Meeting the Old Fashioned Way

[Noonespecial]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

So, what exactly is your question, since you asked about ways dating is different today or when older? 

Time doesn't stand still. That's a frequent mistake. Trying to pick up where it was last time you were single. 

You seem to think I'm asking for dating advice. I'm not at all. Read my post again without reading anything into it. I'm curious about how people interact. 

[Noonespecial]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Keep practicing and meeting people so that you lose that initial edgy feeling and feel more comfortable approaching people. And please don’t worry about older being less appealing. Older can be just as sexy. 

Again this may be good advice for someone but it has nothing to do with me. I'm probably the most outgoing person you've never met.

[Alpacalia]

15 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

I'm curious about how people interact. 

Online, school, work, friends, family, hobbies, fitness center, the park, on walks, pretty much everywhere.

[Noonespecial]

34 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this for dating or making friends?  It's unclear because your OP states dating, then you claim people can't read and their answers don't apply to you.

I am more asking about dating, but however you want to give your point of reference it's fine. But don't just don't think that I'm asking for dating advice because I'm not. For example, somebody said something about being shy or nervous and that has absolutely zero to do with me. The person is making an assumption based on who knows what? but it has nothing to do with who I am or my approach to the world. And exactly where did I say people can't read? That is kind of offensive and certainly not something I had said. Curious why you would even say that. It's completely false.

Edited June 2, 2022 by Noonespecial

[smackie9]

15 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

not necessarily.

yes many are free in their mid 20s. They get married. They are much more open to divorce so you can get a dump up in availability from around 35-55.  Then it can drop again.

 

For sure but the people in that age group, have their focus on their responsibilities making them less likely to have much time to date, or go out doing things to meet people compared to when they were younger. Raising kids, paying for a mortgage, etc slows things down a lot even if they are divorced/single. 

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, Noonespecial said:

 I'm curious about how people interact. 

What is your average day like??  Where do you go??  What hobbies/sports do you engage in?? Do you volunteer any place?? 

Basically whenever you leave your home, you are more than likely going to interact with other human beings. 

As an example, on my morning walk this morning I met a new neighbor who was walking her dog "Daisy".  Daisy really enjoys attention, by the way.

It was a simple interaction, we introduced ourselves, exchanged pleasantries and I petted the dog.  Is this what you are talking about??

[Noonespecial]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Online, school, work, friends, family, hobbies, fitness center, the park, on walks, pretty much everywhere.

That's "where" you interact; I'm more interested in how.

Edited June 2, 2022 by Noonespecial

[Woggle]

You just have to be a social person. I met my wife simply having a random conversation with her on the boardwalk. Don't try to be a PUA and use all these corny pickup lines. If you are a man you have to worry about a small minority of women who will call you a creep for simply looking in her direction so it pays to be able to read people.

Edited June 2, 2022 by Woggle
Adding More

[Happy Lemming]

5 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

That's "where" you interact; I'm more interested in how.

For me (this morning) I noticed this woman's dog pulling towards me and wagging its tail.  I said "What a cute dog... can I say 'hello' to her??" (I assumed the dog was female from the pink collar, it was wearing) The woman answered "Sure, this is Daisy and she loves to be petted"  from there we introduced ourselves, etc. She told me she had just moved to the neighborhood, I told her I lived on the corner on the next street over.  We just talked and (interacted). 

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Noonespecial said:

That's "where" you interact; I'm more interested in how.

Well, by talking to them.

Is that what you're having trouble with? Interacting with others?

No, you said you're outgoing, so that can't be it.

[Noonespecial]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Well, by talking to them.

Is that what you're having trouble with? Interacting with others?

No, you said you're outgoing, so that can't be it.

Correct I'm not having trouble with it. I'm simply asking how other people interact.

So are you saying you just walk up to people and start talking to them? Do they give you any indication that they would be receptive to that or do you just initiate the conversation regardless?

Edited June 2, 2022 by Noonespecial

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Noonespecial said:

Correct I'm not having trouble with it. I'm simply asking how other people interact.

So are you saying you just walk up to people and start talking to them? Do they give you any indication that they would be receptive to that or do you just initiate the conversation regardless?

I see. Alright.

It depends on the situation - sometimes yes, I'll talk first, sometimes not.

Other times, I will not interact at all with someone.

Most of the time, it takes a few occasions for me to interact with someone before I can connect with them. Often I am curious about certain things, and things like that are when I talk or ask questions about whatever we're doing at the moment. In these days when people are so focused on what they want to achieve, it seems that there are a lot of things out there that they are interested in, you just need to pay attention to them.

Although I am very aware that this does not always lead to anything, but it is a lovely activity for me to engage in, and as I progress through life, I will continue to add to it.

 

[LeoEnki]

On 6/1/2022 at 7:02 PM, Noonespecial said:

I am curious if other people find that it's harder to meet people nowadays in person or through normal channels outside of OLD. When I was younger and dating actively (before the internet), that was pretty much how we would meet people - either through friends or mutual contacts, or sometimes in a supermarket or bar, gym, etc. or maybe even just out and about because people would give signals to kind of indicate that there was a mutual interest. I find that non-existent now. Is that just because I'm older and less appealing? Or are people more guarded and less willing to reveal? Maybe a combination of that or other things?

Well, it works most of the time for me when I ask for their number at the Gym or with mutual friends etc.

You cant make things happen without putting in some effort.

[Wiseman2]

On 6/1/2022 at 2:02 PM, Noonespecial said:

 because people would give signals to kind of indicate that there was a mutual interest.

What kind of symbols? 

[dramafreezone]

On 6/1/2022 at 11:02 AM, Noonespecial said:

I am curious if other people find that it's harder to meet people nowadays in person or through normal channels outside of OLD. When I was younger and dating actively (before the internet), that was pretty much how we would meet people - either through friends or mutual contacts, or sometimes in a supermarket or bar, gym, etc. or maybe even just out and about because people would give signals to kind of indicate that there was a mutual interest. I find that non-existent now. Is that just because I'm older and less appealing? Or are people more guarded and less willing to reveal? Maybe a combination of that or other things?

I think it depends on where you go.  I'm older too and don't really like the idea of meeting people in the supermarket.   I go out to my favorite pub about once a week and I think women are certainly much more on guard than they were say 20 years ago.  That said I go out solo whereas 20 years ago I would go out with friends. I think women may feel better about talking to a guy if he's there with a friend (due to social proof, i.e. if this guy is here with him there's a lower chance that he's a creep). 

I think it depends on the age range of people in your venue as well.  If you're 40 and you're hanging out in a place full of 25-30 year olds, then you're going to stick out more.  That said I don't think it's impossible, just more difficult than if you were to go to an establishement with people in their mid thirties.

On a related topic, but I think most of the time when women go out it's actually not to meet guys.  What I will give credit to women for is I think they generally know how to just go out and have fun, and have it not be about meeting men.  When you're out at a club and you see a group of girls chances are they are literally out there to have a girls night and not to try to pick up guys (not saying that it wouldn't happen).  They probably did not leave the house saying I hope we pick up some hot guys tonight. 

With guys we are typically hoping to meet women for the most part, and if you don't you consider it a failed time out.  I think most guys could learn to just go out without any expectation that they're going to meet anyone.  Like today I'm just going out to watch a basketball game, listen to music and maybe have a bite to eat.  If I meet someone I consider it a bonus but if not I still had a good night.  So maybe when you're going out, make it about something you want to do besides meeting women, and I think you'll be in a better headspace for when an opportunity does present itself.

As far approaching women, I think you have to stick with what works for your personality.  I generally will not cold approach because that's just extremely unnatural for me.  If I'm sitting or standing near someone I'll definitely spark up a conversation that way, and I think as a general rule a woman isn't going to position themselves in your vicinity if they get a creepy vibe from you, so it's a good indicator right there that you *probably* don't creep them out.  But do what feels natural to you and not necessarily just what works for someone else.

Edited June 2, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Noonespecial]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What kind of symbols? 

Signals. You know smoke signals, etc.

But seriously, eye contact to me would be one type of signal.

[Noonespecial]

2 hours ago, LeoEnki said:

Well, it works most of the time for me when I ask for their number at the Gym or with mutual friends etc.

You cant make things happen without putting in some effort.

I'm going to assume you are a guy. Do you just ask anybody you're interested in or will you wait for something more subtle like perhaps a smile or eye contact or something like that?

[mortensorchid]

I ask myself these questions everyday.  I remember life before the internet whether it was business or personal and how can we get by without it now?  But I digress...

I think the internet has opened up countless possibilities and yet changed us.  Are we different?  Well, not exactly.  I mean cancel culture existed before we had a word for it.  The loneliness is at an all time high - you feel like there is no one around you but you can talk to someone in New Zealand if you want to.  Craziness. 

[vla1120]

On 6/1/2022 at 7:04 PM, Noonespecial said:

My question really pertains to human behavior, not necessarily the trends in dating and ages. I'm curious about how people interact (or don't) and I'm wondering if age is a factor, technology, current social norms, etc 

Technology definitely plays a role in how people interact today (or don't interact.) For technology, we've sacrificed human interaction. I'm a bit older (61) and have no problem engaging strangers in conversation when I am out in public. My daughters, on the other hand (20's & 30's) are mortified when I strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. It embarrasses them (which brings me a bit of joy.) 

Also, in the U.S., we've been divided for so long (politically and socially - gun control, abortion, LGTBQ, etc.) even online interactions have become strained. I've lost FB friends over political and social opinions. People aren't afraid to be rude when they are hiding behind a screen and keyboard. If we were to interact with those same people in person, we'd be reminded of how much we truly have in common, regardless of our political or social stances. Because of that, I've moved away from participating in social media. I'd rather my interactions be in person. 

[mark clemson]

Look good, act self assured, and don't appear overly interested too early on (e.g. excessive eye contact without saying anything). An intrigued woman may give you a "tell" such as smile or glance. You follow up by starting a socially appropriate conversation, with a socially appropriate level of interest in her. (Sometimes she might start the conversation.) 

If it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. If not, c'est la vie.

If there's an interest in trying to turn it into a date, you say something like "you know you seem really nice, would you like to go have coffee sometime?" at the end and see what she says. Particularly if she drops a hint that she'd like to continue the conversation.

I'd say it isn't a huge % of women who are going to show such interest. Perhaps a steady light sprinkling as one goes through life, and it's more pronounced the more "cleaned up" you appear IMO. Most of them are (understandably) a bit too busy just going about their lives to pause for conversation with a stranger.

Edited June 3, 2022 by mark clemson

[Lisa]

Too many breaches of civility.  Thread has been cleaned up and closed to further responses