Girlfriend ended the relationship

[glows]

9 hours ago, LoveComplexity said:

 

 

Im not sure exactly what she is dealing with, but her mom told me she has not been happy for a while (some years), not with herself or her life or what she achieved or nothing.

I also know for a fact (because she told me many times, my ex gf) that she has extremely low self esteem, she doesn't like anything about her, and thinks she is a failure and a loser.

During a few break downs that she had, she has told me she was abused as a child, her 2 ex partners were also bad, one was a cheater that went with other women, the 2nd also cheated on her in the end but he was also violent with her and slapped her.

During those break downs she told me she is miserable and feels like she has a hole inside her, and feels nothing, she doesn't feel happy with herself nor with her life or anything even tho she pretends to be happy with other people, and she said she even contemplated suicide at one point in her life, she also told me she doesn't care about anything, if something happens to her tomorrow, if this relationship ends, nothing... some heavy words... but like I said after I eased her and talked to her she felt better or at least pretended to be better.

Anyway she always said that when we are together she feels better and that I make her "forget" everything.

So I don't know what exactly she has but she definitely has some issues, I thought with my support we could both grow and she could improve this aspect and heal it, thats why I tried to stick with her and be her support.

That’s a mistake and you’re seeing now that these issues take a lot more than a relationship to heal. Let her be on her own as she requests.

The way I’m reading your thoughts is that you’re going through the motions of a break up, trying to figure out fact from fiction and left from right because break ups do that and they destabilize a person. It’s ok to feel and question what you’re hearing. At the end of the day it doesn’t change that it didn’t work. The lesson would be in acknowledging when some issues are just not solvable and not everyone is going to be healthy or able to be in a relationship or give it their all.

Other times people change their minds and are fickle yet they are still entitled to change their minds and end a relationship.

That’s why you stay grounded and keep to your commitments and routines and don’t give up everything to be with someone. Be wary and take care of yourself.

[bravojohn]

I'm really sorry to say this but a lot of the points you have brought up are BIG red flags, and will unfortunately also be detrimental to your mental and emotional wellbeing in the long run, if it isn't already. 

Noone enjoys being around a person that is overly sensitive, or aggressive. It stifles freedom and puts you on eggshells. Believe me, I've been there as well. She was also sensitive to almost everything, and reacted very aggressively to the seemingly most irrelevant and trivial things. It became exhausting to the point where I just wanted to stay home and not interact with the world, as the smallest thing could set her off and then lead to arguing. 

My friend, as difficult as it is, you sometimes need to put yourself first. No amount of caring and input can fix some people. Sure, you see her through loving eyes, but, you also need to see yourself through those same eyes. What are you worth? Where do you see yourself? With what type of person do you see yourself? Read your own posts again. Does it really come a cross that she is a good influence for you? 

Out of the points you raised, honestly, she doesn't come a cross as the nicest, most relaxed person to be around. I know times are difficult but you need to assess whether this situation is healthy FOR YOU, cos it really doesn't appear that way. 

This might come across as crass, but, if its costing you your peace, its too expensive. I just read "liability" everywhere, and it may be worth it to take time out, assess the situation, and make a decision that is healthy for you. If that means letting her go, do it. She's already expressed that she doesn't want a relationship cos of her issues. Grant her that wish, and also some eventual peace and avoiding potential bigger heartache with her for yourself. 

Edited April 19, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LoveComplexity]

4 hours ago, bravojohn said:

I'm really sorry to say this but a lot of the points you have brought up are BIG red flags, and will unfortunately also be detrimental to your mental and emotional wellbeing in the long run, if it isn't already. 

Noone enjoys being around a person that is overly sensitive, or aggressive. It stifles freedom and puts you on eggshells. Believe me, I've been there as well. She was also sensitive to almost everything, and reacted very aggressively to the seemingly most irrelevant and trivial things. It became exhausting to the point where I just wanted to stay home and not interact with the world, as the smallest thing could set her off and then lead to arguing. 

My friend, as difficult as it is, you sometimes need to put yourself first. No amount of caring and input can fix some people. Sure, you see her through loving eyes, but, you also need to see yourself through those same eyes. What are you worth? Where do you see yourself? With what type of person do you see yourself? Read your own posts again. Does it really come a cross that she is a good influence for you? 

Out of the points you raised, honestly, she doesn't come a cross as the nicest, most relaxed person to be around. I know times are difficult but you need to assess whether this situation is healthy FOR YOU, cos it really doesn't appear that way. 

This might come across as crass, but, if its costing you your peace, its too expensive. I just read "liability" everywhere, and it may be worth it to take time out, assess the situation, and make a decision that is healthy for you. If that means letting her go, do it. She's already expressed that she doesn't want a relationship cos of her issues. Grant her that wish, and also some eventual peace and avoiding potential bigger heartache with her for yourself. 

Interesting, yeah it was not easy but I wanted to be a supporting boyfriend and support her through it.

Anyone else has an opinion on what these signs of hers point to? In terms of a disorder or something

[glows]

Drilling someone as you describe will push anyone to the edge. You criticize her quite a lot but may be overlooking how your actions added to the situation.

Also someone suffering from low self-esteem will be vulnerable to people pushing her like you have and individuals looking to save and help someone. Being with you helped her “forget” everything. A healthy relationship doesn’t consist of saving, forgetting or being out of touch with reality and drilling anyone. Things flow naturally because two people decide to be with one another and are open or emotionally available. 

This didn’t work out and I’m sorry it didn’t. By trying to find a layman’s uneducated diagnosis for her on a relationship forum it’s a way to try to understand your pain and control a situation you ended up not being able to be in control of. And that’s ok. Let go.

Edited April 19, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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