marsvox Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Well, I'm new here and desperate for advice. I have been with my fiance for 12 years now. We are both 30 years old. He is umemployed. He is addicted to World of Warcraft, an online game, in which he plays from the moment he wakes up at 3 pm till he goes to bed around 8 am. This behaviour has been going on for 3 months now. He says that this game is very important to him because it gives him a sense of accomplishment and gives him a social life. He keeps telling me that I don't support him and what he does and asks me why I don't play with him. There are girls on there that are very promicious because they broadcast their "hot" feelings to see who will respond. The girls are on his team and he claims that he has no interest in them. But I think otherwise. I work, I pay HIS rent, buy HIS groceries, buy him clothes, cook and clean. We are getting married next year and he says that if I can't deal with this now, then he has big doubts about our upcoming marriage. He rejects me sexually all the time. We haven't had sex in almost 4 months. There is always an excuse. Last night I did a strip tease for him and he said he liked it, but I should be doing more of what he asked, more dance and less sway. I was very hurt by that. A few hours later, I asked him if he wanted to have sex with me and he said " no, I have to help my friends online girlfriend" I freaked out and basically said with some profane words, that he would rather help her, some anonymous meaningless person, than help his own girlfriend by being her man. I was so mad, that I went to the wall and ripped out his cable modem connection. He asked me to leave. So I did. He called me, and told me that I am not to call him or come over till he says. I have left him alone playing the computer, without asking him to be with me for the past month. I have even sat beside him and watched him play. When I ask him questions about the game, because I really do want to take an interest in his life, he ignores me because he is in the middle of something, which he always is. He tells me that I'm needy when I ask for one night a month with him. Did I mention that I am paying for his online access to this game? I ask him if he felt it was fair that I pay while he plays and I am all alone. He said no. I feel so unattractive and unwanted. I am confused about what my future will hold. I am so sexually charged right now, that I am thinking of cheating on him. In the 12 years, we have been together, I have never once thought of it. I feel guilty for wanting to stray, because I am not getting what I need from this relationship. Not just sex, I need a hug or a kiss or even a day where we could go for a walk and talk. My birthday was two weeks ago, it was my 30th. He didn't get me a gift, instead he purchased some pot for himself, because he has no money, don't you know. I love this man dearly. But feel that I am constantly sacrificing my needs for his happiness. I am so depressed and just need to feel that he loves me. He says he does, but actions speak louder than words. We aretaking a marriage class as required by our church for marriage. Which we both enjoy and and try to implement what we have learned into our relationship and as individuals. I know that we both want to work this nagging issue out. Any help?
Deshanga Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Can't pretend I know anything at all about relationships, but let me see if I can say what I would do. Perhaps you would like this game. Maybe oyu shoudl give it a try. Join his team. Then I'd make him get a job, he ought to be helping some. It used to be the man's job to earn money. And mak ehis do his own laundry. I wouldn't give him food either. Tell him to get up and get it himself. A very radical response would be to cut the internet, but that does seem a but extreme. If things don't get better, you mgiht want to threaten to leave him. If he doesn't seem bothered, and doesn't care, he doesn't love you and I don't think you want to be married to him anyways. If he does seem to care, ask him what you can do to help. Ask him to cut down just a little on the internet and spend more time with you. I don't think you should cheat on him, that will make you no better than him, and that will only make things worse. My advice might be way off, so I'd talk to some of your friends too. They can probably be a bit more helpful than I can.
glittergurl Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Awww, I feel for you, girl. My husband loves these online games too; but that's usually on Sunday afternoon; so it stays within healthy limits. But I can imagine how you feel. It already bothers me ONE afternoon a week, so OMG, all the freakin time That must be Hell. I would blow his computer up or something. Honestly, cancel your internet access. Throw that modem away or hide it or whatever. Go to the library to check your mail if you have to, but stop the damn game. He's being a heartless bastard and needs to wake up before he loses you. By the way, he sounds VERY addicted; you know, there are therapies for that. Maybe you should force him to go. (although I know that's easier said than done )
westernxer Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Any help? Don't cheat on him. Just dump his ass. You sound like his mother, not his girlfriend.
glittergurl Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Don't cheat on him. Just dump his ass. lol although it blows my mind; I think she somehow loves him
westernxer Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 lol although it blows my mind; I think she somehow loves him And he knows it. Too bad the feeling isn't mutual. He's not going to change... that's the bottom line.
glittergurl Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Hmm, I don't know. I do see some hope there. They've been together for twelve years; it sounds like this behaviour only started recently; I mean, not more than 2 years ago, right? So that still means they've been happily together for 10 years. I've seen couples going through the same; seeking help, and succeed. I would be very negative if this was a new relationship and that he'd acted that way from the start; but it's not the case here. If I were her, and I (for some very strange reason) really loved the guy; I wouldn't give up that easy. Anyway, if he doesn't change soon though, I would definitely dump his lazy a$$!
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Uhmm, does he know there's a life outside his computer? You love him, talk to him and try to ween him off slowly. This is a complete addiction and it's taken over his life. He's treating you like a roommate, wanting you - No, NEEDING you to do just about everything for him so he can play his game. Something is wrong there and he has to see that if he doesn't change his ways, compromise, then he will lose you.
curiousnycgirl Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Sounds like he has hit a very rough patch and is not handling it well. You say this behaviour started about 3 months ago - what changed at that point? How long has he been unemployed? Bottom line is he NEEDS to get offline and back into real time - for his own self esteem, etc. If he won't do that - you need to seriously rethink this relationship. Firslty what do you mean he told you not to come back?! You pay the bills, he can take his sorry a$$ to his mother's house if he wants separation. To be honest it sounds quite manipulative and domineering to me, why are you putting up with that? I agree with everyone else though - don't cheat, fix your relationship or end it. The very best of luck to you.
bunnzy Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 why did he tell you to get out? You pay the bills, tell him to hit the road.
bab Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Hey Girl, Video games are evil.... My man was into StarCraft when we met. Then Diablo II. He was unemployed for about 3 months and LITERALLY played Diablo II 8 hrs a day. Now it's some Xbox game, but he's not nearly as bad anymore. Video games ARE addictive. Especially when they are played with real people. It's not your responsiblity to pay for the cable modem. Tell him you aren't going to continue to finance him ignoring you. Give him a week and then cut the cable. Probaby once he gets away from it awhile he won't miss it to much. Sounds like he could be depressed. Is he looking for work? And if he's turning down sex for video games, he's addicted. Good luck!!
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