Dating a Pilot who has left me alone and now is standing me up for my pre-planned work event

[howwouldiknownow22]

I have been dating a commercial pilot for almost 2 months. We really hit it off... and in fact, he suggested we go on a trip on our second week of dating..... it was a terrific time, for the most part. 

He lives 2 hours from me (where his airport is based) but I own my own. business and I can work remotely. So I can often travel with him or stay in his town. 

Well, I'm starting to experience some issues. He flew out of town last week and said he would fly to me after his trip. he did, and we had a great weekend. He asked if I wanted to drive to HIS home and stay with him until he flew out again. I said sure... he wasn't scheduled to take a flight until the end of this week, but he did tell me he was going to try to pick up a trip prior to that... for overtime, if he could.

We left on Sunday and arrived at his home. We ate dinner and then he told me he had to leave the next day at noon. (WHY DID I DRIVE TO STAY AT HIS HOUSE IF HE IS LEAVING). He told me I could just stay at his house until he returned. Well, That was Tuesday. Today he told me he isn't coming home until 10pm tonight and he picked up another trip tomorrow MORNING and said it is fine if I want to go home. 

2 weeks ago, I told him this coming friday, I have a very important client party and I asked him to attend with me. He said yes. He even suggested he get the proper gift for the male host (my client). So, when I realized I wasted a few days working at his house and he's not even in town.... I said okay, well you are good to fly back and attend the event w me? Noooo...he chose to get overtime and take another trip the night of my event. 

I told him that this was really disappointing to me since I now have to attend alone since I had RSVP'd his name to attend with me. I said can you take the trip (it's all EXTRA AND NOT REQUIRED) the following day instead? He said no, that he has a party to attend with his friend and he can NOT miss that.

I drove home today crying.... I thought wow. Ok...so I just wasted all this time waiting for him to come home and he's not even going to attend my event.

He apologized and said he was sorry for disappointing me... and he wanted to make it up to me and he will block off 3 days and take a trip with me later this month. I said ok... and after being pretty clear about my disappointment and the disruption this has caused in MY life... I was calm and kind about it. I told him in the future I will try to communicate better about how significant of an event this was for me.

He has continued to call and text all day and said he was glad to hear that I was sounding less depressed on the phone today (he cracked a joke and I had laughed at it).... But I'm not feeling good about this.

I am hurt... and I realize that I moved quickly in this relationship and he is clearly not someone who is considering my feelings and life, as well.

However, it's confusing...he likes to cook for me...bring me sweet little gifts ... and non stop texting me pictures and sweet songs. 

BUT that's one last concern that I have... he has been divorced for 20 years. (he's 47) and he had a live in girlfriend up until a year ago. He talks about her all the time.... he mentions love songs and says his ex sent him that song ...etc etc.

He said they are friends ... but distant now because she is seeing another man. 

I don't know what the flip to think....or how to discuss this with him becuase I think I've said everything I possibly can. 

He had the opportunity to make it right and NOT take the trip the night of my event and he chose to do it anyway. 

He said he is doing it because he needs to up his game since I make more money in business than he does... (he has NO DEBT -- owns his house outright and has paid off his car). He def isn't scraping by and could have easily prioritized me for ONE trip.

Edited June 9, 2022 by howwouldiknownow22

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Do you like him and spending time with him? If you do then slow down and just give it more time to get to know the real him.  Dating is for getting to know someone and letting that trust to develop.  I usually give it 3-4 months to see if he is the kind of person who does what he says.  
‘Dating someone 2 months you should not be inviting them to a major life event nor should you be expecting them to attend.  Don’t forget the are truly strangers to you until at least a year so treat them as such.  Don’t invest in them emotionally until they have shown you they can be trusted.

 

[howwouldiknownow22]

Just now, lonelyplanetmoon said:

Do you like him and spending time with him? If you do then slow down and just give it more time to get to know the real him.  Dating is for getting to know someone and letting that trust to develop.  I usually give it 3-4 months to see if he is the kind of person who does what he says.  
‘Dating someone 2 months you should not be inviting them to a major life event nor should you be expecting them to attend.  Don’t forget the are truly strangers to you until at least a year so treat them as such.  Don’t invest in them emotionally until they have shown you they can be trusted.

 

I don't think it's a LIFE event -- but it is a professional event and he was the one who offered to go with me.... and seemed like he wanted to be there for me...knowing that it's something I said I didn't really know anyone other than my client.

Do I live spending time with him?  I have .... but I'm starting to wonder if I just like the attention and the connection.  I'm Christian and he has spent a great deal of time trying to convince me why he doesn't believe in God.  And I've also noticed he gets very upset about politics etc and I've tried to help him understand that I try not to get all riled up about things I simply can't change.    But, I am hearing him consistently complaining about his airline and their budgets etc.   He does listen to me when I talk for the most part...but he does a LOT of the talking.   

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Well it sounds like things are meh with him.  If at 2 months there are so many “frustrating” things then it is likely a bad match.  No saying he is bad or anything, but the differences and sameness do not compliment each other.  At some point you just have to be honest and call it.  I call this the round hole square peg test.  If feelings and the relationship feels like you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole now, it will be like this forever.  That is what I have learned about dynamics and patterns.

[Alpacalia]

While I have never dated a pilot, it would seem that you must adjust your schedule to theirs and not the other way around.

The manner in which he treats you as a person, however, has nothing to do with his job as a pilot.

If he mistreats you, don't attribute the behavior to his role as a pilot. If you feel like he lacks appreciation for you, that's not a work issue, but a HIM problem.

With that in mind.

Certainly, you can tell him he needs to be more precise with his plans so you don't get yourself into an uncomfortable situation where you are waiting while he is away from home. But best not to let it reach that point. 

Make sure that you are okay with the possibility that there may be times where you will drive for two hours to see him, seeing him for only a few hours, leaving, then returning home. If it doesn't suit you, don't agree to make the commute unless you're okay with the possibility of spending time at his home alone doing your own thing while he works.

It may even be better to skip the stay-overs altogether until later.

Regarding the event he was supposed to attend, it is pretty shoddy, and I would be upset as well. He isn't required to work overtime, so why would his friend's party event take precedence over the one he promised he would attend with you? Does his former flame stand a chance of being at his friend's event? I hate to think about this, but I wonder if it is possible?

But perhaps just dialing it back just a bit here, might you two be going a bit full-throttle for only dating for two months?

His ex? Well. If he can't mention his ex or the songs they used to share without getting misty, you know you're in trouble. There is a sense that he's still emotionally connected to her. A feeling like that can certainly hinder the blossoming of a relationship. A thing to keep in mind though is that it is not uncommon for people to retain some feelings for their former partners.

So how do you find out if he is available emotionally or not?

Two months of dating and moving too fast reveal that those who feel vulnerable tend to pounce on things very quickly. 

Taking a look at how they ended will probably give you some insight into whether or not you are starting out on the right foot.

Edited June 9, 2022 by Alpacalia

[howwouldiknownow22]

7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

While I have never dated a pilot, it would seem that you must adjust your schedule to theirs and not the other way around.

The manner in which he treats you as a person, however, has nothing to do with his job as a pilot.

If he mistreats you, don't attribute the behavior to his role as a pilot. If you feel like he lacks appreciation for you, that's not a work issue, but a HIM problem.

With that in mind.

Certainly, you can tell him he needs to be more precise with his plans from now on so you don't get yourself into an uncomfortable situation where you are waiting while he is away from home. But best not to let it reach that point. 

Make sure that you are okay with the possibility that there may be times where you will drive for two hours to see him, seeing him for only a few hours, leaving, then returning home. If it doesn't suit you, don't agree to make the commute unless you're okay with the possibility of spending time at his home alone doing your own thing while he works.

Regarding the event he was supposed to attend, it is pretty shoddy, and I would be upset as well. He isn't required to work overtime, so why would his friend's party event take precedence over the one he promised he would attend with you? Does his former flame stand a chance of being at his friend's event? I hate to think about this, but I wonder if it is possible?

But perhaps just dialing it back just a bit here, might you two be going a bit full-throttle for only dating for two months?

His ex? Well. If he can't mention his ex or the songs they used to share without getting misty, you know you're in trouble. There is a sense that he's still emotionally connected to her. A feeling like that can certainly hinder the blossoming of a relationship. A thing to keep in mind is that it is not uncommon for people to retain some feelings for their former partners, so how do you find out if he is available emotionally or not?

Two months of dating and moving too fast reveal that those who feel vulnerable tend to pounce on things very quickly. 

Have you asked him if you aren't already aware of what exactly did happen with his ex? Taking a look at how they ended will probably give you some insight into whether or not you and you are starting out on the right foot.

Thank you...  gosh I have heard that she felt he had trouble with communication ...and he went to therapy and "resolved those things" and they got back together and he said she moved in with him....and then they decided in therapy that it wasn't working and she should move back out after 3 months.

He said at one point that he "knew he was done" when she said "honey, you are the first person I've ever been with where I have to pay for so many things..."    He is extremely cheap ...that I can tell and he's told me a big reason he is with me is because I am successful and I like to work hard and while my taste is far more extravagant than what he's comfortable with ...he realizes that I earn a good living.

I have noticed though that there are issues with his lack of spending.... and his desire to make me dress down more....and go to less nice restaurants because he says he is more comfortable in those areas.

He Clearly doesn't like my typical restaurants etc...  and has mentioned that he isn't 100 percent comfortable in my lifestyle...    So I think his ex probably wanted him to be more generous and spend more on her ...and I can see how that wouldn't go far ...fast.

But when I went in his house...  it's not very organized....  it's very dated... and it's full of all of his crap.  (but he's single and that's to be expected).  But he doesn't even have a head board on his bed and he had to tell me that one of the chairs in the living room his ex had reupholstered...  

I know far too much about her...than I'm comfortable with.  How smart she is...how she was a "firecracker"...  how she would help him in certain situations with work...   how he got into a car accident and she came and got him and took him to get Mexican food and fed him margaritas...  how she is a nice person and means well...  and how they used to go to weekly dinners after their break up until she started seeing someone else... 

It's just been a lot for me to swallow... 

[basil67]

The more you write, the more it seems that the two of you are simply compatible.  I think it's time to ask yourself if there's anything about him which does appeal as a long term partner.

[MountainsBowDown]

He's not even slightly Christian, its a bad match.

24 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

But when I went in his house...  it's not very organized....  it's very dated... and it's full of all of his crap.  (but he's single and that's to be expected)

No it's not, being single has nothing to do with it. Hoarding and/or messines are personality traits. 

 

24 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He is extremely cheap ...that I can tell and he's told me a big reason he is with me is because I am successful and I like to work

That's the epitome of anti-seductive, and also 100% cringe. 

What do you like about him? 

Edited June 9, 2022 by MountainsBowDown

[basil67]

I've just had a look at your history and it's all about various long distance, drama fueled relationships. 

You previously mentioned that you were seeing a counsellor.  Are you still seeing them?  Kindly, I'm wondering if you've been working on recognising patterns in your own decision making process.   Repeatedly ending up so deeply involved in comparatively short term, dysfunctional relationships is not healthy.  What do you think is going on here?

Edited June 9, 2022 by basil67

[howwouldiknownow22]

1 minute ago, MountainsBowDown said:

He's not even slightly Christian, its a bad match.

No it's not, being single has nothing to do with it. Hoarding and/or messines are personality traits. 

 

That's the epitome of anti-seductive, and also 100% cringe. 

What do you like about him? 

 

I think he is attractive, fit, smart... and driven. He's accomplished as a captain for a commercial airline and it appears he is quite respected in his field.  He is definitely spoiling me with his attention and desire to consistency talk/text w me.   I think the attention feels good ..if I'm honest. He likes to cook for me...and make me coffee etc.  And his desire to travel... which I share.

But, when we are together ... I see how he gets moody and goes off on political tangents or gets angry over his employer...and this person said that...and another person walks too slow...  

And unfortunately we don't match up with our styles or desire for certain things in life.   When I was at his house ...while it is nice and he's actually paid it off...  I realized I would NEVER live there.   It would need to be gutted and it also is very dark...and I love bright light. 

But I often find it difficult from time to time that I can't feel comfortable talking about prayer or turning on a couple of the Christian songs I like...  he clearly doesn't believe in God and has made sure to tell me all the reasons why my thought process around God and Jesus is fundamentally not true... and while he's still a "good person"...as he puts it... he doesn't believe in God and he isn't ashamed to say that openly...

[MountainsBowDown]

9 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

and while he's still a "good person"...as he puts it... 

Eh, nothing you've said of him sounds like a good person. The point of your thread was about his unreliability (reliability being a good thing.)

He's probably attractive though. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by MountainsBowDown

[howwouldiknownow22]

5 minutes ago, MountainsBowDown said:

Eh, nothing you've said of him sounds like a good person. The point of your thread was about his unreliability (reliability being a good thing.)

He's probably attractive though. 

He is Indian...and I am caucasian.  I have never dated someone who is of a different country before and while I find him fairly attractive..and didn't think it would be an issue for me...I recognized when I was at his home...that there was a lot of reminders from India.  In fact, he was even watching the news in India.  That definitely bothered me a bit... because it did not make me feel the similarities that I expected ...or maybe the best way I can put is ... it amplified my fears about his lack of Christianity...  

Edited June 9, 2022 by howwouldiknownow22

[Alpacalia]

53 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Thank you...  gosh I have heard that she felt he had trouble with communication ...and he went to therapy and "resolved those things" and they got back together and he said she moved in with him....and then they decided in therapy that it wasn't working and she should move back out after 3 months.

He said at one point that he "knew he was done" when she said "honey, you are the first person I've ever been with where I have to pay for so many things..."    He is extremely cheap ...that I can tell and he's told me a big reason he is with me is because I am successful and I like to work hard and while my taste is far more extravagant than what he's comfortable with ...he realizes that I earn a good living.

I have noticed though that there are issues with his lack of spending.... and his desire to make me dress down more....and go to less nice restaurants because he says he is more comfortable in those areas.

He Clearly doesn't like my typical restaurants etc...  and has mentioned that he isn't 100 percent comfortable in my lifestyle...    So I think his ex probably wanted him to be more generous and spend more on her ...and I can see how that wouldn't go far ...fast.

But when I went in his house...  it's not very organized....  it's very dated... and it's full of all of his crap.  (but he's single and that's to be expected).  But he doesn't even have a head board on his bed and he had to tell me that one of the chairs in the living room his ex had reupholstered...  

I know far too much about her...than I'm comfortable with.  How smart she is...how she was a "firecracker"...  how she would help him in certain situations with work...   how he got into a car accident and she came and got him and took him to get Mexican food and fed him margaritas...  how she is a nice person and means well...  and how they used to go to weekly dinners after their break up until she started seeing someone else... 

It's just been a lot for me to swallow... 

You're welcome.

What do you mean by "dress down more?"

For the time being, whenever possible, try to keep your dates short.

It is probably best to defer the important events until further in the future.

Can you do other things besides just food dates? If not, why not go for coffee one time, maybe another time a nice restaurant, and another time a not-as-nice restaurant?

There is a lot of information about each other, which is probably more than either of you need to know about each other, after all, it has been two months since you met. 

You both seem to be going for insta-relationship, just add water and there you are.

Because of the physical distance, the limited availability of his schedule, and the possibility of him still feeling hurt by his ex, your relationship seems to be akin to trying to jam 50 pieces of turkey into a pita pocket.

So here's the thing: imagine rewinding your fast-paced relationship, or anything else for that matter, and watching it back. What would you see? Lots of incompatibilities it seems.

 

Edited June 9, 2022 by Alpacalia

[howwouldiknownow22]

47 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You're welcome.

What do you mean by "dress down more?"

For the time being, whenever possible, try to keep your dates short.

It is probably best to defer the important events until further in the future.

Can you do other things besides just food dates? If not, why not go for coffee one time, maybe another time a nice restaurant, and another time a not-as-nice restaurant?

There is a lot of information about each other, which is probably more than either of you need to know about each other, after all, it has been two months since you met. 

You both seem to be going for insta-relationship, just add water and there you are.

Because of the physical distance, the limited availability of his schedule, and the possibility of him still feeling hurt by his ex, your relationship seems to be akin to trying to jam 50 pieces of turkey into a pita pocket.

So here's the thing: imagine rewinding your fast-paced relationship, or anything else for that matter, and watching it back. What would you see? Lots of incompatibilities it seems.

 

Well.... we have spent so much time together...traveling...road trips...  and it's been a short amount of time.   Because of the distance...either he's at my house or I'm at his...  and it doesn't really lend much to short dates.  

But... it's frustrating...he is just getting home now...he called me and said he would call me in the morning on his way back out of town.  And he is not scheduled to return home until Saturday ....of course, just in time for his friend's ;party.

I really wanted to ask....when will we see each other again?  He had asked me to attend that party with him last week so I could meet his friends (again 2 hours from my house)...  but then yesterday said it wasn't really necessary after all for me to come.

So I guess he uninvited me?  I'm guessing he knows it would be insane to stand me up for my event and then ask me to drive 2 hours to attend his party...which I actually wanted to go to.... feels pretty shitty to be uninvited ...  

I don't even know how to handle this now?  I guess I will just keep my mouth shut and see if he offers to come here on Sunday or something...   Idk.  I just hate feeling like this.  Technically knowing everything I've said here and reading the replies...I should just get my mind around ending this ....  it just hurts.  I liked spending time with him and we had become very connected...

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Well.... we have spent so much time together...traveling...road trips...  and it's been a short amount of time.   Because of the distance...either he's at my house or I'm at his...  and it doesn't really lend much to short dates.  

But... it's frustrating...he is just getting home now...he called me and said he would call me in the morning on his way back out of town.  And he is not scheduled to return home until Saturday ....of course, just in time for his friend's ;party.

I really wanted to ask....when will we see each other again?  He had asked me to attend that party with him last week so I could meet his friends (again 2 hours from my house)...  but then yesterday said it wasn't really necessary after all for me to come.

So I guess he uninvited me?  I'm guessing he knows it would be insane to stand me up for my event and then ask me to drive 2 hours to attend his party...which I actually wanted to go to.... feels pretty shitty to be uninvited ...  

I don't even know how to handle this now?  I guess I will just keep my mouth shut and see if he offers to come here on Sunday or something...   Idk.  I just hate feeling like this.  Technically knowing everything I've said here and reading the replies...I should just get my mind around ending this ....  it just hurts.  I liked spending time with him and we had become very connected...

Is there any reason you didn't drive to meet him every now and then only for a few hours? To enjoy each other's company?

Although I know it's a pain, I would do it for someone I really cared about if he was open to it.

After reading through a few of the responses, I noticed though there are quite a few differences that stand out, so I can understand if you both are coming to the realization that you are not a good match for one another.

 

 

[howwouldiknownow22]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Is there any reason you didn't drive to meet him every now and then only for a few hours? To enjoy each other's company?

Although I know it's a pain, I would do it for someone I really cared about if he was open to it.

After reading through a few of the responses, I noticed though there are quite a few differences that stand out, so I can understand if you both are coming to the realization that you are not a good match for one another.

 

 

Actually that's how it started.  I would go to his town for a client and stay at a hotel and we would have dinner and spend time together.. at least 3 different times.  But HE was the one who said he was all in and wanted to take a trip with me...asap. He offered to stay in a different hotel room....but of course that didn't happen by that time.

But, yes that's I started it ...but he really rushed the relationship...and I fell hard ... 

[MountainsBowDown]

5 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Technically knowing everything I've said here and reading the replies...I should just get my mind around ending this ....  

 

Love is idealistic so its okay to search for an ideal person. Love is about pair bonding, that means it's about values, people pair bond with those who share the same or similar values. If the values are totally different...what can you expect, really? 

 

Quote

it just hurts. I liked spending time with him and we had become very connected...

 

Ouch, know how it feels...hope it all works out for you 🙏 

[howwouldiknownow22]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

You're welcome.

What do you mean by "dress down more?"

For the time being, whenever possible, try to keep your dates short.

It is probably best to defer the important events until further in the future.

Can you do other things besides just food dates? If not, why not go for coffee one time, maybe another time a nice restaurant, and another time a not-as-nice restaurant?

There is a lot of information about each other, which is probably more than either of you need to know about each other, after all, it has been two months since you met. 

You both seem to be going for insta-relationship, just add water and there you are.

Because of the physical distance, the limited availability of his schedule, and the possibility of him still feeling hurt by his ex, your relationship seems to be akin to trying to jam 50 pieces of turkey into a pita pocket.

So here's the thing: imagine rewinding your fast-paced relationship, or anything else for that matter, and watching it back. What would you see? Lots of incompatibilities it seems.

 

yes and if I'm honest...he showed narcissistic signs from our first trip.  I was already going somewhere and when he suggested traveling...I offered for him to join me.  I already had the resort ...which was 2 hours from the airport.

 

He booked the flight (for free being a pilot) and he showed up to the flight 30 minutes before the plane was to take off...and got yelled at by the flight attendants because he tried carrying on 2 large bags that should be checked.  He was not FLYING the plane...  he was just a passenger.. for free and he tried to pull rank and got publicly yelled at in front of me...

 

So we almost lost my first night at the resort because he was getting his hair done and colored..  up until the very last minute and we almost didn't make it.   He got SO lucky ...and I would have lost my entire first night at a 550 dollar a night resort.   

[glows]

2 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

But, yes that's I started it ...but he really rushed the relationship...and I fell hard ... 

Ok. Just step back and let things blow over if you want to continue seeing him. 

It’s frustrating and inconsiderate when your SO isn’t clear about timings and dates. He could have clarified he was leaving the next day after you drove over that weekend. Both of you need better communication and very clear understanding of your travels and work commitments. 

It won’t help to think of your partner in a malicious manner or believing that they’re out to get you, a narcissist or other armchair diagnoses. This is counterproductive in building trust. If you do feel you’re incompatible eventually then go your separate ways. It doesn’t sound like you’re at that crossroads and you’re upset at the way things turned out regarding your event which is understandable.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 I'm Christian and he has spent a great deal of time trying to convince me why he doesn't believe in God. he gets very upset about politics etc.

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately you seem incompatible on many levels. Add to that the distance and his irregular schedule.

60 days dating is a good time to observe these things. Take your time and decide if this is a viable situation for you.

[BaileyB]

So clearly, he likes to fly into town every now and again and wine and dine a woman before saying “tohdaloo.” And, as much as you have enjoyed the adventure of it all, you want a man who is going to be present and consistent in your life. A man that you can rely on…

This is not your guy. 

Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by the flights and the fun time - you will always be left behind as he flies off to brighter skies. He will be delayed, he will pick up overtime, he will cancel plans and you will be left frustrated and alone - and he doesn’t even seem to notice.

It’s been two months OP, consider this an interesting fling and let him go… it’s not going to sustain you long term. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by BaileyB

[howwouldiknownow22]

50 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

So clearly, he likes to fly into town every now and again and wine and dine a woman before saying “tohdaloo.” And, as much as you have enjoyed the adventure of it all, you want a man who is going to be present and consistent in your life. A man that you can rely on…

This is not your guy. 

Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by the flights and the fun time - you will always be left behind as he flies off to brighter skies. He will be delayed, he will pick up overtime, he will cancel plans and you will be left frustrated and alone - and he doesn’t even seem to notice.

It’s been two months OP, consider this an interesting fling and let him go… it’s not going to sustain you long term. 

It's confusing because he seems so "all in" by sending my texts and calling numerous times a day....he says he talks about me as his girlfriend to all of his colleagues..etc.
The other thing I have to determine today is ....how do I handle the fact that he's essentially uninvited me to the party that he asked me to attend?

Another thing that I thought was a bit odd is that he said he deleted his social media after he had several fallings out with former friends. 

I asked him what happened with the guy he said no longer speaks to him....and he said they had bet about something political and when he won and got their money from the bet -- he made a donation to planned parenthood in their name and sent them the receipt (knowing they don't agree with abortion).

When I heard that....I was seriously concerned about him possibly having a vindictive streak...

[BaileyB]

41 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

It's confusing because he seems so "all in" by sending my texts and calling numerous times a day....he says he talks about me as his girlfriend to all of his colleagues..etc.

His definition of “girlfriend” may be very different than yours. 

42 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

The other thing I have to determine today is ....how do I handle the fact that he's essentially uninvited me to the party that he asked me to attend?

When there is a discrepancy between his words and actions, play attention to the actions.

42 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

When I heard that....I was seriously concerned about him possibly having a vindictive streak...

Seems about right.

Look, you are two months into a new relationship and you are seeing all kinds of red flags. Ignore them at your own peril. 

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

But, yes that's I started it ...but he really rushed the relationship...and I fell hard ... 

OK, then.

In summary, you have identified that he is cheap, narcissistic, vindictive, and possesses opposing political and religious views.

He is inconsiderate of your time.

Besides uninviting you to a party, he also dropped out of the event he had promised to attend with you.

I hope that this has given you a better understanding of what to expect from this relationship if you choose to stay.

 

[glows]

1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

It's confusing because he seems so "all in" by sending my texts and calling numerous times a day....he says he talks about me as his girlfriend to all of his colleagues..etc.
The other thing I have to determine today is ....how do I handle the fact that he's essentially uninvited me to the party that he asked me to attend?

Another thing that I thought was a bit odd is that he said he deleted his social media after he had several fallings out with former friends. 

I asked him what happened with the guy he said no longer speaks to him....and he said they had bet about something political and when he won and got their money from the bet -- he made a donation to planned parenthood in their name and sent them the receipt (knowing they don't agree with abortion).

When I heard that....I was seriously concerned about him possibly having a vindictive streak...

So this doesn't seem like a man you trust or respect. If that's the case let him go. Don't stay in something that wastes your time further or causes you grief.