Blueberry2345 Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) Me(21F), Him (31M) I’m FwB with this guy I used to date, but I don't know what to think anymore. Recently he has started to tell me he likes me quite often, he's also talked about introducing our parents to each other and he always tells me how much he enjoys spending time with me and reminisces about things we’ve done together, etc. but then he’ll say and do things that contradict that. For example, last week I spent the night at his place and he had work the following day, but he told me I could stay for as long as I wanted. At one point he texted me and told me the door to his office was closed because he had the airco running, but that I could come in whenever I wanted to. Not long after he sent me that text,I overheard him talking to someone and I got curious so I eavesdropped and he was flirting with someone.I decided to just ignore it because I didn’t want to make a fuss or bother him. A few days ago we were sexting and he asked me what I think about when I masturbate and i asked him the same question and he told me “Lots of things, sometimes they are pretty messed up domination things” so I asked him why and he said “Cant say, you’d get jealous”. I had honestly assumed that they were things he’d want to try on me , which I told him, and then he said “Well, they aren’t, they are about another girl”. I then told him I don’t get why he mentioned it if they weren’t about me anyway and he got angry and told me I shouldn’t have made that assumption and that im a jealous ass and a validation seeker and a nag. And that he wouldn’t care if I told him something like that even though he seems to claim me sometimes. He says things like “you’re mine” and “when you get a boyfriend, ur gonna miss our sex”. These things shouldn’t bother me as we are only “friends”, but when he says/does things like this it hurts me. I just don’t know what to think anymore, he is like two different people in one. Edited May 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
stillafool Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 41 minutes ago, Blueberry2345 said: These things shouldn’t bother me as we are only “friends”, but when he says/does things like this it hurts me. In my opinion he's right. I see FWB relationship as a sexual relationship where you can have sex and talk about your sexual fantasies without the other getting jealous. As a matter of fact that kind of talk would rev up the sex between FWBs. Your feelings are getting hurt at the mention of him being with another girl because you have fallen in love with this guy but he isn't in love with you. When this happens you should tell him you've developed feelings, ask if he feels the same and if not it's time for you to end it before you get really hurt. 2
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 1 hour ago, Blueberry2345 said: For example, last week I spent the night at his place . I got curious so I eavesdropped and he was flirting with someone.A few days ago we were sexting. He says things like “you’re mine” and “when you get a boyfriend, ur gonna miss our sex”. How long were you dating? Why did you breakup and downshift to FWB? Unfortunately he treats you with great disrespect. Why not end it and save your self esteem? This way you could find someone who loves and cares about you rather than some clown who treats you like a free escort service. 4
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 His comments do seem a bit wishy-washy... Perhaps some of what he says is to reinforce the fact that this relationship is FWB. As the woman, you get to set the parameters of the FWB, he can accept them or move on. Plenty of guys out there that would jump at the chance for an FWB relationship without all of this drama and confusing BS. It doesn't sound like he wants more than an FWB relationship with you, so if you want more; you are going to have to seek out a new person to date/see. 2
glows Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 You both used to date so why did you agree to an FWB if you still have feelings for him? He doesn't care about you as a girlfriend. Let go because this is not working for you. 2
Versacehottie Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 2 hours ago, Blueberry2345 said: I just don’t know what to think anymore, he is like two different people in one. Because there are two purposes being handled in this one person. If you seek more clarity and more cohesive "person" in front of you, risk asking for what you want and need or change the person, ie find a new guy. I saw as much evidence that he is just about the Benefits as I did that he is open to a relationship again. Actually leaning toward that he's just into it for the Benefits and does the friend part to keep the peace and things on his terms/no drama. The way he spoke to you when you were talking and the name calling is sort of abusive, demeaning and not the sign that he is looking to impress you or win you over/cares for you. And the getting angry. In a way, he gets angry because he sees what you are doing as treading on his freedom/the one-sidedness of it all, and your agreement to a FWB arrangement. Not a good sign at all. He might have some conflicted feelings inside of him--that'd be sort of natural--but I wouldn't waste your time trying to convince him to pick you, etc. I think you should move on and find that boyfriend that his ego is worried about. I think BTW that's just his ego talking not that he really has a shred of jealousy in him about you finding a new boyfriend. And if he does, it will just be his ego again. The answer is in his statements to you. Good luck 5
smackie9 Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 2 hours ago, Blueberry2345 said: Me(21F), Him (31M) told me I shouldn’t have made that assumption and that im a jealous ass and a validation seeker and a nag. This right there, you should be punting him to the curb. He's giving you the $%^& test and found opportunity to call you out and put you down. Girl he is just messin with your head for $%^&* and giggles. He gets off on manipulation. That's why he's like two different people...the con artist bs'r that blows smoke up yer butt, and the abusive butthole he truly is. 3
BaileyB Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 4 hours ago, Blueberry2345 said: he got angry and told me I shouldn’t have made that assumption and that im a jealous ass and a validation seeker and a nag. My question is - why are you having sex with a man who talks to you this way? This is not someone I would call a friend or a boyfriend. 5
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