Beginning of the End?

[Happy Lemming]

20 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think what you’re experiencing is the beginning of the end of the infatuation phase.

I tend to agree with this...  I had quite a few relationships end at the 3 month mark. 

I think your average person can put on a facade or be on their best behavior for a while, but their "true colors" begin to come out at that 3 month mark.

[poppyfields]

He just messaged me, it was sweet.

We're seeing each other later, he's making me dinner.

I'll update when I know more but I'm hoping it's something simple like what smackie said, he was having a bad day.

Thanks again guys, as I said it's good to talk about it. 

 

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

...

What do y'all think?  Am I being too sensitive?  On one hand, I think I am but on the other, I think he was being overly critical. 

I don't know, my head's in a spin right now over this, I can't think straight.

I'm supposed to see him later, I may bring this up, or not.  Not sure what to do.

Thanks guys.

 

Both, perhaps too sensitive but he was overly critical and not fair to you for him to vent on you like that....especially as he knows your intentions are good.

You're right though, this could be a sign and he shouldn't be venting on you like that.  That kind of venting I also don't like and consider it a bad sign and BS don't need, if a genuine apology doesn't soon follow.

[Alvi]

42 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He just messaged me, it was sweet.

We're seeing each other later, he's making me dinner.

I'll update when I know more but I'm hoping it's something simple like what smackie said, he was having a bad day.

Thanks again guys, as I said it's good to talk about it. 

I think some people are missing what is the most important in this thread. This is not about what Poppy is doing or not doing wrong. This is about him snapping at her for no reason instead of discussing, calmly, about what is really bothering him.

Let's just hope it was an isolated incident. And not a sign of a serious trouble. Hopefully this is not a pattern where he gets angry with you over something very little followed by him being nice to you.

[Stret]

It is a sign of something, that is for sure. He might have something bigger bothering him - maybe he is jealous type, maybe insecure, maybe just not too considerate... 
Whatever it is do not allow at this stage of a relationship someone to snap at you for whatever reason whatsoever. No excuses for this type of behaviour. I would definitely let him know that I didn't appreciate it and wouldn't like to see it happen again - be firm and polite. You are now setting a boundaries and teaching him how to treat you and what you will and will not tolerate. This stage is crucial in a relationship. If he steps over those boundaries again, leave him or be ready to deal with his disrespect and snapping again and again.

Do not just pretend like nothing ever happened because he will not respect you.

If he apologizes - take it but make sure he knows it is not acceptable to act like that. 

[poppyfields]

35 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I think some people are missing what is the most important in this thread. This is not about what Poppy is doing or not doing wrong. This is about him snapping at her for no reason instead of discussing, calmly, about what is really bothering him.

Let's just hope it was an isolated incident. And not a sign of a serious trouble. Hopefully this is not a pattern where he gets angry with you over something very little followed by him being nice to you.

Thanks again Alvi and me too!

What a roller coaster!  He really had my wheels spinning, but now all is calm.  Or so it seems.

I seem to attract these types; I still think it's more than him being irritated by my text but I'll get to the bottom of it one way or another. 

I feel better since receiving his text though, but sheesh!  

Edited April 26, 2022 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I feel better since he texted though, but sheesh!  

How much do you plan to text today??  Did you acknowledge his dinner invite with a small and short response??

I still think you need to scale back all of the texting throughout the day.  I think you mentioned he is trying to run his own printing business?? 

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Stret said:

It is a sign of something, that is for sure. He might have something bigger bothering him - maybe he is jealous type, maybe insecure, maybe just not too considerate... 
Whatever it is do not allow at this stage of a relationship someone to snap at you for whatever reason whatsoever. No excuses for this type of behaviour. I would definitely let him know that I didn't appreciate it and wouldn't like to see it happen again - be firm and polite. You are now setting a boundaries and teaching him how to treat you and what you will and will not tolerate. This stage is crucial in a relationship. If he steps over those boundaries again, leave him or be ready to deal with his disrespect and snapping again and again.

Do not just pretend like nothing ever happened because he will not respect you.

If he apologizes - take it but make sure he knows it is not acceptable to act like that. 

I think you may be in to something there @Stret.  I've gotten to know him fairly well, he's very driven with an ego the size of a small planet (I mean that in the kindest way lol) and I've been pretty busy lately and often not around to respond properly (i.e. give him attention) and I sense this bothers him, that I'm not at his 'beck and call' so to speak. 

Thing is HE is super busy too (more so than I with his business etc) and not always available but I guess that's different?  

I'm bring facetious, I don't know, I'm speculating, or again projecting because I've had demanding boyfriends in the past; as I said I seem to attract such types. 

I'll keep you posted what happens tonight! 

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I still think you need to scale back all of the texting throughout the day. 

HL, I hope this doesn't sound rude but please read my posts properly.

HE is the one who is constantly texting me. I'm busy and often don't have time to properly respond, hence my quick reply telling him we'll talk later. 

Which he always appreciated, but now apparently irritates him and he lashed out at me in an angry way. 

Hope that clarifies. 

Edited April 26, 2022 by poppyfields

[Johnjohnson2017]

" as I said I seem to attract such types"

You are attracted to them. I think you attract all kinds of guys, but you have mutual attraction to "such types"

 

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

" as I said I seem to attract such types"

You are attracted to them. I think you attract all kinds of guys, but you have mutual attraction to "such types"

 

Yup, this is very VERY true.  

[dramafreezone]

15 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Which he always appreciated, but now apparently irritates him and he lashed out at me in an angry way. 

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is based on one comment he made right?

Why attribute his overall feelings to one incident when he's had several other examples of behaving politely, gracefully?  Haven't we all said something hurtful to someone else that we didn't mean?  It happens.  IMO it's only an issue if it's a pattern of behavior.

It irritated him in *that moment*.  That doesn't necessarily mean it applies to all past and future moments.

Edited April 26, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is based on one comment he made right?

Why attribute his overall feelings to one incident when he's had several other examples of behaving politely, gracefully?  Haven't we all said something hurtful to someone else that we didn't mean?  It happens.  IMO it's only an issue if it's a pattern of behavior.

It irritated him in *that moment*.  That doesn't necessarily mean it applies to all past and future moments.

I know, and his irritated tone/response bothered me in the moment too (and into this mirning), hence this thread. 

Moving on, appreciate the comments. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

22 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

HL, I hope this doesn't sound rude but please read my posts properly.

 

I did read your posts (properly) and still think there is way too much communication/texting going on throughout the work day on both parts.

You both need to scale back.  If he texts you, don't respond until you get off work or are at home for the evening.

When I worked, I didn't return personal texts or emails while at work.  I might answer a question at lunch (if it was important), but not during my working hours, when I was focused on doing my work for my employer (who was paying me to work).

I understand he works for himself and can do as he pleases, but you are an employee... thus your daily work hours belong to the company that employs you.

[BreakOnThrough]

Guys get snippy when you spoil them, you're giving him too much, back off and let him earn your affections more respectfully.  Make him appreciate you, do you own thing and appear thrilled to do it separate of him.

[Johnjohnson2017]

There will be ups and downs in all relationships. There will be misunderstandings, miscommunications and frustrations. Give this relationship a chance to see if it works out. Hopefully he will apologize and admit he was wrong for snapping at you (assuming he did realize he snapped and that you didn't deserve to be snapped at). Hopefully he didn't lose his previous relationship due to snapping issues.

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I did read your posts (properly) and still think there is way too much communication/texting going on throughout the work day on both parts.

You both need to scale back.  If he texts you, don't respond until you get off work or are at home for the evening.

When I worked, I didn't return personal texts or emails while at work.  I might answer a question at lunch (if it was important), but not during my working hours, when I was focused on doing my work for my employer (who was paying me to work).

I understand he works for himself and can do as he pleases, but you are an employee... thus your daily work hours belong to the company that employs you.

I work part time, attend school and do clinicals at a health facility. 

Not sure where you got we text throughout the day, we do NOT.

In fact some days we don't text at all, maybe once at the end of day to make plans.   

You have misinterpreted this entire situation and thread. 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, BreakOnThrough said:

do you own thing and appear thrilled to do it

Already doing that, I sense this is precisely what bothers and irritates him. 

[Happy Lemming]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

In fact some days we don't text at all, maybe once at the end of day to make plans.  

If you are only texting once a day (at the end of the day) to make plans, what was he getting upset about??

That you were unable to provide an instant answer to a question about those plans??

What was the "gist" of the original text??  You stated you were busy and would respond later, was there something that required an immediate answer??

Perhaps he requires immediate attention -- when he wants it??

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If you are only texting once a day (at the end of the day) to make plans, what was he getting upset about??

That you were unable to provide an instant answer to a question about those plans??

What was the "gist" of the original text??  You stated you were busy and would respond later, was there something that required an immediate answer??

Perhaps he requires immediate attention -- when he wants it??

I don't know Lemming, it's possible or it could be something else,  I'll find out tonight.  

[Happy Lemming]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I don't know Lemming, it's possible or it could be something else,  I'll find out tonight.  

As another poster pointed out, it could be displaced anger... Where a client or situation didn't turn out the way he wanted and he made it about you??

[Weezy1973]

38 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I don't know Lemming, it's possible or it could be something else,  I'll find out tonight.  

My guess is that if he’s super busy, having to read two texts instead of one (I.e. one saying you’ll respond, and a second with the actual response) might irritate him. You’re two different people and will find your groove communication wise over time. 
 

 

[Mrin]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I seem to attract these types; I still think it's more than him being irritated by my text but I'll get to the bottom of it one way or another. 

Hey Pops!

Ok here is my take on it:

1) you are being very courteous with that text protocol. Nothing wrong with that

2) nothing wrong with him not wanting you to do that anymore either

3) nothing wrong with him being direct by telling you so

4) nothing above is the issue

The Issue: when he communicated with you it occured for you as him being irritated or annoyed with you. Now, that might have indeed been the case and if it was, that is an area of concern. You should dig into that and find out if he was annoyed or irritated.

Or, and I just want you to try this on, perhaps he was just being direct. More direct than he usually is. I get that way sometimes - especially when I am in work mode. It has been jarring to some of the women I've dated in the past and I try to be mindful of it going forward.

Women tell me I'm either a Jedi mindtrick level communicator capable of delivering the toughest of messages with the skill of a surgeon or a bull in a china shop who can turn a simple request feel like a sledgehammer to the head. One or the other and never anything in between. And the juxtaposition of the two probably makes it even more challenging.

Just try on if perhaps that is what was going on here.

Best of luck!

Mrin

[FMW]

I'm not sure why in the beginning he said he appreciated your explanations but was annoyed this time, but maybe (just throwing this out there) if it happens a lot he's starting to feel like you make excuses for not talking to him right then and for whatever reason it's starting to make him insecure instead of appreciative.  

Or maybe he feels like you're telling him you have other priorities above him (which you legitimately do) and he doesn't like that, especially if he feels he's making time to reach out to you even though he's also busy.  

Maybe one of those reasons, or something similar, just happened to coincide with a time that he was feeling annoyed or frustrated by something else and he just snapped.  Not cool, but unless it becomes a regular occurrence, I wouldn't put much importance in it.  We all have our not-so-nice moments, and the longer we're with someone the more likely those moments are going to show up occasionally.   

Although I'm sure you're very sweet and loving to him, we don't always see ourselves and our actions the way others do. What we say or do may not be received in the way we intend, no fault of yours or his.  

Are there other things in the relationship that are making you anxious or unsure about whether or not it will last?  This one occurrence doesn't seem worthy of a lot of angst in my opinion, I don't see it as being something to think it's the beginning of the end.  

[healing light]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

If you read these threads, it's a fairly common issue with people, wondering why someone hasn't responded to a text.

 

I have several friendships where people appreciate being told when I'm going to be available to chat if I miss a call or text. I don't see this as neediness or a play-by-play, but kind of expected from our established patterns of communication. And I think it is normal for people in long-term relationships when you are co-habiting to know when to expect a reply so they can solidify certain plans. I live with a relative and we eat dinner together, so we are frequently checking in so we can craft our activities around that.

So I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with letting someone know when you're available if they reach out, but when you're first dating each other you're still learning their communication style and habits. Personally, I'm not a big texter in the beginning stages of dating, sometimes it's too much depending on how your feelings are developing and not wanting to feel chained to the phone 24/7. 

However, I think whatever made him feel like he was being given a "play-by-play" when it was a simple courteous text, imo, is what is actually bothering him. Maybe he was having an off day or maybe he needs more space. I wouldn't waste too much time trying to analyze it, just act like a mirror right now and evaluate if what he brings to the table works for you and if you guys jive in general. It's only been 3 months, you're still getting to know each other and that's what dating is for.