let's try anyway.  They literally turned him away.  They offered him a men's blazer to wear and he didn't do that...

I'd have trouble with him not having a collared shirt, but refusal to wear a blazer would have been an absolute deal breaker for me.  It's time to kick him to the kerb

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
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On 6/9/2022 at 3:05 AM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

he had a live in girlfriend up until a year ago. He talks about her all the time.... he mentions love songs and says his ex sent him that song ...etc etc.

He said they are friends ... but distant now because she is seeing another man. 

Oh, no. This right here?

Not good. Missing your event was rude on his part when he'd already said he would go. But I think you are filling a void that his ex left behind, and he is not really over her. I'm sorry. I wouldn't place any bets on this working out, nor would I be dating a man who talks about his ex all the time. 

I would wish him well and end this. 

 

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

You obviously really like him...but you both are so incompatible. Hey I have been there where I just did whatever it took to be with that person despite the obvious...that they were not right for me. I hope you come to that conclusion quicker than I did, without making yourself look too much like a total fool. 

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

but it was one of the first signs that it's his way or the highway...  often. 

Let him fly away✈

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