Rejection out of nowhere

[CLS63AMG]

We had two really good dates(me 41M her 37F), lots in common, both of us set up future dates and meet ups with each other during the first and second.  After the first even before I got home she text "are you home yet"? and from there we made the second date a week later, which was yesterday.  I made her laugh until she cried, we had fun (mini putt and pizza), then during a few happy texts we sent each other daily over the last 2-3 weeks I get what was a clearly pre-written text how she's not into me romantically and to basically get lost a few hours ago.  I've been rejected before, thats dating, I get it and have also done it - but this one is a head scratcher.  I didn't do anything stupid, d!ck pics, being a needy clown, too much texting etc.  It just came from nowhere.  I am not looking for answers, the most likely one would be some ex or other crush came back around with more history or something like that, just wanted to get it off my chest!

Edited May 29, 2022 by CLS63AMG

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

I am not looking for answers, the most likely one would be some ex or other crush came back around

I think you're probably right. 

It's disappointing, but at least she told you now rather than letting it drag on. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

 she's not into me romantically and to basically get lost a few hours ago.  

2 dates and 3 weeks of texting? This wasn't a rejection it was a polite way to not lead you on if she's not feeling it or met someone more compatible.  Brush it off.

[Weezy1973]

I’d say most likely she wasn’t attracted to you physically. She may have thought there was potential and it might grow with time, but since it didn’t after two great dates, she knew it wasn’t going to happen. No big deal; not much invested here.

[smackie9]

sounds like a rebound. 

[CLS63AMG]

52 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

sounds like a rebound. 

Yup

[CLS63AMG]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I’d say most likely she wasn’t attracted to you physically. She may have thought there was potential and it might grow with time, but since it didn’t after two great dates, she knew it wasn’t going to happen. No big deal; not much invested here.

I've dated for years, if they aren't into you physically its known within 5 seconds of meeting, the date is short and you get a so long text not long after parting ways.  They don't make second and third dates, something else was at play and it is classic rebounder behavior but I'll never know.  Oh well!

[Alvi]

I am sorry this happened to you. This is just a nature of dating. Many people multidate, some go back to their exes. You need to develop a tougher skin. Try not to get too attached to a person till at least you've both agreed to date exclusively.

That's a bummer that she let you go but in reality you only had two dates together. You hardly knew her. Neither of you owe each other much. At least she was honest and didn't mislead or ghost you. Give her some credit for that.

13 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

I've dated for years, if they aren't into you physically its known within 5 seconds of meeting, the date is short and you get a so long text not long after parting ways.  They don't make second and third dates, something else was at play and it is classic rebounder behavior but I'll never know.  Oh well!

Hard to say. It is not necessarily a rebound behavior. Very possible that there is no ex lurking behind her back. Maybe you said something that doesn't match with her beliefs or something that she considers to be a dealbreaker. Hard to say without hearing her side of a story. She could be very much be attracted to your looks but there could be some red flags that she saw in you. May not even be your fault at all so don't sweat it much. Talk to other women. Pretty sure you've been in the same situation yourself more than once, where you were attracted to someone but discovered some things that would make you stop seeing that person. Perhaps the chemistry wasn't there for her but she tried to see you few times and to give you a chance. It happens more often than not.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Alvi

[glows]

There are varying degrees of attraction... It may or may not be a rebound. I've been known to go on a second date to figure out if there's any possibility for some chemistry and found it was a nay by the end of the second date. This usually happens if a person is ok/physically attractive but I don't know yet if there is anything more than that or interest on my part.

I think it was civil and quite mature of her to tell you that it wasn't a match as opposed to just blocking or deleting your number, ghosting you. I'm sorry this happened either way.

 

[Alpacalia]

Don't worry about the reasons. It could be anything people suggested in this thread, or it could be any one of a hundred any things.

The last time this happened to me was not too long ago.

We had a good time on a first date. I thanked him for the date but said I don't think we're a match.

One was that he was very pushy at the beginning, and I worried that might be an issue later down the road; and the other was that there wasn't any romantic connection.

He was awesome about it, which I appreciated.

I was also on the receiving end of this not too long ago and I appreciated he said he didn't foresee it working out.

Sometimes it's just not a match for whatever reason.

In similar vein to what was said earlier, some people like to go on a second date in order to find out if there is more to someone beyond just physical attraction, since you cannot always learn all there is to know about someone by going out on a first date.

Just keep putting yourself out there at your best and you’ll eventually find someone who appreciates everything you have to offer!

[CLS63AMG]

31 minutes ago, glows said:

There are varying degrees of attraction... It may or may not be a rebound. I've been known to go on a second date to figure out if there's any possibility for some chemistry and found it was a nay by the end of the second date. This usually happens if a person is ok/physically attractive but I don't know yet if there is anything more than that or interest on my part.

I think it was civil and quite mature of her to tell you that it wasn't a match as opposed to just blocking or deleting your number, ghosting you. I'm sorry this happened either way.

 

Yes, I have done this too but its usually on pretty shaky ground after a mediocre first date and I can already tell things are not working.  This girl was working, she texted me all day/night and even had things she was going to give me (without me asking).  Its just one of those weird ones!

[glows]

33 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

Yes, I have done this too but its usually on pretty shaky ground after a mediocre first date and I can already tell things are not working.  This girl was working, she texted me all day/night and even had things she was going to give me (without me asking).  Its just one of those weird ones!

Sounds like too much too soon. I usually avoid those.

[dramafreezone]

20 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

We had two really good dates(me 41M her 37F), lots in common, both of us set up future dates and meet ups with each other during the first and second.  After the first even before I got home she text "are you home yet"? and from there we made the second date a week later, which was yesterday.  I made her laugh until she cried, we had fun (mini putt and pizza), then during a few happy texts we sent each other daily over the last 2-3 weeks I get what was a clearly pre-written text how she's not into me romantically and to basically get lost a few hours ago.  I've been rejected before, thats dating, I get it and have also done it - but this one is a head scratcher.  I didn't do anything stupid, d!ck pics, being a needy clown, too much texting etc.  It just came from nowhere.  I am not looking for answers, the most likely one would be some ex or other crush came back around with more history or something like that, just wanted to get it off my chest!

It may be the ex thing.  Maybe you were projecting your interest on to her.  Just because you made her laugh doesn't mean she sees you in a romantic light.

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

This girl was working, she texted me all day/night and even had things she was going to give me (without me asking).  

Red flags that she was overtexting, overinvesting and overdoing it. Sounds like she is on/off with someone and hopped on the dating site when they were "off".

Whenever someone seems to be chasing hard right out of the gate, they're a problem.

This level of coming on too strong is a red flag you can beware of in the future. You may think that means "so into you", but when someone doesn't even know you it makes no sense.

[CLS63AMG]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

Sounds like too much too soon. I usually avoid those.

I've had that before, this was pretty well balanced and for real felt like the beginning of a healthy relationship, that why it sucks! Lol 

 

Thanks for all the replies people.

[glows]

3 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said:

I've had that before, this was pretty well balanced and for real felt like the beginning of a healthy relationship, that why it sucks! Lol 

 

Thanks for all the replies people.

Yeah, it does suck. I'm sorry. 

[Alvi]

Another thing is that people multidate. Maybe she liked you but met a bigger better deal along the way. Who knows?

5 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

his girl was working, she texted me all day/night and even had things she was going to give me (without me asking). 

That is very strange. What can she possibly give to a guy she only met twice? Not a normal behavior.

[Amanda92]

On 5/30/2022 at 12:26 AM, CLS63AMG said:

I am not looking for answers, the most likely one would be some ex or other crush came back around with more history or something like that, just wanted to get it off my chest!

No, she just doesn't feel chemistry. I'm sorry. I was like this with many male friends - great time together, much laugh, but I can't imagine kissing them.

Edited May 31, 2022 by Amanda92

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Amanda92 said:

great time together, much laugh, but I can't imagine kissing them.

That about sums it up.

[Eternal Sunshine]

When I was in (her) position, it was due to no physical attraction - every time. It's hard to find a nice, decent guy that you have a few things in common with. So you don't just reject him right away. That's what women do in their 20s. At her age, there are less options so she was likely attempting to to see if her attraction will grow. Maybe you kissed or held hands and she realized she can't force it.

BTW - those little things like over-texting and so on are much less important than you think. It would be pretty hard to make a women that feels real chemistry with you lose interest. So every time you think if only I said X and not Y, if only I played hard to get, if only I didn't text twice in a row etc is kind of meaningless.

 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Eternal Sunshine

[giotto]

Definitely multi-dating.... she found someone who made her laugh even more and and more physically attractive/with bigger bank account...  

[Amanda92]

42 minutes ago, giotto said:

Definitely multi-dating.... she found someone who made her laugh even more and and more physically attractive/with bigger bank account...  

Why do you think so? I don't multi date and I still reject guys that I'm not attracted to...

2 dates mean nothing. No sense to analyze it.

[giotto]

48 minutes ago, Amanda92 said:

Why do you think so? I don't multi date and I still reject guys that I'm not attracted to...

2 dates mean nothing. No sense to analyze it.

Just because you don't, it doesn't mean people don't do it. A pre-written text is a good indication she is done this before and she is trying out different people for compatibility. I could be wrong, but it's  jungle out there...  I hope I'm wrong, but it doesn't change the outcome, unfortunately.

[salparadise]

In the age of OLD people (those with flooded inboxes) have a way of thinking of their options as being unlimited, and that it's just a matter of time before their fantasy match with very specific attributes shows up... as opposed to decades ago when you might have only one, or a few, realistic possibilities and you had to accept real people for who they are, flaws and all. Now, don't like the mole on his neck... no problem, just next and try again. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Based on what you said about her love bombing in beginning, I'm guessing that she's a unicorn hunter and at first thought you might be it. But then she came to realize that you were actually a person rather than a unicorn... and when the illusion was over so was the enthusiasm. I think you may have gotten off easy here, because if this process had taken months or years and she did the same thing it would have caused you real pain as opposed to a WTF moment. Better luck next time around!

[Trail Blazer]

Perhaps she was just more of a BMW M-series girl?