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He was horrifically nasty towards me at the end.

peach302

By peach302
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Sabrina1990 New Member

Sabrina1990

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3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Would someone with intimacy issues come out with panicking for not being in a relationship. I dunno.

Typically, they're conflicted.  On one hand, they have a strong desire for a relationship, on the other hand, when they meet a woman who presents that opportunity there's a lot of anxiety, panic even.  Behavior like he exhibited.

I don't know him, I'm only speculating based on how you described all your interactions. 

And again, would a man who didn't care spend over an hour talking to you in such an emotional (albeit angry) way?

I don't think so but it doesn't matter, he has nothing of value to offer you. 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Given that he was actively ignoring you and didn't get the hint and kept calling him, I believe his verbal abuse was designed to get rid of you once and for all.   To be fair, I'd probably end up doing the same if a guy continued to call and question me when I'd been ignoring him. 

Don't push yourself into situations where someone isn't wanting to speak with you.  

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SingFish Established Member

SingFish

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11 minutes ago, peach302 said:

It's a difficult one.

Not really, I'm all for giving someone shy a chance or two but not for long and never once they've been abusive. 

13 minutes ago, peach302 said:

He did say if he was a woman ( he thinks its worse for a woman than a man i guess) and still not married he would be panicking.

What??? 

Why are you analyzing this encounter so much? 

SingFish Established Member

SingFish

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4 minutes ago, Sabrina1990 said:

I don't think so but it doesn't matter, he has nothing of value to offer you. 

Exactly. 

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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7 minutes ago, Sabrina1990 said:

Typically, they're conflicted.  On one hand, they have a strong desire for a relationship, on the other hand, when they meet a woman who presents that opportunity there's a lot of anxiety, panic even.  Behavior like he exhibited.

I don't know him, I'm only speculating based on how you described all your interactions. 

And again, would a man who didn't care spend over an hour talking to you in such an emotional (albeit angry) way?

I don't think so but it doesn't matter, he has nothing of value to offer you. 

True. I think about all the people who call me who i had no interest in in the past. I would rarely pick up their calls. If I did, maximum it would be about a 5 -10  minute call at most. Certainly not hours. I would make some excuse or say ill speak to you later and never call again. So you're right there. 

There is another guy from a while ago who used to behave in the exact same way as this one. Very contradictory. One second insulting and criticising me, the next second he admitted that he has feelings for me. 😐. He was a step ahead of the one this post is About thouggh. 😂

 

Edited by peach302
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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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2 minutes ago, SingFish said:

Not really, I'm all for giving someone shy a chance or two but not for long and never once they've been abusive. 

What??? 

Why are you analyzing this encounter so much? 

Not analysing just giving the facts. 

Im obviously not going back

SingFish Established Member

SingFish

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1 minute ago, peach302 said:

Im obviously not going back

Good!

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Sabrina1990 New Member

Sabrina1990

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5 minutes ago, peach302 said:

True. I think about all the people who call me who i had no interest in in the past. I would rarely pick up their calls. If I did, maximum it would be about a 5 -10  minute call at most. Certainly not hours. I would make some excuse or say ill speak to you later and never call again. So you're right there. 

Right, and we're typically indifferent.  Meh, yawn.  They get the hint real fast.  

Not emotional, angry for over an hour.  

Just my opinion.  Try to move on from it, he's got issues and you may have too for your part, continuing to remain involved for this long. 

Best to focus on that, let him figure himself out. 

 

Edited by Sabrina1990
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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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8 minutes ago, Sabrina1990 said:

Right, and we're typically indifferent.  Meh, yawn.  They get the hint real fast.  

Not emotional, angry.  

Just my opinion.  Try to move on from it, he's got issues and you may have too for your part, continuing to remain involved for this long. 

Best to focus on that, let him figure himself out. 

 

Well for me it was someone  saying to me  continuously " i want to settle down" " im serious  about settling down" i thought ok here's  a guy who seems serious. Countless times he used  the words "settle down". Even i didnt do that, not once. Not only that but he mentioned meeting up soo many times, through the pandemic, before the pandemic, also the time of our videochat. So i just took it as positive signals. Which i feel like most would right, i mean some women hang on to a lot less. Let alone what he was coming out with. 

The verbal abuse only came right at the very end. Maybe he was pissed off, maybe I triggered him who knows. If id seen that side of him a year ago. I would have gone. 

Edited by peach302
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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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18 months ago, I gave this advice on one of your threads.

@peach302 he gave you a firm but polite ending.  And he unmatched you.   It's over.  I don't know which part of his words makes you think he ever wants to hear from you in the future.

If you reach out again, you are very likely to get a not so polite ending.  If you do reach out again and he tells you exactly what he thinks of you, will you accept that you had it coming?  Or will you blame him for being rude?

I don't know if this is the same guy or a different guy, but my prediction came true.  You would do well to learn boundaries, not only to protect yourself but also so that you do not harass those who wish to have no contact with you

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

18 months ago, I gave this advice on one of your threads.

@peach302 he gave you a firm but polite ending.  And he unmatched you.   It's over.  I don't know which part of his words makes you think he ever wants to hear from you in the future.

If you reach out again, you are very likely to get a not so polite ending.  If you do reach out again and he tells you exactly what he thinks of you, will you accept that you had it coming?  Or will you blame him for being rude?

I don't know if this is the same guy or a different guy, but my prediction came true.  You would do well to learn boundaries, not only to protect yourself but also so that you do not harass those who wish to have no contact with you

He reached out to me following this.

Twice he said lets meet. 

He planned a meeting with me after that via video chat . Read everything properly.

The only reason he unmatched he told me is because he wanted something serious. And he didnt want  to be a pen pal as he didnt have the time for it. He assumed I was using him as just that 

Edited by peach302
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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5 minutes ago, peach302 said:

He reached out to me.

Twice he said lets meet. 

He planned a meeting with me after that via video chat . Read everything properly

And then he started blanking you, but you persisted with your phone calls and wanting explanations.  It was clear that he had no interest but you chose to keep bothering him.  Hence, him losing his temper at you and making it very clear what he thinks of you

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LynneVicious Established Member

LynneVicious

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I think you should put this guy to rest and stop wasting anymore time on him. It’s been a long long time of this. That’s not healthy behavior… from either of you. 
 

to me, it’s reading like he’s not really interested and scrolls through his contacts when he’s bored or looking for someone to talk to. It’s clearly going nowhere, and it would be best to accept your part in it and what you can learn from this. 

Minneloa Established Member

Minneloa

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Why are you rehashing all the minute details of your past interactions to figure out his motivations? Wouldn’t it be more productive, as Basil said above, to reflect on your own repeated engagement with a dead-end situation? 

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And then he started blanking you, but you persisted with your phone calls and wanting explanations.  It was clear that he had no interest but you chose to keep bothering him.  Hence, him losing his temper at you and making it very clear what he thinks of you

Think what you want to think. That is how you're perceiving it.

He said quote " when are you going to take me out", "lets go for a coffee" " you pick the place" " how long can you stay out for, whats your curfew?"

I didn't bother him. IT WAS HIS IDEA TO MEET. i called a couple  of times to see whats up if hes ok. 

 

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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33 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Im obviously not going back

This is the best thing you've said sofar.  He spoke to you the way he did to make sure you were so fully insulted that you never bother to contact him again.  He thought you got the message when he constantly ignored your correspondence but you kept doing it so this time he wanted to make sure.  When a man ignores you don't continue to reach out to them.  When they say they'll get back to you and don't, don't reach out again.  This one is simply not interested and let you know every which way possible including basically telling you he has someone else he's interested in getting to know.

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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1 minute ago, stillafool said:

This is the best thing you've said sofar.  He spoke to you the way he did to make sure you were so fully insulted that you never bother to contact him again.  He thought you got the message when he constantly ignored your correspondence but you kept doing it so this time he wanted to make sure.  When a man ignores you don't continue to reach out to them.  When they say they'll get back to you and don't, don't reach out again.  This one is simply not interested and let you know every which way possible including basically telling you he has someone else he's interested in getting to know.

Yeah of course when someone says they want to meet multiple  times over and over again and talks about settling down. The first thing going through my mind is they're not really interested. I didnt pursue or bother. 

He's got issues. 

I called once or twice. And let it go. 

 

Minneloa Established Member

Minneloa

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3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Think what you want to think. That is how you're perceiving it.

He said quote " when are you going to take me out", "lets go for a coffee" " you pick the place" " how long can you stay out for, whats your curfew?"

I didn't bother him. IT WAS HIS IDEA TO MEET. i called a couple  of times to see whats up if hes ok. 

 

Why aren’t you willing to look at your participation in this whole saga?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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28 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Well for me it was someone  saying to me  continuously " i want to settle down" " im serious  about settling down" i thought ok here's  a guy who seems serious.

He probably does want to settle down but not with you.  I'm sorry to be so blunt but everyone here can see that but you.  Leave that guy alone.

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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1 minute ago, stillafool said:

He probably does want to settle down but not with you.  I'm sorry to be so blunt but everyone here can see that but you.  Leave that guy alone.

Oh gosh whatever dude. 

 

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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1 minute ago, peach302 said:

I called once or twice. And let it go. 

It was more than once or twice.  When a man says he'll call you back and doesn't don't call him back again.

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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5 minutes ago, Minneloa said:

Why aren’t you willing to look at your participation in this whole saga?

How do you mean? Ok cool next time a man says to me lets meet over and over again. I will take it as he has no interest in me.

Got it cool!

Edited by peach302
Minneloa Established Member

Minneloa

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1 minute ago, peach302 said:

Oh gosh whatever dude. 

 

What is it you want to hear from folks, exactly? That he was super into you and then mysteriously things fell apart? By your own account, you reached out *multiple times* after communication had died. That’s where your focus should be, if you want to learn and grow from this experience.

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Minneloa Established Member

Minneloa

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3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

How do you mean? Ok cool next time a man says to me lets meet over and over again. I will take it as he has no interest in me.

Got it cool!

Nope. I mean that you are not willing to acknowledge that you tried to keep things going long after it was clear that they were at a complete standstill. Is this an ego thing that you have to win, now that he has cruelly rejected you? I promise you, he’s no prize.

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peach302 Established Member

peach302

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Just now, Minneloa said:

What is it you want to hear from folks, exactly? That he was super into you and then mysteriously things fell apart? By your own account, you reached out *multiple times* after communication had died. That’s where your focus should be, if you want to learn and grow from this experience.

Multiple times? The way you guys are talking its as if i was calling him twenty times a day every day for months.

The dude shows huge interest then drops back. That's his issue. Maybe its commitment issues, maybe hes a narc, maybe hes insecure. I dont know

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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