shalina1789 Posted April 17, 2022 Share Posted April 17, 2022 I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 years on and off. Ive had cold feet about him a few times because of the situation. At one point i told him i want to settle down and i’m gna start looking for someone else. So i left the situation for a few months, unfollowed him from everything and deleted his number. One night i was feeling a bit weak, and was going through my photo gallery on my phone and i found a picture of him and me together. I remembered how happy he actually made me feel but at the same time I remembered what the situation was. I just chose the happy feeling over the negative one and I sent him a follow request on Instagram. He messaged me the next morning saying its a nice surprise and he’d like to facetime me, so we did and had a catch up. We’ve been dating again since. the situation for what its worth is him being in my company, me being in his company, doing everything as a couple going out on dates etc and of course sleeping with each other. But no label, and no hint of any commitment from his end. I know he’s had other commitments such as his career and his motivation to put a deposit down on a house which he says he is in a position to now do that. He does drop in lines such as “im not going anywhere so you dont either”, “its just you and me, we dont need anyone else” and has drunk texted me “i love you”. I didnt say it back of course cos it was a drunk text. He shares all his personal problems with me, including his family problems when he has them. And his family know about me and they do like me as well. i’m just really confused, and I know I’m at fault for staying somewhere which has zero certainty and littles my self worth. He just makes me feel so happy when we’re doing little things like going on dates to driving ranges or just having a heart to heart in the car. And then I remember what i am to him potentially and I just back away. Shall I just call it a day completely? Or is there a chance he does want to be with me? I have no problem with the first option, i know it will hurt because of how comfortable this one man makes me feel but I will have to get on with it. I’ve stuck around on the basis of hope that he’ll one day make things official with me, but then again its just hope isnt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 17, 2022 Share Posted April 17, 2022 18 minutes ago, shalina1789 said: I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 years on and off. Sorry this is happening. What, exactly, do you mean by "commitment"? Dating exclusively? Calling each other BF and GF?Living together? Getting engaged? How old is he? What exactly, do you want to see happening as far as commitment? Unfortunately on/off relationships are fraught with unresolved recurring conflicts combined with unhealthy attachment and lack of better opportunities. Reflect on what your short and long-term life and relationship goals are and if you can picture that with him. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 17, 2022 Share Posted April 17, 2022 Yeah agree with above but also , why didn't you talk to him about whatever it is you want and why you dumped it the last time, before getting involved again. Good news is , it's not too late. You don't have to go anywhere yet but what you really have to do is talk to him and find out just what this is to him and where he's at, don't mince words ask whatever you want to know. And you can decide from there depending on what he has to say for himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 17, 2022 Share Posted April 17, 2022 Why has it been so on and off? You date until you both decide to get married if that’s what you both want. Have you been asking him about marriage plans for the past two years? Why so much doubt? Is it because he drinks? In any case it doesn’t sound promising. If you’ve broken up with him more than once you’ve only showed the other person how unreliable you are. I’m not trying to crush you while you’re down but you’ve got to see it from the other side too. Why would a guy have you as his wife if he can’t rely on you? There may be good reasons not to rely on him but you didn’t say why. Link to post Share on other sites
Venus080411 Posted May 13, 2022 Share Posted May 13, 2022 On 4/17/2022 at 6:16 AM, shalina1789 said: I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 years on and off. Ive had cold feet about him a few times because of the situation. At one point i told him i want to settle down and i’m gna start looking for someone else. So i left the situation for a few months, unfollowed him from everything and deleted his number. One night i was feeling a bit weak, and was going through my photo gallery on my phone and i found a picture of him and me together. I remembered how happy he actually made me feel but at the same time I remembered what the situation was. I just chose the happy feeling over the negative one and I sent him a follow request on Instagram. He messaged me the next morning saying its a nice surprise and he’d like to facetime me, so we did and had a catch up. We’ve been dating again since. the situation for what its worth is him being in my company, me being in his company, doing everything as a couple going out on dates etc and of course sleeping with each other. But no label, and no hint of any commitment from his end. I know he’s had other commitments such as his career and his motivation to put a deposit down on a house which he says he is in a position to now do that. He does drop in lines such as “im not going anywhere so you dont either”, “its just you and me, we dont need anyone else” and has drunk texted me “i love you”. I didnt say it back of course cos it was a drunk text. He shares all his personal problems with me, including his family problems when he has them. And his family know about me and they do like me as well. i’m just really confused, and I know I’m at fault for staying somewhere which has zero certainty and littles my self worth. He just makes me feel so happy when we’re doing little things like going on dates to driving ranges or just having a heart to heart in the car. And then I remember what i am to him potentially and I just back away. Shall I just call it a day completely? Or is there a chance he does want to be with me? I have no problem with the first option, i know it will hurt because of how comfortable this one man makes me feel but I will have to get on with it. I’ve stuck around on the basis of hope that he’ll one day make things official with me, but then again its just hope isnt it. Shalina, I was in a similar situation so I feel for you. It is not an easy position to be in. Is he afraid of commitment? Does he say he just doesn't want a relationship? Are you both dating others? I am curious how you guys are doing now. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted May 13, 2022 Share Posted May 13, 2022 (edited) On 4/17/2022 at 3:16 AM, shalina1789 said: I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 years on and off. Ive had cold feet about him a few times because of the situation. At one point i told him i want to settle down and i’m gna start looking for someone else. So i left the situation for a few months, unfollowed him from everything and deleted his number. One night i was feeling a bit weak, and was going through my photo gallery on my phone and i found a picture of him and me together. I remembered how happy he actually made me feel but at the same time I remembered what the situation was. I just chose the happy feeling over the negative one and I sent him a follow request on Instagram. He messaged me the next morning saying its a nice surprise and he’d like to facetime me, so we did and had a catch up. We’ve been dating again since. If you leave because you want something that you're not getting, then you have to have the courage of your conviction to stick with that. He's just taking the situation for what it is. He doesn't have to be face making a change if you just come back after being away for a while. When you leave, you have to mean it. It's really not on him to change any behavior because he's getting exactly what he wants. One last thing, you have to be ok with the possibility that leaving him will end the relationship for good. You can't leave as a manipulative tactic to force him into changing, it has to be because you feel leaving him is the best thing for *you*. Edited May 13, 2022 by dramafreezone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 13, 2022 Share Posted May 13, 2022 On 4/17/2022 at 6:16 AM, shalina1789 said: At one point i told him i want to settle down and i’m gna start looking for someone else You didn't say what his response was to this statement when you broke it off with him. What did he say? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 14, 2022 Share Posted May 14, 2022 (edited) Certainly after two years you can have an honest and open discussion about your future. I think it’s time to tell him what you want and ask what he wants for his own life. Just be forewarned, words are easy to say… as you are aware. “I think we are great together” and “I don’t want to lose you” mean little if what you are looking for is a committed relationship that will lead to marriage and family. I don’t know how old you are OP, but I wouldn’t waste more time with a man who doesn’t have the same life goals and plan for the future. Sure - you get on well… But, it is possible to find another man with whom you get on well who wants the same things in life. Don't settle and sacrifice your own dreams for a man - ever! My advice, it’s time for a serious discussion. You have nothing to lose because what you’ve got with the man now (while enjoyable at this stage of life) isn’t really in line with your long term goals. You are not wrong to want a man who is proud to call you his girlfriend. You are not wrong for wanting to plan a future with a man - marriage, a family. If this guy doesn’t have the same expectations - it’s time to fine someone who does. Edited May 14, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts