susie092166 Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I know this may sound bad, but I am attracted to a guy that I work with. The bad thing is that we are both involved in relationships with other people. It all started a couple of months ago when we were at a work outing together. He kept flirting with me, saying that I owed him drinks. then, he would always touch me, or touch my hair. Then, I started things up by emailing him. And, we had a couple of email exchanges at work one day. I pretty much told him one day that I wanted him. He responded that he was shocked but flattered. It never really went anywhere. Then, I started stopping by his office and visiting him. He kind of started expecting it. And, when I didn't stop by, he would mention it to me. Or tell me he was looking forward to my visists etc... But, as a side note, he never really initiates anything. Emails or visists, etc.. It almost seems as if he is interested in starting something up with me, but nothing ever happens. Was wondering if this was just one of those emotional affairs that people have, or if this will ever go anywhere. Because if not, I should probably just drop it. Thoughts? susie
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 He enjoys the flirting and that's it. He isn't interesting in pursuing anything with you, if he was he would've taken the bait by now. He's flattered that you're into him, probably enjoying the attention - yet he's not seeking it as you come to him (and expects it too) so no effort has to be made by him. What is the point of you doing this? Are you unhappy with your relationship? Each of you are involved with someone else. IF it went somewhere, would you break up with your boyfriend? Do you love this man at work? What if he had told you he wanted you back? Would you have freaked out and thought Oh god, what am I doing, or would you go after him for real. Find out what is missing in your relationship, because you 'went' after this guy pretty hard so there is 'intent' of something going on inside your head.
TheDiva Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I know this may sound bad, but I am attracted to a guy that I work with. The bad thing is that we are both involved in relationships with other people. It all started a couple of months ago when we were at a work outing together. He kept flirting with me, saying that I owed him drinks. then, he would always touch me, or touch my hair. Then, I started things up by emailing him. And, we had a couple of email exchanges at work one day. I pretty much told him one day that I wanted him. He responded that he was shocked but flattered. It never really went anywhere. Then, I started stopping by his office and visiting him. He kind of started expecting it. And, when I didn't stop by, he would mention it to me. Or tell me he was looking forward to my visists etc... But, as a side note, he never really initiates anything. Emails or visists, etc.. It almost seems as if he is interested in starting something up with me, but nothing ever happens. Was wondering if this was just one of those emotional affairs that people have, or if this will ever go anywhere. Because if not, I should probably just drop it. Thoughts? susie Susie You shouldn't make one more "move" on him. He may be interested in you and flattered by your attention, but he seems to be a little more commited to his relationship versus starting something with you. I cannot tell you if you are having an emotional affair based on the info you have provided. I highly doubt the "A" would go any where though. They rarely do. Is there something you are lacking in your current relationship that is making you want to act on your attraction to this guy?
Author susie092166 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Posted October 23, 2005 I suppose I already knew that it wouldn't go any further based upon the fact that I am the only one making the effort. I actually tested this last week. I dropped by his office and talked with him on Monday. Then, I didn't email or stop by his office the rest of the week. No emails, or visits, or calls from him. So I guess that's the answer. It's just weird. Seems as if he is playing me too. Asking me what events I am going to be at, etc.. He looks at me to in a way that says "i like you". But, it could be that he just wants to be friends. Who knows. I was interested in him because he is sort of mysterious and very sexy. It all seemed very exciting to me! I have been in my current relationship for about 7 years. We aren't married, but engaged. I suppose I am bored with my current relationship. Guess I shouldn't pick on a married man though.
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 You shouldn't pick anybody. Maybe it's time to re-think things with your current boyfriend. 7 years and engaged, you're looking to see what else is out there, like you're going to miss an opportunity or someone better will sweep you off your feet. Forget this guy at work, he isn't into you. You tested him, he failed. He isn't looking for something on the side and DEFINATELY isn't ever going to break up with someone else to be with you. Sorry to be harsh... Focus on the man you live with. Capture that feeling again...WHY did you fall inlove with him? Why are you engaged to him? What was it that brought you two together? Maybe go to couples therapy together. Does he realize that you're bored and playing the field? Are you unhappy or just truely bored looking for excitement to shake things up abit...Because you can do that without involving someone else, just takes effort and the desire to communicate and spice things up...Ofcourse it's easier to enjoy the flirting to make you feel good but you don't need it! There's someone at home, a man you're engaged to. Let him be the one to get ya going and make you feel good. See what I'm getting at?
TheDiva Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 You shouldn't pick anybody. Maybe it's time to re-think things with your current boyfriend. 7 years and engaged, you're looking to see what else is out there, like you're going to miss an opportunity or someone better will sweep you off your feet. Forget this guy at work, he isn't into you. You tested him, he failed. He isn't looking for something on the side and DEFINATELY isn't ever going to break up with someone else to be with you. Sorry to be harsh... Focus on the man you live with. Capture that feeling again...WHY did you fall inlove with him? Why are you engaged to him? What was it that brought you two together? Maybe go to couples therapy together. Does he realize that you're bored and playing the field? Are you unhappy or just truely bored looking for excitement to shake things up abit...Because you can do that without involving someone else, just takes effort and the desire to communicate and spice things up...Ofcourse it's easier to enjoy the flirting to make you feel good but you don't need it! There's someone at home, a man you're engaged to. Let him be the one to get ya going and make you feel good. See what I'm getting at? WWIU is pointing you in the right direction, NOW is the time to re-think what you're doing. 7 years is a long time, and if you are doing these things now before you're married, What are you going to be thinking when you have been married for 7 years? I think you need to refocus on your relationship and decide if you still want to be an active party in it. Once you have figured out the Why and What you want to do about it, you can work toward it. You should be proud that it went no futher. You reached your hand toward the fire and felt the heat and jerked back your hand before you got it burned. Continue to focus on your relationship and forget about this man. It sounds like he is happy enough with his own relationship. Good luck
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 We all go through blah times in relationships...They say the 7 year itch is the worst! I agree, it's GOOD that you didn't act upon this, you flirted and went after him - But nothing physical happened and you didn't cheat. Curosity got the best of you. The whole thing about love and long term relationships is realizing there will be times when ya don't connect with your spouse. It just happens and doesn't mean that it's going to end or that one partner should go out and cheat to spice it up. Life gets in the way, work, stress, daily routines set in. It's up to each person to put the effort in to make it all work out.
TheDiva Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 The whole thing about love and long term relationships is realizing there will be times when ya don't connect with your spouse. It just happens and doesn't mean that it's going to end or that one partner should go out and cheat to spice it up. Life gets in the way, work, stress, daily routines set in. It's up to each person to put the effort in to make it all work out. It's Sunday so I am gonna give an AMEN to that! Daily routine is the number one killer of a relationship IMO. It's a lot of work to keep a relationship on its toes.
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