Was it only sex then? I want more.

[Amanda141]

9 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Would you accept this treatment of you if he were average-looking?  Will he be drunk from beer pong all afternoon?

Well, if I see he's drunk I am going to leave within minutes. If he was average looking, I wouldn't even mind seeing him another time. It's a shame because I see a lot of potential in this guy, but maybe he's just not in the mindset of pursuing a relationship... I decided I just wanna see him one last time and then ciao ciao, unless I sense things could change

[Weezy1973]

37 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

Do I want an answer every 24 hours? Do I want to get only "beer pong" dates? Do I want a guy who doesn't even ask how my day was? 

Well you don’t want your partner to behave like that, but this has only been one date right?

 

39 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

I want a guy who is crazy about me and treats me as a priority...

Sure, but a guy who’s not crazy about you after one date is probably a good thing considering he doesn’t even know you! What’s the rush? Why does he have to be crazy about you immediately? 

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Sure, but a guy who’s not crazy about you after one date is probably a good thing considering he doesn’t even know you! What’s the rush? Why does he have to be crazy about you immediately? 

I think there's a lot of truth to this^^.

It's completely unreasonable to expect a man to 'prioritize' you after one date or even a few dates.  I hate to say but it reflects a certain female entitlement to expect this from men. 

And let's be honest, one of the reasons you're so drawn to him is precisely because he's not making you a priority, not yet, it's too soon, he's got other things going on in his life and that's attractive.

Amanda, try and chill seriously.  Have fun tomorrow night, stay open and positive.  Easy, breezy. 

If you want to have sex again, do so.  If not, don't. 

Be real, be genuine, relax, focus on the journey not the destination.

That's how to get a man to fall for you, assuming he's inclined to fall.

 

Edited April 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[Amanda141]

36 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Well you don’t want your partner to behave like that, but this has only been one date right?

 

Sure, but a guy who’s not crazy about you after one date is probably a good thing considering he doesn’t even know you! What’s the rush? Why does he have to be crazy about you immediately? 

I used the wrong words sorry. I mean, I want someone who shows interest and willingness to get to know me 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

 I decided I just wanna see him one last time and then ciao ciao, unless I sense things could change

Not every guy who's good in bed is relationship material. Maybe it's just a hookup, but for a relationship-type guy, keep looking.

[Amanda141]

He’s very good looking but I don’t think he’s necessarily out of my league. Anyway I’ll see him tomorrow at 8pm. I’ll keep you posted x

[glows]

Is it still at the bar?

[poppyfields]

49 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

He’s very good looking but I don’t think he’s necessarily out of my league. Anyway I’ll see him tomorrow at 8pm. I’ll keep you posted x

From what I've read about you Amanda, you are quite attractive yourself so I agree he's not out of your "league."

This has nothing to do with leagues or that he has more options. 

You felt a vibe, an energy, a chemistry, a connection - whether that energy/vibe was created by him though his game or it was organic, or both, that's what this is about 

My sense of it anyway. 

Have fun tomorrow night and yes keep us posted! 

Edited April 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[Amanda141]

UPDATE

So, last night I saw him.

i confirm that I am extremely attracted to him, the sex is out of this world, however what I don’t like is that we don’t talk that much… It’ just small talk and sex.  I think he’s clearly NOT in the place for a relationship right now. He’s just a 25 year old dude wanting to have some sex here and there, with no strings attached. 
it’s a shame because he has a lot of potential in my opinion… apart from the looks, he seems ambitious, smart and polite. Last night, we had a little accident as the condom got stuck inside me (even if he hadn’t come yet) we removed it, but just to be 100% sure he offered to buy me the next day pill and this morning we went together to the pharmacy. He’s very considerate, but in a relationship I want more, I want to text daily with my partner, know what he’s doing during the day, I want to feel courted… from what I feel, this is not going to be possible with him atm.

if there is another opportunity for sex with him, ok, but more than this I dont think.

he’s extremely inconsistent, replying every 24 hours and proposing beer pong dates

I’ll keep looking for a guy that fits my emotional needs as well. If he texts me again for sex, sure (if I am not dating anyone else), otherwise ciaooo

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

 I want more, I want to text daily with my partner, know what he’s doing during the day, I want to feel courted… 

As long as you're having sex and getting attached, the man you're looking for won't appear. You seem to be trying to convince yourself that he's relationship material because he went to the pharmacy with you? What you want and what you're doing are two different things.

[Amanda141]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

As long as you're having sex and getting attached, the man you're looking for won't appear. You seem to be trying to convince yourself that he's relationship material because he went to the pharmacy with you? What you want and what you're doing are two different things.

Nono he’s not relationship material for me, I know that 100%. He doesn’t make any effort to get to know me. He’s a nice guy but It’s just sex unfortunately

I don’t want to focus solely on him anymore but keep my options open

[ExpatInItaly]

At least now you know this isn't a match for you, Amanda. 

And my read on it is the same - he's totally up for casual sex and some fun, but that's all. That's fine, but if that's not what you're after, I would step away. 

[Will am I]

Well, you  know what you have and what not.

If this kind of arrangement with the guy in a kind of “back-up FWB” position is acceptable to you and you won’t end up feeling bad about it or feeling used, that’s your option on the table.

Probably your better option is to meet someone a little bit mature, someone who will pursue a meaningful and deeper relationship.

If this was a Netflix rom-com, the guy would see his loss and turn around from “mr wrong” to “mr right”. This being real life, don’t wait for it :)

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

 he’s not relationship material for me, I know that 100%. 

Yet you're running back to him? As long as you fool yourself that sleeping together isn't bothering you, you'll be missing out on the kind of guy you claim you want.

[Amanda141]

1 minute ago, Will am I said:

Well, you  know what you have and what not.

If this kind of arrangement with the guy in a kind of “back-up FWB” position is acceptable to you and you won’t end up feeling bad about it or feeling used, that’s your option on the table.

Probably your better option is to meet someone a little bit mature, someone who will pursue a meaningful and deeper relationship.

If this was a Netflix rom-com, the guy would see his loss and turn around from “mr wrong” to “mr right”. This being real life, don’t wait for it

Right now I’m open to meet someone else, more mature and willing to get to know me.

I can treat him as a FWB back up plan in the meantime. I don’t feel used because I enjoy sex too, so in a sense I am also “using” him for pleasure. Sex is amazing with him and he’s very very attractive: these are the only things that make me want to keep him around just in case. 
To have a relationship, I want also my emotional needs to be met, not just the sexual ones… let’s see, now I am sure of what he wants so I dont think I will be sad or anything, I will just look for someone else and until then maybe I can see him again for sex, but thats it

 

thanks to everyone for the advice

Amanda

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

It’s a shame because he has a lot of potential in my opinion… apart from the looks, he seems ambitious, smart and polite. He’s very considerate, but in a relationship I want more, I want to text daily with my partner, know what he’s doing during the day, I want to feel courted… from what I feel, this is not going to be possible with him atm.

The good qualities of the guy might as well be used as weapons, because what they say is: "You can't really have this; don't even try to feel this; you aren't really here. Your needs don't matter."

Suppose you are in a position where you don't know exactly what you want and you aren't sure where to go with this.

You can still say to yourself, "though I may not want much, I may want more than a little." 

To romanticize and chase him based on illusions, such as going to the pharmacy and waiting for crumbs, or doing nothing is, to me, avoiding what you truly want. If you start asking for everything you want, you will be a bit too much. But it's a great way to sort. It keeps the wrong people out of your way. 

Edited May 1, 2022 by Alpacalia

[princessaurora]

It's going to be hard to keep your emotions out of this and honestly I think you're trying to fool yourself into believing you're ok with just casual sex. I fear you're going to get attached to this guy if you continue to sleep with him and when he's had his fill and moves on, it will crush you. 

My now husband used to be in a very similar situation to yours with one of the girls he was sleeping with while we were broken up for a year. She knew it was just casual but because he was hot and amazing in bed, she accepted it, and she got months of sex from him before he dropped her. Suddenly the cool, calm, collected girl professes she's madly in love with him and basically starts crying he used her all that time even though he told her from the beginning it was just sex. He couldn't believe how quickly her aspect changed and she did not go away quietly. She continued to blow his phone up telling him she knew he could love her.  She broke into his car and stole our wedding invitations. We had to hire a security guard to make sure she didn't show up at the wedding and make a scene. Then for the first few years of our marriage all she did was tell everyone he didn' t love me and it wouldn't last. It took her finding a long term boyfriend  before she stopped all those behaviors and even then she still talked trash about me when she didn't even know me.

This was an attractive woman with a great career that you expect to have her act together but the actions of a man made her lose her mind a bit. She told herself she could handle it, but by nature she grew attached the longer he slept with her and believed he felt the same.

It will not be easy to keep your emotions separated Amanda. Just keep this in mind if you decide to accept these terms with him. 

 

[Wiseman2]

If you want a fine dinner, stop filling up on junk food.

[Allupinnit]

But if he DID want more, you'd be down, right?  But because he doesn't, you're willing to demote yourself to FWB. 

This won't work when you're trying to find a boyfriend.  Part of the fun is the sexual anticipation and why bother if you're already getting that with a man you can't really have, but secretly want?

We women lie to ourselves all the time when it comes to these little "arrangements."  The only benefit is really for the man.  

 

[introverted1]

6 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

Last night, we had a little accident as the condom got stuck inside me (even if he hadn’t come yet) we removed it, but just to be 100% sure he offered to buy me the next day pill and this morning we went together to the pharmacy. He’s very considerate

I don't read this as considerate so much as ensuring he doesn't end up entangled with you for a lifetime, via an unwanted pregnancy.  Which is smart on his part, to be sure, but not necessarily a sign of looking out for you.

I think others have addressed the FWB aspect.

[Eternal Sunshine]

43 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I don't read this as considerate so much as ensuring he doesn't end up entangled with you for a lifetime, via an unwanted pregnancy.  Which is smart on his part, to be sure, but not necessarily a sign of looking out for you.

I think others have addressed the FWB aspect.

Exactly. All it shows is that he is looking out for himself. He went with you to the pharmacy to make sure you get that pill so that there is zero risk of him having any parental obligations down the line.

It's not a positive sign.

[Amanda141]

1 hour ago, Allupinnit said:

But if he DID want more, you'd be down, right?  But because he doesn't, you're willing to demote yourself to FWB. 

This won't work when you're trying to find a boyfriend.  Part of the fun is the sexual anticipation and why bother if you're already getting that with a man you can't really have, but secretly want?

We women lie to ourselves all the time when it comes to these little "arrangements."  The only benefit is really for the man.  

 

This comment is exactly on point. Yes I have to admit that if he was down for a relationship, I’d be too with him. Clearly, he wants just sex.

After some thought I also realised one thing that I hadn’t taken into consideration. Ok, the sex with him is very good, but over the course of time, if there is no emotional intimacy and respect, it will be just a mechanical act, nothing more. It will become business as usual and therefore boring. My interest towards him has already dropped a lot since a week ago when I was “infatuated”. 

i also hadn’t taken into consideration, and thanks for your comment, the sexual anticipation part when finding a boyfriend. 
If I keep having sex with him, I would never be 100% ready to open myself to another guy. 

you know what? I am going to delete his number. Doesn’t make much sense to invest time, energy and thought into a guy who clearly doesn’t give a damn about me. 

Next!!!

[Amanda141]

Another thing that made me want to cut him out of my life is that today I texted him that I took the pill, and was hoping not to have too many side effects. His answer? ““. 
Is it a joke?! Not even asking how I am?

I don’t want to allow anyone to treat me like this. 

[glows]

3 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

Another thing that made me want to cut him out of my life is that today I texted him that I took the pill, and was hoping not to have too many side effects. His answer? ““. 
Is it a joke?! Not even asking how I am?

I don’t want to allow anyone to treat me like this. 

I was going to say have sex with him as long as it suits you and do keep your options open and then I read this. You are clearly wanting more out of this than he is showing so this is not a match. For your sake and emotional health, do delete and block and don't meet with him again. I think you're attached the the idea of potential with him, what he could potentially be or what you've built up in your mind. Not a good option for FWB.

[Amanda141]

6 minutes ago, glows said:

I was going to say have sex with him as long as it suits you and do keep your options open and then I read this. You are clearly wanting more out of this than he is showing so this is not a match. For your sake and emotional health, do delete and block and don't meet with him again. I think you're attached the the idea of potential with him, what he could potentially be or what you've built up in your mind. Not a good option for FWB.

Exactly. Number deleted!!