Not sure where to go after first date (updated)

[Red2016]

Guy (34M) and I (27F) matched on Hinge and he asked me out to a coffee date. On the day we were going to meet (two days ago), he said he had a sore throat that morning so we decided to postpone in case it was Covid. That same day, i happened to be passing thru his neighborhood and on a whim/last minute, I said maybe it would be nice to go for a walk instread (with a mask on, just in case since his sore throat). 

It was a nice walk, cute banter etc, and after the date, I texted first to say I had a great time! and he replied that he also had a very good time BUT that he had tested positive on his second covid test at home that evening. He profusely apologized and I thanked him for letting me know etc. 

And he continued the texts with followups with jokes/stories we told during the date and the next day, as we continued to exchange texts and I was telling him about a work project, he said, "you can tell me about it when we finally do get coffee:)" 

There are two things here: 

1. He is covid positive and he may not be fully recovered/negative test up to even 10 days from now. How viable is it to keep texting everyday (after having met just 45 mins with a maskon/walk in the park?) 

2. Is it strange that he suggested coffee as a potential next date?? I thought he might suggest lunch or dinner but maybe Im reading too much into this.

Otherwise, he strikes me as being a very genuine, well-adjusted guy and his texts have been pretty sincere. 

Edited June 14, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[Amanda92]

He is sick, so let him rest. If he texts you - reply. If he doesn't - ask him in several days how is he. You spend only 45 minutes together, so I would accept this coffee idea and see what he will want to do on 3rd date.

Good luck and let us now how it goes!

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Red2016 said:

. That same day, i happened to be passing thru his neighborhood and on a whim/last minute, I said maybe it would be nice to go for a walk.

Slow down. He doesn't have to suggest a meal. Try to relax and not push so hard.

Showing up when he cancelled because of illness was quite forward.

 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Slow down. He doesn't have to suggest a meal. Try to relax and not push so hard.

Showing up when he cancelled because of illness was quite forward.

 

I agree you need to slow down.  I would have been very put off by your showing up after I cancelled because of illness; but he was nice about it.

[smackie9]

When he is feeling a little better, suggest a virtual coffee date.

[Amanda92]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

When he is feeling a little better, suggest a virtual coffee date.

I don't think she should suggest anything. She was the one who initiated the last meeting. More over most people prefer to meet face to face.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Amanda92 said:

I don't think she should suggest anything. She was the one who initiated the last meeting. More over most people prefer to meet face to face.

I only suggested it to keeps things going while he isolates...better than texting each other. After he is done with Covid she can leave it up to him to ask her out for a meal. 

[glows]

21 hours ago, Red2016 said:

Guy (34M) and I (27F) matched on Hinge and he asked me out to a coffee date. On the day we were going to meet (two days ago), he said he had a sore throat that morning so we decided to postpone in case it was Covid. That same day, i happened to be passing thru his neighborhood and on a whim/last minute, I said maybe it would be nice to go for a walk instread (with a mask on, just in case since his sore throat). 

It was a nice walk, cute banter etc, and after the date, I texted first to say I had a great time! and he replied that he also had a very good time BUT that he had tested positive on his second covid test at home that evening. He profusely apologized and I thanked him for letting me know etc. 

And he continued the texts with followups with jokes/stories we told during the date and the next day, as we continued to exchange texts and I was telling him about a work project, he said, "you can tell me about it when we finally do get coffee:)" 

There are two things here: 

1. He is covid positive and he may not be fully recovered/negative test up to even 10 days from now. How viable is it to keep texting everyday (after having met just 45 mins with a maskon/walk in the park?) 

2. Is it strange that he suggested coffee as a potential next date?? I thought he might suggest lunch or dinner but maybe Im reading too much into this.

Otherwise, he strikes me as being a very genuine, well-adjusted guy and his texts have been pretty sincere. 

To me, it sounds like he's interested, ill and prefers to catch up in person. I think you're right that it's not viable or realistic to be texting a lot. Let him text you when he feels better. He knows you're interested. 

In the meantime, any other matches?

[Red2016]

2 hours ago, glows said:

To me, it sounds like he's interested, ill and prefers to catch up in person. I think you're right that it's not viable or realistic to be texting a lot. Let him text you when he feels better. He knows you're interested. 

In the meantime, any other matches?

I mean I dont really push the texting - he has been the one to text first and I reply but it seems he is interested in keeping the conversation going and is asking about my day etc. 

Im taking it easy bc it might be at least wnother week before he is fully clear, (even though he isn't even really symptomatic right now and he says he is feeling pretty okay, he is still testing postive on the antigen test at home)... I also wonder, is it that he is texting me because he is interested or just bored hahaha

[basil67]

You're overthinking this. 

I want to start my response with the last of your responses.   You're wondering if he's texting you because he's bored. Is there something about his actions which makes you think this, or is it your insecurity speaking?  

The next meeting can happen according to whatever the directive is in your state/country for coming out of quarantine.  And there's nothing wrong with a coffee date.  Remember, a good coffee date (or drinks) can develop into a meal when the two people find they have so much to talk about that they want to extend it.

And remember that there are forms of communication other than texting.  When he's well, a zoom or phone call is also an option which can give you a real conversation.

[Red2016]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You're overthinking this. 

I want to start my response with the last of your responses.   You're wondering if he's texting you because he's bored. Is there something about his actions which makes you think this, or is it your insecurity speaking?  

The next meeting can happen according to whatever the directive is in your state/country for coming out of quarantine.  And there's nothing wrong with a coffee date.  Remember, a good coffee date (or drinks) can develop into a meal when the two people find they have so much to talk about that they want to extend it.

And remember that there are forms of communication other than texting.  When he's well, a zoom or phone call is also an option which can give you a real conversation.

Aw you're right. This, I think really addresses the uncertainty I have been feeling. Ive been burned badly in the past and Im sort of questioning myself a lot

But do you think it's like wasted effort to be continually texting like this even if we have met just once? What if we run out of things to talk about or the interest fades away because it becomes more like friends texting? haha

[basil67]

Just now, Red2016 said:

Aw you're right. This, I think really addresses the uncertainty I have been feeling. Ive been burned badly in the past and Im sort of questioning myself a lot

But do you think it's like wasted effort to be continually texting like this even if we have met just once? What if we run out of things to talk about or the interest fades away because it becomes more like friends texting? haha

If you run out of things to talk about or the interest fades, then it wasn't meant to be anyway.  At worst, it's probably only going to be a week or two, so what have you got to lose?   But I still think that actual voice communication makes for a far more engaging conversation.  But I'm old, so perhaps behind the times....

[glows]

4 hours ago, Red2016 said:

I mean I dont really push the texting - he has been the one to text first and I reply but it seems he is interested in keeping the conversation going and is asking about my day etc. 

Im taking it easy bc it might be at least wnother week before he is fully clear, (even though he isn't even really symptomatic right now and he says he is feeling pretty okay, he is still testing postive on the antigen test at home)... I also wonder, is it that he is texting me because he is interested or just bored hahaha

I wouldn't continue texting casually as that usually kills the vibe for me. I prefer getting to know someone in person. If I don't know that person well, I won't be texting them at all hours of the day or responding to casual texts. 

What I would do is keep a response brief and let him know I'd be interested in meeting up when he feels well again. If a person is so interested or you made such an impression on that first date, he'll definitely be in touch with you again. You don't have to worry about that.

I wouldn't be interested in keeping tabs on that person or wondering what he's doing either. That's why I asked you if there are other matches on the dating app/s you're using. 

[Red2016]

5 hours ago, glows said:

I wouldn't continue texting casually as that usually kills the vibe for me. I prefer getting to know someone in person. If I don't know that person well, I won't be texting them at all hours of the day or responding to casual texts. 

What I would do is keep a response brief and let him know I'd be interested in meeting up when he feels well again. If a person is so interested or you made such an impression on that first date, he'll definitely be in touch with you again. You don't have to worry about that.

I wouldn't be interested in keeping tabs on that person or wondering what he's doing either. That's why I asked you if there are other matches on the dating app/s you're using. 

The day after the date we were texting a fair amount but I'm not really dying to initiate texts since (hard to know when he will text negative etc) and like you sai,d Ive only met him once. 

Its been 4-5 days since the date and we arent texting constantly all day but will exchange a few messages in the afternoon or evening to chat about the day or something about life. His texts are thoughtful which is nice. 

Would it still be a bad thing to chat casually generally? If it's not a true detriment, I dont see why it would be bad to stay in touch. Or is this gonna lead us to friendzoning each other? 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Red2016 said:

But do you think it's like wasted effort to be continually texting like this even if we have met just once? 

Yes. You're wasting your time. You're chasing too much. One date means nothing. Don't get into the textbuddy trap.

Step back and continue talking to and meeting others. 

[glows]

29 minutes ago, Red2016 said:

The day after the date we were texting a fair amount but I'm not really dying to initiate texts since (hard to know when he will text negative etc) and like you sai,d Ive only met him once. 

Its been 4-5 days since the date and we arent texting constantly all day but will exchange a few messages in the afternoon or evening to chat about the day or something about life. His texts are thoughtful which is nice. 

Would it still be a bad thing to chat casually generally? If it's not a true detriment, I dont see why it would be bad to stay in touch. Or is this gonna lead us to friendzoning each other? 

I mentioned what I wouldn’t do due to preference only. I didn’t say it was a bad thing. I’d probably lose interest in someone who wants to keep catching up over text over a longer period than I suspect he’ll be in quarantine for.

If he’s checking in on you periodically, respond to him then. He’s likely wanting to see if you’re still interested. Has he said anything about date ideas for a second date? If he’s interested he’d want your input and you’ll be making tentative plans.

[Red2016]

I (28F) went on a date with guy 2 weeks ago. Was going to go for a coffee but changed to a socially distanced walk with a mask on bc of a sore throat. Anyway, right after, he went on a work trip and during that time we texted everyday for 2 weeks. Since we never got to have our originally planned coffee date, he asked me out to a real coffee date for this weekend 

so far, everything is going well.. he sounds quite attentive and genuine on text. Initially i was sort of bummed that after all of this texting, he didnt ask to get lunch/dinner, but whatever, I digress.

So our coffee date is for this weekend, we set the time/place, and we are joking about our fav foods, and he asks if I like seafood, which I do, and that "it would be great to get seafood sometime, unless.. ofc, I turn out to be a serial killer, crazy etc.when we do get coffee tomorrow"

 all in all he has sounded really genuine, and I can tell he was maybe trying to be funny/quirky but this really threw me off. Im also going thru some conflict with friends so feeling especially sensitive to people's words and sarcasm is NOT the language I prefer.

Do you think he was out of line? All throughout this time, he has sounded really nice, so I was really puzzled here.

Edited June 11, 2022 by Red2016
typo

[Ami1uwant]

Stop over analyzing text messages. Jusdge a person by the words you hear.

[Red2016]

1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said:

Stop over analyzing text messages. Jusdge a person by the words you hear.

but those are HIS words. What am I supposed to hear? 

Wouldnt you say that's a passive aggressive/tongue in cheek thing to say? I would feel the same if he said it to me in person. 

Looking at the content. Not whether he said it "over text" 

[basil67]

It wasn't passive aggressive, sarcastic or tongue in cheek.  He was just having a joke.  It wasn't the best joke in the world, but it wasn't terrible.  Perhaps it may have come across better if he'd put a laugh emoji at the end of it, but really, he shouldn't have needed to explain he was joking. 

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, Red2016 said:

but those are HIS words. What am I supposed to hear? 

Wouldnt you say that's a passive aggressive/tongue in cheek thing to say? I would feel the same if he said it to me in person. 

Looking at the content. Not whether he said it "over text" 

jokes are hard in texting because you do t dhow voice/ face.    Anything texting can be read in two opposite ways depending on your mood or perspectibpve.

[ccas93]

No, he was not out of line. Maybe you should take a step back from dating at the moment if you are feeling this sensitive. No offense. 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Red2016 said:

Wouldnt you say that's a passive aggressive/tongue in cheek thing to say? 

Not really, no. 

I think it was a lame joke but nothing more. Try not to over-react or look for the bad. If you're this sensitive and looking at everything through a negative filter, dating is going to be very difficult for you. 

[Alpacalia]

Wait.

I'm a little confused here.

Is he supposed to be the pretend serial killer or are you?

It can be hard sometimes when you first start getting to know someone because you don't know their sense of humor or and how to interpret it.

 

 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

Oh, now I'm confused too.  My response was based on reading the text as it was written.   But if he used the word "you" instead if "I" that makes a huge difference.