seapebbles Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 This is a good time to discover more about each other like your drinking habits, what you like to do on dates, and what you're looking for. You could say something along the lines of "I'm not a big drinker, so I'm not interested in beer pong in the park". That also tells him you have a certain level of standards for dates. Then give him opening to ask you for dinner by saying "so we'll meet after dinner at *** bar?" Then be prepared with a response if he suggests going back to your place after a few drinks. Dare to be honest and just say "not tonight" with a smile. You don't need to give him a reason, just politely decline. At that point you could let him know that you're not looking for a FWB but something more serious. Or not. His reaction to not getting more sex from you will be telling. Good luck, and keep us updated 1 1
Allupinnit Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 Also if he's playing beer pong in the park ahead of your "date" on Saturday he's going to show up drunk. Lovely!
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 (edited) 42 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: i can give him another chance cause I am really attracted to him, maybe I can ask him what he’s looking for… but then if I see our intentions are different, then ciao ciao… I wouldn't bother. Just bid him Adios. I can tell you from experience that this is NOT how a young man behaves when interested in a woman for anything beyond casual sex. Even a good looking 25 year old with a smokin hot bod, tons of options and female abundance. Don't blame this on his young age or because he has so much abundance. Again from experience, IF he were into you for anything beyond sex, he would have asked you out on a "proper" date, NOT beer pong for heavens sake. Again, don't bother asking what you quoted above or saying anything to him other than CYA. You already know the answer. That said, no regrets, you had a great time, cherish the memory and move on. Going forward, raise standards, aim higher. Edited April 28, 2022 by poppyfields 2
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Amanda141 said: What should I reply? Come up with a better plan. Or don't see him. Is his master's going to be in beer-pong? He's ultra casual and you're sort of a get-lucky after-thought. Edited April 28, 2022 by Wiseman2 1
basil67 Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 On 4/27/2022 at 4:24 PM, Amanda141 said: I know I am definitely idealising him, getting carried away as he looks very good on paper, but actually I don’t know him. You're still doing it though. Why are you so invested in trying to get things to work with him? You barely know him and what you do know indicates that he's not interested in anything serious. Try and persuade yourself to come back down to reality
Will am I Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 4 hours ago, Amanda141 said: Hello guys, thank you from the deep of my heart for all the insight and advice!! honestly I know I deserve more and he is probably just looking for something casual. I probably will give him another chance but making clear I am not a sex object. I know my value. I have a master degree, full time job, I fluently speak 3 languages and I reguarly do sport, apart from having amazing friends and family. A guy should be a “plus” in my life, making it even better, not making me wonder like this all the time if he actually wants me. he just replied (22 hours after) saying this: ”So on Saturday I will play some Tennis until lunch. In the afternoon I will prob go to **** park for a bit bc a bigger student group will play beer pong there. If you have never been to this park be cool to check out. Otherwise we could meet up in the evening at *** bar at central station. It might be closed but we could also check out the *** rooftop bar, at least online it says it would open at 7 PM.” Needless to say, I’m not going to play beer pong for a date. I appreciate he suggested something else, but the two bars he proposed are literally 10 minute walking distance from my place What should I reply? This is very disappointing. Maybe that should be your reply too. 1
salparadise Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 4 hours ago, Amanda141 said: i can give him another chance cause I am really attracted to him, maybe I can ask him what he’s looking for… but then if I see our intentions are different, then ciao ciao… I think this is the best idea yet. Your response could include the words "actual date," in a pointed sort of way that let's him know he's not getting any more easy pussy unless/until he starts behaving like like a grown-ass man. I actually think that this is a case of gender role reversal. This guy is one of those silver-tongued, genetically-gifted types who can get laid where most guys his age can't get a drink of water. With him having so many options and casual sex being easy to get, you're going t have to do something different to get and hold his attention. I wouldn't give anybody odds, but who knows, it might work. Otherwise... well, you know... 1
Alpacalia Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 (edited) Had he been proactive and arranged several dates in advance that does not involve bars and sex or beer pong, then it's okay for you to suggest an activity, but this is totally backwards. If you 'reply,' a simple: "Hmm, thanks but I'm not available for beer-pong. Let's go grab dinner." Coffee, whichever. This means you like dating and being courted. If that’s not what they're looking for, that’s totally cool too. The end. If he goes bye bye, let ’em. I want to draw your attention to the fact that nothing has changed. The thing that he wants, and the thing that you want, are two entirely different things. The way you can go about this is either to waste lots of time and fart around with this person, or to make yourself readily available to someone who shares your sentiments. Edited April 28, 2022 by Alpacalia
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 (edited) 52 minutes ago, salparadise said: Your response could include the words "actual date," in a pointed sort of way that let's him know he's not getting any more easy pussy unless/until he starts behaving like like a grown-ass man. With him having so many options and casual sex being easy to get, you're going to have to do something different to get and hold his attention. Don't these^ two comments contradict? On one hand, you suggest she needs to do something different to get and hold his attention (which I agree with), but on the other hand, the bolded comment is probably what he's used to from women - a subtle threat to withhold sex if he doesn't step up to the plate, which is nothing short of manipulation and demanding he act like a grown-ass man which is overly dramatic and emotional for only having had one "date," if that's what it even was. If she really wants to get and hold his attention, she should either ignore him or treat him as one of HER options. In other words, flip the script. Let HIM wonder about YOU! Let HIM lay in bed at night thinking of ways to capture you. That's how you get a young hot stud with abundance to desire a RL with you. Is it a "game"? Yes, most definitely, but with men like him, a necessary one. If you're not up to playing, then next him,. Edited April 29, 2022 by poppyfields 2 1
salparadise Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 37 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Don't these^ two comments contradict? Not to my thinking. 40 minutes ago, poppyfields said: In other words, flip the script. Yes, of course… but exactly how that happens probably is not covered in your women’s manual on manipulating men. What you suggest only works if he’s the one who’s smitten and has few options. I’m not sure there is a way to counter that other than to be more intriguing than all the rest.
poppyfields Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) 30 minutes ago, salparadise said: I’m not sure there is a way to counter that other than to be more intriguing than all the rest. I DO agree with you about this^, just don't know if demanding he behave like a grown-ass man and covertly suggesting sex is off the table unless/until he steps up is the way to accomplish that. Especially after only one date, again if it could even be called a date. Being chill is best imo, give him an opportunity to wonder what Amanda is all about. But who knows, hopefully it will work out no matter what she chooses to do (or not do). Edited April 29, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 She only needs to be upfront about the fact she does not have the time for beer pong date nights and late night outings. This does not mean that she will get the guy, it simply means that she will not accept a poor-quality romantic partner. 3
Weezy1973 Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 Yikes, seriously OP, you don’t need to do anything. If he wants something more serious you’ll know. No manipulating required. Just be yourself. And if he doesn’t, no big deal. As far as I can tell his main feature is that he’s got a great body. Hardly something to build a long term relationship on. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 So he can fit you in after beer pong. Nah. Next. 1 1
Will am I Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 “fit you in”, that’s exactly the problem. FWB zone, not romance zone. Tell him to try harder or get lost. The least that should come out is a very nice date. With ample time and attention set aside for the date (and no beer pong or hanging with the guys). And from that date on, a serious change of mentality. Either he recognizes that he is invited to attempt on a true relationship with a wonderful young woman who could become is steady GF, or he recognizes that he doesn’t want to make the commitment or sacrifice and that he’s rather continue on his path of beer pong with his buddies. He must probably be somewhere between 20 and 25, but he hasn’t shed the 18-year-old behaviour yet. Maybe he was too cute to be confronted before. A bit of confrontation wouldn’t hurt. 1
Weezy1973 Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 3 hours ago, Will am I said: Either he recognizes that he is invited to attempt on a true relationship with a wonderful young woman who could become is steady GF, or he recognizes that he doesn’t want to make the commitment or sacrifice and that he’s rather continue on his path of beer pong with his buddies. He’s obviously already made his choice; it’s buddies and beer pong. And after only one date there’s really no confrontation necessary. Just next. 1
salparadise Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: I DO agree with you about this^, just don't know if demanding he behave like a grown-ass man and covertly suggesting sex is off the table unless/until he steps up is the way to accomplish that. Especially after only one date, again if it could even be called a date. Yes, I don't mean to literally say that to him, but that she should expect respect, not another quick drink at the bar before heading over to her place to smash. If he isn't offering then she has two options: use her words or just say no thanks and be done. Of course she's the one who is motivated here, and she likes the sex, so... You see, you're basing all of your thoughts on the the old paradigm where she's got it, and he has to do whatever it takes. It's reversed in this situation. If this were a business negotiation we'd identify it as a case where the party with less leverage is making more demands and expecting to get everything she wants. I agree with Expat and Will- he acts immature and entitled, probably because he is. He thinks he can continue getting laid without doing what she expects. He doesn't even know what she expects though. If he did, would he be willing? That is the question, right? That old catbird seat sure makes it easier doesn't it? Edited April 29, 2022 by salparadise 1
Author Amanda141 Posted April 29, 2022 Author Posted April 29, 2022 So, I’m seeing him tomorrow 8pm for dinner. Let’s see how it goes. Personally, I lost a lot of interest towards him for the way he treats me: a message every 24 hours, not even asking about my day, fitting me into his “beer pong” plans. i guess being him so hot, he can have any girl he wants, so why settle with only one?! i want to replicate the amazing sex night we had last week (I’m human, he was reaaally good at it) and then ciao, I will delete his number and focus on someone with whom I can create an emotionally connection with and who is willing to get to know me 1
poppyfields Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) 50 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I’m seeing him tomorrow 8pm for dinner... How did this^ come about? Did HE ask you out to dinner? Gasp, a 'proper' date on a Saturday night? Lol You sound unhappy, even angry. You’ve lost interest? I'm confused, isn't this what you wanted? Edited April 29, 2022 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 1 hour ago, Amanda141 said: i want to replicate the amazing sex night we had last week then ciao, I will delete his number Ok, so you both wanted casual hookups. That's ok.
Weezy1973 Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, so you both wanted casual hookups. That's ok. Which is exactly the opposite of why the thread was started. What a rollercoaster! Next time I’m bringing popcorn… 5
Allupinnit Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 1 hour ago, Amanda141 said: So, I’m seeing him tomorrow 8pm for dinner. Let’s see how it goes. Personally, I lost a lot of interest towards him for the way he treats me: a message every 24 hours, not even asking about my day, fitting me into his “beer pong” plans. i guess being him so hot, he can have any girl he wants, so why settle with only one?! i want to replicate the amazing sex night we had last week (I’m human, he was reaaally good at it) and then ciao, I will delete his number and focus on someone with whom I can create an emotionally connection with and who is willing to get to know me Did HE ask you out for dinner? Or did you suggest it? I may be wrong, but I don't think it's as simple for you as another smash and good-bye. I suspect you're going to get hooked on this guy (great sex for a woman will do that). You already like him and he's disappointed you, yet he's just going to get what he wants anyway (again). It's really sad IMHO that "dating" has been reduced to people trying to "come out on top" and use each other for sex and validation. No wonder folks are so hurt and disillusioned about their worth. 3
Alpacalia Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 24 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: It's really sad IMHO that "dating" has been reduced to people trying to "come out on top" and use each other for sex and validation. No wonder folks are so hurt and disillusioned about their worth. You get the award for the best contribution.
Author Amanda141 Posted April 29, 2022 Author Posted April 29, 2022 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: How did this^ come about? Did HE ask you out to dinner? Gasp, a 'proper' date on a Saturday night? Lol You sound unhappy, even angry. You’ve lost interest? I'm confused, isn't this what you wanted? Looks-wise, I keep being very attracted. He is definitely my type. However, I took a step back and asked myself if this is what I am looking for in a potential relationship. I still want a relationship. But not with him. Do I want an answer every 24 hours? Do I want to get only "beer pong" dates? Do I want a guy who doesn't even ask how my day was? I'm going to see if on Saturday he seems more interested in me as a person, otherwise that's all folks. I want a guy who is crazy about me and treats me as a priority... and for the dinner, I chose one of the two bars he selected cause they also serve food and we are going to eat there. 1
Allupinnit Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 13 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Looks-wise, I keep being very attracted. He is definitely my type. However, I took a step back and asked myself if this is what I am looking for in a potential relationship. I still want a relationship. But not with him. Do I want an answer every 24 hours? Do I want to get only "beer pong" dates? Do I want a guy who doesn't even ask how my day was? I'm going to see if on Saturday he seems more interested in me as a person, otherwise that's all folks. I want a guy who is crazy about me and treats me as a priority... and for the dinner, I chose one of the two bars he selected cause they also serve food and we are going to eat there. Would you accept this treatment of you if he were average-looking? Will he be drunk from beer pong all afternoon? 2
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