jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 There’s a girl I work with that is, in my opinion, throwing vibes that she may be into me, but it’s kind of hard to tell because she seems like she’s just a genuinely friendly person. Anyway here’s what she has shown me so far that I would consider “vibes”. She smiles from ear to ear the minute I happen to look at her and she locks eyes with me. Says hello and is just genuinely very chipper when I happen to pass by her or be around her. Again, she seems like a very happy person in general so this is certainly not all that I go on. She absolutely locks into me with her eyes though. I mean she just doesn’t look away from me. Normally when I talk to people one on one I’ll look at them but occasionally glance away as to not use too much eye contact, but this girl just locks right in and doesn’t even glance away once. I caught her the other day while talking to her doing exactly the same things I was doing with my body language. I noticed I was talking to her with my arms crossed and sure enough she crossed hers almost a few seconds after me... Again, not enough on its own, but I do believe in. non-verbal physical/body mirroring. I happened to mention that I don’t think I’m particularly well liked in the workplace and she completely shut that down very fast. Saying everyone likes me and that they’d help me out anytime I needed help (I’m a manager to these people). I didn’t necessarily believe her, I felt like she was just trying to butter me up by saying that, but SHE actually does kind of go out of her way a bit to help me when she doesn’t really need to. She asks questions about certain things at work that don’t often make sense. Like I almost get the sense she’s just asking to have something to talk about because the questions are so off base. There was one instance where I needed help and asked another manager to send someone over and she just popped up, all smiles. Then about 5 minutes later the manager who sent her over (a female) came over to the workstation and they kind of put some distance between themselves and me and they started giggling like school girls. Not to sound self centered, but I couldn’t help but think it had to do with me. Anyway, I know these aren’t all enough on their own, but adding them up it’s got me wondering a bit. I need to be very careful because I’m a superior to this girl, but I am attracted to her and I am getting the sense she’s feeling me out.
Alpacalia Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 46 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Anyway, I know these aren’t all enough on their own, but adding them up it’s got me wondering a bit. I need to be very careful because I’m a superior to this girl, but I am attracted to her and I am getting the sense she’s feeling me out. It's tricky waters because you're her superior and work colleagues. Given it's a work environment it's quite difficult to discern friendliness versus romantic interest. She may not want to date coworkers, let alone someone in a superior position. Deep and prolonged eye contact with a deep focus on whatever you're saying is usually a good sign. The first time some women do this, women may shy and look away, but when she feels a strong connection with someone, it almost happens effortlessly. But again you're in a work setting so it's really hard to say. If you decide this is something you want to pursue perhaps try to find out first if she is single and go from there. 2
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, Alpacalia said: It's tricky waters because you're her superior and work colleagues. Given it's a work environment it's quite difficult to discern friendliness versus romantic interest. She may not want to date coworkers, let alone someone in a superior position. Deep and prolonged eye contact with a deep focus on whatever you're saying is usually a good sign. The first time some women do this, women may shy and look away, but when she feels a strong connection with someone, it almost happens effortlessly. But again you're in a work setting so it's really hard to say. If you decide this is something you want to pursue perhaps try to find out first if she is single and go from there. Yeah I can’t really risk trying to ask her if she’s single because that’s way too obvious. I feel like she is, but I can’t risk asking. Unfortunately, and I know this is not a very manly thing to say, but I would need her to be the one intiate things. That’s because of my position being above her and I’m the one with more to lose really. Worst case scenario: I work for a federal agency and there’s like 6 other facilities in our state I could transfer to eventually. If I ever do transfer I will make my interest known to her then, but until then I need to either play it cool or let her be the one to put the ball in my court. Essentially I just need her to say she’s into me if she is.. otherwise, I can’t really do much. Hell, even if she does say she’s into me, I’m not sure I could risk it while working at the same facility. I’d have to move to another facility in the state first. This is what happens when your days off are Monday and Tuesday, you have no choice but to turn to work for relationships lol. Edited April 20, 2022 by jgraham11
Alpacalia Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, jgraham11 said: This is what happens when your days off are Monday and Tuesday, you have no choice but to turn to work for relationships lol. Oh, so she's like, a pity date? lol Well, you could picture yourself 20 years from now being bald, pot bellied, and alone. That scenario will freak you out. Edited April 20, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Fox Sake Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 All this analysing over her workplace behaviour… impossible to tell really. If you’re a manager tho, then there is nothing stopping you going out for a working lunch together. Plenty of colleagues do that. That will get you out of the immediate work environment and give you guys some scope to a little more personal conversation. Personally, I would go from there before you start considering the thought of switching work places of a hypothetical situation :) 1
salparadise Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 2 hours ago, jgraham11 said: Unfortunately, and I know this is not a very manly thing to say, but I would need her to be the one intiate things. That’s because of my position being above her [...] I need to either play it cool or let her be the one to put the ball in my court. Essentially I just need her to say she’s into me if she is.. otherwise, I can’t really do much. Yes, being in a superior position in a federal job would get you fired in a heartbeat if it went backwards. Here's what I would consider... steer the conversation into the personal realm. Compliment her in a non-sexual way, such as her always positive attitude and the way she engages... at this point she should understand that you're admiring while staying inside the box so to speak. Then allude to the workplace situation by saying something like, you realize my hands are tied by the rules in terms of being the one to initiate. At that point you've put the ball in her court without having crossed the line. The question then is whether she is gutsy enough to take the lead.
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 9 hours ago, jgraham11 said: I need to be very careful because I’m a superior to this girl, but I am attracted to her. This is the no-fly zone. It doesn't matter if you have a crush, this is something you need to stay professional with. The workplace is not a singles club or dating apps. She goes there to make a living, not get hit on. Especially by superiors.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: This is the no-fly zone. It doesn't matter if you have a crush, this is something you need to stay professional with. The workplace is not a singles club or dating apps. She goes there to make a living, not get hit on. Especially by superiors. Yeahhh, but I don’t hit on her.. in fact she’s the one flirting with me lol.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: Oh, so she's like, a pity date? lol Well, you could picture yourself 20 years from now being bald, pot bellied, and alone. That scenario will freak you out. Well I am bald, but I’m also 6’4” and have 5% body fat so I have that much going for me at least.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 38 minutes ago, salparadise said: Yes, being in a superior position in a federal job would get you fired in a heartbeat if it went backwards. Here's what I would consider... steer the conversation into the personal realm. Compliment her in a non-sexual way, such as her always positive attitude and the way she engages... at this point she should understand that you're admiring while staying inside the box so to speak. Then allude to the workplace situation by saying something like, you realize my hands are tied by the rules in terms of being the one to initiate. At that point you've put the ball in her court without having crossed the line. The question then is whether she is gutsy enough to take the lead. I would say yes to all of that except for the last part. That would be going too far. I know what you mean about “the line” though. I have a good sense for what’s okay and what’s not in terms of playful flirting, so if I ever do return the flirting to her then it’d be very tame. There’s absolutely no way I could straight up say something like “my hands are tied and I can’t initiate” though. That in my opinion could backfire and she could very easily just say, “initiate what?”.. that’d be awkward. Edited April 20, 2022 by jgraham11
chillii Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 You wouldn't go near her in your position just bc there's no one else about or your wkends are screwed wth is that. You'd only go near her bc you really like her and could see some real and v special potential there l'd imagine, if it was me anyway. And if so , surely you could just ask her if she'd like to join you for lunch or something and suss things out a little better that way first without crossing any lines . 1
Alpacalia Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, jgraham11 said: Well I am bald, but I’m also 6’4” and have 5% body fat so I have that much going for me at least. I apologize. That was a bit of fear to get you to do more dating. Please don't turn to this coworker just because there isn't much else going on. If you truly like her, that's one thing. Edited April 20, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 It boils down to how much you respect yourselves and your colleagues whether they’re subordinates or not. You wrote you have more to lose than her and it suggests you’ve placed more value on your work than hers. Doesn’t seem professional to me and it’s discouraging to see a superior think so little of his subordinates who would be supporting him at work. That may have something to do with you believing your colleagues don’t like you enough. I’d change that outlook and steer clear, date outside of work. It looks very desperate overall engaging in anything to do with your team or those who report to you. I can understand if you mixed within similar work circles like lawyers with your own practice bumping into each other at court for example but this doesn’t seem to be the case. Tread very carefully.
dramafreezone Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 15 hours ago, jgraham11 said: There’s a girl I work with that is, in my opinion, throwing vibes that she may be into me, but it’s kind of hard to tell because she seems like she’s just a genuinely friendly person. Anyway here’s what she has shown me so far that I would consider “vibes”. She smiles from ear to ear the minute I happen to look at her and she locks eyes with me. Says hello and is just genuinely very chipper when I happen to pass by her or be around her. Again, she seems like a very happy person in general so this is certainly not all that I go on. She absolutely locks into me with her eyes though. I mean she just doesn’t look away from me. Normally when I talk to people one on one I’ll look at them but occasionally glance away as to not use too much eye contact, but this girl just locks right in and doesn’t even glance away once. I caught her the other day while talking to her doing exactly the same things I was doing with my body language. I noticed I was talking to her with my arms crossed and sure enough she crossed hers almost a few seconds after me... Again, not enough on its own, but I do believe in. non-verbal physical/body mirroring. I happened to mention that I don’t think I’m particularly well liked in the workplace and she completely shut that down very fast. Saying everyone likes me and that they’d help me out anytime I needed help (I’m a manager to these people). I didn’t necessarily believe her, I felt like she was just trying to butter me up by saying that, but SHE actually does kind of go out of her way a bit to help me when she doesn’t really need to. She asks questions about certain things at work that don’t often make sense. Like I almost get the sense she’s just asking to have something to talk about because the questions are so off base. There was one instance where I needed help and asked another manager to send someone over and she just popped up, all smiles. Then about 5 minutes later the manager who sent her over (a female) came over to the workstation and they kind of put some distance between themselves and me and they started giggling like school girls. Not to sound self centered, but I couldn’t help but think it had to do with me. Anyway, I know these aren’t all enough on their own, but adding them up it’s got me wondering a bit. I need to be very careful because I’m a superior to this girl, but I am attracted to her and I am getting the sense she’s feeling me out. I would say don't put too much into glances and even general kindness from women at work. I think we guys tend to see what we want to see. Not saying that she is not nice but like you said, it's probably more that she's is nice to everyone. Maybe she is a little interested, that's possible but that doesn't mean she's interested enough to pursue something with you. Also you're superior to her, it's just not a great idea to consider getting involved with her. I would head for calmer waters.
mark clemson Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) What is your company policy on managers dating line workers? If you're her superior, you probably want to think twice and then think twice again before actually dating her. IF there's a bad end to the relationship things can get very ugly indeed, since even invented accusations of marginal misbehaviors can sometimes derail a career. Some women find "alpha males" attractive, and in modern society this can actually mean someone in a supervisory position, even if they're a bit "milquetoast" (not saying you are, just mentioning to contrast with the common conception of "alpha male"). In a dentist's office, the (male) dentist is the alpha male and indeed women have actually killed over a dentist. But don't be arrogant enough to think that a seemingly harmless fling in the workplace can't blow up in your face. Under the wrong circumstances it most certainly can. Maybe just enjoy the flirting but look elsewhere for an actual relationship. Edited April 20, 2022 by mark clemson 1
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 Being attentive and a little flirty doesn't always mean they want to date you. Some do that to bond with their coworkers or one in particular, and have a little fun at work. Some even do it to advance in their position. Guess in time you might find out.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 5 hours ago, chillii said: You wouldn't go near her in your position just bc there's no one else about or your wkends are screwed wth is that. You'd only go near her bc you really like her and could see some real and v special potential there l'd imagine, if it was me anyway. And if so , surely you could just ask her if she'd like to join you for lunch or something and suss things out a little better that way first without crossing any lines . No you’re taking that the wrong way and too literally. I’m just saying because I don’t have weekends off I don’t have the chance to meet as much women outside of work. The bar scene isn’t exactly hopping on Monday nights. That being said, if I saw this girl at a bar on a weekend I would think just as much of her.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: What is your company policy on managers dating line workers? If you're her superior, you probably want to think twice and then think twice again before actually dating her. IF there's a bad end to the relationship things can get very ugly indeed, since even invented accusations of marginal misbehaviors can sometimes derail a career. Some women find "alpha males" attractive, and in modern society this can actually mean someone in a supervisory position, even if they're a bit "milquetoast" (not saying you are, just mentioning to contrast with the common conception of "alpha male"). In a dentist's office, the (male) dentist is the alpha male and indeed women have actually killed over a dentist. But don't be arrogant enough to think that a seemingly harmless fling in the workplace can't blow up in your face. Under the wrong circumstances it most certainly can. Maybe just enjoy the flirting but look elsewhere for an actual relationship. I've seen plenty of guys get into relationships with women at my work place that are superiors to them. What ends up happening is if things go sideways (usually because both people are married already) then the superior just gets relocated to a nearby facility in another city. You don’t really lose your job.. Plus neither one of us are married, but believe me I am still going to tread very carefully. Only way I will react is if it becomes painfully obvious she’s into me, but until then I think I’ll just stick to playful harmless flirting with her.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 4 hours ago, Alpacalia said: I apologize. That was a bit of fear to get you to do more dating. Please don't turn to this coworker just because there isn't much else going on. If you truly like her, that's one thing. Well I think I do truly like her, but unfortunately I don’t think I can act on it until I move to another facility in a nearby city.. which I can make happen if I wanted to. Until that happens I probably will need to play it cool though. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 5 hours ago, glows said: It boils down to how much you respect yourselves and your colleagues whether they’re subordinates or not. You wrote you have more to lose than her and it suggests you’ve placed more value on your work than hers. Doesn’t seem professional to me and it’s discouraging to see a superior think so little of his subordinates who would be supporting him at work. That may have something to do with you believing your colleagues don’t like you enough. I’d change that outlook and steer clear, date outside of work. It looks very desperate overall engaging in anything to do with your team or those who report to you. I can understand if you mixed within similar work circles like lawyers with your own practice bumping into each other at court for example but this doesn’t seem to be the case. Tread very carefully. When I say I have more to lose, what I mean is I am the one who would be taking the berating over things if it went sideways. I’d have my boss getting on me, I’d have the workroom floor going against me and I’d be the leper.. If things went bad she could get out of it relatively unscathed, but I wouldn’t. I’d have to either change my hours or change facilities.
dramafreezone Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Some women find "alpha males" attractive, and in modern society this can actually mean someone in a supervisory position, even if they're a bit "milquetoast" (not saying you are, just mentioning to contrast with the common conception of "alpha male"). In a dentist's office, the (male) dentist is the alpha male and indeed women have actually killed over a dentist. I have to agree with this to some extent. I wouldn't use the term "alpha males" but certainly status in the work place is attractive to others. Women that I don't think would look twice at me if I met them outside of work have flirted with me at the workplace because I've gained some status as a top performer. But in time I've realized that is because of that status. So OP you have to realize that sometimes it's just the allure of someone with higher status, and if that's the case this attention will probably wane at some point. If there is genuine, consistent interest from this woman, it still may be a good idea to steer clear but if you have set your mind on purusing it I would just double check your employer's policy on fraternization. There is no such restriction where I work but I just value the job too much to risk trying to get together with an subordinate. Edited April 20, 2022 by dramafreezone 1
Alpacalia Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 1 hour ago, jgraham11 said: Well I think I do truly like her, but unfortunately I don’t think I can act on it until I move to another facility in a nearby city.. which I can make happen if I wanted to. Until that happens I probably will need to play it cool though. Well, I do not think you need to plan all that far in advance. Neither you nor she know how she feels about co-workers dating or if she is romantically interested, so you will have to try and suss out things or ask her out.
Author jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Well, I do not think you need to plan all that far in advance. Neither you nor she know how she feels about co-workers dating or if she is romantically interested, so you will have to try and suss out things or ask her out. Well, the company I work for, there’s usually a lot of movement as it is, so it’s not really unlikely. In fact, I probably will be in another office in 6 months time which is fine. That’s kind of why I feel like I might as well take it slow and see how things progress naturally. I will try to coax it out of her though by the non-sexual playful flirting. Maybe I’ll just keep this as a thread.
Alpacalia Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 5 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: I will try to coax it out of her though by the non-sexual playful flirting. Maybe I’ll just keep this as a thread. Yes, that can be fun too. A winkie-poo here, a smile there and a little poksie coaxie. See how it goes.
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 14 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Maybe I’ll just keep this as a thread. Good idea. While flattering, since you are a supervisor it's inappropriate/unprofessional to flirt or ask her out etc. 1
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