Odd behaviour

[LoveComplexity]

So my girlfriend broke up with me like a bit over a month ago, told her I can't be friends with her, we didn't talk after, she has been posting more than usually on social media since then which I find odd.

3 weeks after the break up she wrote to me and asked me if I could vote for something online for her, I just have to click vote, if I can do her this favor... I said "ok, done" and after that she started talking about some things like "I know you didn't ask me but last week I...blabla" and started talking about some stuff and sent me a photo etc... I only wrote very short replies after she wrote like 5 or 6 or 7 messages, and after that she said goodnight etc..

Nothing for like 3-4 days, then she wrote again and said hey how are you...  I said "good" after like few hours, she replied and said if I have time.. I said I have to go out soon, and she said I just want to call you for a short while... so I said ok... she called me asked how i am, how im doing, whats up etc.. I said fine... nothing much... asked if shes ok she doesn't sound good, she said don't want to talk about it, just wanted to check up on you and see that you are good, and then bye etc...

Again nothing for like 2-3 days, and she wrote again... I replied several hours later... she said she just wanted to talk a bit... and called me... so we talked a bit... she sounded not very happy or upbeat but ok, then in the end she said if she can asks me something and I answer honestly, i said ok... and she said "You are seeing someone aren't you?" ... I said ugh... no im not... and after that she kind of had this giggle laugh like the type of laugh when you like almost brush off when someone says something, like when you think its not true what they said... and she said take care of yourself and enjoy ok? bye

All in all, very odd behaviour, any ideas why she is acting like this?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said:

any ideas why she is acting like this?

Since the breakup, she wanted to "stay friends". Unfortunately she is maneuvering this directly into the friendzone.

Unfortunately this prevents you from healing and moving forward. Perhaps in the mistaken belief that it's a sign she want to reconcile.

[LoveComplexity]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Since the breakup, she wanted to "stay friends". Unfortunately she is maneuvering this directly into the friendzone.

Unfortunately this prevents you from healing and moving forward. Perhaps in the mistaken belief that it's a sign she want to reconcile.

But why is she asking me if im dating someone and then getting upset over it?

And she is also posting stories on her social media about being hurt and broken love emojis and stuff liek that, like she is a victim when it was her choice.

Edited May 16, 2022 by LoveComplexity

[glows]

She seems very rude and unstable. What business is it of hers if you are seeing someone else? You don’t have to answer those questions from an ex who acts like this or seems dodgy (unknown intentions and seemingly disingenuous). 

Let go of the social media contact if it’s not something you want to see. She doesn’t sound right. 

[dramafreezone]

20 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said:

But why is she asking me if im dating someone and then getting upset over it?

And she is also posting stories on her social media about being hurt and broken love emojis and stuff liek that, like she is a victim when it was her choice.

She doesn't feel strongly enough about you to want to see you romantically, but she still wants the attention from you and to exert control over you.  It's very selfish.  Your love life is none of her business anymore.  And the emoji stuff on social media is by design, she knows you see it and is using it to mess with your mind.

I would tell her that she made a choice and I respected her decision, now allow me to move on.  I harbor no ill will towards you and I wish you the best but I have to do what's best for me now.

Edited May 16, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Ami1uwant]

23 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said:

But why is she asking me if im dating someone and then getting upset over it?

And she is also posting stories on her social media about being hurt and broken love emojis and stuff liek that, like she is a victim when it was her choice.

How long were your couple?

why did the breakup happen?  Was it fundamental differences? Emotional spur of the moment thing?

many relationships go through some period of breakup then getting back together.

Did you do something to cause her to end it which is why she is hurt where she might not have wanted to end it but you did X resulting in her ending it.

if this is over then you need to cut all ties and move on.  Maybe later you can be friends.. 

Edited May 16, 2022 by Ami1uwant

[Ami1uwant]

1 minute ago, dramafreezone said:

She doesn't feel strongly enough about you to want to see you romantically, but she still wants the attention from you and to exert control over you.  It's very selfish.  Your love life is none of her business anymore.

I would tell her that she made a choice and I respected her decision, now allow me to move on.  I harbor no ill will towards you and I wish you the best but I have to do what's best for me now.

I don’t read it like that.

 

if you run into an ex they might ask if you are dating again.  Sure she could be psycho and want to be as you suggest.  A key here is why did they breakup? 

[LoveComplexity]

15 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

I don’t read it like that.

 

if you run into an ex they might ask if you are dating again.  Sure she could be psycho and want to be as you suggest.  A key here is why did they breakup? 

She had alot of traumas from her childhood, bad relationships from the past, so she has been slightly unstable not only in our relationship but general in life, with her goals with things etc... swinging from one extreme to the other, sometimes when things got hard she just quit and said screw it even tho before this was her biggest goal etc..

So basically she is emotionally quite unstable and possibly has some problems, she has extremely low self esteem, possibly a fearful avoidant attachment style or maybe something like a borderline personality disorder, based on her actions at times, but who knows, im just guessing.

In our relationship she went from worshiping me and wanting kids a family to suddenly pulling away (for some minor things) then again came back and worshiped me, like cycles.. but never did she break up, she did it now a month ago, said she has to fix herself shes unhappy and miserable with herself, and doesn't even know what she wants to do with herself etc... and since then it was like I wrote in my 1st post

[glows]

1 minute ago, LoveComplexity said:

she has to fix herself shes unhappy and miserable with herself, and doesn't even know what she wants to do with herself

That is your cue to let go. Staying friends is preventing you from moving on. You’re in limbo wondering at her actions and words, getting frustrated that you can do nothing. 

[LoveComplexity]

Just now, glows said:

That is your cue to let go. Staying friends is preventing you from moving on. You’re in limbo wondering at her actions and words, getting frustrated that you can do nothing. 

Im not staying friends, I told her clearly I have no intentions staying friends or beeing with contact with her, but if she changes her mind I might be open to seeing if this could work if im still available.

Its her that is now contacting me seemingly, and behaving odd.

[glows]

Just now, LoveComplexity said:

Im not staying friends, I told her clearly I have no intentions staying friends or beeing with contact with her, but if she changes her mind I might be open to seeing if this could work if im still available.

Its her that is now contacting me seemingly, and behaving odd.

Staying friends means staying in contact on social media and telling each other your ongoings which is what you did by telling her you’re not seeing anyone. You are friends, just not close ones. Acquaintances with history at the very least and at least one of you wants to get back with the other (you). If she wasn’t your friend you’d have blocked her by now and also not answered her questions which seem inappropriate. 

I don’t think she’s behaving oddly. If she’s always been unstable and very unhappy with herself nothing has changed. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, LoveComplexity said:

Im not staying friends, I told her clearly I have no intentions staying friends or beeing with contact with her, but if she changes her mind I might be open to seeing if this could work if im still available.

Try not to chitchat this much or scan her social media. In fact delete and block her from ALL your social media. She knows your phone so if she wants to reconcile she can reach out that way. Back up your "no friends" statement with actions. But right now she is shifting you into a male-girlfriend the same way she acts with all her friends.

[smackie9]

This isn't odd behavior...she's trying to hoover you back to be friends, possibly ask you for favors down the road like fixing her sink, or help her pick up a couch, etc and she was fishing curiously to see who you are dating....which is none of her business. You shouldn't have even asked that question, you shouldn't even be talking to her. It's over, and just leave it at that. Block/delete/no contact. 

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

I don’t read it like that.

 

if you run into an ex they might ask if you are dating again.  Sure she could be psycho and want to be as you suggest.  A key here is why did they breakup? 

But it's not just her running into him by chance out in town.  She's messaging him repeatedly after the breakup.

Also, I don't think it's being psycho.  I just think it's wanting to have her cake and eat it too.  Like @smackie9 she wants to hang around and occupy his mind, stay in the picture in case whatever she has going on with this other guy she broke up with him for doesn't work out.

Edited May 16, 2022 by dramafreezone

[healing light]

I don't know the background of you guys other than what was written in the first post, but it sounds like she noticed how your energy was completely back to yourself and in your own world and she misses you and the attention. I would see her probing about whether you're seeing someone (I think she assumed this since you were giving short answers and not falling all over yourself to make conversation with her, so there must be someone else) and what you're doing as her beating around the bush in case she wants to date again and get back together.

I guess I just wouldn't see this as a friends transition, I would see someone contacting someone else repeatedly after the breakup as a person who wants the former partner's attention, affection, etc. in the hopes that there could be reconciliation or at least some kind of odd quasi-romance to ease into the breakup or back into the relationship.

[Deidre]

I would go no contact. It sounds like she’s unsure of what she wants and maybe she regrets breaking up with you. Just a guess but her behavior sounds like she’ll keep you from moving on. I would suggest unfriending and unfollowing her on social media, if you really want the drama out of your life.

No contact isn’t easy at first but it’s an emotional life saver if you’re trying to heal from a break up with someone who plays head games. 

Edited May 16, 2022 by Deidre

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

But it's not just her running into him by chance out in town.  She's messaging him repeatedly after the breakup.

Also, I don't think it's being psycho.  I just think it's wanting to have her cake and eat it too.  Like @smackie9 she wants to hang around and occupy his mind, stay in the picture in case whatever she has going on with this other guy she broke up with him for doesn't work out.

im not as jaded as you.

i don’t try to look at worst case every time without being given the full info.  
 

have you ever broke up with someone because of some irreconcilable difference but it wasn’t personal. You liked the person but realized you can’t be lovers/ LTR because of differences in things you want in life?

i can see if someone decided to and  a relationship like this that was very one sided in this decision might have some convo evrn on them moving on and being ok.  Other times peop,e who broke up for trivial reasons might regret it and want to get back together.

in OPs post above she is mentally unstable….likely depressed/ bi-polar.

 

surr in some way some when ending a relationship might have a np bit of vengeance on their mind….like “ you hurt me, I want to see you hurt” or “ I want to know you are morning me so you can always remember what you list”.  If the person has easily moved on ir started dating then could send to them thst you really didn’t love me that much and this was a waste of my time.

 

Edited May 16, 2022 by Ami1uwant

[LoveComplexity]

Very interesting replies and opinions, it really helps to widen the perspective

[Acacia98]

4 hours ago, LoveComplexity said:

All in all, very odd behaviour, any ideas why she is acting like this?

It sounds to me like she was hoping that you'd be broken and desperate for her to return after she dumped you. But you sound like you landed on your feet and are just trying to get on with your life. That hurts her ego. I think you were right to say you didn't want to be friends. But, as someone else said, you have to back up your words with actions by putting an end to those conversations you have every few days. It's time to reiterate to her that you don't want to be friends and will no longer be communicating and then to block her.

That will give you the opportunity to truly transition from the end of the relationship and to find yourself again. You need to do this for yourself because she's not going to respect your space. She's being rather self-centered in the way she's going about things.

Edited May 16, 2022 by Acacia98

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, LoveComplexity said:

All in all, very odd behaviour, any ideas why she is acting like this?

Yes because you haven't blocked and deleted her.  Also don't get back to her when she reaches out.

[LoveComplexity]

40 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

It sounds to me like she was hoping that you'd be broken and desperate for her to return after she dumped you. But you sound like you landed on your feet and are just trying to get on with your life. That hurts her ego. I think you were right to say you didn't want to be friends. But, as someone else said, you have to back up your words with actions by putting an end to those conversations you have every few days. It's time to reiterate to her that you don't want to be friends and will no longer be communicating and then to block her.

That will give you the opportunity to truly transition from the end of the relationship and to find yourself again. You need to do this for yourself because she's not going to respect your space. She's being rather self-centered in the way she's going about things.

That's quite a good point, I also feel like she is very self centered, but it wouldn't be the first time.

[stillafool]

47 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said:

That's quite a good point, I also feel like she is very self centered, but it wouldn't be the first time.

Which is probably one of the reasons you aren't with her anymore.  Why haven't you blocked her from contacting you yet?

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

im not as jaded as you.

i don’t try to look at worst case every time without being given the full info.  
 

have you ever broke up with someone because of some irreconcilable difference but it wasn’t personal. You liked the person but realized you can’t be lovers/ LTR because of differences in things you want in life?

i can see if someone decided to and  a relationship like this that was very one sided in this decision might have some convo evrn on them moving on and being ok.  Other times peop,e who broke up for trivial reasons might regret it and want to get back together.

in OPs post above she is mentally unstable….likely depressed/ bi-polar.

 

surr in some way some when ending a relationship might have a np bit of vengeance on their mind….like “ you hurt me, I want to see you hurt” or “ I want to know you are morning me so you can always remember what you list”.  If the person has easily moved on ir started dating then could send to them thst you really didn’t love me that much and this was a waste of my time.

 

Well I'm not trying to give the OP the best possible scenario that it could be.  I'm trying to give him what I think is the most likely scenario based on what he's told us.  There are certainly worse scenarios I could think up but don't know how helpful that would be for him.

I don't see her behavior (as he's described it) as very deviant or unusual.  It's just typical self-serving behavior, which is to say it's normal.  I think by default we're self-serving beings, we look to do the best for ourselves first and foremost because that ensures our survival.  Nothing wrong with that and I don't think the ex is a bad person for her behavior. 

In my opinion if she wanted to do the best thing *For him*, she should leave him be and let him move on with his life since she knows she doesn't want to be with him.  The sooner he can move on the sooner he'll find someone else.  That what she should want if she were thinking *about HIM*.   Anything else like seeing if he's moved on is about feeding her curiosity and ego, again, self-serving, normal behavior.

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, LoveComplexity said:

She had alot of traumas from her childhood, bad relationships from the past, so she has been slightly unstable not only in our relationship but general in life,

Sorry but the majority of people have been through childhood and adult traumas as well as really bad relationships but have managed to hold their lives together without blaming on their past.  She doesn't get a pass for this.  

[chillii]

14 hours ago, LoveComplexity said:

But why is she asking me if im dating someone and then getting upset over it?

Bc she thought you were seeing somebody else on the side is my guess, that's why she just up and dumped you. Now she thinks your just lying.

Just curious , did any of her friends not like you , or you two ? Sounds like someones been telling shyt.

Edited May 17, 2022 by chillii