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How do gain the mental energy to go on another date after this positive experience that lead to nothing?

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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Met a woman off of Okcupid and was supposed to be Saturday but I had to go to the ER on Friday night and moved it to Sunday.     So we met at a Pizza restaurant and had a good time during dinner and then walked to the park afterwards.   While walking to the park it started raining and we was both like....."I didnt see anything on the news about rain"     It wasnt a hard rain  so we ended up sitting in the park and continued talking.     It seemed like it rained the entire time we was under a tree which was about an hour.    So she asked me about my previous relationship and told me I had nice hair.    Then when it was time to leave she waited for an Uber.   When the uber came the guy stopped in the middle of the street and all the cars behind him was beeping their horns so she had to run and get inside the car.     I didnt get a chance to hug her goodbye but as was leaving she sent a text saying "sorry I was nervous about the traffic so I had to get in the car, call me later"    And I responded I will.      So I arrived home around 7pm and called about 10:45pm.    I didnt get answer which was shocking and was like......well maybe she fell asleep.     So I went to bed not knowing if she made it home safely or not.    Today I woke and no text at all.    So I decided to wait until after work to text her and asked how was her monday.      I sent that text at 5pm and its now 1030pm and no response.     So how the hell can I rush and go on another date after what seemed to be like strong interest from her and then get home and no communication?     That was the first time I been complimented on a date in about 5 years.        Unbelievable

ccas93 Established Member

ccas93

Posted
Posted

don't reach out to this woman again. 

  • Like 1
chillii Established Member

chillii

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Who knows , but you called her back at 10.45 at night , what was that the game of not seeming to eager. She was probably asleep for starters , and maybe next day peed that you call her back 4hrs later and at that hr. That might be late for her .

Edited by chillii
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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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14 minutes ago, chillii said:

Who knows , but you called her back at 10.45 at night , what was that the game of not seeming to eager. She was probably asleep for starters , and maybe next day peed that you call her back 4hrs later and at that hr. That might be late for her .

98% of the time when a woman goes missing after the date,  she didnt compliment me or tell me to call her.      And damm sure didnt sit in the rain with me on a chilly day for over an hour

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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Posted
3 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 I decided to wait until after work to text her and asked how was her monday. 

One and done dates are more common than not. Especially when the date is somewhat chaotic.

You need a thick skin to date and not take things personally. You also stalled communication and that combined with dragging out the date in bad weather sabotaged things.

Plan better dates and communicate in a less stalled out fashion. For example why bother texting "how was your day" rather than asking her out again?

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chillii Established Member

chillii

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10 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

98% of the time when a woman goes missing after the date,  she didnt compliment me or tell me to call her.      And damm sure didnt sit in the rain with me on a chilly day for over an hour

That says absolutely nothing about what l said , but anyway, as you were.

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vla1120 Established Member

vla1120

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13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

So I arrived home around 7pm and called about 10:45pm.    I didnt get answer which was shocking and was like......well maybe she fell asleep.     So I went to bed not knowing if she made it home safely or not.    Today I woke and no text at all.    So I decided to wait until after work to text her and asked how was her monday.      I sent that text at 5pm and its now 1030pm and no response. 

If you'd called her at 7pm, she might have answered. I don't answer my phone at 10:45pm for anyone (except my daughters.) When you woke up to no text, maybe you could have texted "Just making sure you made it home okay last night" instead of waiting until after work to text her and ask her about her day. 

...or maybe she's just not interested. Either way, don't take it personally. Just "Next" her and move on. 

 

dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted (edited)
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How do gain the mental energy to go on another date after this positive experience that lead to nothing?

I think I'll just focus on the title, because ultimately the details of your date don't do anything to change the answer to this IMO.

You have to learn to not internalize when a woman just isn't feeling a good vibe or doesn't want a second date, which is incredibly hard to do for a lot of guys (myself included).  A small part of that may be due to you, MAYBE.  She is probably like most people in that she has a million moving parts in her life and there was just not enough of a spark to change her inertia.  So if she's not feeling it, chances are it is more her and not you (the one time that statement has validity).

The biggest thing is we can't compete against someone's imagination.  We're often disappointed on dates because we imagine how good this person is and people most times fall short of what we dream them up to be.  It takes a very grounded, well balanced person to allow a situation to grow into something more when there's not an immediate spark.   That's just not the norm, most of us what instant gratification.  If you ever hear someone say "There are no good men/women out there" there's a good chance that they have imaginations/expectations that few people out there can live up to.

So I would just say you need to not take things so personally.  The right person (who will either have that intense attraction right off the bat, or be level headed enough to see things through) is out there but it often takes time to find, depending on how often you get out there.

Edited by dramafreezone
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Met a woman off of Okcupid and was supposed to be Saturday but I had to go to the ER on Friday night and moved it to Sunday.     So we met at a Pizza restaurant and had a good time during dinner and then walked to the park afterwards.   While walking to the park it started raining and we was both like....."I didnt see anything on the news about rain"     It wasnt a hard rain  so we ended up sitting in the park and continued talking.     It seemed like it rained the entire time we was under a tree which was about an hour.    So she asked me about my previous relationship and told me I had nice hair.    Then when it was time to leave she waited for an Uber.   When the uber came the guy stopped in the middle of the street and all the cars behind him was beeping their horns so she had to run and get inside the car.     I didnt get a chance to hug her goodbye but as was leaving she sent a text saying "sorry I was nervous about the traffic so I had to get in the car, call me later"    And I responded I will.      So I arrived home around 7pm and called about 10:45pm.    I didnt get answer which was shocking and was like......well maybe she fell asleep.     So I went to bed not knowing if she made it home safely or not.    Today I woke and no text at all.    So I decided to wait until after work to text her and asked how was her monday.      I sent that text at 5pm and its now 1030pm and no response.     So how the hell can I rush and go on another date after what seemed to be like strong interest from her and then get home and no communication?     That was the first time I been complimented on a date in about 5 years.        Unbelievable

@IntBrowserI have read a lot of your posts but this one, I get the sense you REALLY like this one.  It's nice to see even under such tenuous circumstances at the moment.

Anyway, re bold/underline, I can't help feeling there's something more to this than her simply not being interested.  I have imagined the entire scenario as you have described, and I agree with you, it doesn't make sense. 

I agree with those who believe that often times first meets are a "one and done" but as a woman I can relate to her comment "sorry I was nervous about the traffic so I had to get in the car, call me later," that really stood out to me and suggests that she was (and still may be) very interested.  I don't think any woman would have said "call me later," had she not been interested.

Now it's possible once she got home, she had an expectation that you would call soon thereafter.  You waited till 10:45 pm, not sure why, but interested men I've been out with would have called me soon after they arrived home, to make sure I made it home okay given the inclement weather and perhaps more importantly to continue the good energy of the date.

But you waited, and I hate to say this, and hope I'm wrong, but sometimes it can be the littlest thing that can turn things, literally on a dime, that's how precarious first meets and early dates are.  

I am not sure what more there is to do, you've already double texted and she hasn't responded.  I would not send any more texts.  If she never responds, so be, lesson learned to not wait so long to call, keep the high energy going.

I think she may have been waiting for your call, but it got late and she fell asleep.

I am curious when you called at 10:45 did you leave a voice mail?  If so, what did your message say if you don't mind sharing.  Did you apologize for the late hour?

In any event, I really do hope she reaches out and please let us know if she does.

Edited by poppyfields
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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
15 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I didnt get a chance to hug her goodbye but as was leaving she sent a text saying "sorry I was nervous about the traffic so I had to get in the car, call me later"   

IntB, why did you wait nearly 4 hours after you got home to call?  Her text, which she sent immediately after leaving, was an invitation to prolong the date in a way.  Letting things cool for 4 hours was a way to kill whatever buzz you were both feeling.

As a separate issue, I think 10:45pm is far too late to call people you don't know well.

Hopefully you'll still hear from her.

  • Like 1
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

98% of the time when a woman goes missing after the date,  she didnt compliment me or tell me to call her.      And damm sure didnt sit in the rain with me on a chilly day for over an hour

Why didn’t you text her when you got home? 
 

you not responding says you were ti terested.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
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Another echo for you being tardy with your phone call to her.  And agreeing that it's rude to contact someone you barely know at 10:45pm

I'm not at all surprised that she didn't contact you again - your actions look much like game playing.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

In all of your past threads we told you to not call women this late, we explained in details why it's a turn off, yet you keep doing it.

  • Like 4
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted

Of course, if it was really important to you to know she got home safe, you would have called shortly after she was due to get home.  

What were you doing in this gap which was more important than calling a woman you vibe with to check on her safety?

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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22 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

One and done dates are more common than not. Especially when the date is somewhat chaotic.

You need a thick skin to date and not take things personally. You also stalled communication and that combined with dragging out the date in bad weather sabotaged things.

Plan better dates and communicate in a less stalled out fashion. For example why bother texting "how was your day" rather than asking her out again?

Because I dont set up 2nd dates over text

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

Posted
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Posted

She responded to my text and said this

"

"Hey sorry I went to my moms yesterday and was there late. I just got done work I need to eat something Im super cranky lol Thanks again for dinner and drinks yesterday"

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Well there you go.   Apparently it didn't lead to nothing

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Because I dont set up 2nd dates over text

She seems done. That's ok because one and done dates are common so just brush it off. Since you are against texting for a second date, you can expect a lot of one and done situations.

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

She responded to my text and said this

"Hey sorry I went to my moms yesterday and was there late. I just got done work I need to eat something Im super cranky lol Thanks again for dinner and drinks yesterday"

And.... your response was?

@IntBrowserI am not sure what your angle is but it seems to be a common theme in all your dating situations - make her wait, don't show too much interest, get her chasing.  Hold frame.

This is what's promoted on PUA forums and the like, but it's game playing, and high level, high quality women will not tolerate it, they will become turned off by it.  100% truth.

If you are on those sites, the men there are dealing with young, insecure, low self-esteem women which is why that strategy works for them.

My advice fwiw is IF you are interested in this women, respond to her text if you haven't already and arrange a second date.

I have no idea what your aversion is to scheduling dates over text, but I would suggest you get over it, OR call her on the phone.

You won't get anywhere with women if you don't know how to communicate.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by poppyfields
  • Like 4
Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

Posted
Posted

I agree with all the other posters that you called her way too late.

We’ve all advised you on other threads to call a woman at a reasonable hour. Why do you keep on doing this OP? 
 

Be aware that many women will consider this behaviour as game playing/ bad manners. 
 

This one is done. Learn for next time. 

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