Bantosm Posted June 4, 2022 Posted June 4, 2022 (edited) I've been happy with my relationship. Everything is good. However, yesterday marked a new change. It was the first time in over 6 months that I found myself interested in another woman. I had to go to a new business and I was immediately intrigued by one of the employees. I stood waiting in line as the 3 employees tended to the customers. The employee of interest just happened to be open when it was my turn. I couldn't resist looking deeply in her eyes when she talked and I had to make sure I had her name memorized. You know how you can meet someone and just tell there's something, she had it. The only issue was a couple weeks ago where my girlfriend's friend said something entirely inappropriate. She said that I raped her at a social gathering. She meant it as a joke but acted like it was true. I don't particularly like this friend of hers. They are planning a 3 day road trip towards the end of June. Maybe it's nothing. However, I'm starting to wonder if her friend is the wedge that starts the relationship in an unvoidable decline or if the new woman is simply a better match for me. I'll see my girlfriend this evening and I have to return to the business next week. Edited June 4, 2022 by Bantosm
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4, 2022 Posted June 4, 2022 9 minutes ago, Bantosm said: if the new woman is simply a better match for me Based on seeing her...one time? You can't be serious. 10 minutes ago, Bantosm said: my girlfriend's friend said something entirely inappropriate. She said that I raped her at a social gathering. She meant it as a joke but acted like it was true How did she say it as a joke but also act like it was true? That makes zero sense. Look, if seeing an attractive woman one time was enough to make you rethink your whole relationship, then I'm afraid your relationship was already done. If you want out, just go. 5
Wiseman2 Posted June 4, 2022 Posted June 4, 2022 33 minutes ago, Bantosm said: It was the first time in over 6 months that I found myself interested in another woman. They are planning a 3 day road trip towards the end of June. I'll see my girlfriend this evening and I have to return to the business next week. At 6 mos., you have an idea whether it's working or not. Considering you are already shopping around, it doesn't sound like you are compatible or that into her. Yes, end it so you are both free while she enjoys her road trip. 3
BrinnM Posted June 4, 2022 Posted June 4, 2022 53 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Based on seeing her...one time? You can't be serious. Right? That's what I was thinking. Maybe @Bantosmwants to elaborate a little bit more on that first encounter. Did you have a lengthy chat with her or something? After merely 6 months the main relationship may still be in its developing stages, without any major attachment. Men can get distracted quickly by a potentially greener pasture on the other side of the fence.
glows Posted June 4, 2022 Posted June 4, 2022 3 hours ago, Bantosm said: I've been happy with my relationship. Everything is good. However, yesterday marked a new change. It was the first time in over 6 months that I found myself interested in another woman. I had to go to a new business and I was immediately intrigued by one of the employees. I stood waiting in line as the 3 employees tended to the customers. The employee of interest just happened to be open when it was my turn. I couldn't resist looking deeply in her eyes when she talked and I had to make sure I had her name memorized. You know how you can meet someone and just tell there's something, she had it. The only issue was a couple weeks ago where my girlfriend's friend said something entirely inappropriate. She said that I raped her at a social gathering. She meant it as a joke but acted like it was true. I don't particularly like this friend of hers. They are planning a 3 day road trip towards the end of June. Maybe it's nothing. However, I'm starting to wonder if her friend is the wedge that starts the relationship in an unvoidable decline or if the new woman is simply a better match for me. I'll see my girlfriend this evening and I have to return to the business next week. Straighten things out in your relationship and end it first if you want to pursue something new with someone else. That's a very grave and serious accusation to be accusing you of rape and isn't funny or a joke no matter how many laughs it gets or from whom. Do you know why someone would say such a thing about you or is this friend a complete loose cannon? Yes, I would be rethinking everything about that relationship, who I'm dating and what choice of friends my partner has. Choose to be around people who support you and believe in you, not make very dangerous and stupid accusations that have no truth to them in a passive aggressive attempt to slander you or make you feel bad about yourself. Good luck when you see your girlfriend. 1
introverted1 Posted June 5, 2022 Posted June 5, 2022 16 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: If you want out, just go. Sounds like he wants to monkey branch. 1
poppyfields Posted June 5, 2022 Posted June 5, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, Bantosm said: or if the new woman is simply a better match for me. OP, please correct me if I'm wrong but how I interpret this statement is he means she elicits a feeling in him that his current gf doesn't and perhaps never did. People date and get into relationships for all sorts of reasons - loneliness, shared values, compatibility for example. But they don't have the right "feels" for their partner, they may not even know what strong attraction (beyond looks) is supposed to feel like! So they settle for compatibility, shared values etc. THEN, someone comes along that elicits those feels, that energy, and suddenly they don't know what hit them! And they begin questioning their current relationship and wonder if the person they just met, even if just briefly, the person who elicits that "feeling," might be a better fit. This has happened to me and it was a immediate. First meet, within a couple of minutes. Instant. It's happened to a lot people who settle for someone for reasons other than a strong attraction and chemistry - those feels. It may not work out, that takes time if they begin dating BUT that immediate attraction and energy was there from the very beginning which is a great start and can carry a couple through when times get tough. Again, just my take on what OP meant which is perfectly normal when one is involved in a mediocre relationship with someone to whom they are not strongly attracted and they meet a new person to whom they are attracted. Edited June 5, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Weezy1973 Posted June 5, 2022 Posted June 5, 2022 18 hours ago, Bantosm said: ..starting to wonder if her friend is the wedge that starts the relationship in an unvoidable decline or if the new woman is simply a better match for me. Why is the relationship in an unavoidable decline? There are some folks who really don’t believe that “forever” exists and that every relationship has a shelf life. I’d suggest this belief makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead of doing things to protect your relationship, in this example it would be ignoring your attraction to the woman at the new business and certainly not making any special effort to memorize her name or look deeply into her eyes, you chose just to do it anyways. Perhaps because your relationship hit a bit of a rough spot; or perhaps because you believe every relationship has an “unavailable” decline. So protecting your relationship doesn’t make sense if it’s just going to end anyways. 1
dramafreezone Posted June 5, 2022 Posted June 5, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, Bantosm said: I've been happy with my relationship. Everything is good. However, yesterday marked a new change. It was the first time in over 6 months that I found myself interested in another woman. I had to go to a new business and I was immediately intrigued by one of the employees. I stood waiting in line as the 3 employees tended to the customers. The employee of interest just happened to be open when it was my turn. I couldn't resist looking deeply in her eyes when she talked and I had to make sure I had her name memorized. You know how you can meet someone and just tell there's something, she had it. The only issue was a couple weeks ago where my girlfriend's friend said something entirely inappropriate. She said that I raped her at a social gathering. She meant it as a joke but acted like it was true. I don't particularly like this friend of hers. They are planning a 3 day road trip towards the end of June. Maybe it's nothing. However, I'm starting to wonder if her friend is the wedge that starts the relationship in an unvoidable decline or if the new woman is simply a better match for me. I'll see my girlfriend this evening and I have to return to the business next week. I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to someone else. What's the old line, "I'm married, not dead." Meaning, it's human to be attracted to other people. Signing a piece of paper doesn't override centuries of hardwiring, and certainly being in an exclusive relationhship where there is no legal binding is any different. We have choice as to whether or not to pursue that feeling though, and that's where your decision making comes in. You don't know anything about this other woman other than she gives you the warm and fuzzies. That doesn't mean she's relationship material. Everyone has their own laundry list of issues and I guarantee this new woman does too. If you're looking for an out just because you want to try things out with the new woman than I think that's short-sighted. If you think the relationship has run its course, then that's fine but it shouldn't have anything to do with what you think this other woman has, just my opinion. Edited June 5, 2022 by dramafreezone 3
Author Bantosm Posted June 7, 2022 Author Posted June 7, 2022 On 6/4/2022 at 4:34 PM, ExpatInItaly said: How did she say it as a joke but also act like it was true? That makes zero sense. She said it was a joke hours later, after the event.
Author Bantosm Posted June 8, 2022 Author Posted June 8, 2022 On 6/5/2022 at 10:45 AM, poppyfields said: OP, please correct me if I'm wrong but how I interpret this statement is he means she elicits a feeling in him that his current gf doesn't and perhaps never did. People date and get into relationships for all sorts of reasons - loneliness, shared values, compatibility for example. But they don't have the right "feels" for their partner, they may not even know what strong attraction (beyond looks) is supposed to feel like! So they settle for compatibility, shared values etc. THEN, someone comes along that elicits those feels, that energy, and suddenly they don't know what hit them! And they begin questioning their current relationship and wonder if the person they just met, even if just briefly, the person who elicits that "feeling," might be a better fit. This has happened to me and it was a immediate. First meet, within a couple of minutes. Instant. It's happened to a lot people who settle for someone for reasons other than a strong attraction and chemistry - those feels. It may not work out, that takes time if they begin dating BUT that immediate attraction and energy was there from the very beginning which is a great start and can carry a couple through when times get tough. Again, just my take on what OP meant which is perfectly normal when one is involved in a mediocre relationship with someone to whom they are not strongly attracted and they meet a new person to whom they are attracted. Yes, I agree with a lot of this. From my past experience, I can get a quick sense when someone will be a good match for me and vice versa. I don't second guess it. I don't think my current relationship is mediocre. Everything is good. That makes the situation even more confusing. I seen many attractive women yet until this one they all faded to my memory.
Author Bantosm Posted June 17, 2022 Author Posted June 17, 2022 . The noted friend of my girlfriend is one of her old friends who recently moved to the area. I'm not the only who does not approve, her other friends think her old friend is trouble. They thought since I'm the boyfriend I would have more influence in getting her to spend less time with her old friend. I gave her my speech, and it led to an argument. Ultimately, it's her decision, but I felt it was definitely worth a try The relationship is in decline. I learned she doesn't like my body because I lost muscle mass for an upcoming endurance race. She said that I look too weak to be able to protect her now. I can gain the muscle back. What I take as a big offense is that she is only concerned how I appear as her boyfriend and not supporting me. Yesterday, was the 3rd time I went to the business and the 2nd time I dealt with the mentioned employee. I was particularly tired and when I first seen her again I couldn't understand why I had been so intrigued. However, once I walked up to the counter and and looked into her eyes. I was hit again. I've been wrong before but not often. If there wasn't a mutal spark, I'd very surprised. There's nothing I can do when I have girlfriend. Even without a girlfriend, I'm still going there on behalf of my employer.
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