Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Good idea. While flattering, since you are a supervisor it's inappropriate/unprofessional to flirt or ask her out etc. Lol, that’s not what I meant by keep this as a thread.. I meant keep this as a thread to continue to update the back and forth flirty vibes we give each other. It’s okay to flirt as long as it’s playful in nature and not sexual. Like teasing, joking, etc.
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 It's only "okay" if it's mutual and that's debatable as you're her superior. You may think this is a joke until it blows up as a sexual harassment case because she felt she was obligated to reciprocate in order to keep her job. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, glows said: It's only "okay" if it's mutual and that's debatable as you're her superior. You may think this is a joke until it blows up as a sexual harassment case because she felt she was obligated to reciprocate in order to keep her job. I just said “not sexual” how is joking and having a laugh with someone going to lead to harassment? There’s many different types of flirting. None of which I’ve actually even ENGAGED in with her.. it’s her that’s been doing that. Edited April 20, 2022 by jgraham11
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: I just said “not sexual” how is joking and having a laugh with someone going to lead to harassment? There’s many different types of flirting. None of which I’ve actually even ENGAGED in with her.. it’s her that’s been doing that. That's a slippery slope even so whether jokes are deemed too casual with all sorts of double entendres and meanings. I can't imagine why a person would want to jeopardize any part of their career this way in the first place. She may find the attention flattering and to her benefit. You may want to ask yourself if you see yourself also with a person like that. There are different ways of looking at it.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 And not for nothing, but I never really asked whether or not it was a good idea to pursue someone that I work with. I was asking whether the signs she was throwing my way meant anything. I mean what workplace doesn’t have at the very least playful flirting going on? Unless you work in a monastery then you are, or you work with people, who flirt with each other. I can’t count how many people I see at my job who are either sleeping with each other, have slept with each other or want to sleep with each other.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 2 minutes ago, glows said: That's a slippery slope even so whether jokes are deemed too casual with all sorts of double entendres and meanings. I can't imagine why a person would want to jeopardize any part of their career this way in the first place. She may find the attention flattering and to her benefit. You may want to ask yourself if you see yourself also with a person like that. There are different ways of looking at it. Because there’s no jeopardy in losing my job. That’s not how my company operates. They just move you to a different facility.. and that’s only if you happen to mix it up with a married person who’s significant other also works there.
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 If you work weekends, why not try dating apps? The workplace is not a singles club. She is being nice to you because you're her supervisor, not because she wants to date.
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 5 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Because there’s no jeopardy in losing my job. That’s not how my company operates. They just move you to a different facility.. and that’s only if you happen to mix it up with a married person who’s significant other also works there. Would you mind being moved, worst case scenario? Length of commute? Decrease in morale? Loss of interest for work, career? Resulting in eventual lay off? You're thinking in terms of one scenario only. If you're both involved and it goes sour, it may be a different story. Ultimately it's up to you how you want to go about this but there are too many unknowns. All the while single ladies are around in your town and you're telling yourself you can't get by because of weekdays off. That's not really an excuse. I agree about dating apps being an option if you find your work schedule at odds. I don't consider meeting someone at a bar or pub much of an option. Why not try joining several hobby groups and interest groups? There's no reason to limit yourself to this one person at your work place. There may be the thrill of the chase and the risky nature but beyond that... what deeper interest would she even hold. It wouldn't seem like much of a thrill to me, more like shooting fish in a barrel.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: If you work weekends, why not try dating apps? The workplace is not a singles club. She is being nice to you because you're her supervisor, not because she wants to date. That's a pretty bold assumption considering you don’t even know the person. And I’ve tried dating apps, they’re horrible. There’s nothing like getting to know someone in person. Edited April 20, 2022 by jgraham11
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, glows said: Would you mind being moved, worst case scenario? Length of commute? Decrease in morale? Loss of interest for work, career? Resulting in eventual lay off? You're thinking in terms of one scenario only. If you're both involved and it goes sour, it may be a different story. Ultimately it's up to you how you want to go about this but there are too many unknowns. All the while single ladies are around in your town and you're telling yourself you can't get by because of weekdays off. That's not really an excuse. I agree about dating apps being an option if you find your work schedule at odds. I don't consider meeting someone at a bar or pub much of an option. Why not try joining several hobby groups and interest groups? There's no reason to limit yourself to this one person at your work place. There may be the thrill of the chase and the risky nature but beyond that... what deeper interest would she even hold. It wouldn't seem like much of a thrill to me, more like shooting fish in a barrel. No, I wouldn’t mind, in fact I actually want to move to another facility in a nearby city, the commute would be better too. She’s single, I’m single, she shooting me vibes, I’m doing everything I can to NOT send her vibes (because up til now I am keeping it professional), but at the end of the day I’m not going to be in this office forever. I’m going to move to another office eventually and that’s when maybe I’d ask if she’d like to grab drinks sometime. Until then I will keep the friendly camaraderie going with her, maybe even the occasional non-sexual playful flirting (IF SHE STARTS IT) and go from there. I don’t necessarily have an issue with single people that work together dating as long as they stay professional about it in the workplace. A lot of people meet their significant other at work.. hell my parents met each other at work.. and it’s the same company! lol Life is short. Edited April 20, 2022 by jgraham11
Alpacalia Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 If your workplace has no policy against dating and from my understanding, you cannot be fired or sued for sexual harassment just for asking someone out. It's another matter if she says no, and you keep pressing. The overtly friendly behavior is the part you need to watch out for. It appears, however, that this is coming from her rather than you.
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 5 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: No, I wouldn’t mind, in fact I actually want to move to another facility in a nearby city, the commute would be better too. She’s single, I’m single, she shooting me vibes, I’m doing everything I can to NOT send her vibes (because up til now I am keeping it professional), but at the end of the day I’m not going to be in this office forever. I’m going to move to another office eventually and that’s when maybe I’d ask if she’d like to grab drinks sometime. Until then I will keep the friendly camaraderie going with her, maybe even the occasional non-sexual playful flirting (IF SHE STARTS IT) and go from there. I don’t necessarily have an issue with single people that work together dating as long as they stay professional about it in the workplace. Life is short. Indeed. Life is short. I'd also meet women locally (whom you do not work with) on dates. Let not your whole world be about this one woman.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 1 minute ago, Alpacalia said: If your workplace has no policy against dating and from my understanding, you cannot be fired or sued for sexual harassment just for asking someone out. It's another matter if she says no, and you keep pressing. The overtly friendly behavior is the part you need to watch out for. It appears, however, that this is coming from her rather than you. They do, but the company I work for has over 300,000 people that work for it and if HR actually took the time to look into every workplace relationship they’d never have time for anything else. They look the other way basically.. as long as it doesn’t become harassment or something like that of course. And of course not, if and when I ask her out (which I probably won’t until I transfer) and she says no.. I’d drop it right then and there. What do you mean about watching out for the overtly friendly behavior?
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 1 minute ago, glows said: Indeed. Life is short. I'd also meet women locally (whom you do not work with) on dates. Let not your whole world be about this one woman. Well, she’s the only woman I’m interested in at the moment. She’s got a great personality and she’s attractive and seeing her 4-5 times a week doesn’t make it any easier for me.
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Well, she’s the only woman I’m interested in at the moment. She’s got a great personality and she’s attractive and seeing her 4-5 times a week doesn’t make it any easier for me. She's the only woman you're interested in because she's the only one you're seeing on a regular basis. Go out and meet other people. There's a chance you're stuck in a rut so there's some tunnel vision in terms of options. I wouldn't view her as an option, not in the near future anyway and why live long suffering. I've never found any sense in that.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, glows said: She's the only woman you're interested in because she's the only one you're seeing on a regular basis. Go out and meet other people. There's a chance you're stuck in a rut so there's some tunnel vision in terms of options. I wouldn't view her as an option, not in the near future anyway and why live long suffering. I've never found any sense in that. Yeah. I would agree with that, I do think I have a bit of tunnel vision at times. Not having any other options also subconsciously probably puts more value on her too. Not to make it sound like she shouldn’t have dating value, but when there’s a lack of options, the one option you think you have seems that much more valuable. At the end of the day.. I’m not going to make a move while working in the same facility as her. If I’m still thinking a lot about her when the time comes for me to move to another facility in a few months.. well, I’ve got nothing to lose then except a rejection. Until then I just need to keep my cool, stay friendly and I’ll let her be the flirt and just roll with it. Edited April 20, 2022 by jgraham11
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 12 hours ago, jgraham11 said: . Not having any other options also subconsciously probably puts more value on her too. You seem to have good insight into this. However to err on the side of caution, it's safe to assume her friendliness (what you hope is "flirting") is because she wants to keep her job.
Alpacalia Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 (edited) 16 hours ago, jgraham11 said: They do, but the company I work for has over 300,000 people that work for it and if HR actually took the time to look into every workplace relationship they’d never have time for anything else. They look the other way basically.. as long as it doesn’t become harassment or something like that of course. And of course not, if and when I ask her out (which I probably won’t until I transfer) and she says no.. I’d drop it right then and there. What do you mean about watching out for the overtly friendly behavior? The point I'm trying to make is that flirting in a work environment is risky because boundaries can be blurred (even if it's coming mostly from her side). Whatever the case may be, it doesn't sound like much will come of it anyway. Edited April 21, 2022 by Alpacalia
AngryGromit Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 (edited) On 4/19/2022 at 8:34 PM, jgraham11 said: There’s a girl I work with that is, in my opinion, throwing vibes that she may be into me, but it’s kind of hard to tell because she seems like she’s just a genuinely friendly person. Approach with extreme caution. Lets says she IS into you and you go out and things are great, but she gets mad at you one day for leaving the toilet seat up, all she has to do is scream sexual harassment and your career is over. More so that your a manager, the down side far outweighs any upside there may be, better to keep things at work professional and look for booty outside of work. I for one would be too worried about walking on egg shells around her, not knowing what would set her off. She might be great, perfect for each other, real soul mates, but she could just as easily be a psycho, jealous girlfriend and could ruin your career. You willing to take the risk? Edited April 21, 2022 by AngryGromit
glows Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 17 hours ago, jgraham11 said: Yeah. I would agree with that, I do think I have a bit of tunnel vision at times. Not having any other options also subconsciously probably puts more value on her too. Not to make it sound like she shouldn’t have dating value, but when there’s a lack of options, the one option you think you have seems that much more valuable. At the end of the day.. I’m not going to make a move while working in the same facility as her. If I’m still thinking a lot about her when the time comes for me to move to another facility in a few months.. well, I’ve got nothing to lose then except a rejection. Until then I just need to keep my cool, stay friendly and I’ll let her be the flirt and just roll with it. This seems reasonable. I'd also avoid speaking about her in the third person with anyone else in the office whether casually or jovially in passing. I'm not suggesting you are but if it comes up or you feel tempted, don't. Keep things as discreet, respectful and professional as possible. Even though you may not be moved, laid off, reprimanded, people talk. Your reputation is on the line and though you may not see the effects of that immediately, word travels fast especially in the way those in management behave and the way they treat their staff. Vice versa and the way managers talk about their staff or the way people move through the industry. If you are in the good graces of your company and management above you, that may not be the case in other organizations as your reputation precedes you should you feel you want or need to leave this company. I don't see why she has to be assigned so much value either on a personal level. Professionally, she may be very good at her job and contributes to the team. Beyond that the only person hurting quite a lot or missing out on life is you while you wait for a situation that may be far off or never materialize. If you're going through any personal issues or working through a previous break up, take the time to do that and let go properly. There's a saying that unavailable individuals seek other unavailable individuals or convoluted situations that hinder happiness or some sort and I think it's true. You can decide what you bring to the table in terms of a relationship and find out then whether you have so much more to offer a real option rather than a far off or unattainable goal like a subordinate who reports to you in your current position. I'm not sure as well about the comment about wanting to relocate as it suggests you may not be too happy about the commute or current conditions of your position now. Why not focus on requesting a move and looking forward to that in a few months as you say and refuse to have any strings attached? Stay focused on your career and open up more options for dating. Really, the world is your oyster. Why limit it to this person. This employee may be a distraction for you during a time when you feel lacklustre with your job. I think any romance that arises out of unhappiness or discontent in life isn't likely to be sustainable in the long term.
mark clemson Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 20 hours ago, jgraham11 said: What ends up happening is if things go sideways (usually because both people are married already) then the superior just gets relocated to a nearby facility in another city. You don’t really lose your job.. Plus neither one of us are married, but believe me I am still going to tread very carefully. Ok, sounds like your company culture may be a bit safer than some for this. That said, I think you're wise to tread very carefully (and seriously consider avoiding a relationship with her) anyway.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 21, 2022 Author Posted April 21, 2022 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You seem to have good insight into this. However to err on the side of caution, it's safe to assume her friendliness (what you hope is "flirting") is because she wants to keep her job. It’s not about her keeping her job. I couldn’t even fire her if I wanted to, I don’t have that authority.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 21, 2022 Author Posted April 21, 2022 10 minutes ago, glows said: This seems reasonable. I'd also avoid speaking about her in the third person with anyone else in the office whether casually or jovially in passing. I'm not suggesting you are but if it comes up or you feel tempted, don't. Keep things as discreet, respectful and professional as possible. Even though you may not be moved, laid off, reprimanded, people talk. Your reputation is on the line and though you may not see the effects of that immediately, word travels fast especially in the way those in management behave and the way they treat their staff. Vice versa and the way managers talk about their staff or the way people move through the industry. If you are in the good graces of your company and management above you, that may not be the case in other organizations as your reputation precedes you should you feel you want or need to leave this company. I don't see why she has to be assigned so much value either on a personal level. Professionally, she may be very good at her job and contributes to the team. Beyond that the only person hurting quite a lot or missing out on life is you while you wait for a situation that may be far off or never materialize. If you're going through any personal issues or working through a previous break up, take the time to do that and let go properly. There's a saying that unavailable individuals seek other unavailable individuals or convoluted situations that hinder happiness or some sort and I think it's true. You can decide what you bring to the table in terms of a relationship and find out then whether you have so much more to offer a real option rather than a far off or unattainable goal like a subordinate who reports to you in your current position. I'm not sure as well about the comment about wanting to relocate as it suggests you may not be too happy about the commute or current conditions of your position now. Why not focus on requesting a move and looking forward to that in a few months as you say and refuse to have any strings attached? Stay focused on your career and open up more options for dating. Really, the world is your oyster. Why limit it to this person. This employee may be a distraction for you during a time when you feel lacklustre with your job. I think any romance that arises out of unhappiness or discontent in life isn't likely to be sustainable in the long term. Look if I end up moving to another office in a nearby city.. which I probably will at some point because my commute is brutal right now. I’d ask this girl out in a second because there would be no harm at that point. Put it this way, if I met this girl in a non-job related situation I’d think just as much of her. So take the riskiness out of the situation by me moving to another office and there’s no downside.. aside from getting rejected, but I don’t get the sense I would be. And if for some reason I was rejected I would just take the no and move on.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 21, 2022 Author Posted April 21, 2022 I’m going to use this thread to continue to update the flirty vibes she gives me since we started working together. Note that I said “she” and not me.. I may play into the flirty vibes she gives me, but I’m not going to go any further than that with them. Because at the end of the day the point of this thread was to get a read on what this girl was getting at her with her flirty vibes that she sends me. I’m not asking whether or not it’s a good idea for me to look into possibly having a relationship with her, that was never the question. Nor was whether or not it was acceptable for a boss and a subordinate to be in a relationship. This thread went down that path almost immediately though. I am not going to pursue a relationship with her or even ask her out UNTIL I move to another office. Probably sometime in the late summer or early fall. In the meantime who knows? Maybe her flirty vibes fall off, maybe I meet someone else, maybe she meets someone even.
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 2 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Maybe her flirty vibes fall off, maybe I meet someone else, maybe she meets someone even. Exactly. It's all speculation what her friendliness is. Perhaps she wishes to be well liked. She may have a BF. Whatever it is, it's her personality and she's there to work and get a paycheck.
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