Should I have given a pity kiss?

[Perdu]

13 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said:

I recently went on a first date at a woman's apartment. It was good conversation and she was clearly into me, but I didn't feel physical attraction. By the end, we were sitting close together, and as I wanted to head home, I had a quiet moment before half-joking that I often struggle to transition into a smooth departure. She asked if I was going to kiss her before I leave, to which I paused, and with a smile said I'd sleep on it. She swiftly got up and politely let me out. I gave her a hug before departing, and later texted her thanking her for the drinks and saying I enjoyed meeting her and wished her well. I didn't get a response.

I realize that by its nature, dating is a messy endeavor. I don't regret moving on, but I felt a bit guilty, like I should have given her a pity peck on the lips when she prompted me, instead of stiff pass. Would that have been a smoother middle-ground response, or am I unreasonably shaming myself? How would you have responded?

No, you shouldn't feel guilty for not kissing her, I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted a kiss just as an act of pity.

Maybe the setting (her apartment, a bold move by from her, btw) was not the best choice for a first date, since it's more difficult to make an elegant exit out of someone's private space, especially since she seemed willing to get more physical than you did.

To me, her lack of response indicates nothing (maybe she's not comfortable enough with rejection to give a polite ending text or maybe she's so over it that she doesn't feel the need to respond).

[Scotty Riggs]

56 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Did you know that you were not physically attracted to her before the date?

She looked so different in all her photos that I couldn't gauge what she'd look like in person. I think she used a lot of older/youthful photos and probably has fluctuated a lot physically from all the diverse climates and living situations she's been in.

  

56 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Nothing wrong with not kissing and not hooking up.  It's just odd that you didn't know the situation (or what seems obvious to me).  On the few occasions where a first or second meet up was at her home, 100% of the time at least a makeout session happened.

Man, you're gonna say I'm naïve as hell, but now that I look back, at one point while I was sitting in a chair and chatting with her, she was lying on her bed, extending and stretching her legs up a lot. Yeah, I'm a guy, and I noticed her ass, but I hardly thought anything of her behavior at the time, as she was a little quirky and I was in conversation mode talking about academics and such. 

I've now had three first dates where I was invited to a woman's apartment, and every one involved some anticipated level of physical intimacy, regardless of the image she gave on her dating profile. So, shame on me?

Honestly, I might have hooked up if I knew that was all she wanted. But I wouldn't have considered a LTR with her, and I have no compass for what to do following that first intimate encounter, or how she might follow up with me. So the potential ugly fallout of dumping her didn't seem worth one shag.

Edited April 15, 2022 by Scotty Riggs

[dramafreezone]

3 minutes ago, Scotty Riggs said:

She looked so different in all her photos that I couldn't gauge what she'd look like in person. I think she used a lot of older/youthful photos and probably has fluctuated a lot physically from all the diverse climates and living situations she's been in.

  

Man, you're gonna say I'm naïve as hell, but now that I look back, at one point while I was sitting in a chair and chatting with her, she was lying on her bed, extending and stretching her legs up a lot. Yeah, I'm a guy, and I noticed her ass, but I hardly thought anything of her behavior at the time, as she was a little quirky and I was in conversation mode talking about academics and such. 

I've now had three first dates where I was invited to a woman's apartment, and every one involved some anticipated level of physical intimacy, regardless of the image she gave on her dating profile. So, shame on me?

Honestly, I might have hooked up if I knew that was all she wanted. But I wouldn't have considered a LTR with her, and I have no compass for what to do following that first intimate encounter, or how she might follow up with me. So the potential ugly fallout of dumping her didn't seem worth one shag.

That's perfectly reasonable and I can't fault you for not wanting to start something if that's what you were looking for.  But just because a woman wants to have sex doesn't mean she wants a long term relationship.  A lot of women just want a simpler, no-strings attached arrangement, more often than I think guys realize.  A lot of times it's the guys that want a LTR and the woman that just wants something casual.

If the read you got from her is that she might want to get more serious, then smart to not go through with it.