Meeting the Old Fashioned Way

[Noonespecial]

I am curious if other people find that it's harder to meet people nowadays in person or through normal channels outside of OLD. When I was younger and dating actively (before the internet), that was pretty much how we would meet people - either through friends or mutual contacts, or sometimes in a supermarket or bar, gym, etc. or maybe even just out and about because people would give signals to kind of indicate that there was a mutual interest. I find that non-existent now. Is that just because I'm older and less appealing? Or are people more guarded and less willing to reveal? Maybe a combination of that or other things?

[ccas93]

I've experienced the same thing as you. eye contact and a smile would happen regularly about 10 years ago. Now it happens very rarely. I'm better looking now and way less awkward than I was then. 

[CLS63AMG]

I met women daily when walking my dog but most weren't single which is a whole other issue.  On a dating app you at least know she's available and you're not hitting on some dudes wife.  I even had numbers given to me from women already in relationships, a few times, which is scary.

[Noonespecial]

24 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

I've experienced the same thing as you. eye contact and a smile would happen regularly about 10 years ago. Now it happens very rarely. I'm better looking now and way less awkward than I was then. 

So one question is, regardless if you're better looking, because you're older are you not triggering the same biological cues as let's say a person who's maybe 18?

[Noonespecial]

13 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

I met women daily when walking my dog but most weren't single which is a whole other issue.  On a dating app you at least know she's available and you're not hitting on some dudes wife.  I even had numbers given to me from women already in relationships, a few times, which is scary.

 

Just now, Noonespecial said:

So one question is, regardless if you're better looking, because you're older are you not triggering the same biological cues as let's say a person who's maybe 18?

 

13 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

I met women daily when walking my dog but most weren't single which is a whole other issue.  On a dating app you at least know she's available and you're not hitting on some dudes wife.  I even had numbers given to me from women already in relationships, a few times, which is scary.

I wonder how much people are relying on dating apps as the only way to meet people? Sure it gives you some basic biological information (assuming it's honest). Do you think that is changing the way people interact as strangers?

[ccas93]

7 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

So one question is, regardless if you're better looking, because you're older are you not triggering the same biological cues as let's say a person who's maybe 18?

This could be true. The time period I was referring to was indeed 18-19. But it wasn't just women my own age who would acknowledge my existence. I'm now 28 almost 29 but apparently appear mid 20s. also where you live and the culture of that place could influence your experience. Idk, could be jaded but the world on this side of 2015-2016 or so seems a lot different. 

[CLS63AMG]

6 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

 

 

I wonder how much people are relying on dating apps as the only way to meet people? Sure it gives you some basic biological information (assuming it's honest). Do you think that is changing the way people interact as strangers?

I dont know, what I learned was even if they seem standoffish they wont be once you get them talking , it was like that across the board.  I remember with one girl we were in this deep meaningful conversation within just 5 minutes, she gives me this look like "where the hell were you when I was dating last year".  She was 4 months pregnant, she bought me an ice cream lol. 

Then I had others that were only interested in being friends but that came with issues, we would go to the dog park together and she would scare off single ladies because they thought we were a couple.  That was the end of going to the dog park together! 

[Noonespecial]

1 minute ago, ccas93 said:

This could be true. The time period I was referring to was indeed 18-19. But it wasn't just women my own age who would acknowledge my existence. I'm now 28 almost 29 but apparently appear mid 20s. also where you live and the culture of that place could influence your experience. Idk, could be jaded but the world on this side of 2015-2016 or so seems a lot different. 

Okay I think this is a reliable indicator of what I've been wondering about. I'm 60 and easy for me to say that I look younger but at the same time I'm not going to be delude myself into thinking that I could attract a 20-year-old (nor do I wish to, for that matter). You definitely could, so the fact that you get less eye contact tells me something. It's a shame that people are more guarded that way. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

I'm 60 and easy for me to say that I look younger but at the same time I'm not going to be delude myself into thinking that I could attract a 20-year-old 

Take some classes and courses. Anything. Golf, dancing, cooking yoga whatever. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer.

Every one has their face in their phone. It's also better though regular contact and chitchat such as in a club group or class to develop rapport.

Keep OLD in your dating portfolio. Get a good profile and pics on some quality apps. Paid apps may offer more screening and features. You could try some of the over 50 apps as well as general dating apps..

[Noonespecial]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Take some classes and courses. Anything. Golf, dancing, cooking yoga whatever. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer.

Every one has their face in their phone. It's also better though regular contact and chitchat such as in a club group or class to develop rapport.

Keep OLD in your dating portfolio. Get a good profile and pics on some quality apps. Paid apps may offer more screening and features. You could try some of the over 50 apps as well as general dating apps..

This is good advice but not correctly directed at me. 

[Alpacalia]

Maybe it's just that you're not as active and in the same circles as you once were when you were younger.

 

 

[smackie9]

What I hear or see is that the older you get the narrower the dating pool because most older people are married or in a long time relationships. Young people that's all they do is go out and party or whatever. 

[Weezy1973]

I suspect a main difference is just age. When you’re younger you tend to have a larger social circle and tend to be involved in more socializing in general giving more opportunities. As you get older more people couple off, have kids, and the social opportunities naturally go down. So the difference may appear larger than it really 

[Noonespecial]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

What I hear or see is that the older you get the narrower the dating pool because most older people are married or in a long time relationships. Young people that's all they do is go out and party or whatever. 

Yes, also true.

[Noonespecial]

54 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I suspect a main difference is just age. When you’re younger you tend to have a larger social circle and tend to be involved in more socializing in general giving more opportunities. As you get older more people couple off, have kids, and the social opportunities naturally go down. So the difference may appear larger than it really 

So then it's not just age - it's lifestyle changes too.

[Weezy1973]

46 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

So then it's not just age - it's lifestyle changes too.

Yes true.

[Ami1uwant]

4 hours ago, Noonespecial said:

I am curious if other people find that it's harder to meet people nowadays in person or through normal channels outside of OLD. When I was younger and dating actively (before the internet), that was pretty much how we would meet people - either through friends or mutual contacts, or sometimes in a supermarket or bar, gym, etc. or maybe even just out and about because people would give signals to kind of indicate that there was a mutual interest. I find that non-existent now. Is that just because I'm older and less appealing? Or are people more guarded and less willing to reveal? Maybe a combination of that or other things?

I’ve mentioned this in other threads.

 

back then during high school and college years you socialize more and most were single and not involved seriously.  You worked jobs just to get paid fun money or bills. You were not tied to your job as a career so sexual harassment/ dating coworkers didn’t matter. You met peop,e through friends and other places like bars or malls and other places where those tonnages and 20 something’s hun out.

 

people started to marry off in their mid to late 20s. You lost your networking channels and you lose available peop,e because they married off.

 

If you happened to still be single or git divorced the avenues to meet peop,e were

 

1. if you worked a job you might date folks from work who looked to get married. In many professions it was heavily one sex. There were a few you had close to equal men and women who worked. Thrn sexual harassment/ no date policy kicked in. Peop,e started to stop dating coworkers no matter what.

2. church

3 volunteer grouos

4 social interest groups ( these could be for an interest like a book club, sports group like running club or ski club, there are arts and craft groups) people socialize in. Even if they aren’t people you date, they might know someone.

5. meets because you go to the same place ( farmers market, gym , supermarket at the same time each week, there might be a regular event at a local museum/ orchestra/ music venue once a month or so where you both go to). If you regularly see these people you might start conversation.

6. random meets where you run into someone and talk.

 

the problem is it’s hard to control these type of things to age ranges and being single fir dating.  You will go through a lot more involved/ married befire you even get a single person.

 

if you lived in a small town old fashioned social networking kicked in where common friends would set you two up.

 

back when I was in my early 20s divorce with my parents wasn’t as common.  If you bought a house in lived in a residential area it would be much more difficult than if you lived in a more higher traffic area like a pedestrian downtown area.

 

if you are single with kids an opportunity is through your children where you go to kids places like school, school events, parks, kid friendly things like zoos or where you can meet other single parents. The kids give a common topic to talk about which might make it easier to start a conversation.

 

one thing has changed in society since 40 years ago… neighbors aren’t as social as they used to be. Doesn’t matter if it’s houses or apartments. 

you being older, say late 40s. The group you would be looking at ..many still have kids who dominate their non work life.

 

online has made it easier to st least see who else is single to at least find someone to date.. the trade off are the choices and making decisions.

 

with online dating there have been many many first dates that was one date and done. But if they met the old ways without the internet they might have at least dated a few times. Some of them probably woukd have gotten married.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 1, 2022 by Ami1uwant

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, Noonespecial said:

This is good advice but not correctly directed at me. 

When I was younger and even now …how I meet people not from OLD….it’s usually a slow build up of running into them and having conversation that builds up.

 

even when I was in my early 20s it was very very rare to meet someone and instantly hit off and end up as a date.  
 

I know I’ve been stupid and missed opportunities.

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

What I hear or see is that the older you get the narrower the dating pool because most older people are married or in a long time relationships. Young people that's all they do is go out and party or whatever. 

not necessarily.

yes many are free in their mid 20s. They get married. They are much more open to divorce so you can get a dump up in availability from around 35-55.  Then it can drop again.

 

[Noonespecial]

1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said:

not necessarily.

yes many are free in their mid 20s. They get married. They are much more open to divorce so you can get a dump up in availability from around 35-55.  Then it can drop again.

 

My question really pertains to human behavior, not necessarily the trends in dating and ages. I'm curious about how people interact (or don't) and I'm wondering if age is a factor, technology, current social norms, etc 

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

My question really pertains to human behavior, not necessarily the trends in dating and ages. I'm curious about how people interact (or don't) and I'm wondering if age is a factor, technology, current social norms, etc 

I'm 56 (male)...

I'm still quite talkative when I go out in public.  I'll talk to anyone about anything (usually it involves the current circumstance we are in).  I've never run into any issues/problems. 

My girlfriend and I were at a Memorial Day cookout/party this past Monday, I talked to everyone, people I knew, people I didn't... basically everyone!!

As far as current social norms, humans have been talking with other humans since the dawn of time, I can't really see where that could change or has changed.

[Ami1uwant]

34 minutes ago, Noonespecial said:

My question really pertains to human behavior, not necessarily the trends in dating and ages. I'm curious about how people interact (or don't) and I'm wondering if age is a factor, technology, current social norms, etc 

Individual human behavior hasn’t changed.  Sure..these grown up on social media has been affected in terms of some social behavior in dating.

 

Raising children has changed. I used to free roam the neighborhood I lived in.  You don’t see kids roaming like that anymore.  There isn’t as much of kids free playing. Playing now are much more controlled among parents.

 

peop,e having trouble meeting when they are older has many factors…if you got married very young you forgot how to date. Because both men and women work they generally know how to interact socially unlike years ago when women mainly work in a few fields if they weren’t stay at home moms.

 

now in single parent world they can be too busy.  In my parent generation, if they git divorced it was usually after the kids were out of the house and off to college. Today you see divorces at a much younger children age so there is much more single parenting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Maldives]

12 hours ago, Noonespecial said:

I am curious if other people find that it's harder to meet people nowadays in person or through normal channels outside of OLD. When I was younger and dating actively (before the internet), that was pretty much how we would meet people - either through friends or mutual contacts, or sometimes in a supermarket or bar, gym, etc. or maybe even just out and about because people would give signals to kind of indicate that there was a mutual interest. I find that non-existent now. Is that just because I'm older and less appealing? Or are people more guarded and less willing to reveal? Maybe a combination of that or other things?

Yep, it's changed for the worse It was better when we didn't have so much technology

[glows]

There’s also the element of not wanting to offend anyone who may be in a relationship or married or so I’m told however this doesn’t seem to have deterred several men. I’d say I’m in pretty good shape for my age and look a lot younger so have been flirted with and asked out on dates while I was married and finding partners hasn’t been difficult after I separated or divorced. 

It may be a matter of mindset and some individuals being more open than others or having more confidence to have those conversations or want to speak to strangers. 

Keep practicing and meeting people so that you lose that initial edgy feeling and feel more comfortable approaching people. And please don’t worry about older being less appealing. Older can be just as sexy. 

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Noonespecial said:

This is good advice but not correctly directed at me. 

So, what exactly is your question, since you asked about ways dating is different today or when older? 

Time doesn't stand still. That's a frequent mistake. Trying to pick up where it was last time you were single.