Trail Blazer Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 1 hour ago, chillii said: Funny though. Whenever l read the commenting about something in her profile stuff, which is in every online date thread anywhere and all over any date site go to instructions everywhere. l always think, do women really fall for that one l mean it's everywhere they must see it to even here. l mean how easy and predictable would it be. Male sans profile for 1 second, picks a line boom. l mean she must get it in every damn email. Dude, what does any of this mean? 1 1
chillii Posted May 22, 2022 Posted May 22, 2022 Sorry man wasn't having a go at ya, and l see a few people agreed with you , maybe l put it all wrong but it seemed pretty straight forward to me, ah well.
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/22/2022 at 2:23 AM, chillii said: Funny though. Whenever l read the commenting about something in her profile stuff, which is in every online date thread anywhere and all over any date site go to instructions everywhere. l always think, do women really fall for that one l mean it's everywhere they must see it to even here. l mean how easy and predictable would it be. Male sans profile for 1 second, picks a line boom. l mean she must get it in every damn email. All depends on if you have the insight and expereince to make it a connection or are just going by some formula. The advice is really let men know saying "what's up" or "you're hot" is bait that catches few fish. 1
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/20/2022 at 5:56 PM, Logo said: These days, I put a lot less effort into it, and expect them to put as much effort in return. If they don't, I don't bother. To each their own and it does depend on what you are looking for. This strategy seems a race to the bottom or hoping for the woman who from you profile alone thinks you are the end all be all.
Trail Blazer Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 1 minute ago, SumGuy said: To each their own and it does depend on what you are looking for. This strategy seems a race to the bottom or hoping for the woman who from you profile alone thinks you are the end all be all. I just made a profile and let them message me. It certainly worked in the past.
Weezy1973 Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/20/2022 at 3:31 PM, Logo said: Maybe, but online dating is draining and exhausting. It’s not even fun like meeting someone in real life and speaking face to face. The online portion of online dating shouldn't be draining or exhausting. If it is you're doing it wrong. The people in the profiles aren't even "real" until you've met. And like you said, meeting someone is fun! Doesn't matter how you met. Again - it's all about the mindset. You really have to lose all emotional attachment to profiles and don't get invested in any particular outcome. You're just trying to meet people that might have potential for a romantic relationship. Keep perspective. There should be zero emotional energy spent. 2
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/20/2022 at 6:40 PM, Logo said: A person fishing, can leave the bait in the water attached to a fishing pole and go about his business, coming back only to check the bait. Generally fishing works much better when you fish in the right pond with an active lure and not just bait. Leave bait on a hook long enough and it falls off or only attracts indiscriminate fish . These analogies have their limits. But it is not a bad strategy to refrain from sending out likes etc. to women and let them contact you first. When OLD it was certainly easier when she reached out to me first, just a level of interest and it is a filter for a can do attitude that I love. I also reached out to women as well with success. Don't underestimate how much of a big step it can be for a woman to reach out first to a man, even for a can do woman, one is culture but another is some men take that as some green light for DTF...or get really bent out of shape if she decides maybe not on him. So that being said, her reaching out to you first is big effort (and big risk) so you responding with some effort there is warranted. But as others may have said, messaging is just to see if it makes sense to meet. Shouldn't be a lot of effort (or work as you are trying to figure that out as well) then just meet within a week preferably of first messaging. As to meeting, don't make it a big production...one great thing about asking is you can choose or present options of things you would do anyway. So even if the date is a bust (as most will be even if fun) you had a good beer, etc. Part of it is enjoying to meet people even if you don't have sex with them....that is chatting to someone on the bus should be a worthwhile endeavor as well 3
Trail Blazer Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 3 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Generally fishing works much better when you fish in the right pond with an active lure and not just bait. Leave bait on a hook long enough and it falls off or only attracts indiscriminate fish . These analogies have their limits. But it is not a bad strategy to refrain from sending out likes etc. to women and let them contact you first. When OLD it was certainly easier when she reached out to me first, just a level of interest and it is a filter for a can do attitude that I love. I also reached out to women as well with success. Don't underestimate how much of a big step it can be for a woman to reach out first to a man, even for a can do woman, one is culture but another is some men take that as some green light for DTF...or get really bent out of shape if she decides maybe not on him. So that being said, her reaching out to you first is big effort (and big risk) so you responding with some effort there is warranted. But as others may have said, messaging is just to see if it makes sense to meet. Shouldn't be a lot of effort (or work as you are trying to figure that out as well) then just meet within a week preferably of first messaging. As to meeting, don't make it a big production...one great thing about asking is you can choose or present options of things you would do anyway. So even if the date is a bust (as most will be even if fun) you had a good beer, etc. Part of it is enjoying to meet people even if you don't have sex with them....that is chatting to someone on the bus should be a worthwhile endeavor as well The bold: I think that's why Bumble was created. It was to remove that hurdle for women and promote them taking charge. Ot forced their hand, however at the same time, it removed any stigma or perceptions a man could make about her messaging him first because it's the only functional way a conversation can ensue. 1
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 On 5/20/2022 at 6:31 PM, Logo said: Maybe, but online dating is draining and exhausting. It’s not even fun like meeting someone in real life and speaking face to face. At least in real life a woman will excuse herself by saying she’s going to the restrooms haha. Just as an experiment, I urge you to try it. I would be curious to hear your feedback. It is a big hurdle if you don't like meeting someone in real life and talking to them. If that in and of itself is not enough, then one comes in with expectations and a "agenda" (i.e. this is only worthwhile if it eventually leads to sex) which in my experiences really turns off those I was after. It does really depend though on what you are after. I think I have tried the experiment if understand you correctly. Here's a another experiment. Try to get your head into a space where the purpose of meeting is to talk to another human just to hear their life expereince, that conversation is the end goal that makes it fun, full stop. Get excited about that. You are there to be you and she her and just converse, no judgment, no other end goal intellectually or emotionally. That can be hard but if you can center yourself into this is another human being and they have value because of that alone (not what they can do for me or what we may become) you may find connection flows more readily. Also, have found when you come in with no expectations of sex or even a kiss, and just work to see them, hear them, know their reality (I know sounds hokey but maybe because we live in a materialistic and transactional world) you end up getting physical very often if you wish. Perhaps so much so you need to set boundaries you are not going to sleep with everyone one on the first date no matter how hot she is. And her saying "What about you?" is effort and consideration, it is opening up conversation for you, and listening to you as it is open ended without preconditioning your response. It is powerful. Don't hold back, don't feel you need to say the "right" thing. Sure don't be an ass or insult her, but be you, be real. The whole point is to see if you like the real her and if she likes the real you...if you guys don't bullet dodged. It can still be a fun time even if you don't connect on a chemistry level. 3
Alpacalia Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 48 minutes ago, SumGuy said: All depends on if you have the insight and expereince to make it a connection or are just going by some formula. The advice is really let men know saying "what's up" That reminds me of a good exchange I had once. He said "hi", I said "hi, how are you?" He goes "I'm doing great!" and then there was dead silence. So I thought to myself, well, I'm glad to hear you're doing great! 1
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: That reminds me of a good exchange I had once. He said "hi", I said "hi, how are you?" He goes "I'm doing great!" and then there was dead silence. So I thought to myself, well, I'm glad to hear you're doing great! The art of conversation may be dead It's conversation 101 that you end with or at least have a question in there...preferably one that is not just looking for a factum but is open ended enough for them to converse. Especially when you initiate the conversation. It is good to know though that he was doing great...so few of us are it gives me some hope
Alpacalia Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 9 minutes ago, SumGuy said: The art of conversation may be dead It's conversation 101 that you end with or at least have a question in there...preferably one that is not just looking for a factum but is open ended enough for them to converse. Especially when you initiate the conversation. It is good to know though that he was doing great...so few of us are it gives me some hope I felt like my "hi how are you?" didn't pique his curiosity enough, I guess Nevertheless, I am delighted to hear that he was doing really well. The OP's perspective is understandable, though. There would not be a US$3.7 billion market in 2022 if there were a magic formula to it. ·
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 1 minute ago, Alpacalia said: I felt like my "hi how are you?" didn't pique his curiosity enough, I guess Nevertheless, I am delighted to hear that he was doing really well. The OP's perspective is understandable, though. There would not be a US$3.7 billion market in 2022 if there were a magic formula to it. · "hi how are you" is a fine opening especially when he reached out to you first. I believe like most magic it is simple but far from easy. People want it easy, so when it is not they think it is complex to thus avoid "work." So they gravitate to those who promise them an quick and easy fix, easy answers, add in a good old dash of it's not you, it's them and you have a profit machine. Heck anything can work with the right person. I generally think a lot of it is you need to change your head...but that is the hardest thing to do. I agree, OPs idea to let woman reach out to him first is a good strategy. It guarantees a certain level of interest and a real time saver. It is a passive one, so it may not yield the results one wants quickly. 1
Weezy1973 Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 57 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: That reminds me of a good exchange I had once. He said "hi", I said "hi, how are you?" He goes "I'm doing great!" and then there was dead silence. So I thought to myself, well, I'm glad to hear you're doing great! My favourite Tinder exchange: Her: How tall are you? Me: 5'8". How tall are you? Her: 5'8" Me: We have so much in common! Her: haha And that was it....but I did then add my height to my Tinder profile so those who prefer taller (or shorter I suppose) men, would know before swiping... 3
Wiseman2 Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 (edited) On 5/24/2022 at 3:25 AM, Alpacalia said: That reminds me of a good exchange I had once. He said "hi", I said "hi, how are you?" He goes "I'm doing great!" and then there was dead silence. This is exactly the nonsense that makes OLD a jungle. Actually there is a "formula" . Introduce, mention something in profile, connect to it (eg: love dogs too) , ask a question. It's a couple of lines. If there's no reply: Delete, unmatch, block Then: Exchange a few messages, ask to meet for a drink/coffee. If they stall, won't meet etc.: Delete unmatch block. It's really that simple. A paid app may yield more serious results. The key with OLD is preventing nonsense chitchat and avoiding the timewasters early on. Sadly some people use dating apps like video games to see how many 'likes" or whatever they get. Or they think it's Amazon where there is a precisely curated set of perfect "matches", rather than whoever happens to be on that app. Edited May 25, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator overuse of emoji/lack of readability for vision impaired readers 1
Calmandfocused Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 Op I’m talking from the other side of the fence - I’m a woman in my 40s and have done the free apps in search of a man for a relationship. I’m not joking when I tell you that Ive received over 100 messages a day from guys … I know what you’re thinking; “Calm must be gorgeous ”…. Well you’d be right but that is beside the point . Here’s the reality: Out of those 100 messages 90% are immediately ruled out for something dodgy on their profile and/ or I just don’t find them attractive. Out of that remaining 10%, 90% are then ruled out after chatting for a bit and a major red flag emerges….. We’re now at 1 a day on average yes? Another 90% are then ruled out for just coming out of a relationship and/ or they are looking for fun or texting/ pen pal relationships (yawn) So statistically I’m therefore left with about 2 a month that are datable (if I’m lucky) … Then there’s still the ghosters or flakers to get past. Rule out another 90%… Then the ones I do meet look nothing like their picture. No attraction or chemistry. So…. You’re getting my point right? It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Either get with the culture of free apps and accept you’ll waste a heck of a lot of your time. Or make a change… my suggestion would be get on a paid site or meet people in person. You’re not alone. But it’s just the way it is these days. 3
chillii Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 12 hours ago, SumGuy said: All depends on if you have the insight and expereince to make it a connection or are just going by some formula. The advice is really let men know saying "what's up" or "you're hot" is bait that catches few fish. Yeah see where your coming from and fair enough.
chillii Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 What do they charge on payed sites these days anyway ?
Wiseman2 Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 4 hours ago, chillii said: What do they charge on payed sites these days anyway ? It varies. You can see if they have a special or free weekend or whatever. Of course you can make out a profile, but to communicate you have to pay up. Some sites simply offer more bells and whistles. Pay sites may offer some more serious daters and at least they'll need a credit card. Free sites any scammer, catfish or whatever can simply hop on and start messaging. 1
SumGuy Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 9 hours ago, chillii said: What do they charge on payed sites these days anyway ? quick google shows match is about $225 a year 1
chillii Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 Yeah right, thanks guys. l suppose though, $225, it sounds a lot but really, over12 mths, compared to going out all the time and trying to meet people that way, it's probably a bargain really. 2
Ami1uwant Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 10 hours ago, chillii said: What do they charge on payed sites these days anyway ? If you get a deal it can be about $100/ month on something like match or eharmony and a few other pay sites like bumble. 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 39 minutes ago, chillii said: Yeah right, thanks guys. l suppose though, $225, it sounds a lot but really, over12 mths, compared to going out all the time and trying to meet people that way, it's probably a bargain really. Even ata rate below $5/week you can get a lot of users. A big problem in paid sites are the use of dead profiles. 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 Site like bumble or hinge and you live in a travelers destination you need to screen out who residents are. 2
QuietRiot Posted May 25, 2022 Posted May 25, 2022 On 5/23/2022 at 5:49 PM, Calmandfocused said: Op I’m talking from the other side of the fence - I’m a woman in my 40s and have done the free apps in search of a man for a relationship. I’m not joking when I tell you that Ive received over 100 messages a day from guys … I know what you’re thinking; “Calm must be gorgeous ”…. Well you’d be right but that is beside the point . Here’s the reality: Out of those 100 messages 90% are immediately ruled out for something dodgy on their profile and/ or I just don’t find them attractive. Out of that remaining 10%, 90% are then ruled out after chatting for a bit and a major red flag emerges….. We’re now at 1 a day on average yes? Another 90% are then ruled out for just coming out of a relationship and/ or they are looking for fun or texting/ pen pal relationships (yawn) So statistically I’m therefore left with about 2 a month that are datable (if I’m lucky) … Then there’s still the ghosters or flakers to get past. Rule out another 90%… Then the ones I do meet look nothing like their picture. No attraction or chemistry. So…. You’re getting my point right? It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Either get with the culture of free apps and accept you’ll waste a heck of a lot of your time. Or make a change… my suggestion would be get on a paid site or meet people in person. You’re not alone. But it’s just the way it is these days. There was a survey done, I think it was via OK Cupid....where they say a good chunk of the women on the site who found men attractive, like "above average" attractive, it was a rather small percentage. The rest they considered below average. Men, however, there was a larger percentage of men who found the women on these dating sites attractive, and if not that...average-looking. And few unattractive. From what I recall of the verbiage, there wasn't even an "average" looking guy according to women. Just above average and below-average and nothing in-between really.
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