Introvert86 Posted May 21, 2022 Posted May 21, 2022 I've been seeing this guy for around a year and a half a few times a month as he currently lives about 90 mins away by car. He is a really nice guy but there are some things he does which I just find really annoying. I dont know If its just me or they are wierd. Things like if I burp he insists on high fiving me, making a wierd growling noise while pending to bite me, running up and doing this when we are out, every time I ask him what he wants to eat he looks at me in a funny way insinuating me...like every single time I dread asking him now. He always draws attention to me (I'm very much an introvert) for example I opened the window on the bus it was a little loud so he said very loudly sorry she's got day release jokingly but its constant comment like this ALL the time about everything.. It's really difficult to have a conversation because everything is a joke. He is very sociable and all my friends seam to like him he will talk to absolutely anyone. My 9 year old loves him but he is just like a big kid. Would you find this annoying or am I just being negative and boring. Thanks
chillii Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 (edited) No offense op but l had trouble getting through that one with some of his stuff. l had a lady friend, as in just a friend but even to just going somewhere with her was downright well, l considered walking away right then and then a few times but in the end l had to just stopped hanging out at all with her. Nope it's not just you everyone else just isn't with him enough and it doesn't matter to them they aren't his partner and probably don't even see the worst, but if he was a she, she'd drive me barmy. But eh, stop burping in public to. Edited May 22, 2022 by chillii
Wiseman2 Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 10 hours ago, Introvert86 said: My 9 year old loves him but he is just like a big kid. He does seem to avoid intimacy at all costs by being a clown. He also seems to make his sick jokes at your expense. Are you ok with the distance and limping along for this long? How old is he? He seems more like a peer to your child than to you. 2
glows Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 15 hours ago, Introvert86 said: Things like if I burp he insists on high fiving me, making a wierd growling noise while pending to bite me, running up and doing this when we are out, every time I ask him what he wants to eat he looks at me in a funny way insinuating me...like every single time I dread asking him now. He always draws attention to me (I'm very much an introvert) for example I opened the window on the bus it was a little loud so he said very loudly sorry she's got day release jokingly but its constant comment like this ALL the time about everything.. These are all passive aggressive ways of checking out of a relationship. He is not acting like a big kid. He is taking it out on you. Be very aware when someone loses that initial care and consideration they would have with anyone else. If he's never shown that to his loved ones or been that way around you, you've only found someone with deep-rooted issues likely predating you. None of this behaviour is ok. Passive aggressive jokes at your expense are not ok. I suggest you sit down with him and have a discussion about what's bothering you and tell him that you find his behaviour passive aggressive and offensive. He may not be realizing just how rude he is. If he seems interested in changing that behaviour and realizing the impact it has on you, there may be a chance at making the relationship work. If not, it means you both are not compatible and he may be happier with someone else.
BaileyB Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 He sounds very immature. I would be very unimpressed. Have you asked him to stop these things and has he respected your wishes?
Author Introvert86 Posted May 22, 2022 Author Posted May 22, 2022 I havent sat down and spoken to him about it. But I its quiet obvious I don't like it. It's in my house he is trying to high five me I'm not publicly burping everywhere and I excus myself afterwards lol. But every time I've said it's wierd and I don't want to high five a burp he goes on and on about it until I do. He is 37 I'm ok with the distance but his got a new job closer to me so will he moving nearer soon.. I'm not sure if he is pre dating me I know for sure he would move in in am instant he is always telling me he loves me although I am not ready to say it back and haven't.
Alpacalia Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 Not sure how long your burpies are but when my brother visits he lets out these 1-minute long loud burps all the time. I do not want to high-five him. More like high heave him out the door. If he's picking on you all the time (and I agree, it's passive-aggressive), that will lead to a power imbalance in your relationship which will fester over time. Tell him to knock it off. 1
Author Introvert86 Posted May 22, 2022 Author Posted May 22, 2022 Haha there definitely not that long. Everyone's given me alot to think about. I've never been in a "good" relationship and this one is very diffrent to all the other so i wasn't sure if it was just me being funny about things. 1 1
seapebbles Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 I like to joke and be playful with my partner, but not at his expense. We know where the lines are don't cross them because we respect each other. Your guy is very immature and doesn't respect your boundaries. You've told him you don't want to high five after burping, yet he continues to insist until you do it. Since you've given in before, he continues because he knows you'll eventually give in. It's confusing you because he's masking his bad behavior as a harmless joke. 21 hours ago, Introvert86 said: It's really difficult to have a conversation because everything is a joke. This would be a deal breaker for me. I think this is absolutely him avoiding intimacy. This behavior will continue to bleed into all aspects of the relationship. You really should sit down with him and let him know in no uncertain terms the things that bother you. At his age, he should be able to modify his behavior when he's interacting with you versus your son or friends. If he can't have an adult conversation about it and there's no improvement, then you won't be happy with him in the long run. 1
glows Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 4 hours ago, Introvert86 said: I havent sat down and spoken to him about it. But I its quiet obvious I don't like it. It's in my house he is trying to high five me I'm not publicly burping everywhere and I excus myself afterwards lol. But every time I've said it's wierd and I don't want to high five a burp he goes on and on about it until I do. He is 37 I'm ok with the distance but his got a new job closer to me so will he moving nearer soon.. I'm not sure if he is pre dating me I know for sure he would move in in am instant he is always telling me he loves me although I am not ready to say it back and haven't. Then communicate better together and take the opportunity. The relationship is only a farce if you can't be open with your partner. You're also not entirely honest in the process as you hide your true feelings. Not being able to muster saying you love him is an undeniable sign that there's friction and resentment. Don't move in with him until you're more honest with yourself and him. 1
chillii Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 Personally op, l don't think he is meaning things in bad ways as such or with undertones, sounds more so like he just has a very irritating and tasteless personality.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/22/2022 at 12:49 AM, Introvert86 said: every time I ask him what he wants to eat he looks at me in a funny way insinuating me Insulting you, do you mean? I don't think you're being negative or boring. I think you're just not compatible with him and aren't as into him as he is into you. So, his clownish behaviour is extra-annoying. Because after a year and a half, we have this: 11 hours ago, Introvert86 said: he is always telling me he loves me although I am not ready to say it back and haven't. Perhaps it's time to be more honest with yourself about your feelings for this man. I can see why his behaviour is off-putting, but it also appears you just don't like him the way he likes you. That's ok, but you need to get real with yourself now about how viable this relationship really is. 1
Calmandfocused Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 There is a difference between having fun and laughing at someone else’s expense - ie making fun of you. If he’s making fun of you that is cruel. Just because he’s “ a fun guy” does not give him the right to treat you disrespectfully. Don’t fall for that one. It’s not ok to embarrass you in public or force you to do things you don’t want to do. Let him know this ASAP. You’re not being a party pooper. You’re respecting yourself. Tell him you want to have a proper conversation and see how he reacts. You need assurances that he can behave appropriately in times when you need his support. Relationships are not always sunshine and roses, and fun and frolics. Life gets serious at times and the question is whether your partner can handle that. 2
ShyViolet Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 21 hours ago, Introvert86 said: he is always telling me he loves me although I am not ready to say it back and haven't. After a year and a half, you would know if you love him. This alone seems like reason enough to move on from this guy. However, with his immature and annoying behavior, not being able to have a normal conversation with him, there's no way I would continue seeing this guy. Don't settle for this.
seapebbles Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 17 hours ago, glows said: Not being able to muster saying you love him is an undeniable sign that there's friction and resentment. Don't move in with him until you're more honest with yourself and him. This ^ 100% 1
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/21/2022 at 6:49 PM, Introvert86 said: I've been seeing this guy for around a year and a half a few times a month as he currently lives about 90 mins away by car. He is a really nice guy but there are some things he does which I just find really annoying. I dont know If its just me or they are wierd. Things like if I burp he insists on high fiving me, making a wierd growling noise while pending to bite me, running up and doing this when we are out, every time I ask him what he wants to eat he looks at me in a funny way insinuating me...like every single time I dread asking him now. He always draws attention to me (I'm very much an introvert) for example I opened the window on the bus it was a little loud so he said very loudly sorry she's got day release jokingly but its constant comment like this ALL the time about everything.. It's really difficult to have a conversation because everything is a joke. He is very sociable and all my friends seam to like him he will talk to absolutely anyone. My 9 year old loves him but he is just like a big kid. Would you find this annoying or am I just being negative and boring. Yah, could be a personality clash...heavy extrovert with an introvert. People can change and adjust (him and you) but will they and is it worth the effort? As an aside, one reason when dating waited 6 months before introducing a date to my kids...I always wanted to make sure I can see it going forward before the kids met them. I get how that is not always easy or practical. You are not being negative or boring, different strokes for different folks and different cultural expectations. In some countries he would be the average person in others people would look at him with shock and disdain. So no wrong or right, more so adjusting to each other (if you wish it) and it does take him to make a big effort as well. 1 1
smackie9 Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 (edited) Those things he does are things he enjoys doing...they make him happy to interact with people the way he does. It wouldn't be fair to tell him to stop right? This is why we date...to see what they are like, how they fulfill our expectations, and how you get along etc. If it's not your cup of tea then you are not compatible. Cut your losses and move on. Edited May 24, 2022 by smackie9
dramafreezone Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 (edited) On 5/21/2022 at 3:49 PM, Introvert86 said: I've been seeing this guy for around a year and a half a few times a month as he currently lives about 90 mins away by car. He is a really nice guy but there are some things he does which I just find really annoying. I dont know If its just me or they are wierd. Things like if I burp he insists on high fiving me, making a wierd growling noise while pending to bite me, running up and doing this when we are out, every time I ask him what he wants to eat he looks at me in a funny way insinuating me...like every single time I dread asking him now. He always draws attention to me (I'm very much an introvert) for example I opened the window on the bus it was a little loud so he said very loudly sorry she's got day release jokingly but its constant comment like this ALL the time about everything.. It's really difficult to have a conversation because everything is a joke. He is very sociable and all my friends seam to like him he will talk to absolutely anyone. My 9 year old loves him but he is just like a big kid. Would you find this annoying or am I just being negative and boring. Thanks I think you were attracted to him because of this outgoing nature since you are natually not very outgoing. I think what you're experiencing is very normal. Did those things bother you a year and 5 months ago? I think as time goes on and the infatuation wears off a lot of things that we used to find endearing or not even notice at all, now we find them annoying. If they were that annoying from the beginning you wouldn't be dating him for 1 1/2 years. Every person out there is going to have annoying traits if you hang around them long enough. Do their positives outweigh the negatives? That's the question. I don't think all of his quirks are the problem at all. If it were 5 weeks then that would make sense, but not after 1 1/2 years. Your annoyance is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Maybe you're just in a rut. Maybe you need some time apart from each other. Maybe the surprise/adventure from the relationship is gone and that's the problem, maybe you're bored. Maybe you just want out of the relationship and using his quirks as your out. Edited May 24, 2022 by dramafreezone
bene Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 He might even not have some sinister motives but obviously your personalities don’t match. Someone would probably find him hilarious and joke back in the same manner. Personally I find this kind of behavior exhausting. If a person is constantly joking then it feels like they are putting on an act, that you can never genuinely talk to them. It gets old fast.
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