Have I been dumped?

[Magicmontazzle]

I am 34/F

matched with 37/M

had two nice dates in a week before he went to work abroad. kissed after both. He left mid April - He gets back next week. We have messaged a bit since he had gone and both expressed an interest in a 3rd date.

 

We initally had plans for the 20th of may

He messaged to say cannot do that as has sporting match came up - I said yeah sure, how about Saturday? This was yesterday morning and he left me on read. The messaging app we use deletes messages after 24 hours (signal) so now it is not even showing a message thread.

 

he works as a professional and so do I. He has never been a big texter. 
 

i am not planning to message him again to initiate plans. I am dating one other man and seeing him tonight but I liked this guy loads. 
 

Am I right to think this guy has low interest level? Or Am i over thinking it? I guess the key to it all will be seeing him next weekend if it does take place. I guess if we do not see each other and he avoids contact he has lost interest / found another / back with an ex or whatever else

 

 

[glows]

Don’t panic. Give him a few days to respond. The 21st is so far away, next week. Leave it for now and see if he reaches out mid week next week. If you don’t hear from him by then make other plans. 

I think you’re put off because he left you on “read”, thinking he doesn’t care.  

You’ve only been on two dates. Be busy and give it more time. 

[Kamille]

Quote

Am I right to think this guy has low interest level? Or Am i over thinking it? I guess the key to it all will be seeing him next weekend if it does take place. I guess if we do not see each other and he avoids contact he has lost interest / found another / back with an ex or whatever else

 

You have the right attitude. You've shown you're interested, now the ball in his court to follow up. The way he responds to your suggestion will show you whether he's interested.

Enjoy your other date.

[Magicmontazzle]

1 minute ago, Kamille said:

 

You have the right attitude. You've shown you're interested, now the ball in his court to follow up. The way he responds to your suggestion will show you whether he's interested.

Enjoy your other date.

Thanks -

 

it would have taken him two seconds to let me know saturday would suit. He didnt. So not going to chase him up about it.

 

we had arranged friday and I was excited - he asked if weekend would suit rather so let him know that. If the date does not take place next weekend I will Leave it. Have been messaging him backward and forward for a month - so if he lowballs now it will be a bullet dodged / timewaster 

[Alpacalia]

A cancelled date can be a real bummer.

If it’s genuine, if he didn’t want to have to bail out – he’d have rearranged. Sooner rather than later. 

Still, give it some time. He may just be making sure you’re still cool with him after he cancelled on you.

The onus is on him to reschedule.

His next response (or lack thereof) will provide some clarity about what to do.

Just remember, it’s still early days. 

 

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

had two nice dates

Sorry this happened . Ghosting is unfortunately common, particularly after only 2 dates. Enjoy the date with the other man.

[Magicmontazzle]

So he rescheduled from friday the 20th and asked if the weekend would suit?

 

i said yeah how about saturday?

and no reply to that. that was yesterday morning - no way I am messaging him again. he definately ‘read’ it 

 

but as I said he was not a big texted before - I did not hear from him prior to first date much and I was sitting in the pizza place thinking he would not turn up. He did turn up and the date was amazing.  

[glows]

Stay busy and try not to think too hard on this. Be more positive and avoid judgment about him supposedly ignoring you. You don't have to message him again. Give it more time for him to respond. 

Do you think you overinvested quite a bit in the first two dates? Let him come to you. If he doesn't let go. 

[Magicmontazzle]

Just now, glows said:

Stay busy and try not to think too hard on this. Be more positive and avoid judgment about him supposedly ignoring you. You don't have to message him again. Give it more time for him to respond. 

Do you think you overinvested quite a bit in the first two dates? Let him come to you. If he doesn't let go. 

Agreed

i over invested because i liked him loads 

[Alpacalia]

There was no mention of contacting him again here.

The onus was really on him to reschedule your date.

In the meantime, since he hasn't replied to your request to reschedule, you're left wondering why he hasn't replied yet.

Naturally, there are right and wrong ways to treat people. Making plans with someone and not keeping them isn't a good idea. But not all dates happen.

Feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated when a guy cancels your date - this is quite normal and natural - next time just breathe a little, and don't respond immediately. 

 

[Magicmontazzle]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

There was no mention of contacting him again here.

The onus was really on him to reschedule your date.

In the meantime, since he hasn't replied to your request to reschedule, you're left wondering why he hasn't replied yet.

Naturally, there are right and wrong ways to treat people. Making plans with someone and not keeping them isn't a good idea. But not all dates happen.

Feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated when a guy cancels your date - this is quite normal and natural - next time just breathe a little, and don't respond immediately. 

 

The issue is - the date next weekend might go ahead. He cancelled friday with follow up query of how about the weekend instead? So I replied ‘could do Saturday? ’

 

to which there has been no response?

 

just not sure what to make of it? Will he get back and say cool so we can make some plans? I think as well because he has been away for 4/5 weeks I am so excited to see him again

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

I think as well because he has been away for 4/5 weeks I am so excited to see him again

Wait, you haven't seen him in 4-5 weeks? Sorry, missed that part.

In any event, he gets back next week correct? Give him a bit to settle in.

Edited May 13, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Magicmontazzle]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

Wait, you haven't seen him in 4-5 weeks?

No! He went to work abroad. He worked between uk and abroad.

 

i seen him twice in a week before he left - he left and is due back next week. We had arranged to meet Friday when he gets back! We have messaged entire time he has been away.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Magicmontazzle said:

He left mid April - He gets back next week. We have messaged a bit since he had gone and both expressed an interest in a 3rd date.

Keep in mind you are both talking to and meeting others. Is this the same man?:

 

[Magicmontazzle]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Wait, you haven't seen him in 4-5 weeks?

So if he ghosts me after that he really is horrible! So I have been speaking with him

since beginning april

[Magicmontazzle]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Keep in mind you are both talking to and meeting others. Is this the same man?:

 

No this is a new one

I attract guys from abroad I guess

[glows]

It's only been two dates. Slow down and do other things. If you overinvested and feel a little in over your head, it is ok but cool off. 

Try not to be bitter and upset that he's not responding right away. 

[Magicmontazzle]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Keep in mind you are both talking to and meeting others. Is this the same man?:

 

This one ended up just being friends

[Magicmontazzle]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

It's only been two dates. Slow down and do other things. If you overinvested and feel a little in over your head, it is ok but cool off. 

Try not to be bitter and upset that he's not responding right away. 

You are right.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

No this is a new one  I attract guys from abroad I guess

Ok after 2 dates just let it rest. If he contacts you great, if not, you have another date lined up, great.

[Magicmontazzle]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Ok after 2 dates just let it rest. If he contacts you great, if not, you have another date lined up, great.

True - we barely know each other also. I do not get as bad a feeling with this one as the one from March - where I knew it was over romantically. This one there is some hope and it has always been his texting style.

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

No! He went to work abroad. He worked between uk and abroad.

 

i seen him twice in a week before he left - he left and is due back next week. We had arranged to meet Friday when he gets back! We have messaged entire time he has been away.

Well, like I said, he's still traveling so give it some time and things to settle a bit.

Good luck!

[Magicmontazzle]

Hey guys thanks for keeping me calm yesterday! :-)

he messaged yesterday evening to say Saturday is fine and looking foward to seeing me He is looking forward to coming home

[Magicmontazzle]

21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok after 2 dates just let it rest. If he contacts you great, if not, you have another date lined up, great.

He did reply for another date

[glows]

55 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said:

Hey guys thanks for keeping me calm yesterday!

he messaged yesterday evening to say Saturday is fine and looking foward to seeing me He is looking forward to coming home

Wonderful! Enjoy the date.