Date was bigger than her pictures showed

[Eternal Sunshine]

I dunno if the deception is always deliberate. My sister in law is extremely photogenic - she looks like an actress in photos and camera takes about 10 years of her face. My extended family is overseas and when they first met her, they didn't recognize her. They actually kept asking us if the photos we sent were airbrushed and asking us how much older she is than my brother. Yet, photos of her are untouched and she is actually not older...

 

[chillii]

7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

That would be a no from me.  Post what you look like and updates your photos if you've put on weight.  She knew what she was doing.  If you treat it like it's not a big problem then women will keep doing it because it won't be a problem.

Yeah they know alright. l did actually bring it up a few times but got all the reasoning, to her. l knew the deal and really it was a waste of time even bringing it up tbh apart from the principle. Was whatever it was by then though anyway and l'd know l wasn't interested so whatever.

[Happy Lemming]

In the brief time I tried "on-line" dating I found that the majority of  women I met in person did not look like their pictures.  In one case, I said something immediately when I met the woman.  I said "I didn't recognize you, you look nothing like your pictures"  She admitted her mom "photo-shopped" her pics and that her mom was actually pretty good with photo-shop.  I'd say the mom was an expert!!  I finished the date, but I didn't ask her out again.  I didn't like that I was deceived.

And using old or altered pictures didn't just happen once, I had it happen to me multiple times with OLD.  I really don't know what these people are thinking, do you think we won't notice??  Most people are not going to look past that 20-40 pounds of extra weight.  This was one of the reasons I quit OLD and went back to meeting women in "real life".

As @Gaeta pointed out, it only takes a few minutes to take some current pictures.  Which is exactly what she should have used on her profile.  And I agree she knew she gained weight.  My girlfriend can tell me (within 1/2 pound) what she weighs before she steps on the scale.  Women just know these things.

My advice...  Quit using on-line dating and go meet women in "real life".   

[poppyfields]

A while back, I mentioned in another thread (and @Trail Blazerconcurred re his girlfriend) that when I was meeting men on line, they always told me I looked better, prettier in person than my pics. 

So couldn't it be the other way around like @Eternal Sunshineand @basilsaid?  Some people are extremely photogenic and some not so much.  Some phones cameras put 10 lbs on and like mine (which is brand  NEW) takes 10 lbs off.

Who the hell cares, meet in person!  Again no camera is 100 accurate, even professional photographers filter photos, use flattering angles, etc.  I know this for a fact, I dated a pro photographer for three years.

I also want to add and jmo that people place far too much emphasis on pics and images. 

Meet in person!  Gauge attraction that way, honestly you can't get a sense of a person's "essence" or energy by looking at a picture which no matter how you slice and dice is never an accurate depiction.  Never. 

It's human nature to want to present yourself as attractively as you can and then after that you meet in person to gauge energy/chemistry and their overall essence. 

I totally disagree with those who believe it's always deception, lord, if that's true, then every single thing we all do to appear more attractive is a deception! 

This has always been a peeve of mine with OLDing.  I'm an attractive girl but as a society, people (generally speaking) have become so shallow and superficial.

Look at OP for example, he met this woman in person, he llikes her, he finds her attractive and is attracted to her, but he's considering dumping her because her pic didn't 100% match real life and he's attaching all this negativity to her character, making assumptions because of it without bothering getting to know her.  

I find that very sad.

EDIT:  My advice is if you are unable to be flexible about pics, forget OLDing and meet women in real life.  Problem solved. 

 

 

 

Edited May 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

22 hours ago, midwestisbest56 said:

I guess I'm not really bothered by the weight but the fact that I felt like I got baited which I recognize is probably not the case. It's just that for whatever reason I've started fixating on that point the last couple days.

Well you feel deceived, and you were.  She misrespresented herself.

If you're going to continue dating her, then might as well let it go IMO.  I don't see what good could come out of bringing it up.

Edited May 7, 2022 by dramafreezone

[glows]

I don’t think I’d be too bothered. I did meet a man who turned out to be much older in real life than in his photos (awhile back). I had a shock. A lot of people lie about their height also which seems odd as it’s one of the first noticeable things about a person when you meet. It doesn’t necessarily deter but there may be misperceptions in weight as well as height and how a person ages.

As long as you enjoy her company and she isn’t fresh out of a relationship or seems distracted, it’s probably ok. Let us know how the second date goes.

 

Edited May 7, 2022 by glows

[Wiseman2]

On 5/6/2022 at 12:03 PM, midwestisbest56 said:

 her pictures seemed to show. 

This is why Online 'Dating' is a misnomer. The date happens when you meet in person. 

People buy online and have in some way developed an 'Amazon mentality' toward browsing for dates like sifting through catalogues..

But  unlike Amazon, if it doesn't look like the picture and you're that disappointed, you can't "return" it, but just don't go on a second date.

The most important takeaway from all this analogy is that people are not merchandise, they are flawed humans with feelings, just like you.

Edited May 7, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Trail Blazer]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

I don’t think I’d be too bothered. I did meet a man who turned out to be much older in real life than in his photos (awhile back). I had a shock. A lot of people lie about their height also which seems odd as it’s one of the first noticeable things about a person when you meet. It doesn’t necessarily deter but there may be misperceptions in weight as well as height and how a person ages.

As long as you enjoy her company and she isn’t fresh out of a relationship or seems distracted, it’s probably ok. Let us know how the second date goes.

 

For mine, it is just wrong.  I never used photos on dating apps that were more than a couple of years old, unless one was a cool photo in a foreign location, and I'd usually put the date in the little caption box.

Of all the dates I've been on, I have been incredibly lucky where perhaps only two in the 30 or say dates I've been on from OLD didn't quite measure up to how they appeared on the app.

[glows]

5 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

For mine, it is just wrong.  I never used photos on dating apps that were more than a couple of years old, unless one was a cool photo in a foreign location, and I'd usually put the date in the little caption box.

Of all the dates I've been on, I have been incredibly lucky where perhaps only two in the 30 or say dates I've been on from OLD didn't quite measure up to how they appeared on the app.

That’s very put together of you. I think a good number of people would not date their photos. Oh how the years add on. I also haven’t had too many situations like this, just the one mentioned above and the fudging of height. It’s not been a complete deterrent. I think the self-marketing aspect of oneself on dating apps is very interesting. 

[Trail Blazer]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

A while back, I mentioned in another thread (and @Trail Blazerconcurred re his girlfriend) that when I was meeting men on line, they always told me I looked better, prettier in person than my pics. 

So couldn't it be the other way around like @Eternal Sunshineand @basilsaid?  Some people are extremely photogenic and some not so much.  Some phones cameras put 10 lbs on and like mine (which is brand  NEW) takes 10 lbs off.

Who the hell cares, meet in person!  Again no camera is 100 accurate, even professional photographers filter photos, use flattering angles, etc.  I know this for a fact, I dated a pro photographer for three years.

I also want to add and jmo that people place far too much emphasis on pics and images. 

Meet in person!  Gauge attraction that way, honestly you can't get a sense of a person's "essence" or energy by looking at a picture which no matter how you slice and dice is never an accurate depiction.  Never. 

It's human nature to want to present yourself as attractively as you can and then after that you meet in person to gauge energy/chemistry and their overall essence. 

I totally disagree with those who believe it's always deception, lord, if that's true, then every single thing we all do to appear more attractive is a deception! 

This has always been a peeve of mine with OLDing.  I'm an attractive girl but as a society, people (generally speaking) have become so shallow and superficial.

Look at OP for example, he met this woman in person, he llikes her, he finds her attractive and is attracted to her, but he's considering dumping her because her pic didn't 100% match real life and he's attaching all this negativity to her character, making assumptions because of it without bothering getting to know her.  

I find that very sad.

EDIT:  My advice is if you are unable to be flexible about pics, forget OLDing and meet women in real life.  Problem solved. 

 

 

 

Some people are naturally photogenic while others aren't.  I went on three dates with a girl who was unbelievably hot in her photos. 

When we met she clearly looked like she did on-line, but there was something about her which just didn't quite click with me.

This girl does pole dancing (fitness, not for a job) and has an incredible physique.  Buuuuut, her photogenic nature didn't translate to reality.

In the end I told her I needed more time as she was very keen to be exclusive.  One month later I met my now girlfriend.  

This other girl and I still follow each other's Instagram and she always "hearts" photos I put up of my girlfriend and I.

As mentioned, on the other hand, my GF isn't always photogenic, but in real life she is just gorgeous.  Perfect hair, skin for a woman who's nearly 39.

When I talk about my dating experiences with buddies of mine, or read about the experiences of members here, I've been incredibly lucky.

[Trail Blazer]

1 minute ago, glows said:

That’s very put together of you. I think a good number of people would not date their photos. Oh how the years add on. I also haven’t had too many situations like this, just the one mentioned above and the fudging of height. It’s not been a complete deterrent. I think the self-marketing aspect of oneself on dating apps is very interesting. 

I'm not sure that I understand your point.

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

For mine, it is just wrong.  I never used photos on dating apps that were more than a couple of years old, unless one was a cool photo in a foreign location, and I'd usually put the date in the little caption box.

Of all the dates I've been on, I have been incredibly lucky where perhaps only two in the 30 or say dates I've been on from OLD didn't quite measure up to how they appeared on the app.

Yeah but you've posted previously your girlfriend looked better in person than her pics.

Men I've met said same about me including my current bf.

Just because she looked better than her pics doesn't negate the fact pics don't always portray us with 100% accuracy.

It could easily go the other way, as here, so what, you're gonna dump her and accuse her of being deceptive? 

If she looks better than pics, great!  If she looks worse, she's being deceptive. 

How is that fair?  

[Trail Blazer]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah but you've posted previously your girlfriend looked better in person than her pics.

Men I've met said same about me including my current bf.

Just because she looked better than her pics doesn't negate the fact pics don't always portray us with 100% accuracy.

It could easily go the other way, as here, so what, you're gonna dump her and accuse her of being deceptive? 

If she looks better than pics, great!  If she looks worse, she's being deceptive. 

How is that fair?  

I think my next post covers the very question you pose here.

[Trail Blazer]

@poppyfields

There's being photogenic and then there's posting photos where one was a lot slimmer and in better shape than the present moment.

It's not deceptive to post decent photos of yourself if they are recent.  It is deceptive if you're bigger than the photos you post.

[introverted1]

1 minute ago, Trail Blazer said:

There's being photogenic and then there's posting photos where one was a lot slimmer and in better shape than the present moment.

Exactly.

It's one thing to look/better or worse in pics than IRL because you are/are not photogenic, and something else altogether when you are 40 pounds heavier, 4" shorter or 10 years older. The former is a natural variance; the latter is deception.

[glows]

9 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

I'm not sure that I understand your point.

Maybe it’s because I was not agreeing nor disagreeing with you.

My point is it’s interesting the way people view themselves and consequently market themselves also via online dating.

I don’t believe a lot of it is maliciously deceptive and most don’t have reason to be. What I’d be more concerned about is whether that person is in a good frame of mind, isn’t hung up about an ex or is just unpleasant overall.

It’s always better to meet early on in person to discern in-person chemistry. 

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

@poppyfields

There's being photogenic and then there's posting photos where one was a lot slimmer and in better shape than the present moment.

It's not deceptive to post decent photos of yourself if they are recent.  It is deceptive if you're bigger than the photos you post.

I agree but again, my new phone takes away 10 lbs automatically, I didn't have to do a damn thing. 

No doubt many people would love that it automatically filters that way (I don't and will be returning) in fact my guess is it was intentionally manufactured that way for marketing purposes.

Which IS a possibility here imo. 

I could be wrong, she may be the most dishonest disingenuous person alive, I just think it's important to not jump to negative conclusions and give someone the benefit of doubt and if you're attracted in person, which OP said he is, continue dating and gauge her honesty/dishonesty in real life, not because her pic didn't match real life 100%. 

Edited May 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I agree but again, my new phone takes away 10 lbs automatically, I didn't have to do a damn thing. 

No doubt many people would love that it automatically filters that way (I don't and will be returning) in fact my guess is it was intentionally manufactured that way for marketing purposes.

Which IS a possibility here imo. 

I could be wrong, she may be the most dishonest disingenuous person alive, I just think it's important to not jump to negative conclusions and give someone the benefit of doubt and if you're attracted in person, which OP said he is, continue dating and gauge her honesty/dishonesty in real life, not because her pic didn't match real life 100%. 

If OP wasn't bothered this thread wouldn't exist.  He's bothered, and she was deliberately deceptive.

Your phone sounds strange, poppy.  I would absolutely hate a camera that deliberately distorts images.

 

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Your phone sounds strange, poppy.  I would absolutely hate a camera that deliberately distorts images.

Lol, yeah it's pretty crazy, I noticed it the other night when taking a selfie.

I asked my boyfriend (in horror lol), do I look like that?  And he said no, you look much thinner in the picture. 

So I'm returning it and buying an iPhone. 

[Happy Lemming]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

  And he said no, you look much thinner in the picture.

There is an older sliding closet door that is a mirror in my guest bedroom.  It does something similar (like a fun-house flexible mirror).  It makes the person look much thinner; perhaps it was elongated in the manufacturing process. 

Any who... "V" will only look at herself in that mirror.  Anytime she tries on a new outfit or dress, she goes to the guest bedroom to look at herself in the "fun house - make me thinner" mirror.

I'm just like... OK -- whatever makes you happy.

[Happy Lemming]

55 minutes ago, glows said:

My point is it’s interesting the way people view themselves and consequently market themselves also via online dating.

 

Kind of like how people embellish on their resume' for a job...

In real estate I've heard of it called "salesman puffery"...

[poppyfields]

Back in the day, it was the norm for the camera to add 10 lbs, now since the birth of all this new technology, it can take away 10 lbs.   Or as basil67 said, it still adds 10 pounds.

I honestly don't know anymore, I think I may be missing something since my opinion seems so out of the norm of what most people believe. 

Perhaps I have been lucky with on line and ended up having LTRS after meeting men that way. 

I just looked back at the pics of my bf on line before we met (which I've kept) and yes he did look different than in real, but as I recall it didn't matter much because we clicked very quickly.

And I suppose for ME, that's what was important.

But I do agree if one experiences this discrepancy between pics and real often enough, they can become a bit wary, even jaded. 

The only solution I can think of to resolve is to meet people in person - meet ups, events, clubs, or just out and about, taking advantage of opportunities to talk to people. 

OP, if you're still reading would love an update, if not, best of luck to you. 

 

 

Edited May 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

If the OP is still attracted to her, that’s really all that matters. Personally I likely met over 100 women through online dating and  close to all were as advertised by their pics. Of course they don’t necessarily look as good as people pick their best pics generally to put on the profile. If there were multiple pics I’d always expect them to look like their “worst” pic. 

[Wiseman2]

On 5/6/2022 at 1:29 PM, midwestisbest56 said:

I think I'm just overthinking it and need to chill out

That's true. Anyone can lose a few pounds but you can't do much for a lousy attitude or unstable lifestyle or argumentative personality. 

[chillii]

4 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

If OP wasn't bothered this thread wouldn't exist.  He's bothered, and she was deliberately deceptive.

Your phone sounds strange, poppy.  I would absolutely hate a camera that deliberately distorts images.

 

 

Yeah he was, he's just trying not to sound too this or that about it.

But yeah l agree pics from other times to is ok,  as long as they're honest and there's now pics too. l didn't meet many back then not many were my thing but a couple of them were exactly their pics. A couple though were way heavier and one that really peed me of bc l spotted even from the car getting out, was that she was about 10yrs older than her pics.  Funniest one and l didn't mind, in this case it was cute really, was about her height. She said something like 150cm but when we met she was even shorter by about 20cm, l think that's around 4' 4 or so. But eh , she was a tiny person we'll forgive her haha.

 

 

 

Edited May 7, 2022 by chillii