lost-and-confused Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 So a little about me. I am 34 years old, single, and never been married. My interestsIinclude stereotypical geek stuff (Computers, Star Wars, manga and anime), and I can admittedly be a little little introverted unless I am comfortable. I am in (semi) decent shapebtobthe point that while not skinny, I am definitely not heavy, either. I have a full time job with the county , and I have a growing social circle because at the end of 2021, my friend and I started a meetup group together because we were kinda frustrated with the isolated life we were both living. This group has done me wonders because I feel like I actually have a social life now, which is something I haven't had for years! As for some background with my friend (i am going to give her the fake name of Cathy for the sake of privacy, but also to refer time her as more then just "my friend"). She is 30, and she too is into anime, manga, and also enjoys gaming. She is also very physical and enjoys hiking and camping. She is also extremely introverted, like super quiet and shy introverted. I first met her in January 2020. We were part of newly formed (at the time) social group based around anime, and we all started to get kinda close, and then the pandemic hit in March 2020. The group ended up dissolving, and none of us really stayed in contact other than the occasional blue-moon "how's it going" message on our discord server. Then in October 2021, a year and a half of us not seeing each other, I reached out and asked if anyone was willing to hang out. Cathy was the first to respond, saying that if we could get some people together, she would totally be down. She ended up being one of only two people responding from our group of 6, the other who responded now lived out of state. So I ended asking Cathy if she would like to start a meetup group with me on meetup.com (a non dating site) that focuses on geek culture since it seems like groups like that are hard to come by these days for some reason, and she agreed and thought it was a good idea. We started the group in November 2021, and it has been gaining a lot of momentum. We've been having regular meets, doing a lot of stuff outside of meetup, and we've both been attending everything together. Cathy and I have gotten, in my opinion, really close since we started the group and I started thinking of her as being my friend. Also, despite the fact that she has gotten herself a boyfriend after we started the group (it's someone she's know for a long time, but they started dating about 3 months ago, and is someone she barely talks about to me, even after they started dating), she and I have continued to get really close with each other. She even messaged me a few days ago (without prompting beforehand, mind you) telling me about something personal that was happening with her and a family member, and then said she was just thankful for my being there and listening to her, and that she really appreciates it. She tends to hang out with me and our friends pretty frequently and usually doesn't include him when she does, and doesn't even talk about him much either (except for very rare occasions. He was only involved twice out of the many times we all hung out). I find myself actually having deep feelings For Csthy, even before her getting her boyfriend. I want to say that I love her, but I am slightly hesitant in using that word. I know that I deeply care about her, miss her when I don't see her, and want to spend as much time as possible With her. I also know I really want her to be happy, even if it ends up not being with me. But I am finding this extremely difficult, I such deep rooted feeling for her that I find it hard dating other people (I have tried). I want her to he happy, even if that means she's with someone else, I will respect that, but it....hurts. I don't know how to "move on" and get over her because I feel even though she and I seem to be getting closer, I know we'll never be THAT close if that makes sense. Am I wrong in my feelings for her?
glows Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 No, not wrong but inappropriate if you pursue her or continue chatting with her. Just limit your chats and don't respond to her texts immediately. She can ask someone else for help, namely her boyfriend or a family member. She has a boyfriend so remain respectful of that. Appreciate her as a person but don't cross any boundaries.
Wiseman2 Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 1 hour ago, lost-and-confused said: despite the fact that she has gotten herself a boyfriend after we started the group Sorry this happened. Unfortunately you'll have to set your sights elsewhere if she has a BF now. Ask other women out either from your interest groups or dating sites.
dramafreezone Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, lost-and-confused said: But I am finding this extremely difficult, I such deep rooted feeling for her that I find it hard dating other people (I have tried). I want her to he happy, even if that means she's with someone else, I will respect that, but it....hurts. I don't know how to "move on" and get over her because I feel even though she and I seem to be getting closer, I know we'll never be THAT close if that makes sense. Am I wrong in my feelings for her? Wrong? Well there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings. You can't control them. But you certainly need to protect yourself. I'm sure you really like her but this type of intense attraction usually comes when there is a scarcity of other women in your life. Often times when I've fixated on other women I think I subconsciously used it an excuse not to get out there and apply myself in the dating world. Your brain's main function is to keep you safe. This woman is safe for you because you know her, she knows you, she is understood and familiar, and our brain loves familiarity. Your mind will convince you that if you just wait it out things will work out with this woman, because it's the "safest" decision. In reality the attachment does the opposite, it all but ensures that things will not work out with this woman because *she* can see the attachment, and I think deep down she can't respect someone that will hang around and hope for a chance with her. You're in the dreaded "orbiter" role. What I've found is that the more women were in my life, my tendency to attach to any single one of them decreased. The only way to move on is to replace her presence with something or someone else. Hobbies, groups, work, all help to fill your time. You will get over her, it will just take time. Edited June 8, 2022 by dramafreezone
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