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Heart broken

Magicmontazzle

By Magicmontazzle
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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

Posted
Posted

Really odd dating situation - very confused and sad

Two months ago I met a perfect guy for me it seemed
We dated and chatted 
It was great
Last Saturday we went on a date - he invited me to his for pizza or for a meal out; I decided pizza at his
I ended up staying over at his instistence but we never had sex 

Everything seemed fine in the morning

I messaged him that night with no response.
I waited a couple of days and then he messaged me to break up with me but he said I was so attractive and the most interesting person he had ever met - and therefore wanted to remain friends

I initially declined the offer as I said it was it a bit off - we had been intimate, stayed over and then he dumped me by text. Surely a phone call or a chat face to face would have been more appropriate? He also texted to dump me at the beginning of my working day, when he knows it has been the toughest few weeks of my professional career.

He continued to push for this friendship and wanted to take me for dinner. 


Anyway I got annoyed and told him that it was not very ‘friendly’ to escalate physical intimacy, ghost me, then dump me by text, then want to a have a friendship on his terms. I told him to grow up. 

Am I right to think this is a very confused man? Or am I over reacting because I liked him. Any advice or feedback would be great.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

 I got annoyed and told him that it was not very ‘friendly’ to escalate physical intimacy, ghost me, then dump me by text, then want to a have a friendship on his terms. I told him to grow up. 

Sorry this happened. You made the right call telling him off. Delete and block him.

60 days dating is a good time to observe what someone is like. 

Was he on/off with an ex or recently out of a relationship? Were you exclusive?

How someone ends it is not as important as the fact that they ended it.

Don't stay friends. He wanted sex, that's all. He's not confused,he just wants casual hookups.

Edited by Wiseman2
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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

He’s probably not as confused as you think. 

Something changed for him, and he’s probably not keen to share what exactly that was. But he feels guilty and is trying to keep you warm in case he changes his mind. 

You’re right to decline his “friendship” offer. There’s no point and it will hurt you too much to be his buddy rather than a potential girlfriend. Next him. 

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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Posted
1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. You made the right call telling him off. Delete and block him.

60 days dating is a good time to observe what someone is like. 

Was he on/off with an ex or recently out of a relationship? Were you exclusive?

How someone ends it is not as important as the fact that they ended it.

Don't stay friends. He wanted sex, that's all. He's not confused,he just wants casual hookups.

So I am not sure

i asked him about exes and he shut it down

i seen my name saved in his phone and it was a guys name rather than my shorter (male version of my name)

i am starting to think he was cheating all along tbh and I have just been stupid

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vla1120 Established Member

vla1120

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

So I am not sure

i asked him about exes and he shut it down

i seen my name saved in his phone and it was a guys name rather than my shorter (male version of my name)

i am starting to think he was cheating all along tbh and I have just been stupid

Ah. Yes. It sounds like he was cheating and maybe he got caught. Either way, you dodged a bullet. You haven't been stupid, however. If he was cheating and you were not aware, the blame falls squarely on him, not you.

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Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sorry to hear that this happened.

There is no confusion in his mind.

In the end, he wanted one thing and, when you didn't do that, he dumped you.

The reason he wants to be friends is that it allows him to be able to continue to pursue the possibility of having sex without looking like a bad guy.

His comments about you being the most interesting person is just fluff.

Your decision to not accept his friendship offer is perfectly appropriate.

Edited by Alpacalia
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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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Posted
15 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sorry to hear that this happened.

There is no confusion in his mind.

In the end, he wanted one thing and, when you didn't do that, he dumped you.

The reason he wants to be friends is that it allows him to be able to continue to pursue the possibility of having sex without looking like a bad guy.

His comments about you being the most interesting person is just fluff.

Your decision to not accept his friendship offer is perfectly appropriate.

Thanks

people are arseholes

 

i think he has a girlfriend abroad

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Magicmontazzle said:

i asked him about exes and he shut it down. i seen my name saved in his phone and it was a guys name rather than my shorter

Ok, this puts him in the turdzone, so delete and block him.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Magicmontazzle said:

i seen my name saved in his phone and it was a guys name rather than my shorter (male version of my name)

i am starting to think he was cheating all along tbh and I have just been stupid

Given what you saw on his phone - yeah, he’s not single. And his girlfriend  caught on. 

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Given what you saw on his phone - yeah, he’s not single. And his girlfriend  caught on. 

He said it was a typing error and he was single

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Magicmontazzle said:

So I am not sure

i asked him about exes and he shut it down

i seen my name saved in his phone and it was a guys name rather than my shorter (male version of my name)

i am starting to think he was cheating all along tbh and I have just been stupid

Questions…

 

have you had sex?  You not having sex might have turned him.

was this the first time you stayed o er?

he might have looked at you as justcasual and not a couple.

were you a reboundd after break up?

 

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said:

Questions…

 

have you had sex?  You not having sex might have turned him.

was this the first time you stayed o er?

he might have looked at you as justcasual and not a couple.

were you a reboundd after break up?

 

We had not had sex

this was first time staying over - I said I did not want to have sex 

 

We just cuddled and kissed

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said:

Anyway I got annoyed and told him that it was not very ‘friendly’ to escalate physical intimacy, ghost me, then dump me by text, then want to a have a friendship on his terms. I told him to grow up. 

You did the right thing. Block and delete him from your contacts, brush yourself off. What he wants is inconsequential at this point.

 

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

We had not had sex

this was first time staying over - I said I did not want to have sex 

 

We just cuddled and kissed

You’ve been dating fir how long?  How many dates?  He likely ended this because you didn’t have sex.

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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Just now, Ami1uwant said:

You’ve been dating fir how long?  How many dates?  He likely ended this because you didn’t have sex.

Two months

we did not have a condom

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

Posted
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Posted
2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Sorry to hear that this happened.

There is no confusion in his mind.

In the end, he wanted one thing and, when you didn't do that, he dumped you.

The reason he wants to be friends is that it allows him to be able to continue to pursue the possibility of having sex without looking like a bad guy.

His comments about you being the most interesting person is just fluff.

Your decision to not accept his friendship offer is perfectly appropriate.

I think this 100% why are people so disappointing

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

 He's a total jerk because he thinks you are being a jerk to him for not having sex. 

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

 He's a total jerk because he thinks you are being a jerk to him for not having sex. 

He would have dumped me sex or not

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said:

He would have dumped me sex or not

How would you know that?

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Magicmontazzle Member

Magicmontazzle

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Posted
16 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

How would you know that?

They always do

notbroken Established Member

notbroken

Posted
Posted (edited)

 Not saying it is right or wrong but there are certainly adults that would think two months was long enough to wait and that you might infrequently or never have sex with him.   Sounds like there were different expectations and wants there.   I'm sorry.   It may be unreasonable, not PC, etc, (and flame suit on), but there are many guys that aren't going to wait longer than that.  There are guys that will - maybe even until marriage - but he just wasn't one of them.   

Edited by notbroken
extra word
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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said:

He said it was a typing error and he was single

Clearly you're doubting this, too: 

6 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said:

 think he has a girlfriend abroad

What else leads you to wonder about  this? 

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said:

I think this 100% why are people so disappointing

No, he's just a lowlife.

Stret Established Member

Stret

Posted
Posted

Sounds like to dodged a bullet and should be grateful for it. Don't let your ego get to you. 

It looked he was playing games with you and still is. Stay away from any "friendship", he's just trying to make you want him more and he is still after you. Just look at the comments he made about you - if he felt even half of it, it wouldn't mean he doesn't still want you. If you get into any relationship with him, friendship or not, you will regret it and it will only bring you unhappiness. Value yourself more. X 

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, notbroken said:

 Not saying it is right or wrong but there are certainly adults that would think two months was long enough to wait and that you might infrequently or never have sex with him.   Sounds like there were different expectations and wants there.   I'm sorry.   It may be unreasonable, not PC, etc, (and flame suit on), but there are many guys that aren't going to wait longer than that.  There are guys that will - maybe even until marriage - but he just wasn't one of them.   

How many dates did you have?

 

if I’m at 10 dates and no sex…I’m done.

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