lillylola Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 (edited) Hi everyone, as some of you might know, I’m infatuated with a colleague. Since dating with coworkers is frowned upon, I try to meet other guys outside of work. I had contact with a guy from Tinder for a couple of weeks. we had fun chatting, he seems more serious, is a single dad and has his life on track. He says he’s on tinder for something serious, since he’s not interested in fwb or ons. He’s very intelligent and into the same things that I am. We saw each other yesterday and it was a great date. I think I really could start to like this guy. we laughed, shared the same humor and I also find him attractive. One thing though, was a bit weird and childish. He took a bag of soft candies with him, he already jokingly announced that and that he might throw a candy into the place we were at. I thought he was just joking, but than at the date, he did jokingly threw one of these candies in the air and it landed somewhere near the toilets. which I thought on one side was childish, but on the other side it kinda made me laugh. he then suggested I should throw one as well. which I didn’t, because I don’t like to throw candies in a bar where I drink. Then, another woman crossed our table, walking to the entrance. He laughingly said to me ‘maybe you should have thrown your candy to that woman, that would’ve been fun’. I don’t really know how I should interpret this. is this just a sense of humour I don’t get, is it childish or is it even a bit sadistic? Should I see this as a red flag? The rest of the date was really fun and pleasant, and he seems pretty normal, besides from this.. peculiar behavior. What would you do? Edited April 19, 2022 by lillylola
stillafool Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 The only place I throw candy is in my mouth. Yes, I agree, quite childish. Maybe he'll get over that but it's great you had a good date.
glows Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 Throwing candy at a woman? Is he on drugs or drunk? He has some serious issues, OP. Yes, of course that’s peculiar behaviour. You asked what would you do. I’d text him that it wasn’t a match but wish him well in his search. Then block and delete his contact as well as on the dating app. 1
Author lillylola Posted April 19, 2022 Author Posted April 19, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, glows said: Throwing candy at a woman? Is he on drugs or drunk? He has some serious issues, OP. Yes, of course that’s peculiar behaviour. You asked what would you do. I’d text him that it wasn’t a match but wish him well in his search. Then block and delete his contact as well as on the dating app. Not on drugs (as far as I know) and he didn’t drink one dropple of alcohol. I think it’s a disappointment that he did this. Because the rest of the date was soooo good. But this small thing makes me doubt his character and makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with him. That could be just a weird sense of humour up to real antisocial characterflaws. But in all other aspects, he seems really just a normal guy. He has a great job, being a teacher for children that grow up in troubled situations. to make it clear; he didn’t say -> you should throw your candy at that woman. just a few minutes before the woman passed our table, he asked if I was going to throw my candy. I said I wasn’t going to throw it and right at that moment, a woman passed our table. He then said : ok, I get that you don’t want to throw your candy through the bar. maybe you should have throw it at her haha, lol. Edited April 19, 2022 by lillylola
glows Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 (edited) 39 minutes ago, lillylola said: Not on drugs (as far as I know) and he didn’t drink one dropple of alcohol. I think it’s a disappointment that he did this. Because the rest of the date was soooo good. But this small thing makes me doubt his character and makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with him. That could be just a weird sense of humour up to real antisocial characterflaws. But in all other aspects, he seems really just a normal guy. He has a great job, being a teacher for children that grow up in troubled situations. to make it clear; he didn’t say -> you should throw your candy at that woman. just a few minutes before the woman passed our table, he asked if I was going to throw my candy. I said I wasn’t going to throw it and right at that moment, a woman passed our table. He then said : ok, I get that you don’t want to throw your candy through the bar. maybe you should have throw it at her haha, lol. Where I was born and raised throwing food is disrespectful and littering is a criminal offence liable with fines up to $2000 for a first offence, $4000 for a second offence and so on. The mere thought that he could even think of pulling a stunt like this is not only childish but also not really thinking of the clean up that someone else has to pick up his trash. He is thoughtless and possibly nervous around you. The way he tries to make you laugh is probably how he behaves with his classroom but he didn’t think for a second that he’s not with his students. He’s on a date in a bar/restaurant. Edited April 19, 2022 by glows
Alvi Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 (edited) This story is hilarious! Thank you for making me laugh hard! Sometimes you wonder why a person is single? On the surface that person appears to have it all. He or she is good looking, wants a long term relationship, had a good job, a house, etc... And then you finally meet and say: "Oh, no wonder he or she is still single. Good luck with that." While everybody has some quirks, some are more peculiar and harder to handle than the others. My guess would be that he got really nervous and tried to diffuse the situation. He is a class clown and this is how he interacts with people. He may not understand that his jokes and some things that he does are cringeworthy (nobody told him). 4 hours ago, lillylola said: Should I see this as a red flag? Yes, this is a red flag. He may not be aware of his surrounding and what he is doing is actually wrong and not socially acceptable. I mean, who throws candies at the bar? Who wants his date to throw candies at the bar? Who in his right mind tells his date that she should have thrown a candy at a stranger? Who brings candies to the bar in a first place? lol It is possible he has very little or no inhibitions, there may be a mental disorder beneath it all. I wonder if you actually end up dating, what other strange, weird, crazy stuff he will do (or want you to do). He might be a Peter Pan, a boy who never grows up. He will probably embarrass you often enough with his "jokes" while you are at public or at the parties. You've got a glimpse of what he is like. If you want to continue seeing him, proceed with caution. Take it very slow and observe his behavior carefully. Pretty sure there are going to be a lot more things about him that are going to question his sanity down the road. Edited April 19, 2022 by Alvi 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 2 hours ago, lillylola said: He has a great job, being a teacher for children that grow up in troubled situations. He seems to take his work home with him acting like a big kid himself to relate to children. However on a date maybe he was trying to be fun, but it's sort of silly.. Has he asked you out again? Maybe he'll act like a grown up on date two, who know?
Author lillylola Posted April 19, 2022 Author Posted April 19, 2022 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He seems to take his work home with him acting like a big kid himself to relate to children. However on a date maybe he was trying to be fun, but it's sort of silly.. Has he asked you out again? Maybe he'll act like a grown up on date two, who know? Yes, he asked me out again right at the end of our first date. it was kinda cute. And he texted me again today to say he had a great time with me. I’m really curious how he’ll act on the second date and if he might act more grownup, lol 1
glows Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 2 minutes ago, lillylola said: Yes, he asked me out again right at the end of our first date. it was kinda cute. And he texted me again today to say he had a great time with me. I’m really curious how he’ll act on the second date and if he might act more grownup, lol That’s why you date. To observe.
seapebbles Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 Wow, that's a first. I actually Googled "throw candy in a bar" to see if it was some new trend the kids were doing. No, it isn't! And yes, it's childish and disrespectful. I would have had to ask him why he was doing it. I mean just bringing a bag of candy on a date is a bit unusual. What if you ended up going to a nice restaurant? One of these days he could be in trouble if his little piece of candy hits the wrong person with a short temper. With that said, if the rest of the date went really well, it wouldn't hurt to go on another to see if there is any more odd behavior. Just make sure you meet in a public place!
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 4 hours ago, lillylola said: Yes, he asked me out again right at the end of our first date. it was kinda cute. And he texted me again today to say he had a great time with me. I’m really curious how he’ll act on the second date and if he might act more grownup, lol Maybe this Bevis and Butt-head is superman in bed? Go on another date.
Trail Blazer Posted April 19, 2022 Posted April 19, 2022 That is very strange behavior from an adult. It's certainly cause for concern. Be vigilant and on alert for any more of such behavior in the future. 1
Fox Sake Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 22 hours ago, lillylola said: Hi everyone, as some of you might know, I’m infatuated with a colleague. Since dating with coworkers is frowned upon, I try to meet other guys outside of work. I had contact with a guy from Tinder for a couple of weeks. we had fun chatting, he seems more serious, is a single dad and has his life on track. He says he’s on tinder for something serious, since he’s not interested in fwb or ons. He’s very intelligent and into the same things that I am. We saw each other yesterday and it was a great date. I think I really could start to like this guy. we laughed, shared the same humor and I also find him attractive. One thing though, was a bit weird and childish. He took a bag of soft candies with him, he already jokingly announced that and that he might throw a candy into the place we were at. I thought he was just joking, but than at the date, he did jokingly threw one of these candies in the air and it landed somewhere near the toilets. which I thought on one side was childish, but on the other side it kinda made me laugh. he then suggested I should throw one as well. which I didn’t, because I don’t like to throw candies in a bar where I drink. Then, another woman crossed our table, walking to the entrance. He laughingly said to me ‘maybe you should have thrown your candy to that woman, that would’ve been fun’. I don’t really know how I should interpret this. is this just a sense of humour I don’t get, is it childish or is it even a bit sadistic? Should I see this as a red flag? The rest of the date was really fun and pleasant, and he seems pretty normal, besides from this.. peculiar behavior. What would you do? Was there alcohol involved? …. This kind of sounds like there was. If there wasn’t, then definitely keep your eyes open. I know people who can be the most astute of human beings. As soon as they have a drink they turn into arseholes , that includes childish behaviour. I hate alcohol and what it does to peoples inhibitions and self control. Edited April 20, 2022 by Fox Sake Spellinggggg
Author lillylola Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 4 hours ago, Fox Sake said: Was there alcohol involved? …. This kind of sounds like there was. If there wasn’t, then definitely keep your eyes open. I know people who can be the most astute of human beings. As soon as they have a drink they turn into arseholes , that includes childish behaviour. I hate alcohol and what it does to peoples inhibitions and self control. No, there was no alcoholinvolved at all. He already a joke while we were still texting, saying that he would take a bag of candy with him, to throw with. I thought this was just a bad joke through text, but then he actually had a bag of candy with him and threw one (which he later did pick up again so the staff wouldn’t have to clean it up)
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 2 minutes ago, lillylola said: No, there was no alcoholinvolved at all. He already a joke while we were still texting, saying that he would take a bag of candy with him, to throw with. I thought this was just a bad joke through text, but then he actually had a bag of candy with him and threw one (which he later did pick up again so the staff wouldn’t have to clean it up) Some resort to slapstick humour when nervous or sensing when someone else is nervous. It’s his way of breaking the ice and gauging whether you find his antics funny. If you laugh or participate he interprets it as acceptance and boosts his confidence. It’s up to you if you find him attractive or want to see him again.
ShyViolet Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 If you really like him, you could give him another chance, but if there are any more red flags or if he does anything else weird, you should be out the door. Don't ignore red flags.
Alvi Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 I guess back in the old days this guy would be called eccentric. I am willing to bet there are going to be lot more eccentricities that you are going to surface if you end up dating him. Guess it is up to you how much (or what exactly) you are willing to put up with or tolerate. Maybe he is just a class clown type of a guy who pranks everybody. Not exactly a desirable behavior but again, this is up to you how much you can deal with. Nobody is perfect after all! You can be super picky and dump him or you can start dating him and see how it goes. He might be a good guy with a few quirks. Or maybe he is a total nutcase. Anyway, go slowly and observe his behavior.
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2022 Posted April 20, 2022 On 4/19/2022 at 10:44 AM, lillylola said: Because the rest of the date was soooo good. But in all other aspects, he seems really just a normal guy. He has a great job, being a teacher for children that grow up in troubled situations. The only way to tell is another date . Maybe he was trying too hard to be fun and unique:
Author lillylola Posted April 25, 2022 Author Posted April 25, 2022 I just wanted to give you an update. We had another date and it went very well again. No weird jokes or suggestions to throw candy, no other weird behavior. He’s actually kinda cute. In the midst of the date he was quiet for a few seconds, looked me in the eyes and said :”You know, I really enjoy your company”. We laughed a lot and both said we want to continue seeing each other. we havent kissed though. We hugged in the end, but we were both shy and awkward. No knows, maybe next time. 3
princessaurora Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 If you're comfortable with it, I would give him a cheek kiss next time, maybe when you first greet him. You can just hug him and say " Good to see you again" and add a small peck on the cheek. This let's him know you're comfortable with physical affection and he will feel more at ease to give you a kiss. That usually works really well with shy/passive guys to break the tension. Glad you had a nice date and he didn't throw candy this time. He was probably just nervous last time and that can cause some awkward behavior.
Author lillylola Posted April 25, 2022 Author Posted April 25, 2022 3 minutes ago, princessaurora said: If you're comfortable with it, I would give him a cheek kiss next time, maybe when you first greet him. You can just hug him and say " Good to see you again" and add a small peck on the cheek. This let's him know you're comfortable with physical affection and he will feel more at ease to give you a kiss. That usually works really well with shy/passive guys to break the tension. Glad you had a nice date and he didn't throw candy this time. He was probably just nervous last time and that can cause some awkward behavior. Thank you for your reply! I probably didnt post it clearly enough but we did hugged and gave each other kisses on the cheek. Just no ‘real kissing’. We did look each other in the eyes after this kissing on the cheek but then i started to talk and wish him a good week, out of nervousness i guess. So then the possibility to kiss was over. We both jokingly said to each other that we’re awkward with this kind of moments.
princessaurora Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 Been there! I had one who was really shy but he leaned over to kiss me in his jeep and we bumped heads, laughed it off, and he didn't try again that night. But then he set up the next date at his house and we finally progressed things. I'm sure it will happen next time.
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