Will am I Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 The guy better text you before the weekend. It would be so lousy to have such an awesome date on Saturday and then just walk out. Wishing you good luck. Let’s hope he’s just busy studying this week and wants to hook up on Friday or Saturday. 1
bene Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 15 hours ago, Amanda141 said: In fact, when tonight I asked him if he wanted to meet me again some time this week his answer was: "Yeah can do that. Let me sleep through this night. I need to get quite some stuff sorted, starting with my head " This seems to be an answer to keep you at arm’s length, sorry. Vague and non-committal, making sure you don’t have expectations about his time. 2
stillafool Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 Amanda have you heard anything from him since your last date?
stillafool Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 22 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I made my interest clear last night, so the ball is in his court now, Oh nevermind, I see here you talked to him last night. Did he say anything about getting together or was this the conversation where he said he had to get his head together? 1
Author Amanda141 Posted April 27, 2022 Author Posted April 27, 2022 15 minutes ago, Will am I said: The guy better text you before the weekend. It would be so lousy to have such an awesome date on Saturday and then just walk out. Wishing you good luck. Let’s hope he’s just busy studying this week and wants to hook up on Friday or Saturday. Yes I agree... Well, after our date (he left Sunday morning around 10am), I texted him on Monday evening sending the selfie we took in the club adding "Memories from a fun night How was your day?" and he answered with a pretty long message commenting his day and asking about me. Then yesterday I replied also asking about when we could meet and that's what he replied (see my first post here). I know he is genuinely busy, but I think that we make time for the things we want to do... So let's see. I think we have a nice connection even if I am aware that maybe he's not looking for anything serious...
Will am I Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 6 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Yes I agree... Well, after our date (he left Sunday morning around 10am), I texted him on Monday evening sending the selfie we took in the club adding "Memories from a fun night How was your day?" and he answered with a pretty long message commenting his day and asking about me. Then yesterday I replied also asking about when we could meet and that's what he replied (see my first post here). I know he is genuinely busy, but I think that we make time for the things we want to do... So let's see. I think we have a nice connection even if I am aware that maybe he's not looking for anything serious... After the nice and personal response on Monday, it’s only the Tuesday communication that’s a bit off. I would have given him the benefit of the doubt, until the coming weekend. Ultimately by then he has to contact you and setup the next date. I read you already deleted the number and hence forced him to take initiative. So you are handling this as a person with proper self esteem.
Alpacalia Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I did what I felt like doing, probably he was all so sweet and affectionate because he was in the mood for sex, I dont know. Therein lies the problem. You will be let down if you turn it around and think you gave him everything he wanted after you sleep with him early. This is what most people mean when referring to sleeping with someone too soon. It's now associated with a negative connotation for you. Apart from the superficial details everyone is privy to, you knew very little about one another. Unless he is a pick-up artist who only wants to sleep with women for sport, most guys don't mind you sleeping with them too soon. Similarly, some men may not value what they perceive as readily available to all. There may be a sliver of you who just wants to be in a relationship for the sake of a relationship, without getting a glimpse into who he is. See the distinction? Edited April 27, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Author Amanda141 Posted April 27, 2022 Author Posted April 27, 2022 7 minutes ago, Will am I said: After the nice and personal response on Monday, it’s only the Tuesday communication that’s a bit off. I would have given him the benefit of the doubt, until the coming weekend. Ultimately by then he has to contact you and setup the next date. I read you already deleted the number and hence forced him to take initiative. So you are handling this as a person with proper self esteem. Exactly. He knows I am interested as I clearly asked him when we could meet again. Now, if he wants to see me, he has to make the move. In the past, I have make this mistake so many times: chasing the guy, continuously looking at the whatsapp chat if he's online/if he saw the message.... Now it's time to change. I really hope that he comes back to me before the weekend, otherwise thank you, next... not gonna lie, I am going to be disappointed as I am interested in this guy and I see potential, but it takes two to tango 4
Author Amanda141 Posted April 27, 2022 Author Posted April 27, 2022 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Therein lies the problem. You will be let down if you turn it around and think you gave him everything he wanted after you sleep with him early. This is what most people mean when referring to sleeping with someone too soon. It's now associated with a negative connotation for you. Apart from the superficial details everyone is privy to, you knew very little about one another. Unless he is a pick-up artist who only wants to sleep with women for sport, most guys don't mind you sleeping with them too soon. Similarly, some men may not value what they perceive as readily available to all. There may be a sliver of you who just wants to be in a relationship for the sake of a relationship, without getting a glimpse into who he is. See the distinction? Thank you a lot for your message, really appreciated. so in your opinion what should have I done? I’d love to have a relationship, but I also like him and I enjoyed the sex
Will am I Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 If you enjoyed the dates and the sex and you don’t feel “used” then you have nothing to lose if it doesn’t work out. In that case it was a short hot fling. I believe you are well balanced between acceptance that this might be the outcome, and hope for a longer and deeper relationship. If the guy texts you and you set up another date, make sure you get a good amount of time together. Don’t let him move you into the “drinks & sex” corner if you want more. The least you deserve is a nice dinner out 1
Alpacalia Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 2 hours ago, Amanda141 said: Thank you a lot for your message, really appreciated. so in your opinion what should have I done? I’d love to have a relationship, but I also like him and I enjoyed the sex You're welcome. Don't rush. Take your time. That's it. (This is assuming you actually want to be in a relationship. Well, if you just want to be friends or just call him when you want to, then you can sleep with him whenever you like! Just make sure you're safe!) He may not necessarily call you his girlfriend or say he loves you. It just means you're both able to let down your masks when you're together and be authentic to each other. This means that you share things with him that he's reluctant to share with other people in his life (and vice versa). It means he cares about you and respects you as a person.
Author Amanda141 Posted April 27, 2022 Author Posted April 27, 2022 4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: You're welcome. Don't rush. Take your time. That's it. (This is assuming you actually want to be in a relationship. Well, if you just want to be friends or just call him when you want to, then you can sleep with him whenever you like! Just make sure you're safe!) He may not necessarily call you his girlfriend or say he loves you. It just means you're both able to let down your masks when you're together and be authentic to each other. This means that you share things with him that he's reluctant to share with other people in his life (and vice versa). It means he cares about you and respects you as a person. At this point, I am not even sure he’s going to reach out again let’s see what he does (if he does something) tomorrow/the weekend… if he actually texts me, I want to make sure it’s not just for netflix and chill. i just wonder what is that makes guy switch from “I only wanna have fun” to “I actually want to know this girl better and see if we could be a couple”
stillafool Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 17 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: i just wonder what is that makes guy switch from “I only wanna have fun” to “I actually want to know this girl better and see if we could be a couple” Usually when his emotions get caught up he falls. 2
Alpacalia Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 35 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: i just wonder what is that makes guy switch from “I only wanna have fun” to “I actually want to know this girl better and see if we could be a couple” Who knows. Who cares. Just make sure he's someone that would make a good boyfriend. 3
poppyfields Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 I've read and heard men know within 15 minutes (if even that long) if a woman is "girlfriend" material or casual fling. And it's different for each man. Its an energy, a vibe, a feeling. Combined with her looks, her style, how she carries herself, how she interacts with him. There's not much a woman can do to change his perception once he's determined what category to place her in. Hard truth. What I'm saying Amanda is that the outcome would most likely be the same whether you had sex on first or second date or not. So try to not beat yourself up about that too much. Go live your life. If he reaches out again, fabulous, if not, there are other fish in the sea, as they say. I hope he does reach out again though, I can sense how much you like him. So fingers crossed and keep us posted! 2 1
Will am I Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 Guy perspective: falling in love is what upgrades the feelings from “she’s hot” to “i want to be around her all the time”. Women can trigger that so easily. Long and deep eye contact, abundant and long kissing. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 1 hour ago, Amanda141 said: i just wonder what is that makes guy switch from “I only wanna have fun” to “I actually want to know this girl better and see if we could be a couple” But you have no idea if he was even thinking this to begin with. He might have gone into this with the intention of only having fun. 2
Author Amanda141 Posted April 27, 2022 Author Posted April 27, 2022 UPDATE He just texted me if I have plans this weekend. I said “not yet and you?” - waiting for his reply. I really hope he proposes something more than sex night… I’ll keep you posted
Will am I Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 I knew he’d come around So you got into the sex zone a bit quickly and you want to deepen the relationship. Get yourself a bigger slice of his time. And don’t lean passively on him to fill it in. You can suggest stuff too. If I were you I would opt for activities where it’s the two of you in a somewhat more private setting and with ample opportunity to look into his eyes and kiss if you want that. A walk in nature, candlelight dinner, you name it. 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 22 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I said “not yet and you?” I really hope he proposes something more than sex night… I’ll keep you posted It's ok to suggest something that does not end up in your bed. Just do that and don't be passive. Why are you allowing casual sex if it's not what you want, but what he wants? Can't you think of fun things to do on weekends? "not yet and you"? is also a strange reply rather than being confident enough to suggest a fun activity.
Will am I Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 Agreed. Least the guy can do is take her out for a nice dinner. @Amanda141 There’s something nice about involving a new girlfriend into your peer group. It has elements of including and opening up. But only “bar night with the guys” (and then the bedroom) is not going to cut it. That leaves too little secluded space for the romantic relationship to develop. It’s a course of action that leads into the friend zone (or FWB zone). If you want a real relationship there has to be a lot more one on one time, time set aside for getting to know each other and falling in love.
Author Amanda141 Posted April 27, 2022 Author Posted April 27, 2022 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's ok to suggest something that does not end up in your bed. Just do that and don't be passive. Why are you allowing casual sex if it's not what you want, but what he wants? Can't you think of fun things to do on weekends? "not yet and you"? is also a strange reply rather than being confident enough to suggest a fun activity. I replied only “not yet and you?” because last night I was the one asking him if he wanted to meet me and he left me waiting also his message was not super cute, it was only “You got plans this we?” without emojis or even saying hello as soon as he replies I’ll keep you guys posted. If he says something like “do you wanna meet again?” i can happily suggest a dinner together on Saturday night. I guess I’ll have to wait
Alpacalia Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Amanda141 said: UPDATE He just texted me if I have plans this weekend. I said “not yet and you?” - waiting for his reply. I really hope he proposes something more than sex night… I’ll keep you posted I feel he's just sort of genuinely wanting to know what you’re doing, but also just making convo. He would have made it clear if he wanted to hang. Edited April 27, 2022 by Alpacalia
stillafool Posted April 27, 2022 Posted April 27, 2022 3 hours ago, Amanda141 said: I replied only “not yet and you?” because last night I was the one asking him if he wanted to meet me and he left me waiting So he contacted you last night too?
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 13 hours ago, Amanda141 said: . If he says something like “do you wanna meet again? You're overanalyzing to the point of having complete imaginary conversations. If he contacts you. If he suggests. Etc. It's hard to backtrack into a relationship when you decided to start out with casual sex. The bottom line is either he's interested or not. It doesn't matter if you had sex early on.
Recommended Posts