He says he's thinking about me but…

[brokengirl85]

53 minutes ago, Alvi said:

You can give him another chance if you want and who knows? He may surprise you. But keep in mind that he is a flaky individual. And instead of making some plan he is asking you if you are still up to meeting him. Unless he comes with some plan (any plan) I would seriously not bother with him. 

I am still not over him ignoring you because he didn't want to be pushy. Since when setting up a date is pushy? 

Anyway, I would not bother with him but you are not me. You can say "yes, I can meet you today" and see if he comes up with something. Block him if he does not.

On the second thought, block him.

 

Thank you. I have decided that I’m not going to reply to any of his texts unless he apologizes and plans something else in advance.

I think he may be insecure or conflictive and I don’t want to deal with someone like that 

[brokengirl85]

58 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

If a man wants to meet for the first time, he can plan a date to meet. None of this “I’m free this evening, can you drop everything and spontaneously meet me” stuff.

I mean, he went from not making to plans to let’s spontaneously get together this evening - neither is particularly respectful of your time OP, in my humble opinion. 

Personally, I would not be willing to waste more time talking to a man that I haven’t met/a relationship that is going nowhere. If he wants to meet, he can set a date and give you some notice. Direct communication - none of this crap. That’s the only way that I would agree to meet him.

Thank you. I have not texted him back and at this point, I highly doubt I will unless he apologizes for his sloppy behavior. 
I forgot to mention that we never talked on the phone. He left me two voicemails. He, then, asked me if I wanted to talk before meeting and added that he was feeling like a teenager and would feel very nervous by talking to me on the phone.

I replied that he didn’t have to call me if he was nervous (mostly to see what he’d reply. I was expecting him to say he wanted to talk to me anyway). His response was: ok. Let’s not talk for now 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, brokengirl85 said:

I don’t think that it matters:

You're correct. It doesn't matter. What matters is reflecting on your loneliness and asking yourself how you got caught up in this cyber-relationship.

Delete and block him. He's not your friend, BF or therapist. 

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single local men you can meet in a timely fashion and see regularly.

 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, brokengirl85 said:

I forgot to mention that we never talked on the phone. He said he would feel very nervous by talking to me on the phone.

OP, this is not how a mature man interacts with a woman he wants to date. I would text him back to say I wish you well, but I don’t think this is going to work. That’s the kind and respectful thing for you to do - rather than just not responding to his message. And then, I would move on…

[ExpatInItaly]

So your entire communication with this man has been just through messages, since March? Dodges an actual call? 

And he is flaky on meeting up and doesn't really plan in advance? Bailed last minnute?

Yes, it sounds very much to me like he's not single. Sorry, OP. 

[brokengirl85]

Hello,

he sent one last text this morning apologizing for letting me down and added that he enjoyed getting to know me and the possibility of meeting me. I replied thanks for your message.

do you think he’ll reach out again or that this is over? 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said:

he sent one last text this morning apologizing for letting me down and added that he enjoyed getting to know me and the possibility of meeting me. I replied thanks for your message.

do you think he’ll reach out again or that this is over? 

Why would he reach out again?

You've been ignoring him and your response doesn't indicate you want to hear from him anymore. 

[brokengirl85]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why would he reach out again?

You've been ignoring him and your response doesn't indicate you want to hear from him anymore. 

I was thinking that maybe he’d ask me for a second chance. 
 

[poppyfields]

21 hours ago, brokengirl85 said:

he sent me a text 2 hours ago saying that he was free for the whole evening. I didn’t reply.

he sent another text 1 hour ago asking me is “are we still up for today?”

this is a joke. I have not replied.

A bit of a different read on this, giving him the benefit of the doubt and imo there IS quite a bit of doubt.

So reading the above, serious question but do YOU want to meet him?  If so, why are you ignoring him?

Something I've learned throughout my years of dating is that text communication (any form of written communication really) can be so ambiguous, combined with you are BOTH nervous and tentative, it's not uncommon for these types of miscommunications and misunderstandings to happen in early stages, especially before you've even met in person..

>>Yesterday, he finally told me to meet. He said that he was going to be staying near where I live and suggested us to meet. I replied my availability and my desires to meet (I said today in the evening I may be available”)

Trying to understand his side of things, can you see how elusive you were being by replying "I may be available"?  

Can you see how HE might have been a bit put off by that (or confused), thinking perhaps YOU weren't sure you wanted to meet?

Still feeling tentative and nervous about YOU, later he comes back saying he was free for the entire evening.  That would have been YOUR cue to reply back saying you were too!  And you could have planned to meet.

NOT ignoring his text like you did.

Even after that, he texts AGAIN with "are we still up for today"?  And again you ignored that.

It goes both ways @brokengirl85, my guess is he is as confused about you as you are about him.

There is no giving him a "second chance," he did nothing wrong imo.  Again, he's anxious, he nervous, and probably confused as well and doesn't know quite what to do.

Between your response, you "may" be available to now you're ignoring him altogether, I can't say I blame him.

I am NOT taking his side, just trying to understand it.   I understand your confusion as well.

And simply pointing out how again text communication can be so ambiguous and it's very easy to misinterpret words exchanged that way.  By BOTH people.

Also, I see no evidence that he's married or in another relationship.

In any event, good luck whatever happens.

 

Edited May 2, 2022 by poppyfields

[jdesey]

like others, I think this guy was looking for something on the side... he is married or in a relationship.  That is why his responses are sporadic, he has to be guarded about when to text back.  move on

[brokengirl85]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

A bit of a different read on this, giving him the benefit of the doubt and imo there IS quite a bit of doubt.

So reading the above, serious question but do YOU want to meet him?  If so, why are you ignoring him?

Something I've learned throughout my years of dating is that text communication (any form of written communication really) can be so ambiguous, combined with you are BOTH nervous and tentative, it's not uncommon for these types of miscommunications and misunderstandings to happen in early stages, especially before you've even met in person..

>>Yesterday, he finally told me to meet. He said that he was going to be staying near where I live and suggested us to meet. I replied my availability and my desires to meet (I said today in the evening I may be available”)

Trying to understand his side of things, can you see how elusive you were being by replying "I may be available"?  

Can you see how HE might have been a bit put off by that (or confused), thinking perhaps YOU weren't sure you wanted to meet?

Still feeling tentative and nervous about YOU, later he comes back saying he was free for the entire evening.  That would have been YOUR cue to reply back saying you were too!  And you could have planned to meet.

NOT ignoring his text like you did.

Even after that, he texts AGAIN with "are we still up for today"?  And again you ignored that.

It goes both ways @brokengirl85, my guess is he is as confused about you as you are about him.

There is no giving him a "second chance," he did nothing wrong imo.  Again, he's anxious, he nervous, and probably confused as well and doesn't know quite what to do.

Between your response, you "may" be available to now you're ignoring him altogether, I can't say I blame him.

I am NOT taking his side, just trying to understand it.   I understand your confusion as well.

And simply pointing out how again text communication can be so ambiguous and it's very easy to misinterpret words exchanged that way.  By BOTH people.

Also, I see no evidence that he's married or in another relationship.

In any event, good luck whatever happens.

 

Sequence is like this:

Saturday evening He states his availability to meet on Sunday 

I state my preferences and availability: Sunday evening (24 hours to the date)

-he stops texting for the night. No further mention not confirmation 

in the morning, he initiates by sending me a picture, some silly comments too. (No mention of meeting)

- I replied with light chat (I did not mention the meeting, I was a bit clueless at that point)

- he texted me again at noon wishing me a happy Sunday 

at this point I was frustrated. 
I texted him that I did not understand why he did not mention anything about our date

- he then said that he didnt want to put any pressure on me, knowing how busy I am blah blah

- I replied that I’d have liked to decide myself if I was busy or not and that I didn’t like how I was feeling.

-he replied that it was not his intention.

- he texted me 2 hours later and said he was free.

-he texted me again asking if we were still up for 8 pm (it was 6:30 pm already) 

thus morning he apologized for  letting me down and wished me well. 
 

I replied wishing him well.

 

I feel extremely sad and unconsolable right now. I feel terrible. 

 

Edited May 3, 2022 by brokengirl85
Typo

[divegrl]

I am so sorry. 
 

This guy was just playing games. He may not be single, he could have a fake profile picture… and this point you have no idea as you have not met in real life. 
 

It’s awful. Sending hugs. 

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, divegrl said:

This guy was just playing games. He may not be single, he could have a fake profile picture… and this point you have no idea as you have not met in real life. 

I think what's in bold is an accurate assessment but if you don't have good feelings about it then you did the right thing by nexting him. 

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, brokengirl85 said:

I was thinking that maybe he’d ask me for a second chance. 
 

Delete and block him. You never met and probably never will. Don't be a cyber-babysitter for a most likely married man.

You seem lonely if you got caught up in this. Focus on that.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting  local available single men who you can date in person on a regular basis.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would stay away from this man, OP. 

I get a bad feeling that he's married or otherwise committed. Try not to hang all your hopes on a stranger in the future. Reading between the lines, you got too attached to the idea of him and it's making this disappointment much worse than it needs to be. 

If someone isn't available to meet you soon after you start communicating, next him. It will weed out the time-wasters, and this man was indeed one of those. 

[Alpacalia]

It would be a mistake to consider this connection as anything more than emotional support, since it will never surpass the fantasy of romance. 

I am very sorry to be honest, but I believe he is wasting your time. 

For a moment, give your heart a rest and think about it logically. Why would any man want to text you for months without meeting you? When you start going on dates with men, this guy will fade into the background. 7-10 days is a good period of time to give a guy to meet you in person. That’s it! Any man who needs more time isn't available.