Is it bad to text him again?

[stillafool]

17 minutes ago, Starrs said:

I was just being nice, if he wanted to do something of his choice

See to me this would be a pain in the butt.  Someone asks me for a date and then tell me to plan the date.  No.

[Starrs]

6 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

A month ago or not, I doubt either of you have had a change of personality/behavior in that time. 

Let it go. 

If he is actually interested, he will get in touch with you since you've made it clear you want to see him.  If you don't hear from him, you have your answer.

We actually facetimed and it was nice to speak with each other. He kept mentioning how he wants to see me and such.

[Starrs]

6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

See to me this would be a pain in the butt.  Someone asks me for a date and then tell me to plan the date.  No.

Yeah I see that, I do have a restaurant in mind. Is it better to text him now or later tonight? I will just say “Hey, Do you want to just meet at ___ at 6 tomorrow? Yeah, I don’t care anymore if I appear needy. If I get no response I’ll just delete and forget him. 

[introverted1]

5 minutes ago, Starrs said:

We actually facetimed and it was nice to speak with each other. He kept mentioning how he wants to see me and such.

Then what's your concern?

If he is truly interested, he'll make the plan you asked for and follow up.

It still doesn't strike me that either of you is in a position to be a good/safe partner:  you appear to be emotionally volatile and unsure what you want; he has a petty streak where he states a desire to inflict the same hurt on you that you did on him.  None of this bodes well for a healthy relationship, and my take is that, rather than obsessing about whether/when he will contact you, spend some time (with or without professional help) figuring out why you sabotaged the first date and what steps you need to take to heal yourself.

Edited April 19, 2022 by introverted1

[Starrs]

3 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Then what's your concern?

If he is truly interested, he'll make the plan you asked for and follow up.

It still doesn't strike me that either of you is in a position to be a good/safe partner:  you appear to be emotionally volatile and unsure what you want; he has a petty streak where he states a desire to inflict the same hurt on you that you did on him.  None of this bodes well for a healthy relationship, and my take is that, rather than obsessing about whether/when he will contact you, spend some time (with or without professional help) figuring out why you sabotaged the first date and what steps you need to take to heal yourself.

My concern is that since I initiated I should have been the one planning instead of asking him what to do. 

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, Starrs said:

Yeah I see that, I do have a restaurant in mind. Is it better to text him now or later tonight? I will just say “Hey, Do you want to just meet at ___ at 6 tomorrow? Yeah, I don’t care anymore if I appear needy. If I get no response I’ll just delete and forget him. 

Go for it and ask him now.  If he has another idea perhaps he will say so.  If not you've shown him your effort.  You will know if he's still interested or not by his response or lack of.

[introverted1]

8 minutes ago, Starrs said:

My concern is that since I initiated I should have been the one planning instead of asking him what to do. 

That ship has sailed.  You already put the ball in his court to do the planning.  More to the point, he agreed:

Quote

He replied with “I don’t have anything in mind, but I’ll plan tomorrow”

And you followed up:

Quote

Yesterday I replied with “Okay! Let me know what you have in mind”

So there is no ambiguity here. You and he both know that the next step is on him.  So either he takes it or he doesn't; you'll have your answer soon enough.

ETA:  if you want to reach out, do so.  Be aware, though, that pursuing hard now after being emotionally closed initially only adds to a sense of instability.  If this guy is emotionally healthy (and based on his desire to "hurt you the way you hurt him," it doesn't sound as though he is), he will not want to get involved.  At least, not in a serious way. 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by introverted1

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, Starrs said:

I met a guy once, date didn’t go well as I was emotionally unavailable. He said he is petty…. anyways, I texted him this weekend since he is back from vacation. Saying that I want to see him, he proceeded to ask what day works best for me. I said wednesday, which is tomorrow he said that’s fine and that 6 is a good time to meet. I asked what he wanted to do, since I wanted to give him a chance to decide since I did the first time. He replied with “I don’t have anything in mind, but I’ll plan tomorrow” He texted me that on sunday night. Yesterday I replied with “Okay! Let me know what you have in mind” He never replied anything. I am tempted to text him tonight “Hey, where are we meeting tomorrow” I really want to see him again. This is frustrating!! If he’s not into me, why even agree to meet up

You said you went on a date with him and *you* were emotionally unavailable, or did you mean him?

If you were the one that was emotionally unavailable, maybe he's not all that interested to go out on a date again since you didn't seem into the date?  First impressions are difficult to overcome.

Maybe you should plan the date if you really like him that much.  Maybe you showing overt interest will change the energy that was created by the first date.  But it's a tough spot to not be into the first date then expect him to still chase.

Edited April 19, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Starrs]

1 minute ago, dramafreezone said:

You said you went on a date with him and *you* were emotionally unavailable, or did you mean him?

If you were the one that was emotionally unavailable, maybe he's not all that interested to go out on a date again since you didn't seem into the date?

 

We both were he said he has suffered a lot of depression. And so have I. He said woman play him all the time. Which is why he doesn’t have a gf.

[Starrs]

2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

You said you went on a date with him and *you* were emotionally unavailable, or did you mean him?

If you were the one that was emotionally unavailable, maybe he's not all that interested to go out on a date again since you didn't seem into the date?

 

He wanted to kiss me and I rejected he got kinda disappointed. He said I was rude and didn’t even look at him in the eye. 

[Alvi]

You know what? Go ahead and ask him. Maybe come up with a plan yourself. Say "How about we meet tomorrow at X time at XYZ place." The worse I see happening is him not replying to you. If he doesn't reply, block him and keep going. But at least you will not have to live with could've, would've, should've. 

 

[stillafool]

Just now, Starrs said:

He wanted to kiss me and I rejected he got kinda disappointed. He said I was rude and didn’t even look at him in the eye. 

I'm not a man but if I were I wouldn't want another date with you.  Sorry but who has time for that.  Why did you even go on the date if you were in love with another man to the point of being in tears?

[dramafreezone]

1 minute ago, Starrs said:

He wanted to kiss me and I rejected he got kinda disappointed. He said I was rude and didn’t even look at him in the eye. 

Hmmm, he called you rude because you wouldn't kiss him?

I dunno, I'm seeing some red flags here.  Why do you want to date him?

[Starrs]

Just now, Alvi said:

You know what? Go ahead and ask him. Maybe come up with a plan yourself. Say "How about we meet tomorrow at X time at XYZ place." The worse I see happening is him not replying to you. If he doesn't reply, block him and keep going. But at least you will not have to live with could've, would've, should've. 

 

Yes I agree. Thank You!

[Starrs]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm not a man but if I were I wouldn't want another date with you.  Sorry but who has time for that.  Why did you even go on the date if you were in love with another man to the point of being in tears?

I wasn’t in love lol it was a bad date which hurt me. I told him if he doesn’t want to meet anymore that is fine, he said he will see me after a month. He is back in town again. Which is why I even hit him up.

Edited April 19, 2022 by Starrs

[Starrs]

5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Hmmm, he called you rude because you wouldn't kiss him?

I dunno, I'm seeing some red flags here.  Why do you want to date him?

I just feel that despite having a bad first date, I feel we could get along better. We haven’t even talked to each other for a month, which is why I reached out. I thought he had me blocked honestly.

[dramafreezone]

Well, just give it some time and show some patience.  No need to rush, just continue to build good rapport and see where things progress.

Patience, kindness and consistent interest may help to erase the memory of that bad first date.

Edited April 19, 2022 by dramafreezone

[stillafool]

19 minutes ago, Starrs said:

I wasn’t in love lol it was a bad date which hurt me.

It doesn't matter, why go on a date with someone while crying over someone else?

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Starrs said:

I just feel that despite having a bad first date, I feel we could get along better. We haven’t even talked to each other for a month, which is why I reached out. I thought he had me blocked honestly.

Try to forget about him. He disappears, calls you rude and was sort of acting like a jerk all along.

[glows]

48 minutes ago, Starrs said:

I just feel that despite having a bad first date, I feel we could get along better. We haven’t even talked to each other for a month, which is why I reached out. I thought he had me blocked honestly.

So far there’s not much to go on but I don’t think he’s reliable or someone I’d want to be around. Since you’re so eager to see him again ask him and follow up. Let us know how it goes. 

[poppyfields]

Face it OP, you only want him now because you don't have him.  With your history of emotional unavailability and volatility, I can almost guarantee that the same * will happen, if not during your next date, then eventually. 

Can you at least acknowledge you have issues to sort out?

Guy tried to kiss you, you turned away, he claims you were rude, you don't talk for a month and now suddenly you're obsessed?

What's wrong with this picture, can you see it? 

[Kamille]

You seem way too anxious about something that is very minor. Some people plan ahead. Some people don't. He likely doesn't, which is why he has yet to confirm the plans. 

Also: you cried on your first date, and still, he went for a kiss and was surprised that you didn't go for it? He then doubled down and said you were rude and that he wanted to see you get hurt?

Why are you interested in this guy?

 

For future dates, please learn to follow your own heart. You're listening to friends, you're listening to us here. All this is causing you anxiety because none of it is genuine. Once you learn to act in accordance to your own values, it will be much easier for you to identify the traits that make a man a good or poor match for you.

 

 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

In what way did you "hurt him" after one date?

Because you turned down his kiss?

Or because during the date, you had somebody else on your mind, and for whatever reason, you chose to share this information with him.

As an aside, if I were in his shoes, I would be cautious about (let alone interested in) going back out with you after a first date given it sounds like maybe you're on the rebound?

Nobody wants to deal with that.

Even more worrisome is his desire to get back at you.

A second date doesn't seem to be of any benefit to either of you.

Perhaps you need to take some time to recover from whatever you were upset about since it was upsetting enough for you to cry on a first date. Choosing to share this information with a stranger also puts you in a very vulnerable position especially combined with your pursuit of him now.

Taking care of yourself comes before anything else.

I'd let this one go.

 

 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Starrs]

3 hours ago, glows said:

So far there’s not much to go on but I don’t think he’s reliable or someone I’d want to be around. Since you’re so eager to see him again ask him and follow up. Let us know how it goes. 

Yeah I’m going to text him tonight, I think he is racist. Which is why he is not replying to me or into me.

 

8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

In what way did you "hurt him" after one date?

Because you turned down his kiss?

Or because during the date, you had somebody else on your mind, and for whatever reason, you chose to share this information with him.

As an aside, if I were in his shoes, I would be cautious about (let alone interested in) going back out with you after a first date given it sounds like maybe you're on the rebound?

Nobody wants to deal with that.

Even more worrisome is his desire to get back at you.

A second date doesn't seem to be of any benefit to either of you.

Perhaps you need to take some time to recover from whatever you were upset about since it was upsetting enough for you to cry on a first date. Choosing to share this information with a stranger also puts you in a very vulnerable position especially combined with your pursuit of him now.

Taking care of yourself comes before anything else.

I'd let this one go.

 

 

He seems racist anyways but I’m still gonna text him.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Starrs said:

Yeah I’m going to text him tonight, I think he is racist. Which is why he is not replying to me or into me. He seems racist anyways but I’m still gonna text him.

Are you from different cultures/ethnicities or is he generally hateful?