Exercise class as a date?

[Wiseman2]

There was a poster a while ago that thought taking pictures at a cemetery or hiking and foraging for food were unique date ideas. Because he was interested in these things.

The yoga seems like something you're interested in. Why not go to your usual class on your own time and try to focus on him as far as the date goes? 

 

[Weezy1973]

12 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

He is in pretty good shape physically just that he's let a couple weeks lapse. Is that a bad thing? I know sometimes I feel a bit unmotivated to exercise myself (sometimes I'm too tired, other times just can't fit it in but there are times when I'm just in a funky mood and I don't feel like it). 

I’m the same way, but I don’t particularly like exercise. I know it’s healthy so I do it, but most of the time I’d rather not. He told you he likes exercise. Maybe just semantics, but to me that’s different. I know people that like exercise and if they go a day without they really don’t feel like themselves. And like I said, they just build it into their routine. It’s as regular a thing as having a morning shower and brushing our teeth. 

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

There was a poster a while ago that thought taking pictures at a cemetery or hiking and foraging for food were unique date ideas. Because he was interested in these things.

The yoga seems like something you're interested in. Why not go to your usual class on your own time and try to focus on him as far as the date goes? 

 

Sure, I'm interested in yoga. Of course, I can practice it on my own at any time.

Surely dating also involves sharing things that you are passionate about with each other?

Thank you very much for the kind words, but I thought that organizing a craft beer tasting was supposed to focus on him.

In any event it looks like he already planned our fourth date, so maybe I'll save this for a later date.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Last time I went to an exercise class was with a woman buddy of mine. One of those aerobics step classes that guys rarely attend. I was running and weight lifting and playing tennis and squash at the time--and I was exhausted ten minutes into the step class. I mean it was a serious work out. My buddy cracked up looking over at me, since she never had seen a guy in any of her exercise classes. I probably would have been more anxious if my buddy was a date partner. 

But again, nothing wrong with putting the idea out there. In fact, I think it's best to put out our ideas of dates because you reveal something of yourself, and if the person  hates all your ideas, then you aren't going to work out anyway. 

Well, I would not want him to feel anxious.

As for putting ideas out there on dates, I think I agree with you in the sense that we can display something about ourselves with our ideas and if they dislike it or poo-paw everything, chances are good that it's a compatibility thing.

11 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Yoga is a great invitation--sorry I missed that detail. I'd feel great about a dating partner inviting me to yoga even if I didn't go. 

No worries. And thanks!

I'll probably save it until further down the road and see if it is something he would enjoy doing at a later date. I know he'll really enjoy the craft-beer tasting so maybe I'll just do that first for another date. 

 

Edited April 29, 2022 by Alpacalia

[poppyfields]

Four dates, that's quite significant, who is this guy?   Sounds like you're quite into him!  

The instructor you've posted about, or the intriguing guy you're been chatting on line with?   Someone else? 

Inquiring minds.... 

PS. I read in a post either yesterday or day before you classify yourself as 'avoidant'.

My advice after what I just experienced with my boyfriend?

Less avoidant, less running, less FEAR -- more open, more effort, more giving of both your time and emotions. 

Have fun and hope it works out! 

 

 

Edited April 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

In any event it looks like he already planned our fourth date, so maybe I'll save this for a later date.

Excellent. Takes the guesswork out if  things. What does he have in mind?

[dramafreezone]

21 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Would a man enjoy being invited to an exercise class for a date (if it was like the 4th date).

I would pay for the class pass of course.

Or would getting all sweaty and gross be cheesy?

I wouldn't.

I feel a date should have a romantic vibe to it, and as you mentioend there's nothing romantic about getting "sweaty and gross," at least not in this context.

I think that's much more of an activity you do with a BF, not someone you're just dating.

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I feel a date should have a romantic vibe to it, and as you mentioend there's nothing romantic about getting "sweaty and gross," at least not in this context.

Bolded, totally agree, and if you read further, you'll notice OP changed "exercise class" where one would assume getting sweaty etc to a "yoga class" which is quite a different thing.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

and if you read further, you'll notice...

The guy planned a date so the yoga/exercise class idea was eliminated sparing everyone having to tote workout stuff/change of clothes, etc., hang around a gym, waiting for showering, dressing/changing, hair dryers, whatever. Saved by the bell!

[smackie9]

The guy is taking the lead....that's a good thing. 

[glows]

There's probably serious incompatibility if you can't feel comfortable suggesting an idea that's yours or doing something that makes up a big part of your life. I've seen some of your posts about yoga and staying active. I'm not sure why you'd want to be with a man who doesn't share the same enthusiasm for fitness. I think it has a ripple effect also in choice of diet and overall outlook and the way a person spends their time or how they make time for other things. 

Don't be afraid to speak up about what you want to do also in terms of date ideas. He seems to be doing most of the planning. If someone is truly interested in being with you they'd want to find out more about you and ask you for your input and ideas also. 

[Johnjohnson2017]

As a guy who likes to workout (lifting weights), I prefer working out alone. I don't want a workout partner as it distracts me. If it involved a group sport, then I would be ok with it.

 

Maybe suggest tennis or pickleball/badminton where you can talk while playing.

Yoga might be a little weird for a date and too quiet.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, glows said:

There's probably serious incompatibility if you can't feel comfortable suggesting an idea that's yours or doing something that makes up a big part of your life. I've seen some of your posts about yoga and staying active. I'm not sure why you'd want to be with a man who doesn't share the same enthusiasm for fitness. I think it has a ripple effect also in choice of diet and overall outlook and the way a person spends their time or how they make time for other things. 

Don't be afraid to speak up about what you want to do also in terms of date ideas. He seems to be doing most of the planning. If someone is truly interested in being with you they'd want to find out more about you and ask you for your input and ideas also. 

Oh, I totally agree with you.

If we end up working out down the road, it would be nice to have the opportunity to do this with me. But he wouldn't necessarily have to do this with me. In fact, I enjoy going either by myself or with a friend.

We decided to grab a quick bite to eat during my lunch break and he actually brought up the topic that he wants to so we're going to go one day during the week.

So, we're going to have our 4th date, and this is just a little something that we can do for a fun informally date.

 

Edited April 29, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Interstellar]

I’m into fitness so this sounds fun to me, plus it’s a shared activity where you can interact with each other versus stare at a movie screen for two hours.

[seapebbles]

It sounds like you are both into fitness, so I think that going to an exercise class together would be a fun, unique date especially a yoga class. Then again, I'm someone who thinks going to a cemetery to take pictures, hiking and foraging as mentioned above would be great dates too. 

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Interstellar said:

I’m into fitness so this sounds fun to me, plus it’s a shared activity where you can interact with each other versus stare at a movie screen for two hours.

Thanks!
(me too)

While I hope it works out, if it does not, I'm still glad to know that there are some out there that would enjoy this..

No stinky gym bags required.  

Again, it would not be something I am looking for from him, anyway, especially if he doesn't enjoy doing it.

Maybe at some point in the future he will help me to lift weight with him - my main strength training involves resistance, so maybe he can guide me on that front.

1 hour ago, seapebbles said:

It sounds like you are both into fitness, so I think that going to an exercise class together would be a fun, unique date especially a yoga class. Then again, I'm someone who thinks going to a cemetery to take pictures, hiking and foraging as mentioned above would be great dates too. 

Appreciate your kind words.

The cemetery/photography/hiking/foraging could make for interesting date. In the beginning, perhaps not, but again, it seems to depend on what you're interested in or if/when you're open to trying new things.

Then again, sitting on a park bench with a blanket and a cup of java or hot cocoa sounds lovely too.

I still am planning the craft beer tasting for him I know that's something he'll enjoy doing.

 

 

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

.If we end up working out down the road, it would be nice to have the opportunity to do this with me. 

Can you go to yoga/ fitness classes with friends? That way he knows you're interested in dating and not trying to steer this into the friendzone.

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Can you go to yoga/ fitness classes with friends? That way he knows you're interested in dating and not trying to steer this into the friendzone.

Oh. For sure.

Well - I was kind of hoping to blow dry his locks after shower.  

It's just that he would like to go with me this week (yoga).

There is always the option of putting it off for a few weeks.

[poppyfields]

What did y'all do on your previous three dates?  Are you into him?

I'm curious why you haven't posted about him before this, or have you?  Instructor guy, on line guy? 

Has there been any physical affection between you, kissing? 

I think we need more context in order to advise more effectively. 

@Alpacalia you've described yourself as an 'avoidant' and it isn't uncommon for avoidants to want to "avoid" dating experiences that involve developing an emotional connection/intimacy and an exercise class certainly fits that criteria. 

Movie dates do as well, as well as dates involving a group versus just the two of you, where you are spending time talking, sharing, getting to know each other, connecting. 

That's why I asked what you've done on previous dates and IF what you've been doing could even be classified as dating but rather more of a friendship.

Knowing you are an avoidant explains many things, thank you sharing and owning that.

I wish you the best no matter what you decide and if you'd like this to work out long term, I hope that happens for you. 

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What did y'all do on your previous three dates?  Are you into him?

I'm curious why you haven't posted about him before this, or have you?  Instructor guy, on line guy? 

Has there been any physical affection between you, kissing? 

I think we need more context in order to advise more effectively. 

@Alpacalia you've described yourself as an 'avoidant' and it isn't uncommon for avoidants to want to "avoid" dating experiences that involve developing an emotional connection/intimacy and an exercise class certainly fits that criteria. 

Movie dates do as well, as well as dates involving a group versus just the two of you, where you are spending time talking, sharing, getting to know each other, connecting. 

That's why I asked what you've done on previous dates and IF what you've been doing could even be classified as dating but rather more of a friendship.

Knowing you are an avoidant explains many things, thank you sharing and owning that.

I wish you the best no matter what you decide and if you'd like this to work out long term, I hope that happens for you. 

 

Yes, I do like him a lot.

There have been a few mentions here of him.

He's done most of the date planning. He's done everything from dinner and movies to having lunch. And yes, there has been some physical contact as well.

Although I admit that I did not realize that inviting someone to participate in something I am passionate about and that I enjoy would be interpreted as saying, 'avoid intimacy with them.' I looked at it as something that shares a part of me but also it is something that he hasn't done before and going out of our comfort zones seemed like a great way to connect.

Still, I am sure that any help you are able to provide would be very insightful in this regard.

I actually shared that part about me (avoidant tendencies) when I first joined in a thread that I started.

Sometimes I ask general questions here if I encounter a problem, or if I am just getting to know a new person. While I am grateful for the advice and input that is provided here, I keep the more personal stuff to myself, between me and him, or within my closest circle of friends. I just want to try to respect the other person and myself by doing that.

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I was kind of hoping to blow dry his locks after shower.  It's just that he would like to go with me this week (yoga).

. Ok doing fun stuff together that you like and he's interested in is great . Perhaps the word "date" sounded like it was a formal planned thing rather than getting comfortable just hanging out together.

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Although I admit that I did not realize that inviting someone to participate in something I am passionate about and that I enjoy would be interpreted as saying, 'avoid intimacy with them.' I looked at it as something that shares a part of me but also it is something that he hasn't done before and going out of our comfort zones seemed like a great way to connect.

 

 @Alpacalia You two may certainly have a good time but I think there's a difference between good time doing hobbies and a good time in the romantic context.  You can't really talk during the activity, right, can't really flirt, it's more about that activity instead of the two of you deepening your connection.

Whereas even a walk, or drinks, is more about establishing that connection than the activity, just my opinion.  Walking/drinks requires minimal effort or attention paid to it.  We walk without even thinking about it or enjoying it, but if you're walking with someone that you're crazy about then it can be an amazing time.  You did mention that you have a passion for this activity and that's kind of my point, you will be really involved in the activity and not fully on the other person, which gets in the way of furthering your connection IMO.

Edited April 30, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

 

5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

 @Alpacalia You two may certainly have a good time but I think there's a difference between good time doing hobbies and a good time in the romantic context.  You can't really talk during the activity, right, can't really flirt, it's more about that activity instead of the two of you deepening your connection.

Whereas even a walk, or drinks, is more about establishing that connection than the activity, just my opinion.  Walking/drinks requires minimal effort or attention paid to it.  You did mention that you have a passion for this activity and that's kind of my point, you will be really involved in the activity and not fully on the other person, which gets in the way of furthering your connection IMO.

Thank you DFZ, very well said and my sentiments exactly and what I was attempting to get across in my previous post. 

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

 @Alpacalia You two may certainly have a good time but I think there's a difference between good time doing hobbies and a good time in the romantic context.  You can't really talk during the activity, right, can't really flirt, it's more about that activity instead of the two of you deepening your connection.

Whereas even a walk, or drinks, is more about establishing that connection than the activity, just my opinion.  Walking/drinks requires minimal effort or attention paid to it.  We walk without even thinking about it or enjoying it, but if you're walking with someone that you're crazy about then it can be an amazing time.  You did mention that you have a passion for this activity and that's kind of my point, you will be really involved in the activity and not fully on the other person, which gets in the way of furthering your connection IMO.

Well, we're doing fine so far  - we're having a fourth date and had some minis in between.

I really don't follow any type of rule book but you make good points.

Thanks everyone.

[jdesey]

Oh hell yes! Understand that I am a very active guy and I’m looking for an active girlfriend. So this would be like a dream come true for me