brokengirl85 Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 (edited) Hi everyone, im feeling torn. I’d appreciate your advice very much. I met this guy online middle March. He is very articulate, in his 50’s. He lives 2 hours away from me but travels for work often. we have never met yet we’ve had deep conversations and I feel like something else may develop. We both have shared that we feel a deep connection between us. I do feel ambivalent, and sometimes I think he doesn’t communicate as often as I wish, but he’s shears been very respectful and has stated that he doesn’t want to overwhelm me with texts or calls. Yesterday, he finally told me to meet. He said that he was going to be staying near where I live and suggested us to meet. I replied my availability and my desires to meet (I said today in the evening I may be available”) He didn’t reply to that text. this morning, he didn’t mention anything either about meeting me. Instead, he sent me a text wishing me a happy Sunday. i replied that I didn’t understand why he did not mention anything about our plans today and 1 hour later he replied that he didn’t want to be pushy, that he understood that I may be busy and that please not to be sad. I don’t know what to reply to him. I really wanted to meet him, but I don’t appreciate the way he communicates and the fact that he is deciding for me whether I will be busy or not. I think it’s just an excuse to not meet. what should I reply to him? Edited May 1, 2022 by brokengirl85 Typo
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 1 minute ago, brokengirl85 said: in his 50’s. He lives 2 hours away from me but travels for work often. we have never met i replied that I didn’t understand why he did not mention anything about our plans today and 1 hour later he replied that he didn’t want to be pushy, that he understood that I may be busy and that please not to be sad. Sorry this happened. It sounds like he's married/living with someone and couldn't use the "work" excuse to get away. Either way there are quite a few red flags including the distance, "deep talks" but won't meet, etc. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Date local single men you can meet in a timely fashion and see regularly.
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 1, 2022 Author Posted May 1, 2022 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. It sounds like he's married/living with someone and couldn't use the "work" excuse to get away. Either way there are quite a few red flags including the distance, "deep talks" but won't meet, etc. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Date local single men you can meet in a timely fashion and see regularly. Thanks for you response. I appreciate it very much. I was planning on sending a text back stating that this is not working for me, and that I expect clear communication. I don’t want to block him or ghost him. I’m in my 40’s and I think the best way to end it or to continue things is to communicate with the other other person. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 1 minute ago, brokengirl85 said: I’m in my 40’s and I think the best way to end it or to continue things is to communicate with the other other person. He won't meet and he stood you up. Yes, end it. Do not get hooked on someone who won't meet, treats you disrespectfully, may be married, catfishing, etc. and most of all, you have not met.
BaileyB Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 (edited) Indeed, I wouldn’t have much patience for a man who asks to meet, gets an enthusiastically affirmative response, and then does not follow up. What’s more, when you ask why he didn’t reply to your message - he falls back on “I didn’t want to be pushy…” You’ve been messaging for almost two months now. There is nothing pushy about asking to meet and I trust that if you were busy or unavailable, you would be able to tell him that. I would lower my expectations and/or let this go… I don’t think it’s going anywhere, I’m sorry to say. Edited May 1, 2022 by BaileyB 2
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 1, 2022 Author Posted May 1, 2022 22 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Indeed, I wouldn’t have much patience for a man who asks to meet, gets an enthusiastically affirmative response, and then does not follow up. What’s more, when you ask why he didn’t reply to your message - he falls back on “I didn’t want to be pushy…” You’ve been messaging for almost two months now. There is nothing pushy about asking to meet and I trust that if you were busy or unavailable, you would be able to tell him that. I would lower my expectations and/or let this go… I don’t think it’s going anywhere, I’m sorry to say. Thank you for your response. I have decided to be true to myself and state what I feel and what I prefer in a relationship. i feel very sad right now, but I also think that it’s best to end things sooner rather than later when the other person makes me feel disrespected or invalidated.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 8 minutes ago, LynneVicious said: Sounds like he’s married Definitely this or heavily involved with another woman and her plans trumped his meeting OP.
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 1, 2022 Author Posted May 1, 2022 We’ll, he replied and said that it was not his intention to decide for me (I told him that I’d preferred to chose if I could have made it or not to the date). he also said that he wants to continue talking and to see me. I have not replied.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 4 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said: We’ll, he replied and said that it was not his intention to decide for me (I told him that I’d preferred to chose if I could have made it or not to the date). he also said that he wants to continue talking and to see me. I have not replied. To decide what? Are you still going to talk to him?
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 1, 2022 Author Posted May 1, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: To decide what? Are you still going to talk to him? He said that it was not his intention to decide for me. I previously texted him that I’d have preferred to be able to decide whether I could have made it to the date or not. and my reply was after he told me that he didn’t want to put any pressure on me to meet, for that reason he did not follow up with his invitation. I’m sorry it sounds confusing. im confused too but I’ll take my confusion as a red flag and follow my gut Edited May 1, 2022 by brokengirl85 Typo
poppyfields Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 (edited) Did you meet him on a dating app/site or FB, Instagram, or another site like Loveshack? My opinion depends on your answer cause I've done both, with different results depending. Edited May 1, 2022 by poppyfields
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 1, 2022 Author Posted May 1, 2022 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Did you meet him on a dating app/site or FB, Instagram, or another site like Loveshack? My opinion depends on your answer cause I've done both, with different results and opinion depending. I don’t think that it matters: he proposed to meet, I replied my availability, he did not follow up and sent a text the following day wishing me a good Sunday. 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Did you meet him on a dating app/site or FB, Instagram, or another site like Loveshack? My opinion depends on your answer cause I've done both, with different results and opinion depending.
Ami1uwant Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 1 hour ago, brokengirl85 said: Thanks for you response. I appreciate it very much. I was planning on sending a text back stating that this is not working for me, and that I expect clear communication. I don’t want to block him or ghost him. I’m in my 40’s and I think the best way to end it or to continue things is to communicate with the other other person. You said you are 2 hrs apart. my rukes innthus. I give the conversation a little more befire suggesting on meeting face to face. i don’t kniw ehat your or his experience is meeting online and any hesitancy. i don’t get that he’s married/ involved right now.sure it coukd be the case but at this early point I doubt it unless communication is very odd.
Ami1uwant Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 2 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said: I don’t think that it matters: he proposed to meet, I replied my availability, he did not follow up and sent a text the following day wishing me a good Sunday. he likeky is still finalizing his schedule in the visit and figure out what time is good. He’s first traveling fir work so this needs to get set up first. Give him till Monday night to respond to this.
poppyfields Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 (edited) 26 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said: I don’t think that it matters: he proposed to meet, I replied my availability, he did not follow up and sent a text the following day wishing me a good Sunday. Yes it does matter but if you don't want to say, that's fine. As I said, I had very different experiences depending on whether we met on a dating app where the purpose for being there is dating or another random site. You don't have to name the site but am curious. IF it was a random site, do yourself a favor and take such connections with a HUGE grain of salt and have NO expectation to meet even if they say they want to. Play along if you like, have fun with it, just don't take it seriously otherwise you'll end up disappointed just like you are now. Dating apps/sites are different because that's why we're there - to meet and date. I met my current boyfriend on a dating app. Anyway, I'm sorry this happened. Edited May 1, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Versacehottie Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, brokengirl85 said: (I said today in the evening I may be available”) I think at least on your end you could be clearer. Bolded is unclear/hesitation and may have contributed to what happened. I have no idea of his story but on your end this could have been a little more certain. Sorry this happened. Not sure how you should move forward. Sort of feel like you are feeling your worth so it'd sort of be dangerous to give it another chance (with clearer communication on your end and commitment to yourself to cut it off if he doesn't follow through next time--which would be very soon if at all). I think shoring up your self-worth is the most important thing good luck Edited May 2, 2022 by Versacehottie 2
Versacehottie Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 32 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Sort of feel like you are feeling your worth so it'd sort of be dangerous to give it another chance (with clearer communication on your end and commitment to yourself to cut it off if he doesn't follow through next time--which would be very soon if at all). I think shoring up your self-worth is the most important thing good luck Ooops feels like you are *NOT feeling your worth (that's why it's dangerous).
Alvi Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 2 hours ago, brokengirl85 said: i replied that I didn’t understand why he did not mention anything about our plans today and 1 hour later he replied that he didn’t want to be pushy, that he understood that I may be busy and that please not to be sad. If he wanted to actually meet you, he would've done so by now. There are plenty of people on-line who only want to chat but never meet. Why? Who knows? Are you actually a 100 percent sure that he is single? He might have a girlfriend that you know nothing about. But it could be anything. But the main thing is that he doesn't want to meet you. He is a timewaster and a flake. Unless you are looking for a chat buddy, I would suggest for you to block him. What does it even means that he doesn't want to be pushy. Pushy with what exactly? Arranging a meeting and actually meeting in person is hardly what normal people consider to be pushy. I am literally scratching my head at this. 1
poppyfields Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 6 minutes ago, Alvi said: What does it even means that he doesn't want to be pushy. It was a stalling mechanism, my guess is he never had any intention to meet, but he enjoys your attention (and most likely the attention of other women) so he'll say whatever he needs to say in order to keep you (and them) on the hook. I know you want to do the "right" thing OP but in this case, I think it's perfectly okay to block and delete, ghost. Some men will try and mess with you on line, it's up to you to NOT allow it. Huge lesson learned for when interacting with men on line, I learned it the hard way too.
Alvi Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: It was a stalling mechanism, my guess is he never had any intention to meet, but he enjoys your attention (and most likely the attention of other women) so he'll say whatever he needs to say in order to keep you (and them) on the hook. Oh, that makes sense, unfortunately, lol God only knows how many times I've talked to timewasters like this guy that OP is talking about on-line. One guy kept me on the hook with his hot cold approach for 3 month in 2020. But I've learned my lesson a hard way. OP, learn from my mistakes. Don't allow someone to disrespect you that way. Don't give anybody like this guy from your post a second chance. He is going to disappoint you all over again. Just block him. No explanation needed. And remember always that interested men act interested, they are going to make plans to meet you and follow through. This guy is just feeding his ego but wasting your time.
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 2, 2022 Author Posted May 2, 2022 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: It was a stalling mechanism, my guess is he never had any intention to meet, but he enjoys your attention (and most likely the attention of other women) so he'll say whatever he needs to say in order to keep you (and them) on the hook. I know you want to do the "right" thing OP but in this case, I think it's perfectly okay to block and delete, ghost. Some men will try and mess with you on line, it's up to you to NOT allow it. Huge lesson learned for when interacting with men on line, I learned it the hard way too. Hello again, he sent me a text 2 hours ago saying that he was free for the whole evening. I didn’t reply. he sent another text 1 hour ago asking me is “are we still up for today?” this is a joke. I have not replied. I’d like to give him another chance and she if he follows through. Thoughts? 1
BaileyB Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 (edited) If a man wants to meet for the first time, he can plan a date to meet. None of this “I’m free this evening, can you drop everything and spontaneously meet me” stuff. I mean, he went from not making to plans to let’s spontaneously get together this evening - neither is particularly respectful of your time OP, in my humble opinion. Personally, I would not be willing to waste more time talking to a man that I haven’t met/a relationship that is going nowhere. If he wants to meet, he can set a date and give you some notice. Direct communication - none of this crap. That’s the only way that I would agree to meet him. Edited May 2, 2022 by BaileyB
Alvi Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 33 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said: Hello again, he sent me a text 2 hours ago saying that he was free for the whole evening. I didn’t reply. he sent another text 1 hour ago asking me is “are we still up for today?” this is a joke. I have not replied. I’d like to give him another chance and she if he follows through. Thoughts? You can give him another chance if you want and who knows? He may surprise you. But keep in mind that he is a flaky individual. And instead of making some plan he is asking you if you are still up to meeting him. Unless he comes with some plan (any plan) I would seriously not bother with him. I am still not over him ignoring you because he didn't want to be pushy. Since when setting up a date is pushy? Anyway, I would not bother with him but you are not me. You can say "yes, I can meet you today" and see if he comes up with something. Block him if he does not. On the second thought, block him.
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