Communication w/someone who won't move to my area for a month?

[max3732]

Met someone online who won't move to my area for about a month. We seem to have hit it off and are having a fun conversation and a number of common interests. She even came up with a playful nickname for me. Yesterday we sent each other a bunch of messages.

My question is should I keep this up for the next month until we meet, go to a phone call or dial back a bit on the messages? I'd rather meet her in person and see if there's chemistry than spend a lot of time over text. However I've learned momentum is also important and saying "let's meet up after you move here" probably isn't going to cut it.

I also feel like talking too much before we meet and asking everything over text may spoil the initial in person conversation (if we finally meet). So what's the way to balance these issues?

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, max3732 said:

My question is should I keep this up for the next month until we meet, go to a phone call or dial back a bit on the messages? I'd rather meet her in person and see if there's chemistry than spend a lot of time over text. However I've learned momentum is also important and saying "let's meet up after you move here" probably isn't going to cut it.

Stay on the radar but keep texting to a sort of volley without over-texting or putting yourself in the textbuddy-zone. Don't get overinvested since you've never met and she's probably talking to others.

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stay on the radar but keep texting to a sort of volley without over-texting or putting yourself in the textbuddy-zone. Don't get overinvested since you've never met and she's probably talking to others.

Thanks! What about asking for her # or any kind of deeper things? At first I was having fun with the messages, but now I'm afraid of messing things up. Could I just tell her I'd rather get to know her in person than through text so I'm going to save a lot of the interesting conversations for when we meet?

She just signed up for the site so you're probably right she's talking to others.

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Could I just tell her I'd rather get to know her in person than through text so I'm going to save a lot of the interesting conversations for when we meet?

I think this is a good idea because some women expect non stop texting up until and after the first date.  Whew!

[basil67]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

Could I just tell her I'd rather get to know her in person than through text so I'm going to save a lot of the interesting conversations for when we meet?

You could say that.  But if she's also talking with others, how will you stop her from forgetting about you?

Just how far away is she?  Is meeting soon out of the question?

[chillii]

Yeah l wondered that to how far away is she ? lf it's only a few hrs why not just go meet her?

As far as talking too much wellll, l dunno. My experience in that one it made no difference but only bc we both knew day one this was gonna be really really special. We talked three mths first bc we were 12hrs apart , took awhile to organize. Over 4yrs later we're still together. lf there's any real connection talking now will make no difference to later, you never run out of things . l suppose too much time like this first though is more about the fact you haven't met so you'll probably get quite close along the way like this and so even more disappointed and a real let down if things don't go as well in person later.  

Up to you to decide whether you wanna risk that or not. Backing away until you meet if you'd rather, that probably depends on the individual person as to how she'll take that. One might be ok and understand, another might [lose interest] and that'll be that. Up to you.

Edited April 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[dramafreezone]

22 hours ago, max3732 said:

Met someone online who won't move to my area for about a month. We seem to have hit it off and are having a fun conversation and a number of common interests. She even came up with a playful nickname for me. Yesterday we sent each other a bunch of messages.

My question is should I keep this up for the next month until we meet, go to a phone call or dial back a bit on the messages? I'd rather meet her in person and see if there's chemistry than spend a lot of time over text. However I've learned momentum is also important and saying "let's meet up after you move here" probably isn't going to cut it.

I also feel like talking too much before we meet and asking everything over text may spoil the initial in person conversation (if we finally meet). So what's the way to balance these issues?

Yeah, take some time off from her.  It's like reading cliff notes on a movie before you see it.  Once she's knows everything about you because you've told her over the phone, why does she need to meet you?

You can go some days without talking to her or just saying hi.  People are busy, have lives, you can't be this dedicated to someone you haven't met in person.

You can only connect so much over the phone.  In-person has to take over at some point, and I think it's too far away to keep up at the pace that you are communicating, IMO.  If she really likes you she won't forget about you.  If you take some time off and she drops off completely then there was not much there to hold on to.

Edited April 23, 2022 by dramafreezone

[jspice]

What’s wrong with asking for a video call?

 I don’t see why I has to be texting or nothing. If she were in the same city, you would’ve invited her for a quick meet already so ask for a video chat instead. 
 

you may or may not want to continue talking after that just like a quick coffee date or whatever. 

[max3732]

On 4/22/2022 at 8:25 PM, basil67 said:

You could say that.  But if she's also talking with others, how will you stop her from forgetting about you?

Just how far away is she?  Is meeting soon out of the question?

She's not within driving distance, so it's definitely out of the question. 

On 4/22/2022 at 8:58 PM, chillii said:

Yeah l wondered that to how far away is she ? lf it's only a few hrs why not just go meet her?

As far as talking too much wellll, l dunno. My experience in that one it made no difference but only bc we both knew day one this was gonna be really really special. We talked three mths first bc we were 12hrs apart , took awhile to organize. Over 4yrs later we're still together. lf there's any real connection talking now will make no difference to later, you never run out of things . l suppose too much time like this first though is more about the fact you haven't met so you'll probably get quite close along the way like this and so even more disappointed and a real let down if things don't go as well in person later.  

Up to you to decide whether you wanna risk that or not. Backing away until you meet if you'd rather, that probably depends on the individual person as to how she'll take that. One might be ok and understand, another might [lose interest] and that'll be that. Up to you.

So far we haven't run out of things and it seems like a good connection. I'm just afraid of overdoing it.

On 4/23/2022 at 12:35 PM, dramafreezone said:

Yeah, take some time off from her.  It's like reading cliff notes on a movie before you see it.  Once she's knows everything about you because you've told her over the phone, why does she need to meet you?

You can go some days without talking to her or just saying hi.  People are busy, have lives, you can't be this dedicated to someone you haven't met in person.

You can only connect so much over the phone.  In-person has to take over at some point, and I think it's too far away to keep up at the pace that you are communicating, IMO.  If she really likes you she won't forget about you.  If you take some time off and she drops off completely then there was not much there to hold on to.

She texts me every morning with a "good morning" message and tells me what she'd doing or asks about me. So I'd feel a bit funny ignoring her, but maybe I should leave it to just 1 or 2 a day.

On 4/23/2022 at 12:59 PM, jspice said:

What’s wrong with asking for a video call?

 I don’t see why I has to be texting or nothing. If she were in the same city, you would’ve invited her for a quick meet already so ask for a video chat instead. 
 

you may or may not want to continue talking after that just like a quick coffee date or whatever. 

I suppose we could do a video call. It's just I don't know how great I'd look with the lighting or whatever with the video call and feel a bit awkward compared with in person.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

She's not within driving distance, so it's definitely out of the question. 

So far we haven't run out of things and it seems like a good connection. I'm just afraid of overdoing it.

She texts me every morning with a "good morning" message and tells me what she'd doing or asks about me. So I'd feel a bit funny ignoring her, but maybe I should leave it to just 1 or 2 a day.

I suppose we could do a video call. It's just I don't know how great I'd look with the lighting or whatever with the video call and feel a bit awkward compared with in person.

Have you met her? Video chatted?

[Wiseman2]

Ok this is a textbuddy for now. What exactly is in this for you?

Who contacted whom? Why the distance? At best you may be one of several tourguides  she is lining up to make her relocation easier.

At worst, you're talking to and catfish or something.

Date locally. There's no point being her stepping stone, if her story is even true.

[jspice]

21 hours ago, max3732 said:

I suppose we could do a video call. It's just I don't know how great I'd look with the lighting or whatever with the video call and feel a bit awkward compared with in person.

You’ll just have to get over that awkwardness. You can play with the lighting. Move to a room with more flattering lighting. Pretend you’re sitting opposite her in a restaurant or coffee shop or wherever you’d usually go. 
 

I was also shy, awkward, introverted. I still am but if I wanted to get to know someone, I just jumped into the awkward situation. You appear to overthink a lot. Just do it. 
 

“I’ve been enjoying our texts so far and I’d like to talk a bit more. Since we can’t meet right away, how would you feel about a video call on WhatsApp/ Skype/ whatever the Google call thing is/ zoom ( so you don’t have to give your number if you’re not comfortable) “

If the call goes well, she might look forward to a real date. If not, you haven’t wasted the next month waiting for a flop. 
Fortune favours the bold. 
 

Start taking agency of your dating life. [ ] Be yourself. 

Edited April 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[max3732]

On 4/26/2022 at 3:05 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Ok this is a textbuddy for now. What exactly is in this for you?

Who contacted whom? Why the distance? At best you may be one of several tourguides  she is lining up to make her relocation easier.

At worst, you're talking to and catfish or something.

Date locally. There's no point being her stepping stone, if her story is even true.

Definitely I'm trying to date locally. The problem is I get a lot of people who put my location in their profiles and then I found out later they're just visiting. In this case she put a location about 45 minutes from me so I messaged her and she matched with me. As we were talking she said she's moving there next month. 

On 4/26/2022 at 8:30 AM, jspice said:

You’ll just have to get over that awkwardness. You can play with the lighting. Move to a room with more flattering lighting. Pretend you’re sitting opposite her in a restaurant or coffee shop or wherever you’d usually go. 
 

I was also shy, awkward, introverted. I still am but if I wanted to get to know someone, I just jumped into the awkward situation. You appear to overthink a lot. Just do it. 
 

“I’ve been enjoying our texts so far and I’d like to talk a bit more. Since we can’t meet right away, how would you feel about a video call on WhatsApp/ Skype/ whatever the Google call thing is/ zoom ( so you don’t have to give your number if you’re not comfortable) “

If the call goes well, she might look forward to a real date. If not, you haven’t wasted the next month waiting for a flop. 
Fortune favours the bold. 
 

Start taking agency of your dating life. [ ] Be yourself. 

For some reason I just feel so much better in person. Maybe it's because at a restaurant or if you're walking outside you're doing something other than just looking at her through the phone or computer. The app has a video chat feature so we could do that and I have a phone mount. 

I'll try and change things up in my room a bit. See if I can get things a bit better.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, max3732 said:

 she put a location about 45 minutes from me so I messaged her and she matched with me. 

Ok. That's a bad sign. Dishonesty right from the start. Right now this is a catfish or scammer until proven otherwise.

[max3732]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. That's a bad sign. Dishonesty right from the start. Right now this is a catfish or scammer until proven otherwise.

To make matters worse she is now saying the place she wanted to rent doesn't want to rent to single people and she's struggling to find a place. Her last few messages have all been complaining about that. Her photos don't look like the obvious fake, Barbie doll, supermodel type ones. Just looks like a regular person. Even slightly overweight in 1 photo.

[chillii]

 

lf you really liked her , only 45mins away should've just gone and met her.

[max3732]

3 hours ago, chillii said:

 

lf you really liked her , only 45mins away should've just gone and met her.

She's not 45 minutes away now. That's where she says she'll be next month. Now she's not within driving distance

[chillii]

Ahhh, sounds like you should've pounced, well , if you liked her enough.