Please I need some advice on my thought/feers with my GF

[jack2553463]

Hello friends of the internet I need some help today and I was wondering if you are so kind to help me. I am in a really bad spot emotionally. So what is the problem? My girlfriend is moving in to a diffrent city that is pretty far away so our relationship will be for the most part long distance relationship (I hava a plan to move there as well but job is a little in my). I should say that our relationship is really really great, I know I love her really much and have never feel like that with anyone and she also says that she is extremely happy and that sees a future for us together. So if you have any tips or tricks how to keep a healthy and good long distance relationship I would bee very grateful too you. Thanks! But this is not the thing that is eating me away. The problem is when I met her and we were just friends she was in an open relationship with 3 or 4 people and when we started dating she abandoned that relationships. We also discussed about open relationships but I am not prepered for that just now and she was completly fine with that and said I am enough. But we also had a conversation about new experience and this is where the problem or better say my concern begins. What I mean by new experience is that she gets a certain rush/high from meeting new people and new coltures in a sense that if she meets exciting new people she will get like an urge to let`s say try them sleep with them and she says to mee that she is not interested in having a relationship with them she is just overwhelmed by the new "experience" and wants to see and experience new people in bed. She has said to me that she wont sleep with other people if I do not quote on quote approve it or if i do not like it. I should also mention that we do not live in a big city now so there is almost nothing new or exciting to do here. And now she is moving to new and ecting place with lots of exciting people and i know how she can be taken over by new experiences. I know how does this all of it sound like i do not trust her enough but this is eating me away and i need someone to talk to about this. I thank you in advance for your time and for listening and i hope had a similar situation and could help me.

PS. Sorry it the text is not gramaticaly correct

[glows]

You’ll have to decide whether you can be with someone who enjoys open relationships. She told you she won’t sleep with anyone else and you’re both not in an open relationship.

If you can’t feel comfortable despite what she says cut yourself loose and meet someone else who is monogamous. Don’t try to force something that doesn’t feel right.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, jack2553463 said:

My girlfriend is moving in to a diffrent city that is pretty far away so our relationship will be for the most part long distance relationship .when I met her and we were just friends she was in an open relationship with 3 or 4 people and when we started dating she abandoned that relationships.

How long have you been dating? How old is she? Is she moving for work? School? There are a few red flags so take your time to reflect if this situation is right for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is very unlikely to work out well, OP. 

She isn't in a place in her life to naturally want sexual exclusivity. She has said she won't have sex with others if you're not okay with it, but her desire to explore is clealry still there. It was there when you met her, and it obviously hasn't dissipated since she's started dating you. 

I'm sorry. I don't think she's ready for the sort of relaitonship you would like, and the distace is going to complicate that when she finds other local opportunities at her fingertips. 

[chillii]

Op , it doesn't matter if it sounds like you don't trust her enough , how could you possibly even trust her in the first place of course you wouldn't trust her no one would? And what are you doing trying to have a relationship with a person like this ? She is not relationship material op, no woman or man either for that matter that talks like that belongs in nor is even anywhere near ready for a relationship.

Why have you let your feelings and yourself become involved with her.? At any rate, do not move for her think of her move as a blessing bc sorry but that's what is is. Unless of course you also have ideas yourself of some open relationship thing and if so that she will have no problem with you sleeping with whomever and whatever culture takes your fancy too. But if not and your hoping to have some serious thing with this woman, forget it.

Edited April 14, 2022 by chillii

[Just A Man]

The tricky part is that you never know for sure until you know for sure.

Did she explain why she quit her open relationships when you started dating?  She may just be very honest in admitting that she likes new sexual partners, and/or new to combitted relationships.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but admit I'd see some caution flags here.

I think really the best answer is the one that you can her come up with.  If she wants to remain exclusive and it seems sincere about it, then maybe you can work on the details of how you can make the long distance aspect work for the two of you.

[dramafreezone]

Did she ask you to come with her, or did you suggest it?

Either way, the fact that the decision is made regardless of where you stand with it shows what she thinks of the relationship.  She's willing to lose it to move there.  

Additionally I think her views on open relationships influenced this decision.  She apparently doesn't subscribe to monogamy, which is her preference.  She must really care about you to be monogamous as long as she has but people tend to regress back to their true selves over time.  Don't try to change her into something she's not, look for someone that's already what you want.

Edited April 15, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Gmbir]

you have to communicate with her, i think it is important to communicate fears as well as the things that makes you happy. You both have to be in the same page if you want to continue with the kind of relationship that will make you feel comfortable. Your peace of mind is the most important thing, you have to trust each other and if you don´t feel comfortable with something you must tell her. 

[vla1120]

It sounds like she gave up the other relationships for you, but she has the intent to start having an open relationship when you feel comfortable with the idea. If you don't see yourself ever wanting an open relationship, she is not the one for you. I would say that you should let her move to the new city and be who she is going to be. Ask her to be honest with you and tell you when/if she gets involved with someone else. Then, you should try to find someone more in tune with you and your view of monogamy in a relationship. 

As far as how to handle the long distance relationship, ask for honesty and openness from her, and hope that's what she will give you.