An argument I want to make sense of

[glows]

4 minutes ago, lovesflame said:

I was feeling more confident than ever so many success came my way- change career , got opportunities and gigs felt happy and healthy . 
she started small telling me that women I was friends with wanted me so bad questioning me seeing a woman friend .

then she started telling me that my ex energy was stored in my chakra and when I got mad and quiet told me I was sending her negative energy. 
then told me that the stored energy was harming her during sex . 
then told me she was moving here then changed her mind once she found a program to get a home there .

then it became non stop about the bankruptcy and the time I got mad about it .

 I thought we worked it out .

now, I don’t feel confident- she’s away and not contacting me- just because we kissed and made up before she left -doesn’t make me any more confident- 

if she knew how I am and get anxious she wouldn’t leave me this way. 
when I told her I wanted a hug and she wanted space told me I’m emotionally manipulative.

 I don’t know what to do I was hoping I could go out there the day she returns and give her a massage and make her dinner . 
i don’t know anything else to say but I want your advice . Thank you so much for helping me 

I wouldn't chase her to massage or make her dinner if she's not responding to any of your texts or calls. Did you reach out to her?

She may think you're emotionally manipulative because you didn't disclose your financial/personal issue but she also overreacted as your finances aren't her business. It is too much too soon. You want to fix the problem right away but remember that it takes two. Again, if someone doesn't accept you as you are now, you move on. Don't wait around waiting for someone's approval or nod that you're ok as a person, ok as a man. 

If she doesn't want to talk to you, use that time to think about what you want out of a relationship. Get to a better or more calm place for yourself. Regardless of her, you're still putting your life back on track. Carry on with those plans. 

 

[lovesflame]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I wouldn't chase her to massage or make her dinner if she's not responding to any of your texts or calls. Did you reach out to her?

 

 

No I have not because she’s on vacation and it’s a personal retreat and she’s focusing on work. So I’m trying to just be respectful.

of course I miss her but as I read over all this I am really overreacting- she didn’t say we were done before we left she showed me love and affection and wants to see me again.

 I can be more honest with her in the future and apologize. And move forward . I also need to tend to myself as you said not be in agony and misery 

[Alvi]

3 hours ago, lovesflame said:

then she started telling me that my ex energy was stored in my chakra and when I got mad and quiet told me I was sending her negative energy. 

Translating this to a human language, she doesn't think that you are over your ex. Is this true. She tried to question your feelings for your ex and you got mad?

[smackie9]

OK if anyone was saying energy from my ex was messing me up because it was in my chakra, I would be saying goodbye for the aliens are going to take me away tonight in their spaceship. In other words no matter what you do or say she will always come up with a reason not carry on with things with you. 

Edited June 8, 2022 by smackie9

[lovesflame]

Right she had a intuition about the energy there from an ex . I simply was like why would you say that to me but she said I attacked her with bad energy. I shouldn’t have even brought that up honestly .

but basically she’s got her gifts and feels into things but  even though she has an idea - I didn’t really want to tell about bankruptcy so soon . She thinks I’m always betraying her.

anyways I mean she’s had this trip planned for a year and I get she’s busy but everyday I can hardly function now - I’m trying my best but why am I viewing it like she’s going to come back and break up with me ?

I mean after explaining how she left loving and kissing and saying she’ll see me etc why am I so anxious ? Past trauma?

does it look like it’s over from the outside perspective - sorry I am just so worried 

Edited June 8, 2022 by lovesflame

[smackie9]

The way I see it...when she feels insecure, she makes sure you get punished for it, and makes you feel insecure with her jibber jabber. This is an unhealthy relationship. Don't date someone that makes you sick to your stomach with fear. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by smackie9

[glows]

19 hours ago, lovesflame said:

Right she had a intuition about the energy there from an ex . I simply was like why would you say that to me but she said I attacked her with bad energy. I shouldn’t have even brought that up honestly .

but basically she’s got her gifts and feels into things but  even though she has an idea - I didn’t really want to tell about bankruptcy so soon . She thinks I’m always betraying her.

anyways I mean she’s had this trip planned for a year and I get she’s busy but everyday I can hardly function now - I’m trying my best but why am I viewing it like she’s going to come back and break up with me ?

I mean after explaining how she left loving and kissing and saying she’ll see me etc why am I so anxious ? Past trauma?

does it look like it’s over from the outside perspective - sorry I am just so worried 

Are you still drinking or is the drinking unchecked? Stay sober so you can think clearly. Check into rehab, talk with support services, addictions centers or try getting support asap if you're still drinking in excess. She sounds like she's not over her ex or what might have happened in her marriage. It's leaving you anxious and confused and even more so because you moved so quickly in this relationship that you gave it your all. When she pulled back, it pulled the rug out from under you. 

Focus on staying sober and keep on track with the new opportunities ahead. Consolidate or file for bankruptcy. Every time you feel the urge where you're sinking and feeling overwhelmed remind yourself that you only owe it to yourself to improve your situation. Whether she stays or goes or disappears completely doesn't matter. There will be other women to date. Take care of yourself.

Edited June 9, 2022 by glows

[lovesflame]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Are you still drinking or is the drinking unchecked? Stay sober so you can think clearly. Check into rehab, talk with support services, addictions centers or try getting support asap if you're still drinking in excess. She sounds like she's not over her ex or what might have happened in her marriage. It's leaving you anxious and confused and even more so because you moved so quickly in this relationship that you gave it your all. When she pulled back, it pulled the rug out from under you. 

I was drunk for like a couple days drank like five or six beers those days. I didn't drink yesterday beyond a few sips of beer. I am not going to drink again today.

I really did pull lots of tarot and all of that, but I decided to just give it a rest. 

I decided to turn my phone off and just work on filling out paperwork for my new jobs and gathering financial paperwork, so  everything is ready to move forward . Then today I did things like just meditate, walk in the park, prayed and made breakfast. 

I mean she was seriously planning to move here and everything and her stepping back did make me anxious. I don't want to take this personally because I did the right things communicated and listened and took responsibility even when it was tough. I can explain why I have a bankruptcy but everyone else I know seems to be understanding- I did not go on a spending spree- some strange events occurred. But I can take responsibility and let her know why. 

I am counting down the time until she is back home, so we can talk on the phone. I have thought of what I want to say- it will be so responsible, mature, understanding and beautiful. 

I mean if she left all happy and loving I can't look at this as another abandonment- I am sure I will have the chance to speak to her and say all I need to clear things up.

Also, I need to slow down big time- I can't try to move there or talk about some fantastical future in the sky, not yet.

 

[glows]

11 minutes ago, lovesflame said:

I mean she was seriously planning to move here and everything and her stepping back did make me anxious.

You've only met four months ago. It's too soon to be talking about this. Slow down. If she's pulling away from you let time do the talking. Don't overextend yourself please. Protect your heart and be more discerning. Also be willing to walk away from someone who only wants to see you casually or doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated in a relationship.

I also don't think you owe her any explanation further about your finances. As I said I don't think she's over her ex and their marriage issues (ie having financial issues in their marriage). 

Also, it's good that you've cut down/out the alcohol. Stay away from it as it has adverse effects overall on peace of mind and clarity.

Edited June 9, 2022 by glows

[lovesflame]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

You've only met four months ago. It's too soon to be talking about this. Slow down. If she's pulling away from you let time do the talking. Don't overextend yourself please. Protect your heart and be more discerning. Also be willing to walk away from someone who only wants to see you casually or doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated in a relationship.

I also don't think you owe her any explanation further about your finances. As I said I don't think she's over her ex and their marriage issues (ie having financial issues in their marriage). 

Also, it's good that you've cut down/out the alcohol. Stay away from it as it has adverse effects overall on peace of mind and clarity.

Thank you for all this kindness,  I could almost cry! It's really so caring like you care about my well-being.

It's like I want to prove to her that I will be financially responsible- (I usually am I just didn't make much and things added up.) she asked why I took her on a short road trip if I had these problems the lawyers literally said it's my chance to do something before I file!

It's like I am begging her to love me like she did a few weeks ago. 

you're right- This is why I am so anxious- it's going from that to pulling away a bunch and saying let's not talk about the future let's love with no attachment, etc.

I wonder why I do all this self-reflection but her thoughts always come back to what I do like- "why haven't I healed from my money issues that caused me to go into debt?"

I felt so great before this. I wasn't in some bad place. 

I will simply give this time- I won't rush out there- I won't send a bunch of cards and gifts, I will just talk when she gets back until then it is very, very hard for me. I think about it constantly. I wonder is she coming back with reasons to break-up with me. Then I start thinking "no we made up before she left, had love and fun, etc" I am trying my best to relax I really and truly am.

[glows]

8 minutes ago, lovesflame said:

I will simply give this time- I won't rush out there- I won't send a bunch of cards and gifts, I will just talk when she gets back until then it is very, very hard for me. I think about it constantly. I wonder is she coming back with reasons to break-up with me. Then I start thinking "no we made up before she left, had love and fun, etc" I am trying my best to relax I really and truly am.

No, don't overcompensate. I don't think cards and gifts are necessary. That's buying someone's affections or bribing with gift. Also, save your money and be wary about your expenses. Again, if someone wants to be with you they have to accept all of you. I think her reservations are valid. I see her pov and yours as well and if this doesn't work out it would be better to approach this as not being the end of the world. Keep telling yourself that you don't need her approval to improve your financial situation. I'd focus less on her or what she thinks about you and stay grounded in what you need to do for yourself.

[lovesflame]

4 hours ago, glows said:

No, don't overcompensate.

Honestly, what is really the hardest thing going on for me right now is I honestly don't know if we are going to be together.

ON that night I told her, "it seems like you are wanting to break up with me. I wish you well then!"

Then she eventually became upset later and then was going to go out of the house to a hotel room saying this isn't what she wants and it's not good for us. Then I calmed her down and we had make-up loving and the next morning she said "we aren't breaking up- taking it a day at a time."

So, basically my biggest worry and fear is that we are broken up. Honestly, this is what is keeping me anxious day and night.

Does that sound like a make-up to you all?

Does it sounds like someone breaking up?

I've never had a break up like that they usually say they're done with you etc. I am so worried!

[glows]

2 hours ago, lovesflame said:

Honestly, what is really the hardest thing going on for me right now is I honestly don't know if we are going to be together.

ON that night I told her, "it seems like you are wanting to break up with me. I wish you well then!"

Then she eventually became upset later and then was going to go out of the house to a hotel room saying this isn't what she wants and it's not good for us. Then I calmed her down and we had make-up loving and the next morning she said "we aren't breaking up- taking it a day at a time."

So, basically my biggest worry and fear is that we are broken up. Honestly, this is what is keeping me anxious day and night.

Does that sound like a make-up to you all?

Does it sounds like someone breaking up?

I've never had a break up like that they usually say they're done with you etc. I am so worried!

She didn't break up with you though. This is one of those things you'll just have to wait and see if you wish to stay. I doubt even she knows what the outcome may be. She seems uneasy about your situation but she hasn't said "don't call me" or "I don't want us to see each other again". 

I think you're worried that you're less important to her in her eyes or that she slowly ignores you or neglects you, calls or texts or meets with you less over the coming days or weeks. That's the anxiety and insecurity talking and no one can possibly tell you what will happen. Try being more confident that whatever happens, having her around doesn't make you less of a person.

Also reconsider over time whether this is affecting you adversely. I know I wouldn't put up with someone holding me at arm's length or giving less in a relationship than I am willing to offer. Do consider your own needs and what you want out a relationship.

Edited June 10, 2022 by glows

[lovesflame]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Also reconsider over time whether this is affecting you adversely. I know I wouldn't put up with someone holding me at arm's length or giving less in a relationship than I am willing to offer. Do consider your own needs and what you want out a relationship.

Thank you so much ! For caring so much !

it’s really helpful to me as just a person behind a screen . I have trouble putting myself first ever and I like difficult relationships. 
 

Thank you for understanding and listening to me basically complexly freaking out on here in my opinion. Thank you I will reflect and Listen in to myself .

[glows]

2 minutes ago, lovesflame said:

Thank you so much ! For caring so much !

it’s really helpful to me as just a person behind a screen . I have trouble putting myself first ever and I like difficult relationships. 
 

Thank you for understanding and listening to me basically complexly freaking out on here in my opinion. Thank you I will reflect and Listen in to myself .

You’re welcome. Stay on top of that “I like difficult relationships”. Steer away from problem people or the ones who can’t accept you and don’t move too fast.

If you feel anxious go back to what you need in a relationship and be true to yourself. She’s not perfect and don’t put her on a pedestal. If anything she’s one imperfect person choosing to see you and you can choose back whether you want to keep seeing her but remember you have a choice and you can also decide to put yourself first and walk away if it’s not working.

You have a lot of other things going on too so stick with your plans to improve. Keep writing if it helps and take it day by day.

 

[lovesflame]

On 6/9/2022 at 9:42 PM, glows said:

You’re welcome. Stay on top of that “I like difficult relationships”. Steer away from problem people or the ones who can’t accept you and don’t move too fast.

If you feel anxious go back to what you need in a relationship and be true to yourself. She’s not perfect and don’t put her on a pedestal. If anything she’s one imperfect person choosing to see you and you can choose back whether you want to keep seeing her but remember you have a choice and you can also decide to put yourself first and walk away if it’s not working.

You have a lot of other things going on too so stick with your plans to improve. Keep writing if it helps and take it day by day.

 

Thanks for helping. I finally reached out to her this morning. I saw she had erased all of our pictures together from IG and that hurt. Then we spoke and I told her all the revelations I had about hurting her and such and she was geniunely appreciative and surprised. she told me she was very surprised about the understanding I had come to.

We didn't finish about where we were at- I told her I wanted to start over and move forward into love. She told me how she was os hurt and sacred by how it was last time we saw each other. I really feel bad she was scared.

She told me that maybe she can't give me what I need and I need someone who can love me who I am . She doesn't understnad I was happy in the relationship/ She had to go to get breakfast so we did not finish the conversation. I feel good I expressed myself- my apologies, my revelations, my understandings, and most of all, my love for her. I hope she truly understnads where I am coming from.

Of course, I am confused now but I have somehow made peace with everything. I think she really did not understand me or herself even and there's so much blockage there. She said she will contact me later so we shall see.

Any words of wisdom?

[glows]

1 hour ago, lovesflame said:

Thanks for helping. I finally reached out to her this morning. I saw she had erased all of our pictures together from IG and that hurt. Then we spoke and I told her all the revelations I had about hurting her and such and she was geniunely appreciative and surprised. she told me she was very surprised about the understanding I had come to.

We didn't finish about where we were at- I told her I wanted to start over and move forward into love. She told me how she was os hurt and sacred by how it was last time we saw each other. I really feel bad she was scared.

She told me that maybe she can't give me what I need and I need someone who can love me who I am . She doesn't understnad I was happy in the relationship/ She had to go to get breakfast so we did not finish the conversation. I feel good I expressed myself- my apologies, my revelations, my understandings, and most of all, my love for her. I hope she truly understnads where I am coming from.

Of course, I am confused now but I have somehow made peace with everything. I think she really did not understand me or herself even and there's so much blockage there. She said she will contact me later so we shall see.

Any words of wisdom?

I’m sorry… I think she broke up with you and is telling you she’s not the person for you.

I wouldn’t drag this out. As she says you deserve to be with someone who can accept/love you as you are. 

[lovesflame]

16 hours ago, glows said:

I’m sorry… I think she broke up with you and is telling you she’s not the person for you.

I wouldn’t drag this out. As she says you deserve to be with someone who can accept/love you as you are. 

Please help me make sense of what is going on... She called me this morning. I sent some sunflowers to her door. Then she tell me that "me and her have reached completion." It's time to walk on our seperate journeys- by ourselves and part ways. She then listens to me tell her all very to the point, insightful and beautiful points addressing the issues we faced: how I will walk away and give her space when we have conflicts rising. 

She said everything I said was beautiful and she believes it and forgives me for anyways I acted out of fear or the past. But she says she can't keep doing this that learning lessons through pain and suffering is not where she is at in her life. That we have created too much egative energy through our conflicts and strife and she can't take it that it's not good for her. That our nervous systems aren't compatible and she is exhausted and can't take it.

I pleaded with her to just give us a chance to do it the right way now that I am aware of the hram I caused her. 

She is hysterically crying telling me how much she loved me. How she really thought we were life partners and how she wanted to have a baby and family with me.

She is crying and telling me how much she loves me over and over again. I tell her it doesn't have to be this way, but she tells me that it does and that it has come to completion for her and she has to go alone- it's best for her.

I tell her my door is open and I will wait and she tells me she doesn't know if she''ll ever walk in there again.

What does this all mean? Is this unusual? What did I do so wrong? 

Did I create this reality by believing people will leave me?

[glows]

1 hour ago, lovesflame said:

Please help me make sense of what is going on... She called me this morning. I sent some sunflowers to her door. Then she tell me that "me and her have reached completion." It's time to walk on our seperate journeys- by ourselves and part ways. She then listens to me tell her all very to the point, insightful and beautiful points addressing the issues we faced: how I will walk away and give her space when we have conflicts rising. 

She said everything I said was beautiful and she believes it and forgives me for anyways I acted out of fear or the past. But she says she can't keep doing this that learning lessons through pain and suffering is not where she is at in her life. That we have created too much egative energy through our conflicts and strife and she can't take it that it's not good for her. That our nervous systems aren't compatible and she is exhausted and can't take it.

I pleaded with her to just give us a chance to do it the right way now that I am aware of the hram I caused her. 

She is hysterically crying telling me how much she loved me. How she really thought we were life partners and how she wanted to have a baby and family with me.

She is crying and telling me how much she loves me over and over again. I tell her it doesn't have to be this way, but she tells me that it does and that it has come to completion for her and she has to go alone- it's best for her.

I tell her my door is open and I will wait and she tells me she doesn't know if she''ll ever walk in there again.

What does this all mean? Is this unusual? What did I do so wrong? 

Did I create this reality by believing people will leave me?

No. You met someone incompatible with you. It’s painful but you will get through it. Stay focused on what you have to do for yourself and have your personal finances and employment in order. Regardless of her continue to take care of yourself.

Don’t chase after her and don’t send her anything as it would be disrespectful. You owe it to yourself to close the door and move on. 

[lovesflame]

31 minutes ago, glows said:

No. You met someone incompatible with you. It’s painful but you will get through it. Stay focused on what you have to do for yourself and have your personal finances and employment in order. Regardless of her continue to take care of yourself.

Don’t chase after her and don’t send her anything as it would be disrespectful. You owe it to yourself to close the door and move on. 

Is the stuff she aid to me really bizarre? 

And she was hysterially crying that she loves me. How come she wouldn't even try to give it a chance once we identified the problems?

 

I just booked a trip to see my bestfriend so I will have an adventure.

[glows]

Just now, lovesflame said:

Is the stuff she aid to me really bizarre? 

And she was hysterially crying that she loves me. How come she wouldn't even try to give it a chance once we identified the problems?

 

I just booked a trip to see my bestfriend so I will have an adventure.

She doesn’t want to be with you. The sooner you recognize this the better. Although it hurts accept it. Tell yourself it didn’t work and move forward. Enjoy the time with your best friend.

[lovesflame]

28 minutes ago, glows said:

She doesn’t want to be with you. The sooner you recognize this the better. Although it hurts accept it. Tell yourself it didn’t work and move forward. Enjoy the time with your best friend.

Reconciliation looking good ?

what else can I do ?

 I am planning on leaving her alone . 
she also fed ex me all my things smh 

says it’s too hard to even think of me … 

What is she going through?

[glows]

36 minutes ago, lovesflame said:

Reconciliation looking good ?

what else can I do ?

 I am planning on leaving her alone . 
she also fed ex me all my things smh 

says it’s too hard to even think of me … 

What is she going through?

I wouldn’t do anything. 

She doesn’t want to be with you. Why would you reconcile with someone who doesn’t accept you the first time around? If there’s any reconciliation the ball is in her court. I wouldn’t hold my breath though. 

She’s moving on. That’s what she’s doing/going through. 

[lovesflame]

19 minutes ago, glows said:

I wouldn’t do anything. 

She doesn’t want to be with you. Why would you reconcile with someone who doesn’t accept you the first time around? If there’s any reconciliation the ball is in her court. I wouldn’t hold my breath though. 

She’s moving on. That’s what she’s doing/going through. 

Really pathetic  of her over little small fights .

am I cursed forever? Because I have anxiety attachment. ?

also I think I will be alone for life now .

moving on instead of trying is sad . Didn’t even give it a chance . I honestly would never take her back . I find it disgusting .

 I am not upset I told her I’d wait for her but now I don’t think that . She is not righteous in my eyes. 
These fights weren’t really bad . If rattled her to her core . I feel bad but that doesn’t sound normal .

thabks for listening this whole time 

I hate life now and really give up for good 

[glows]

1 hour ago, lovesflame said:

Really pathetic  of her over little small fights .

am I cursed forever? Because I have anxiety attachment. ?

also I think I will be alone for life now .

moving on instead of trying is sad . Didn’t even give it a chance . I honestly would never take her back . I find it disgusting .

 I am not upset I told her I’d wait for her but now I don’t think that . She is not righteous in my eyes. 
These fights weren’t really bad . If rattled her to her core . I feel bad but that doesn’t sound normal .

thabks for listening this whole time 

I hate life now and really give up for good 

Just keep telling yourself it’s over. She’s entitled to ending it at any time, just as you are. Any fight can be bad enough to walk away from.

You don’t get to decide when someone else has had enough.

Keep focusing on you and what you have to do. Have your finances in order, don’t splurge or go on any sprees and avoid alcohol.