aspesguy Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 First off before I go into detail I want to let readers know I have Aspergers. Background situation girl that started at work a few months ago would often ask " what am I doing after work ? " I interpreted it as just making conversation. A few weeks ago she asked me the same I told her " just going to a fast food diner " she replied " can I join you if it wouldn't be cramping your style ? " I said " sure I don't mind ".she drove me to the diner and drove me home. Last week she offered me lifts home again I told her " i had other plans after work " she offered me a lift twice more and said " last chance " . As I was walking she drove past me and waved. Now here is the reason I mentioned I have aspergers I don't have good social skills and I'm clueless at interpreting if a girl is Just being friendly or actually romantically interested in me. From what I wrote about my female co worker does she seem interested or just being friendly ?
jgraham11 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 Not enough to go on really, can’t be sure based on the facts you’ve given us. I’m in a similar situation too at work. I even think I may be on the spectrum like yourself which doesn’t make things any easier.
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 Ask her out on a date. That's the only way to tell. It's very concrete. Anything but a "yes" is a "no". 1
ZA Dater Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ask her out on a date. That's the only way to tell. It's very concrete. Anything but a "yes" is a "no". Agree with this, its on the only definitive way to tell but do also consider...how closely do you work with this person?
Will am I Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 14 hours ago, aspesguy said: First off before I go into detail I want to let readers know I have Aspergers. Background situation girl that started at work a few months ago would often ask " what am I doing after work ? " I interpreted it as just making conversation. I don't think she was making conversation. I think she wanted to know if you would like to with her go for a drink after dinner.
Will am I Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 I wrote "drinks after dinner". I means "drinks after work".
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 Me personally would take this as interested...she has gone out of her way to let you take the lead and ask her out. So just start inviting her for lunch and pay. Suggest drinks after work. If she keeps saying yes, she likes you. Try that and come back here if you have anymore questions. 1
Author aspesguy Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 1 hour ago, Will am I said: I don't think she was making conversation. I think she wanted to know if you would like to with her go for a drink after dinner. Im working with her about 5 to 6 months a few times she would ask me " what am I doing later after work ? " I always thought of it as her making conversation , then that day when I told her I was going for food after work she said " " can I join you if it wouldn't be cramping your style ? " made me wonder if she was Interested.
ItsTheDay Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 16 hours ago, aspesguy said: First off before I go into detail I want to let readers know I have Aspergers. Background situation girl that started at work a few months ago would often ask " what am I doing after work ? " I interpreted it as just making conversation. A few weeks ago she asked me the same I told her " just going to a fast food diner " she replied " can I join you if it wouldn't be cramping your style ? " I said " sure I don't mind ".she drove me to the diner and drove me home. Last week she offered me lifts home again I told her " i had other plans after work " she offered me a lift twice more and said " last chance " . As I was walking she drove past me and waved. Now here is the reason I mentioned I have aspergers I don't have good social skills and I'm clueless at interpreting if a girl is Just being friendly or actually romantically interested in me. From what I wrote about my female co worker does she seem interested or just being friendly ? Take your time, my guy. See if she ask to join you for dinner or something like that again. Take her up for her kindness, you may just make a new friend. If a couple days goes by and she doesn't ask to join you, then ask her to join you. Don't ask her on a date just yet, spend some more time with her and feel her out and see if you really like her. If everything checks off, then tell her how would she feel to go on a actual date with you. Edited April 20, 2022 by ItsTheDay
dramafreezone Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, aspesguy said: First off before I go into detail I want to let readers know I have Aspergers. Background situation girl that started at work a few months ago would often ask " what am I doing after work ? I think this is (usually) a sign that she's interested in hanging out after work and wants you to ask her out. That's not a usual thing people ask as part of small talk, IMO. Quote can I join you if it wouldn't be cramping your style ? And she pretty much confirmed it here. I would actually not wait too much longer to ask her out. She may take this as rejection if you don't reciprocate. Edited April 20, 2022 by dramafreezone
mark clemson Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) I'd say that if a single woman is asking single me to dinner together, she's interested (unless there is some very specific purpose e.g. a work project discussion). I could be wrong, but this would be my default assumption until indicated otherwise. The "last chance" comment implied too (to me) that she is getting impatient with you "figuring out" the situation (which is that she wanted to date you or at least explore the idea/give you a try). I'm not sure it would be wise to actually date her, given you are in a work context and have aspergers. She may run circles around you socially, possibly to your detriment if she decides you're a "bad guy" for not dating her or due to a break up. People sometimes do this when relationships end, as a psychological defense mechanism, and it can lead to negative repercussions in a work context. Many (certainly not all) women communicate things indirectly, which can make tracking what is actually intended a bit tough for the more literal-minded among us. Edited April 20, 2022 by mark clemson 1
Will am I Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 20 hours ago, aspesguy said: Im working with her about 5 to 6 months a few times she would ask me " what am I doing later after work ? " I always thought of it as her making conversation , then that day when I told her I was going for food after work she said " " can I join you if it wouldn't be cramping your style ? " made me wonder if she was Interested. I wonder: at this point your colleague asked to join you for dinner. How did you respond? I hope you let her join?
Author aspesguy Posted April 21, 2022 Author Posted April 21, 2022 5 hours ago, Will am I said: I wonder: at this point your colleague asked to join you for dinner. How did you respond? I hope you let her join? I left her join; " I said " sure I don't mind ".she drove me to the diner and drove me home afterwards.
Will am I Posted April 22, 2022 Posted April 22, 2022 Unless there is nothing wrong with getting involved. No difference in authority in the workplace, preferably not in the same group, and no nasty stuff like one of the two is already in a relationship. So many beautiful relationships started in the workplace, many of them resulted in marriages. There is one concern: when you start dating, you need some form of understanding that you will still be good colleagues of the dating thing doesn't work out. I think it requires a certain level of emotional maturity.
QuietRiot Posted April 22, 2022 Posted April 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Will am I said: Unless there is nothing wrong with getting involved. No difference in authority in the workplace, preferably not in the same group, and no nasty stuff like one of the two is already in a relationship. So many beautiful relationships started in the workplace, many of them resulted in marriages. There is one concern: when you start dating, you need some form of understanding that you will still be good colleagues of the dating thing doesn't work out. I think it requires a certain level of emotional maturity. The only relationships that I know of that started in the work place, is if you two worked in different departments, different buildings (or both). But in the same cubicles next to each other is not a good idea....it could also become an HR issue if someone decides to pull some crap.
WWYD Posted April 23, 2022 Posted April 23, 2022 On 4/22/2022 at 3:22 PM, QuietRiot said: The only relationships that I know of that started in the work place, is if you two worked in different departments, different buildings (or both). But in the same cubicles next to each other is not a good idea....it could also become an HR issue if someone decides to pull some crap. My ex-girlfriend worked in a different department, different building... but it still got very messy when I broke up with her. Nothing that affected either of us professionally, but the personal toll and that our social circle inevitably included some colleagues (mainly hers) made it difficult. She left the company 6 months later, I'm still working there. This was well over a year ago, but I still have "moments" when I have to visit her old office, or the places that we hung out together.
Wiseman2 Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 On 4/21/2022 at 1:10 PM, aspesguy said: .she drove me to the diner and drove me home afterwards. Do you like her? Or do you just want to be friends? If she's inviting you to hang out after work sometimes, it's ok to be polite and reciprocate by inviting her out once in a while too.
QuietRiot Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 11 hours ago, WWYD said: My ex-girlfriend worked in a different department, different building... but it still got very messy when I broke up with her. Nothing that affected either of us professionally, but the personal toll and that our social circle inevitably included some colleagues (mainly hers) made it difficult. She left the company 6 months later, I'm still working there. This was well over a year ago, but I still have "moments" when I have to visit her old office, or the places that we hung out together. Well that's the goal here, that it doesn't impact you professionally...beyond that, no harm no foul. However it sounds like you took your social circle and friendships outside of the workplace. I don't do that. I have no friends that I hang out with outside of work. I have my own social circles outside of work.
LuckyM Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 I don't know what aspergers disease is, but I think she likes you and will eat with you, at least. Try it.
Ami1uwant Posted April 28, 2022 Posted April 28, 2022 54 minutes ago, LuckyM said: I don't know what aspergers disease is, but I think she likes you and will eat with you, at least. Try it. Aspergers if you are in the USA watch ABCs The Good Doctor. The main charcypter is a well defined aspie. aspergers has gotten grouped into autism spectrum disorder but it’s very different than classic autism. aspie are generally 1 very intelligent 2 work in STEM fields 3. they are social awkward/ a loop/ clueless to social norms/ can’t pick up non verbal cues. 4. they are very passionate and can talk all day on their specific interests or hobbies but might not talk in depth on other subjects or could care less 5. they can have defined routines or norms where they alway do something one way and might not be subject to changing it. my version is mild aspie thst is hard to see unless you have experience in it. It’s bigger in social settings. Mine is a genetic firm that runs in my moms family. With women it’s not as obvious due to social norms. my mom, one of her sisters, and her brother has it. Her other two sisters don’t but they have sons with it. My brother doesn't have it but his sons has it. charachteristics are social shyness. Not many friends but close to the ones they have. They can communicate in conversations with others like coworkers but with men it’s difficult to get into relationships even if they do want one. i don’t have all the things I listed above. I’m intelligent and work in STEM areas. My trouble is in getting to date 2 in meeting women. Once after date 1 I’m fine. for me I’ve had far better luck if I’ve gotten to know someone like a college classsmate or a coworker. I’ve had lityke success in random meets. Online dating has been great fir me because it gets me past that first meet stuff.
Author aspesguy Posted May 14, 2022 Author Posted May 14, 2022 Since the day she offered me a lift and said " last chance " she has being very distant with me since; needles to say its looks like I blew any possible chance with her.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 15, 2022 Posted May 15, 2022 You can't let women make all the moves. Any self-respecting woman would give up by now. If you like her, you need to suggest something now - like invite her to drinks after work or even dinner. If I like a guy, I would be much more subtle than her. She has basically thrown herself at you.
Wiseman2 Posted May 15, 2022 Posted May 15, 2022 17 hours ago, aspesguy said: she has being very distant with me since; That's ok. It's best not to date co-workers anyway. That could get messy. Stay friendly and professional, but date outside of work.
Author aspesguy Posted May 15, 2022 Author Posted May 15, 2022 13 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said: You can't let women make all the moves. Any self-respecting woman would give up by now. If you like her, you need to suggest something now - like invite her to drinks after work or even dinner. If I like a guy, I would be much more subtle than her. She has basically thrown herself at you. Outside of work we follow each other on Instagram. I tried sending a brief DM asking " asking how her weekend was going , any plans " she never replied it def feels like she is ignoring me which kinda hurts to be honest.
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