Acacia98 Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 9 hours ago, dramafreezone said: In my opinion if she wanted to do the best thing *For him*, she should leave him be and let him move on with his life since she knows she doesn't want to be with him. The sooner he can move on the sooner he'll find someone else. That what she should want if she were thinking *about HIM*. Anything else like seeing if he's moved on is about feeding her curiosity and ego, again, self-serving, normal behavior. Exactly. 10 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: That's quite a good point, I also feel like she is very self centered, but it wouldn't be the first time. Have you decided what you're going to do about her communication with you going forward? 1
Acacia98 Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 14 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: In our relationship she went from worshiping me and wanting kids a family to suddenly pulling away (for some minor things) then again came back and worshiped me, like cycles.. but never did she break up, she did it now a month ago, said she has to fix herself shes unhappy and miserable with herself, and doesn't even know what she wants to do with herself etc... and since then it was like I wrote in my 1st post She is right in the sense that she has to get help and try to become a better version of herself. Relationships are a huge responsibility. They take work, commitment, and accountability among other things. But she's just not able to offer that. So she has two ideal options: 1. Staying away from relationships altogether. 2. Trying to address her issues so that she's better able to handle being in a relationship. I don't know if she actually means what she says about "fixing" herself. Hopefully she really wants to get help and will follow through on that. And, under those circumstances, the best thing you can do for her and yourself is to shut the door properly so that she can focus on getting help and doing the hard work. Being excessively sympathetic with folks to the point of relaxing your boundaries and accommodating their unhealthy behavior (in this case, her hoovering you) does them no favors. It's actually better for them in the long run if you set boundaries and maintain them. You guys can always reconnect down the road if reconciliation is something you want. But right now, you both have work to do on yourselves. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 14 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: In our relationship she went from worshiping me. Yes, this is a red flag and indicates a shallow flakey personality. Maybe she has mental health issues, maybe she's just shallow. But "worshipping you" is definitely a red flag. 1
Author LoveComplexity Posted May 17, 2022 Author Posted May 17, 2022 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes, this is a red flag and indicates a shallow flakey personality. Maybe she has mental health issues, maybe she's just shallow. But "worshipping you" is definitely a red flag. Yeah perhaps your right, I mean obviously I liked it, but it was more her extreme switches that made me a bit unsure, and it was not only with me, her friends (doesn't have any left mostly because she got pissed at them) and family (also alot of them she doesn't talk to anymore due to arguing with them and then not wanting to have contact) also, in the sense that when everything was ok they are fine, but when they did something that bothered my ex, she got extremely upset and angry and suddenly they were the worst for her and she could never count on them etc... things like that.. that aspect of her always seemed very extreme.
glows Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 After all the things you've said about her (extreme, self-centered, unstable, odd and so on), it begs the question why you're leaving any door open for her. You can't respect this person so there's no reason to leave that door open. The way you view her is negative and that adds to the ongoing toxic and dysfunctional cycle/dynamic you both seem to have on top whatever prevailing issues she has. 1
Author LoveComplexity Posted May 17, 2022 Author Posted May 17, 2022 8 minutes ago, glows said: After all the things you've said about her (extreme, self-centered, unstable, odd and so on), it begs the question why you're leaving any door open for her. You can't respect this person so there's no reason to leave that door open. The way you view her is negative and that adds to the ongoing toxic and dysfunctional cycle/dynamic you both seem to have on top whatever prevailing issues she has. Because I know that nobody is perfect, that goes for me too, everyone has flaws and as a couple you should accept your partner and support them and help them grow and evolve.
glows Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 5 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: Because I know that nobody is perfect, that goes for me too, everyone has flaws and as a couple you should accept your partner and support them and help them grow and evolve. I agree but up to a point. Your views of her are pretty awful. Reread the things that you've said about her. Reconsider the entire situation because you may be drawn to these situations and these types of people who need that kind of "help" and growth. If you can't recognize this you may be repeating these patterns or always feeling attracted to the same people who need great amounts of work and personal issues that you cannot fix.
Author LoveComplexity Posted May 17, 2022 Author Posted May 17, 2022 Just now, glows said: I agree but up to a point. Your views of her are pretty awful. Reread the things that you've said about her. Reconsider the entire situation because you may be drawn to these situations and these types of people who need that kind of "help" and growth. If you can't recognize this you may be repeating these patterns or always feeling attracted to the same people who need great amounts of work and personal issues that you cannot fix. This HAS been my pattern in my relationships, however I don't know why or how to prevent it, I always seem to attract people with depression or other issues like this, but then when I already am with them I am usually the type of person who gives 100% and does everything to keep the relationship working. 1
stillafool Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 14 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: I always seem to attract people with depression or other issues like this, Again, it's not that you attract these people, everyone does, it's you who is attracted to these people. Don't blame them. 1
glows Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 3 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: This HAS been my pattern in my relationships, however I don't know why or how to prevent it, I always seem to attract people with depression or other issues like this, but then when I already am with them I am usually the type of person who gives 100% and does everything to keep the relationship working. Do the opposite then. When you've hit rock bottom, adjust the habits and do the opposite.
JRabbit Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 4 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: This HAS been my pattern in my relationships, however I don't know why or how to prevent it Have you considered seeking counselling or therapy? It would help with this.
Author LoveComplexity Posted May 20, 2022 Author Posted May 20, 2022 So I updated my profile photo on my social media, and she private messaged me and said : Oh my god you look so sexy on that photo, and then added a sad face and a broken heart What the heck?
glows Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 1 hour ago, LoveComplexity said: So I updated my profile photo on my social media, and she private messaged me and said : Oh my god you look so sexy on that photo, and then added a sad face and a broken heart What the heck? Are you confused? It’s flattering but the circumstances are off. Start distancing yourself - block or ignore her.
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