Lifegoeson12 Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 So I need advice, I’m usually bad at seeing red flags and I can’t decide if it’s one or not. I’ve been chatting to a guy for a bit and we agreed to go on a first date tomorrow evening. He seems like a nice guy and I’m looking forward to it although now I’m not so sure. We where chatting and he mentioned his friends are setting him up on a blind date on Monday. I find that a little odd. I’m dating others Myself but I don’t mention it to him, I keep It to myself. I find it odd that he mentioned it, am I over thinking it? I feel like it’s a bit of a red flag that he felt he needed to mention it when we weren’t even on the topic of dating. would you consider it a red flag, if before you met someone for a first date they said they where going on a date with another person?
glows Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 It's more tasteless than anything, regardless of the nature of your chatting. He may be out of touch or rusty also. Is he newly separated, divorced, broken up? Those are red flags. 1
ShyViolet Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 It's very weird for him to tell you that, and I would be put off by it. We all know that people multi-date when they aren't in a relationship, but it's not normal to tell people about it like that. Unless he is specifically looking for someone who would be OK with an open relationship.
flitzanu Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 (edited) i think context is important here. first thing, you said you're dating others, you just don't tell him or announce it, does that mean it is a red flag for him? just be fair with your standards. however, context. him saying his friends set him up on a blind date could be a joke, as in, maybe he was indicating he was excited to go on this date with YOU, like: "hey i can't wait until our date friday, my friends have been trying to set me up on a blind date on monday" or was it, "ok cool i can work you into my schedule, looks like i'm busy on monday, i have a blind date my friends set up that i'm looking forward to" Edited May 12, 2022 by flitzanu accd hit post before i was done 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 1 hour ago, Lifegoeson12 said: he mentioned his friends are setting him up on a blind date on Monday. I find it odd that he mentioned it, am I over thinking it? You can still meet for a brief drink/coffee. But it is a weird awkward thing to blurt out. No filter perhaps? 1
stillafool Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 (edited) Maybe he just wanted to make sure you know he's dating others. I wouldn't be put off if I'm also dating others and would be glad we are both starting off on an even plane. Yes I would meet up for a drink. Edited May 12, 2022 by stillafool 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 2 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: So I need advice, I’m usually bad at seeing red flags and I can’t decide if it’s one or not. I’ve been chatting to a guy for a bit and we agreed to go on a first date tomorrow evening. He seems like a nice guy and I’m looking forward to it although now I’m not so sure. We where chatting and he mentioned his friends are setting him up on a blind date on Monday. I find that a little odd. I’m dating others Myself but I don’t mention it to him, I keep It to myself. I find it odd that he mentioned it, am I over thinking it? I feel like it’s a bit of a red flag that he felt he needed to mention it when we weren’t even on the topic of dating. would you consider it a red flag, if before you met someone for a first date they said they where going on a date with another person? Honesty is a red flag now…..ok
Alvi Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 (edited) I suppose a more tactful person is going to say say is that he is meeting a friend on Monday. Of course, we all know what that means (he has another date, lol). Maybe he is trying to show you that he is very popular and has plenty of other options to choose from. He definitely didn't have to say anything to you regarding his blind date. But how old is he? Maybe he is new to the dating world. For me, personally, this would be a turn off. Don't know about you. Cancel your meeting if it bothers you. If not, go and meet him very briefly. 3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: Honesty is a red flag now…..ok Honesty is great! But at times it is not really not needed. Unless she asked him about his dating options, it wasn't necessary for him to overshare that little pecky detail about his arranged blind date. A mature person with a tact and a bit of self awareness realizes when it is better not to overshare about some things or topics. They don't use "honesty" as some sort of weapon to hurt others. What was he hoping to achieve with his "honesty?" Well, she is turned off, and who can blame her? But maybe this is what he wanted. Edited May 13, 2022 by Alvi
Alpacalia Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 (edited) Odd. Maybe you could have come back with "oh, let me know if we should double date then." Edited May 13, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Alvi said: I suppose a more tactful person is going to say say is that he is meeting a friend on Monday. Of course, we all know what that means (he has another date, lol). Maybe he is trying to show you that he is very popular and has plenty of other options to choose from. He definitely didn't have to say anything to you regarding his blind date. But how old is he? Maybe he is new to the dating world. For me, personally, this would be a turn off. Don't know about you. Cancel your meeting if it bothers you. If not, go and meet him very briefly. Honesty is great! But at times it is not really not needed. Unless she asked him about his dating options, it wasn't necessary for him to overshare that little pecky detail about his arranged blind date. A mature person with a tact and a bit of self awareness realizes when it is better not to overshare about some things or topics. They don't use "honesty" as some sort of weapon to hurt others. What was he hoping to achieve with his "honesty?" Well, she is turned off, and who can blame her? But maybe this is what he wanted. I don’t read it’s an issue if the other person said thst friends are setting them up on a blind date. I assume I’m not the only one they are dating.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 The lack of a filter would be off-putting to me.
Wiseman2 Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 Oooh. Maybe he's so amazingly desirable that women need to get in line for him? He seems insecure and is trying to make it sound super casual and like he has options everywhere.
Mrin Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 22 hours ago, glows said: It's more tasteless than anything, regardless of the nature of your chatting. He may be out of touch or rusty also. Is he newly separated, divorced, broken up? Those are red flags. Agreed. Not a red flag. Just tasteless and frankly, dumb 1
stillafool Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 Well it's pretty simple, if you're that turned off by his comment and consider it a red flag don't go and next him.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 I would next him. He is communicating to you that you are not that special. You are just a number. sure he can be dating others as are you but you just don’t blurt it out etc. I value my time and would only invest in something special. He is heading into casual territory. 1
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