Philosopher Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 I visit a coffee shop near me fairly regularly and there is usually the same barista each time I visit. When ordering coffee I usually have a five minute conversation with her. I get the impression she is quite interested in me as there is quite a bit of flirting between us. The last time I visited she gave me a free coffee saying I am a regular customer, she asked me her name and we gave each other a hand fist bump. Previously she asked where and what I do for work. However as she is working in an industry where staff are paid to be friendly to customers I am unsure whether she is genuinely interested or not. I tend to visit at a time when the coffee shop is fairly quiet. Is it a good idea to suggest meeting up with her and if so what is the best way to ask her out?
dramafreezone Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Philosopher said: I visit a coffee shop near me fairly regularly and there is usually the same barista each time I visit. When ordering coffee I usually have a five minute conversation with her. I get the impression she is quite interested in me as there is quite a bit of flirting between us. The last time I visited she gave me a free coffee saying I am a regular customer, she asked me her name and we gave each other a hand fist bump. Previously she asked where and what I do for work. However as she is working in an industry where staff are paid to be friendly to customers I am unsure whether she is genuinely interested or not. I tend to visit at a time when the coffee shop is fairly quiet. Is it a good idea to suggest meeting up with her and if so what is the best way to ask her out? Why not? You got a free coffee, I think that's a clear indication that she enjoys seeing you and wants to encourage it. I don't like the fist bump though, not exactly a romantic vibe there. I know the conventional wisdom is people in service occupations are nice by nature of this job, but someone has to be dating them right? I have a good friend that got a waitress's number right in front of me and they dated for a long time. I say ask her out, sooner rather than later. "We should go out sometime, when are you free to get together?" It's simple and presupposes that she's going to say yes. Edited April 24, 2022 by dramafreezone 2
glows Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 I'm on the fence with this one as baristas and those working in customer service are often very friendly. I've been asked these questions before when frequenting local establishments or because I'm a regular. In my opinion, it doesn't seem anything special as they could be canvassing also the demographic of the business and getting a sense of the regulars who come by. Some places will give discounts to locals who live in the area. If you're going to ask her out make it to the point and if she declines be respectful and don't keep pursuing. The follow up or the way you handle the rejection is just about as important as asking her out at all. Also be prepared to frequent other establishments if you think you can't buy your coffee from this same place again or are too embarrassed with an outcome that doesn't work in your favour. 1
Weezy1973 Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 25 minutes ago, Philosopher said: Is it a good idea to suggest meeting up with her and if so what is the best way to ask her out? Yes it's a good idea to ask her out. She might say no, but who cares? You get your answer one way or another, and if she's not interested no big deal either. If you feel you can shrug off rejection as no big deal then for sure ask her out. 3
BrinnM Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 (edited) Like @dramafreezonesaid: somebody must be dating them, too, right? The fist bump wouldn’t concern me. It’s a type of physical contact, and I don’t think anything more can be expected at this point. She can’t possibly hug or kiss him in the coffee shop, right? Also, fist bump means she finds him likable and nice. Maybe even funny and attractive. That’s a good start. 29 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I say ask her out, sooner rather than later. "We should go out sometime, when are you free to get together?" Yes, but please skip the last part. It’s too presumptuous. Unless she says “yes, that would be great” first (or something along those lines). Then you can ask when. Edited April 24, 2022 by BrinnM 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 1 hour ago, Philosopher said: The last time I visited she gave me a free coffee saying I am a regular customer, she asked me her name and we gave each other a hand fist bump. Why not? Just don't ask to to go for coffee. 2
Alpacalia Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 Being nice to you is something she has to do in her job so it's hard. If they draw a heart in milk for your latte, you think to yourself: "Oh la la!". There's the direct route. Or, if you are feeling particularly smitten you can try to engage her outside of the context in which coffee shops function. Do you know anyone with whom you share a mutual friendship? Do you know if they are using social media? Putting a friend request up to her might help you gauge her interest in interacting with you off the clock.
dramafreezone Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, BrinnM said: Like @dramafreezonesaid: somebody must be dating them, too, right? The fist bump wouldn’t concern me. It’s a type of physical contact, and I don’t think anything more can be expected at this point. She can’t possibly hug or kiss him in the coffee shop, right? Also, fist bump means she finds him likable and nice. Maybe even funny and attractive. That’s a good start. Yes, but please skip the last part. It’s too presumptuous. Unless she says “yes, that would be great” first (or something along those lines). Then you can ask when. To each his own. I think some sense of expecting her to say yes plays to the guy's advantage. Fortune favors the bold. For what it's worth, the way that I've suggested above (or some version of it) has worked far better for me than "do you want to go out some time?" So many guys do it that way, he should stand out. Bottom line is that if she really likes him, it almost doesn't matter how he asks her out. If she's on the fence, it might matter, but does he really want a date that could take him or leave him? Edited April 24, 2022 by dramafreezone
BrinnM Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 59 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: what it's worth, the way that I've suggested above (or some version of it) has worked far better for me than "do you want to go out some time?" Yes, and I find your original suggestion great: “We should go out sometime” (rather than asking). That’s a really good line. Much better than do you want to go out
poppyfields Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Philosopher said: I get the impression she is quite interested in me as there is quite a bit of flirting between us. Can you elaborate on this? While I agree with those who say it's her job to be friendly, blatantly flirting with a customer is entirely different. So how is she flirting versus simply being friendly, can you tell the difference? Unless it's really obvious, sometimes it's hard to tell. If she's attractive and friendly and/or a flirt, she probably gets asked out A LOT. Could be her game to attract and maintain male customers, do you leave a large tip? Edited April 24, 2022 by poppyfields
basil67 Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 I remember discussing this with my daughter when she was working customer service. She says that because of the power imbalance caused by them being paid to serve/be nice it's best to give them your number. That way, they aren't put on the spot in their place of work. 3
chillii Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 Seems as you talk a bit, you know she isn't seeing anyone right ? lf not yeah , ask her , if she isn't interested any awkwardness will blow over but , she may well be.
smackie9 Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 Give it a shot, I'm sure she's used to being asked out being on the job anyways. 3
Meghan L Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 You'll never know if you don't try. Be nice, be friendly, & don't be crestfallen if she declines.
Ami1uwant Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 11 hours ago, Philosopher said: I visit a coffee shop near me fairly regularly and there is usually the same barista each time I visit. When ordering coffee I usually have a five minute conversation with her. I get the impression she is quite interested in me as there is quite a bit of flirting between us. The last time I visited she gave me a free coffee saying I am a regular customer, she asked me her name and we gave each other a hand fist bump. Previously she asked where and what I do for work. However as she is working in an industry where staff are paid to be friendly to customers I am unsure whether she is genuinely interested or not. I tend to visit at a time when the coffee shop is fairly quiet. Is it a good idea to suggest meeting up with her and if so what is the best way to ask her out? have you seen how she is with other regulars in her behavior that coukd set your apart? how much have you talked in terms of personal stuff? have you asked her how her weekend was and gotten somewhere on her dating life? I don’t read much into behavior of people who are required to be nice and engaging to the customer. i recall one time I was on work travel for a week. There was a local restaurant I went to fir dinner that was next to the hotel. I recall the one waitress I had fir two days and something was very different with her…but I wasn’t sure if it was her personality or not. Was I local I might have perused something but since I was just traveling I didn’t.
dramafreezone Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 (edited) 12 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: I don’t read much into behavior of people who are required to be nice and engaging to the customer. True, only thing that I think sets this apart is her giving him free coffee. She could get in trouble for that so this seems a bit more than just good customer service. If that hadn't happened I'd probably say he's reading too much into her kindness. Edited April 25, 2022 by dramafreezone
Ami1uwant Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 4 hours ago, dramafreezone said: True, only thing that I think sets this apart is her giving him free coffee. She could get in trouble for that so this seems a bit more than just good customer service. If that hadn't happened I'd probably say he's reading too much into her kindness. I don’t read thst without knowing full situation she could have given him the last cup of a pot nobody wants 1
poppyfields Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 4 hours ago, dramafreezone said: True, only thing that I think sets this apart is her giving him free coffee. She could get in trouble for that so this seems a bit more than just good customer service. Never underestimate what a waitress or Barista will do to get a large tip. No one would ever know who she's giving free coffee to.
Alpacalia Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 48 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I don’t read thst without knowing full situation This is a good point. That's something I don't do either. I like the mention above about giving her his phone number. Put it on a piece of paper or something: "if you're free for a drink sometime give me a call." 1
basil67 Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 The occasional free coffee may be marketing to encourage goodwill and therefore, return customers.
dramafreezone Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, poppyfields said: Never underestimate what a waitress or Barista will do to get a large tip. No one would ever know who she's giving free coffee to. Well nothing's a guarantee. She could blow him a kiss and it could mean nothing. I just think there's a higher likelihood that she's intersted since she gave him the free coffee. In my mind it's an accumulation of factors. No single thing means anything but a number of "interest indicators" may mean something. He'll only know for sure if he asks her out and she says yes. Like I said, somebody has to be dating these baristas and others that rely on tips. Edited April 26, 2022 by dramafreezone
poppyfields Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: He'll only know for sure if he asks her out and she says yes. Like I said, somebody has to be dating these baristas and others that rely on tops. The bolded is true but if she declines, it'll be awkward. When I was a hostess and waitress many moons ago, men (customers) would make a play for me, I'd say no, and I always felt uncomfortable when I'd have to see or wait on them again. OP, you haven't returned since your first post so not sure you're still reading, but if you are, honestly I don't think you shouid read too much into her giving you a free drink, it's done all the time for regular customers, it's a marketing strategy,l; doesn't mean a damn thing except they want your business and hope you recommend the place to others. I asked you earlier if you could elaborate on how she "flirted," there's always a fine line in any type of service industry. It's their job to be friendly and I know men who interpret it as flirting, make a play, get shot down and feel like an idiot. And of course someone has to date them, but if she's young and attractive, she most likely gets hit on wherever she goes, she may even have a boyfriend now! Edited April 26, 2022 by poppyfields
chillii Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) lt is a tricky one for sure , l get a lot of this in my area and tbh l'm never quite sure. Just the other day l went over to casualty to get something out of my eye. The nurse was such a cutie there were 2 others to but they sort of stood around at a normal distance. This one though, there was plenty of space yet talking later her body and breasts and face were almost touching me l mean l could've kissed her very easily without moving, and she seemed extra nice. Thought about it later and wondered, lf l was single what was that l mean she had meters of space, the others weren't like that. Edited April 26, 2022 by chillii
Author Philosopher Posted April 26, 2022 Author Posted April 26, 2022 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: The bolded is true but if she declines, it'll be awkward. When I was a hostess and waitress many moons ago, men (customers) would make a play for me, I'd say no, and I always felt uncomfortable when I'd have to see or wait on them again. OP, you haven't returned since your first post so not sure you're still reading, but if you are, honestly I don't think you shouid read too much into her giving you a free drink, it's done all the time for regular customers, it's a marketing strategy,l; doesn't mean a damn thing except they want your business and hope you recommend the place to others. I asked you earlier if you could elaborate on how she "flirted," there's always a fine line in any type of service industry. It's their job to be friendly and I know men who interpret it as flirting, make a play, get shot down and feel like an idiot. And of course someone has to date them, but if she's young and attractive, she most likely gets hit on wherever she goes, she may even have a boyfriend now! I am still reading . With the flirting, to me the hand fist bump was the most notable sign and she does seem to stand quite close to me when I am being served. In the conversations we have we tend to talk about what we doing for that day with the odd question about ourselves. She does tend to have quite lengthy conversations with other customers too. Some have said she could be doing it for a large tip. However I am in the UK where tips are not usually given to baristas. I probably will ask her out this weekend. I will do it when I leaving, possibly by giving her a note with my number on it to minimise the awkwardness if she says no. If she says no, I will have to go somewhere else for coffee.
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 2 minutes ago, Philosopher said: Probably will ask her out this weekend.I will have to go somewhere else for coffee. Exactly. You've got nothing to lose. But don't "slip her your number". That's kind of lame and lazy and timid. A lot of women cringe at that. Ask for hers then call/text to set up a date. Accomplishes two things. If she gives you her number it's a start. If not,oh well.
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