Guy pushing and pulling away it's driving me crazy

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

My intention is to ask him in person.

Sometimes it best to keep you dignity and let it go… move on. 

You don’t want to date this guy, so you? I mean, don’t you want someone who wants you and only you and makes that very, very clear… 

Edited June 7, 2022 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not meet up with him. 

He clearly let you go for someone else. And now he's sniffing back around again. What, did she change her mind so he's coming back to see if you will be his Plan B? No way. I can nearly guarantee that the only reason you heard from him is because something went janky with his ex. 

You get attached too quickly, Amanda, and you know this. You've created a fantasy, fairytale version of this guy in your head but in reality, he slept with you and then bailed for his ex. He was free to do so, but it tells you a lot about how he sees you (the runner-up) 

Edited June 7, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Will am I]

@Amanda141 You're the same young lady who had a topic earlier about this super handsome guy who turned out to be a self centered d*** who wanted to hang with his freinds and have sex with you?

It strikes me that what you want is actually very old-fashioned and romantic and sweet. A man sho will not only date you for fun but also commit to you and give you some exclusivity as you gradually explore the possibilities of a deeper relationship.

If this is the kind of person you are, hold on to that. Don't compromise. A guy who's still allured by his ex after two years of seperation, not the material you're looking for, next please.

I'm sure you will find someone who is not only attractive but also a good man.

[Amanda141]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the timing of this seems to correlate with a post you made about a guy who wanted you only for sex and left you devastated when he didn't check in when you needed the morning after pill.   I can't makes sense of the utter distress you were in then and not even mentioning that history in this thread.  Is it the same guy?

 

Nono it’s another guy, not him. They overlap at the beginning but I started seeing the new one after the guy on that old thread

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

 I started seeing the new one after the guy on that old thread

I wouldn't chase after sometime who pulled a pump and dump. That seems like the road to headaches and heartaches as well as stalling you out to meet men who aren't involved with exes or have other excuses to be rude to you.

[Amanda141]

UPDATE

He texted me now sending me a picture of his little sister saying “my sister being angry at McDonals ahah I wanted to send you this picture” and then added “I’m having a terrible headache now, feels like my head is going to explode. Do you mind if we postpone to next week when you are back from Italy?”

for context, on Friday I’m going to my Italian hometown for 5 days and on our previous dates we had talked about his sister saying that she is really a fun child ecc

 

i have many doubts

1- why did he send me this pic? It was a topic about which we had laughed a lot about 

2- what should I reply? Can I suggest Thursday?

3- can I also ask why he wants to see me? Just to make sure it’s not a friendly catch up 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Amanda, why are you considering seeing him again at all? He's a player who sees you as second-place to his ex. 

Where is your self-respect, girl? 

 

Edited June 7, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Will am I]

I think the best thing you can do is to go on another date. Maybe on Thursday. But not with this guy.

You deserve better than this.

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

. Do you mind if we postpone to next week when you are back from Italy?”

Just say ok then stop texting him. He's making a lot of excuses not to see you.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

He texted me now sending me a picture of his little sister saying “my sister being angry at McDonals ahah I wanted to send you this picture” and then added “I’m having a terrible headache now, feels like my head is going to explode. Do you mind if we postpone to next week when you are back from Italy?”

for context, on Friday I’m going to my Italian hometown for 5 days and on our previous dates we had talked about his sister saying that she is really a fun child ecc

 

i have many doubts

1- why did he send me this pic? It was a topic about which we had laughed a lot about 

2- what should I reply? Can I suggest Thursday?

3- can I also ask why he wants to see me? Just to make sure it’s not a friendly catch up

1.  Because he will be seeing someone else when he has his planned "catch up" with you.  He thinks that by sending a picture of his sister and then saying he has a headache, you will not clue in to his actual plans.  The picture could have been taken any time and, even if it was in the moment, is meaningless: he could very easily have other plans afterwards.

2.  Nothing, move on. He will contact you again when he wants sex and there are no other options available to him.

3.  See #2. 

1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

Nono it’s another guy, not him. They overlap at the beginning but I started seeing the new one after the guy on that old thread

The question you have to ask yourself is why you keep picking these types of men whose interest is in sex only and not you as a person.  Once you solve this problem, your dating life will improve markedly.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

“I’m having a terrible headache now, feels like my head is going to explode.

This is probably a lie and he just had a better option.   He's probably now made up with his gf.

[BaileyB]

I was about to reply and then I thought - why bother. You are going to meet this guy no matter how many times he flakes on you and disrespects you - if only to ask him why he flakes on you and disrespects you.

The lesson here for you is not to bother with guys who flake on you and disrespect you. If nothing else, hopefully you figure that out with time. Good luck. 

[glows]

3 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

He texted me now sending me a picture of his little sister saying “my sister being angry at McDonals ahah I wanted to send you this picture” and then added “I’m having a terrible headache now, feels like my head is going to explode. Do you mind if we postpone to next week when you are back from Italy?”

for context, on Friday I’m going to my Italian hometown for 5 days and on our previous dates we had talked about his sister saying that she is really a fun child ecc

 

i have many doubts

1- why did he send me this pic? It was a topic about which we had laughed a lot about 

2- what should I reply? Can I suggest Thursday?

3- can I also ask why he wants to see me? Just to make sure it’s not a friendly catch up 

 

I’d think about it and leave it. You’re still a bit hurt, that he has postponed before and now again. There’s a mix of emotions there and his lousy planning and texting keeps you hooked but it doesn’t ever go anywhere. 

Remember that this is a man who only days ago wrote a text dissertation/love letter describing in his love for another woman(his ex), only to drop you like a hot potato. 

I wouldn’t be able to ascribe much meaning to what he does. This is someone just not really in touch with reality.

[smackie9]

there is no need to ask why, that doesn't matter, what matters is what is happenig to you, and how you are being treated. None of this is fun or exciting, it's confusing and upsetting. Get out while you can. Block/delete. You are not missing an opportunity with him, but you are losing other opportunities with a nice guy that's out there, that's just right for you. 

Edited June 7, 2022 by smackie9

[divegrl]

What!! Did I read this right?! You are going to Italy!!!

Focus on all the fun times you will have there! Gelato, sunshine, ocean…. It’s soooo beautiful!

It’s easy for me to say, but please try not to focus on this guy. You already have emotions for him so it’s hard. But he really is no good for you. 
 

Have just the best vacation!!!!

[Alpacalia]

Oy vey

He's probably cheating on his girlfriend.

Drama 
Drama 
Drama 

Block him. Move on.

[giotto]

Maybe I missed it... but i this guy still with his girlfriend? That would have been the first thing I would have asked the guy after the contact on Instagram... 

[Alpacalia]

I know.

Exactly what kind of person deletes their dating profile without having first met the person.

This is one shady Brady.

[poppyfields]

On 6/7/2022 at 5:52 AM, BaileyB said:

I was about to reply and then I thought - why bother. You are going to meet this guy no matter how many times he flakes on you and disrespects you.

Agree.

Just posted this on another thread but people do what they want to do, despite what others say, and that may be OK unless it's physical abuse and their life is in danger.

Logically they may know they should leave, but emotions win out every time. 

Play it out, make mistakes, learn and grow from the experience.

That's all we can do. 

Good luck Amanda. . 

[Versacehottie]

On 6/7/2022 at 2:44 AM, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

He texted me now sending me a picture of his little sister saying “my sister being angry at McDonals ahah I wanted to send you this picture” and then added “I’m having a terrible headache now, feels like my head is going to explode. Do you mind if we postpone to next week when you are back from Italy?”

for context, on Friday I’m going to my Italian hometown for 5 days and on our previous dates we had talked about his sister saying that she is really a fun child ecc

 

i have many doubts

1- why did he send me this pic? It was a topic about which we had laughed a lot about 

2- what should I reply? Can I suggest Thursday?

3- can I also ask why he wants to see me? Just to make sure it’s not a friendly catch up 

 

Um easy to predict he would cancel.  He's got you on the back burner completely. Don't humiliate yourself further. I think you need to investigate why this pattern occurs over and over in you. An simple (though maybe not easy if it goes against the grain of how you are used to doing things) is CHOSE TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. For example, if you usually indulge and allow these cancellations and rebooking, just don't. Proactively decide that what he's offering you is not good enough and you don't need to hold a space open for him--without having the full answer of why he does what he does or when he throws a little nugget your way, if it's the time when things are actually going to change.  Definitely I would not recommend even replying to his message.

1. It's the soft blow, soft let down and a distraction from his REAL message.  Like throw in a photo of the sister, so you will be distracted when he bails on your date. Also gives you some sort of hope. Also fleshes out the narrative that he has a headache due to spending time with lil sis. 

2. DO NOT REPLY. No, do not suggest anything. Honestly, I'm not one to say block but block him and don't look back.

3. N/A because you should not answer him. He's treating you like less than a friend and like you barely matter and you are switch tracking trying to see if he's up for dating you when his actions alone show he's not keen or keen enough. I'm for communication but I think he will just say what you want to hear but you are ignoring his actions. This doesn't mean I think he's fully evil or that you are fully absolved...it representative of the dynamic between you both that has been going on. Sorry. please don't hang on to this guy. 

Have fun in Italy and meet a new guy there!

[Wiseman2]

On 6/7/2022 at 5:44 AM, Amanda141 said:

Friday I’m going to my Italian hometown for 5 days

Enjoy your vacation! Forget about him and be open to dating others.

[Lauriebell82]

My guess is while he is trying to get his ex back (if that's even true, could be flat out b.s.) he is maybe trying to see if he can persue a fwb angle with you since you seem very into him. I don't think he is interested in an actual committed relationship with you, otherwise he wouldn't be playing these weird back and forth games. 

I'd move on from this guy to someone more in line with what you want. This one is just playing games. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by Lauriebell82

[Amanda141]

Hello guys, I have decided he is not worth my time. I don’t deserve a “plan B” treatment. I don’t know what’s going on in his mind, my guess is that he is confused, maybe he’s trying to get his ex back but in the meantime he wants a plan B in case things with his ex gf go wrong. No thanks.

I also want to try to meet more people in real life and not only on dating apps. I made a challenge with myself to speak with at least a stranger everyday, to train my social skills.

i definitely deserve more than this

[Will am I]

3 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

i definitely deserve more than this

Yes you do!

 

Over the course of two topics, there seems to be a pattern.

The first dates are nice, you and your date are really into each other. Then the relationship becomes sexual and from that time you seem to be getting sub par treatment. Like the guy from the previous topic who wanted to play beer pong with his buddies and sleep with you.

 

One could question: are you attracting the right type of dates? It's hard to judge from behind a computer, this is something you might want to discuss with a good friend. Apparently there is no lack of physical attraction, the guys must find you hot. But they seem to be missing how much more you have to offer. I recall from one of your posts that you're also a well educated and successful young woman and if I remember correctly you wouldn't mind if your relationship became more serious.

 

You could look at where you find your dates (I suppose you may find different experiences depending on where you meet the person), but also at the "filters" you apply (there may be a difference between dating a guy who's still in university and one who's a few years older). And there is the possibility that you're sending out the wrong signals. I would suggest you talk to a friend IRL.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

maybe he’s trying to get his ex back

I can nearly guarantee it. 

The next time a guy even mentions an ex still being in the picture like this, delete and block. Don't hang around.