Is it bad to text him again?

[Starrs]

I met a guy once, date didn’t go well as I was emotionally unavailable. He said he is petty…. anyways, I texted him this weekend since he is back from vacation. Saying that I want to see him, he proceeded to ask what day works best for me. I said wednesday, which is tomorrow he said that’s fine and that 6 is a good time to meet. I asked what he wanted to do, since I wanted to give him a chance to decide since I did the first time. He replied with “I don’t have anything in mind, but I’ll plan tomorrow” He texted me that on sunday night. Yesterday I replied with “Okay! Let me know what you have in mind” He never replied anything. I am tempted to text him tonight “Hey, where are we meeting tomorrow” I really want to see him again. This is frustrating!! If he’s not into me, why even agree to meet up

[Alpacalia]

Relax-y taxi.

Already you are pressing too hard.

[PotatoHead]

Just leave it be, if he wants to see you, he will.   Don't chase.

[glows]

There is still all of today. Be patient and see what he responds with. If tomorrow afternoon comes around and he still hasn’t responded I’d make other plans.

You’re dating to see what the other person is like, how they think, communicate, plan or work with things and people in their life. By prompting too often or having things at your pace you ignore all the issues and idiosyncrasies or habits you may rather not have anything to do with. Be patient and let him follow through. 

[Starrs]

25 minutes ago, glows said:

There is still all of today. Be patient and see what he responds with. If tomorrow afternoon comes around and he still hasn’t responded I’d make other plans.

You’re dating to see what the other person is like, how they think, communicate, plan or work with things and people in their life. By prompting too often or having things at your pace you ignore all the issues and idiosyncrasies or habits you may rather not have anything to do with. Be patient and let him follow through. 

Oh, so I should not text him tonight?

[stillafool]

Since the first date didn't go very well he may not be to keen or looking forward to the repeat.   What was bad about the first date?

[glows]

14 minutes ago, Starrs said:

Oh, so I should not text him tonight?

There’s no should or shouldn’t. It’s up to you. He said he would do it yesterday on Monday and didn’t. By now I’d be making new plans without this person not asking for follow up whether we’ll be meeting. That is what I’d do personally. 

Some people lead less busy lives or have less to do and that’s fine because waiting or follow up is not wrong either.

I don’t have that nor would I expect someone else to ever guess about me. I make things crystal clear when it comes to planning dates or events and expect the same. Thankfully the people in my life are just the same.

[Starrs]

9 minutes ago, glows said:

I don’t have that nor would I expect someone else to ever guess about me. I make things crystal clear when it comes to planning dates or events and expect the same. Thankfully the people in my life are just the same.

My friend was that one who told me to make him plan. I was just thinking to say we can go for a walk and have food? She insisted me waiting for him to say something. Is it too late to say if he is down to go for a walk tomorrow? I really want to see him again. I don’t know why, it’s just a feeling I have.

Edited April 19, 2022 by Starrs

[Starrs]

25 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Since the first date didn't go very well he may not be to keen or looking forward to the repeat.   What was bad about the first date?

I was crying because I was hurt recently by someone. I was stupid I know

[ItsTheDay]

I'm not that old, but I'm old enough to remember the times where it wasn't too convenient for people. I remember growing up that when you made plans, they were plans. You could randomly show up at a friends house and be let in. Now it's "why didn't you text me". 

Just text him, ask if you two are still on. If it replies, he replies. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. 

[Starrs]

3 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said:

I'm not that old, but I'm old enough to remember the times where it wasn't too convenient for people. I remember growing up that when you made plans, they were plans. You could randomly show up at a friends house and be let in. Now it's "why didn't you text me". 

Just text him, ask if you two are still on. If it replies, he replies. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. 

But we don’t have a place yet, I actually have an idea but my friend said it is best I let him choose this time and he hasn’t said anything.

[glows]

8 minutes ago, Starrs said:

My friend was that one who told me to make him plan. I was just thinking to say we can go for a walk and have food? She insisted me waiting for him to say something. Is it too late to say if he is down to go for a walk tomorrow? I really want to see him again. I don’t know why, it’s just a feeling I have.

 

7 minutes ago, Starrs said:

I was crying because I was hurt recently by someone. I was stupid I know

Not sure what you mean here and haven’t looked at your past threads. If you’re recently out of another relationship he might not want to see you again. You may feel strongly from loneliness too. If you want to follow up like I said, that’s up to you but only know that people usually don’t want to make up for another person’s void. 

I’m not discouraging you but keep expectations level. 

[NuevoYorko]

Do whatever you want.  I personally might have some doubts about a person who didn't contact me the day before a date when they were supposed to be making the plans.

On the other hand, if dating you was a bad experience for him and you want to encourage him to give it another chance,  reaching out wouldn't be a bad idea.   In fact - if you think that you're the one who tanked the first date by crying about your prior hurt (definitely bad move), why insist that he do the planning for date #2?  What is your reasoning for that?  "My friend made me do it" doesn't count.   

And why did he say he was petty?  That needs some context.

[stillafool]

12 minutes ago, Starrs said:

But we don’t have a place yet, I actually have an idea but my friend said it is best I let him choose this time and he hasn’t said anything.

I actually think that since you asked him for the date that you will be paying.  Therefore it should be your choice where to take him.  Maybe it would have been better to ask him if he'd like to go to___________with you on__________at_____AM/PM.  If he said yes then say "I will see you at ________AM/PM on _______.   I just don't understand why all of this isn't worked out when people ask for a date.  Then you won't have to wonder about all of this on the day before or of the date. 

[Starrs]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I actually think that since you asked him for the date that you will be paying.  Therefore it should be your choice where to take him.  Maybe it would have been better to ask him if he'd like to go to___________with you on__________at_____AM/PM.  If he said yes then say "I will see you at ________AM/PM on _______.   I just don't understand why all of this isn't worked out when people ask for a date.  Then you won't have to wonder about all of this on the day before or of the date. 

I was just being nice, if he wanted to do something of his choice. I don’t mind paying tbh, I will gladly pay for him. I was thinking to go on a walk and get dinner. But instead, I decided to let him decide and this is what happens lol. What should I do now lol, I guess I ruined this date too? 

[Starrs]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I actually think that since you asked him for the date that you will be paying.  Therefore it should be your choice where to take him.  Maybe it would have been better to ask him if he'd like to go to___________with you on__________at_____AM/PM.  If he said yes then say "I will see you at ________AM/PM on _______.   I just don't understand why all of this isn't worked out when people ask for a date.  Then you won't have to wonder about all of this on the day before or of the date. 

Because my friend insisted that I should retrieve myself by letting him choose. I would gladly text him “Hey, Do you want to have dinner at this place tomorrow at 6” But mostly everyone is it making it seem it’s a little too late, since I asked him to plan

[Starrs]

19 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Do whatever you want.  I personally might have some doubts about a person who didn't contact me the day before a date when they were supposed to be making the plans.

On the other hand, if dating you was a bad experience for him and you want to encourage him to give it another chance,  reaching out wouldn't be a bad idea.   In fact - if you think that you're the one who tanked the first date by crying about your prior hurt (definitely bad move), why insist that he do the planning for date #2?  What is your reasoning for that?  "My friend made me do it" doesn't count.   

And why did he say he was petty?  That needs some context.

Because he said I hurt him and he wants me to feel the same way

[Starrs]

24 minutes ago, glows said:

 

Not sure what you mean here and haven’t looked at your past threads. If you’re recently out of another relationship he might not want to see you again. You may feel strongly from loneliness too. If you want to follow up like I said, that’s up to you but only know that people usually don’t want to make up for another person’s void. 

I’m not discouraging you but keep expectations level. 

Yeah, I want to follow up and tell him that if he wants to have dinner. Since he obviously hasn’t decided anything. I’m not sure if that is seen as pushy, since I did ask him to plan.

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, Starrs said:

What should I do now

For starters, stop taking your friend's advice and do what you feel in your heart.

[Starrs]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

For starters, stop taking your friend's advice and do what you feel in your heart.

I want to text him if he wants to get dinner tomorrow but I already told him to plan. I feel stuck. 

[introverted1]

7 minutes ago, Starrs said:

Because he said I hurt him and he wants me to feel the same way

This is not a good sign.  You shouldn't be crying on your first date and he shouldn't be reacting vindictively.

I'd let this one go.  You are already off to a bad start and you haven't even truly started.

Find someone new to date and, next time, don't bring your past issues into things. 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Starrs said:

I met a guy once, date didn’t go well as I was emotionally unavailable.

What made you "emotionally unavailable" and what's changed since then?   Are you no longer emotionally unavailable?  

Is it because you can't have him, so now suddenly you're "available"?

I've read your previous threads and you have a history of volatile unstable relationships.

What makes you think this will be any different, it's already starting that way.

You go from being emotionally unavailable to now suddenly fraught with anxiety and borderline obsessed. 

I would explore this within yourself and/or with the help of a professional.

As for this guy?  I agree with do what you want and stop obsessing.

Call, not call, it doesn't matter, the outcome will be the same unless and until you figure yourself out and resolve your issues. 

Good luck. 

 

[Starrs]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

This is not a good sign.  You shouldn't be crying on your first date and he shouldn't be reacting vindictively.

I'd let this one go.  You are already off to a bad start and you haven't even truly started.

Find someone new to date and, next time, don't bring your past issues into things. 

This was a month ago…. He said he was ready to see me again.

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, Starrs said:

I want to text him if he wants to get dinner tomorrow but I already told him to plan. I feel stuck. 

Do you have a restaurant in mind?  Well the day isn't over so if you don't hear from him by 5PM ask him if he wants to go to such and such at ___am/pm tomorrow?  Make sure to plan everything so you aren't waiting for information on the day of the date.  So what if you appear needy. At this point you need to show him you care.

And, I agree with Poppy, make up your mind what you want.  It makes you look unstable which is not attractive to guys.

Edited April 19, 2022 by stillafool

[introverted1]

1 minute ago, Starrs said:

This was a month ago…. He said he was ready to see me again.

A month ago or not, I doubt either of you have had a change of personality/behavior in that time. 

Let it go. 

If he is actually interested, he will get in touch with you since you've made it clear you want to see him.  If you don't hear from him, you have your answer.