Els Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 14 minutes ago, Philosopher said: I probably will ask her out this weekend. I will do it when I leaving, possibly by giving her a note with my number on it to minimise the awkwardness if she says no. If she says no, I will have to go somewhere else for coffee. Well, that is exactly the problem with asking someone out at their place of work. She knows that now she'll lose a customer. I don't think the free coffee indicates what you think it does. Businesses give out free stuff all the time to regular/loyal customers to keep them coming back. Going against the grain here, but personally, I think that if someone is working and you are a customer there, you shouldn't ask them out while they are working. Especially if you can't take rejection without making it personal (i.e. never going back). 1
Els Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 On 4/25/2022 at 3:05 AM, dramafreezone said: I know the conventional wisdom is people in service occupations are nice by nature of this job, but someone has to be dating them right? I know a lot of people in service occupations and none of them are in a LTR with a customer (although yes, many are in LTRs with other people). In fact, I've heard a ton of stories from them griping about customers misinterpreting their nice gestures and smiles (which are, by the way, mandated by their supervisor). This is especially bad for the air stewardesses who are trapped in a plane with said dude for hours. 1
chillii Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 Yeah ya see it is a tricky one this. Personally l'd think a note is a bit slimy myself but eh, l wouldn't know. But me l'd prefer to ask , and l don't think there'd be need to go somewhere else if it's no go, chuckle it of it'd blow over. Otherwise you'll always be that guy that asked then disappeared.
Alpacalia Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 4 hours ago, Philosopher said: I am still reading . With the flirting, to me the hand fist bump was the most notable sign and she does seem to stand quite close to me when I am being served. In the conversations we have we tend to talk about what we doing for that day with the odd question about ourselves. She does tend to have quite lengthy conversations with other customers too. Some have said she could be doing it for a large tip. However I am in the UK where tips are not usually given to baristas. I probably will ask her out this weekend. I will do it when I leaving, possibly by giving her a note with my number on it to minimise the awkwardness if she says no. If she says no, I will have to go somewhere else for coffee. LOL By writing your phone number discreetly, you offer her the opportunity to text you back, which shows that you're interested rather than asking her for her number/ about her plans/ if she's single while she's busy at work in the middle of making drinks. It's confident, and flattering. The point here is that unless she has a big chip on her shoulder, she won't think any less of you and will still happily serve you coffee each morning whether she keeps your number or not.
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 19 minutes ago, chillii said: Personally l'd think a note is a bit slimy myself but eh, l wouldn't know. But me l'd prefer to ask , and l don't think there'd be need to go somewhere else if it's no go, chuckle it of it'd blow over. Exactly. She's a big girl and can handle flirty customers. So what if she says no or has a BF or whatever? You can still go for coffee there. No big deal. If she's not interested she'll tell you when you ask for her contact info. But slipping a number is on the lazy/creepy side. 1
glows Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 5 hours ago, Philosopher said: I probably will ask her out this weekend. I will do it when I leaving, possibly by giving her a note with my number on it to minimise the awkwardness if she says no. If she says no, I will have to go somewhere else for coffee. This seems a bit passive. If you're this unsure and nervous, you may be misjudging the situation. I'd reconsider asking her out if this is what you plan to do. You made it sound earlier that she seemed just as friendly and you might have been confident asking her out during those interactions while ordering. Either way, whatever you choose, there will always be some possibility of rejection if you're asking someone out on a date. If you've not done this often enough until now this is good practice. Try to view it that way.
poppyfields Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 6 hours ago, Philosopher said: I probably will ask her out this weekend. I will do it when I leaving, possibly by giving her a note with my number on it to minimise the awkwardness if she says no. If she says no, I will have to go somewhere else for coffee. Fist bump as flirting? I dunno, possibly. That's not how I flirt, lol, but to each her own. It's ironic though isn't it? She's friendly to customers as it's her job to attract and maintain a strong customer base, but if she's "too" friendly, it's misinterpreted, a customer makes a play, she shoots him down and the result is she loses the customer! Tough business, the service industry, damned if you do, damned if you don't. In any event, good luck! I hope it works out, keep us posted!
glows Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) Every so often a thread like this crops up and its responses are a varied mix, a repeat of the one before it. There is always a mixed reaction when it comes to asking someone out especially when that person works in the hospitality industry. I don't know how many countless barista and restaurant server type threads I've read over the years but it's numerous. In my opinion, if you're going to ask her out do it directly and as part of your friendly conversation. Avoid being too passive. At the end of the day you're sending out the same message, OP. You're interested and would like to get to know her more. There's nothing malicious about your intent even if it may be unethical. She may interpret it as a form of flattery or decide also that working in hospitality is not for her. You certainly won't be the first nor the last to ask her out at her job or elsewhere. If she's an attractive woman, it happens more than you think. As long as you're respectful about it and accept any rejection well, this won't be a big deal. Now if you kept going back to the same coffeeshop to spy on her or watch her or continue asking her out or speculate that she is interested in you when she is clearly not interested, that's where you're crossing into creepy territory. Edited April 26, 2022 by glows
Alpacalia Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 Yes, that's true. Plus, each woman is unique in her own way. Assuming, at the end of the day, that what OP is most comfortable with seems like the most sensible thing to do, but also to maximize the likelihood that a positive outcome will result.
dramafreezone Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, Elswyth said: I know a lot of people in service occupations and none of them are in a LTR with a customer (although yes, many are in LTRs with other people). In fact, I've heard a ton of stories from them griping about customers misinterpreting their nice gestures and smiles (which are, by the way, mandated by their supervisor). This is especially bad for the air stewardesses who are trapped in a plane with said dude for hours. And I have a close personal friend that dated someone in the service industry, and he asked her out as a customer. Saw it with my own two eyes. So what do we take from that? Obviously it is possible, right? I think this idea that you shouldn't ask someone in the service industry out is in that same group of you shouldn't date someone at work. It may have some validity as a rule but there are always exceptions to the rule. There are literally millions of people that have met each other at work, or asked out that waitress, gotten married and had an amazing life together, but if they listend to conventional wisdom they may not have found that for themselves. OP, if you want to play it safe in life, listen to conventional wisdom. If you want to find something special, take a chance and buck those common beliefs. The worst that could happen is she says no thanks. What have you lost? Edited April 26, 2022 by dramafreezone
LuckyM Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 (edited) It is always iffy...it is easy to misinterpret this. Baristas should not be giving out free coffee unless she owns the store. Like to be funny?? Bring an ice cube with and ask her to break the ice! Bring a juicy date with and give it to her. So good. Bring a screw with and-----no not that. These are just gags to check her sense of humor. [] Edited April 28, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Insulting other members 1
Author Philosopher Posted April 30, 2022 Author Posted April 30, 2022 On 4/26/2022 at 4:37 PM, dramafreezone said: And I have a close personal friend that dated someone in the service industry, and he asked her out as a customer. Saw it with my own two eyes. So what do we take from that? Obviously it is possible, right? I think this idea that you shouldn't ask someone in the service industry out is in that same group of you shouldn't date someone at work. It may have some validity as a rule but there are always exceptions to the rule. There are literally millions of people that have met each other at work, or asked out that waitress, gotten married and had an amazing life together, but if they listend to conventional wisdom they may not have found that for themselves. OP, if you want to play it safe in life, listen to conventional wisdom. If you want to find something special, take a chance and buck those common beliefs. The worst that could happen is she says no thanks. What have you lost? A quick update. After I had ordered coffee at the coffee shop this morning I suggested that we should meet up during the conversation with her. Unfortunately she said she preferred that she would be by herself at the moment. She did not rule out meeting up at a later date, however I suspect this was a polite way of turning me down, so I will leave it at that with her. She did say she gets asked out quite a bit. 6
mrs rubble Posted April 30, 2022 Posted April 30, 2022 1 hour ago, Philosopher said: A quick update. After I had ordered coffee at the coffee shop this morning I suggested that we should meet up during the conversation with her. Unfortunately she said she preferred that she would be by herself at the moment. She did not rule out meeting up at a later date, however I suspect this was a polite way of turning me down, so I will leave it at that with her. She did say she gets asked out quite a bit. Damn that's a shame!! At least you know now. I once got asked out by an attendant at the Gas station, he saw my surfboard on the roof of my car and asked if he could go surfing with me. I said sure and we regularly went surfing together after that, nothing romantic ever came of it though. 1
chillii Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 Ahhh, sorry about that op buttt, at least you've tried and no need to wonder anymore. Well done, anyway. 2
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 11 hours ago, Philosopher said: she said she preferred that she would be by herself at the moment. That's ok. Now you know and can carry on as usual without having to ponder the question any further.
dramafreezone Posted May 1, 2022 Posted May 1, 2022 (edited) 19 hours ago, Philosopher said: A quick update. After I had ordered coffee at the coffee shop this morning I suggested that we should meet up during the conversation with her. Unfortunately she said she preferred that she would be by herself at the moment. She did not rule out meeting up at a later date, however I suspect this was a polite way of turning me down, so I will leave it at that with her. She did say she gets asked out quite a bit. Yeah she's letting you down easily. But I think you deserve a ton of credit. You won, because you showed up and were a man. Now you know, and you're one step closer towards finding someone that is just waiting to spend time with you. Think of it as her loss, but not in a bitter way. Edited May 1, 2022 by dramafreezone 1
Alpacalia Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 (edited) On 4/30/2022 at 3:02 PM, Philosopher said: She did say she gets asked out quite a bit. Ahh, fiddle sticks. I knew you should have given her your number when you said you would. What would you have accomplished if you had done that? You would have placed even higher by setting yourself from the norm. However, you did a great thing by inviting her out. This is her loss. Remember, you are not like the rest of them. You never were and could never be. Edited May 2, 2022 by Alpacalia
Els Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 On 5/1/2022 at 8:02 AM, Philosopher said: A quick update. After I had ordered coffee at the coffee shop this morning I suggested that we should meet up during the conversation with her. Unfortunately she said she preferred that she would be by herself at the moment. She did not rule out meeting up at a later date, however I suspect this was a polite way of turning me down, so I will leave it at that with her. She did say she gets asked out quite a bit. It's great that you are taking the rejection calmly and civilly, and not personally. Best possible outcome for her.
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