Who should pay?

[Maldives]

3 hours ago, clia said:

What time was the date?

730pm it was the only place open where she lived nothing else open an Indian restaurant. When she walked in she asked if they can just do drinks and coffee and they said yes lol so the dinner idea came when we actually sat and she was looking at the menu. This is the first time I've taken this approach cause even though I set the date up for coffee the woman picks food and it gets expensive. Lots of places bars these days have food deserts etc. I just didn't wanna be taken advantage of. I've gone on dates where the bill was a 100 plus and I covered it but afterwards was annoyed with myself for letting it happen. 

[Alpacalia]

Try to stick to venues on first dates that serve mainly coffee if that's the type of venue you prefer to stick with.

Let's look at it this way, if she's going to behave badly because you didn't pay for her meal, be grateful.

She did you a great favor.

Moreover, you weren't interested anyway, so everything worked out in the end.

 

Edited April 12, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Els]

2 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

730pm it was the only place open where she lived nothing else open an Indian restaurant. When she walked in she asked if they can just do drinks and coffee and they said yes lol so the dinner idea came when we actually sat and she was looking at the menu. This is the first time I've taken this approach cause even though I set the date up for coffee the woman picks food and it gets expensive. Lots of places bars these days have food deserts etc. I just didn't wanna be taken advantage of. I've gone on dates where the bill was a 100 plus and I covered it but afterwards was annoyed with myself for letting it happen. 

Dude.

If you want to just have coffee, set the date up for 10am Saturday at a coffee place. Sorted.

If you aren't interested in the person, just SAY NO when they ask you!!

[introverted1]

2 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

If you aren't interested in the person, just SAY NO when they ask you!!

OP, you seem very passive.  Why did you agree to meet her if you knew you didn't want to date her? 

So much of this could have been avoided with clearer communication from the start.

[Maldives]

7 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Err, considering that it appeared to be dinner time, she was probably just hungry? The fact that her date ordered a coffee wouldn't change the fact that most people want to eat dinner at dinner time, lol.

[]

Haha again this was the only place open I drove out to her area. I mentioned before I was having dinner at home before meet up. 730pm time frame so it's not too late I finished my shift at 6pm. She mentioned some golf club meet up and I said no let's just do 'coffee' lol and something simple she agreed. Again this was the only place open in this area I hope that clarifies. 

Edited April 13, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quoted post

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

She mentioned some golf club meet up and I said no let's just do 'coffee' lol and something simple she agreed.

That's not "alluding to" having coffee @Goodguy05, that was a direct invite for coffee.  

I'm sorry and I know others disagree but I find her ordering dinner and wine and expecting you to pay when you clearly stated you were meeting for coffee to be presumptuous and well, just rude.

Don't care what time it was or where you went or how hungry she was. 

It was a coffee date, not a dinner date.  A first meet.

Nuff said from me, onward and upward!

 

Edited April 12, 2022 by poppyfields

[Maldives]

12 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

Dude.

If you want to just have coffee, set the date up for 10am Saturday at a coffee place. Sorted.

If you aren't interested in the person, just SAY NO when they ask you!!

She pushed for last night because she wasn't available till the 21/04 because she was off to a big musical festival over 5 days and then she had her kids wen she got back. 

[Els]

Just now, Goodguy05 said:

She pushed for last night because she wasn't available till the 21/04 because she was off to a big musical festival over 5 days and then she had her kids wen she got back. 

So... is there a reason why you couldn't just say no?

[Maldives]

1 minute ago, Elswyth said:

So... is there a reason why you couldn't just say no?

Ye cause I'm an idiot lol I did say no she insisted I thought about it over a few days and went what the heck I'll just meet for a coffee keep it brief and go 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

She pushed for last night because she wasn't available till the 21/04 because she was off to a big musical festival over 5 days and then she had her kids wen she got back. 

Over you dodged a bullet. She paid for herself, so that was good. 

[Seliana]

9 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Hey guys, 

 

Went on a date tonight with a nice lady. We met on tinder. Anyway on the date she orders dinner and wine while I order just coffee. I tried to allude to the fact before the date it was a coffee date but she ordered dinner anyway. At the end of the date I paid for her wine but not the dinner. I guess thru experience I've learnt to somewhat hold back in some areas particularly with paying for the whole evening. I drove out to her area to add context and already mentioned I wasn't keen on going any further once I learnt she had kids but she insisted we at least meet. It was a nice night but I could tell her energy changed when it came to the bill. I did pay for her drink and mine but wasn't covering her meal. Was I wrong not to? Just curious because it's always expected of men to foot the bill but I've been on some expensive dates and there wasn't any chemistry and made a promise to myself to get out of the habit of doing that especially if it goes nowhere. 

I don't get it, why bother to go out at all?

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, Goodguy05 said:

Ye cause I'm an idiot lol I did say no she insisted I thought about it over a few days and went what the heck I'll just meet for a coffee keep it brief and go 

Not an idiot just being a decent person.  You had no idea it would got the way it did.

Thinking she should have paid for your drink as well as hers and her food.     That is kind of the polite thing to do when one turns drinks into dinner for one, as the increase in cost to her is marginal.

[dramafreezone]

9 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Went on a date tonight with a nice lady. We met on tinder. Anyway on the date she orders dinner and wine while I order just coffee. I tried to allude to the fact before the date it was a coffee date but she ordered dinner anyway. At the end of the date I paid for her wine but not the dinner.

Ok, so you were obviously ok with paying for more than just coffee then, but not as much as a meal?

I dunno man, by

A. agreeing to pay for her wine, and

B. Not having the date in a venue with a menu mostly or exclusively consisting of coffee and coffee related foods.

C. Not specifing beforehand that you would only pay for coffee

you waived the right to call it strictly a coffee date.  Ambiguity in these situations benefits the one that did NOT set the terms of the agreement.  Could she have ordered a scone?  Two scones?  What's the cut-off, three scones and a sticky bun??  What about a bowl of soup and crackers, that's not really a meal.  How does she know the limits if you didn't set them beforehand?

I'm kind of kidding with this, I'm trying to bring some levity to the conversation.  In the future what would it have hurt to just pay for the meal?  Do you want to run into someone you really like and she knows her and talks about how you skimped on the bill, then you're out of there before you have a shot?  Doesn't seem worth it to me, being thrifty in dating situations is not an attractive quality.

Edited April 12, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

I didn't ask her out she insisted we meet because I'd already told her I didn't see this going anywhere as I'm not into dating woman with young kids as I've done it before and found it very hard going 

I just read this, wow.  So she knew you weren't into dating women with young kids but she insisted anyway. 

Then, knowing it was a coffee meet, she ordered dinner. 

This lady had one agenda only, getting a free meal.  That's it. 

Ya know I've heard about women doing this type of thing, so not sure why I'm surprised by it, but WOW I'm so glad you didn't pay, consider this a bullet dodged. 

And next time this happens @Goodguy05IF it ever happens, just say no.

Edited April 12, 2022 by poppyfields

[Maldives]

46 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I just read this, wow.  So she knew you weren't into dating women with young kids but she insisted anyway. 

Then, knowing it was a coffee meet, she ordered dinner. 

This lady had one agenda only, getting a free meal.  That's it. 

Ya know I've heard about women doing this type of thing, so not sure why I'm surprised by it, but WOW I'm so glad you didn't pay, consider this a bullet dodged. 

And next time this happens @Goodguy05IF it ever happens, just say no.

Will do for sure surprised she messaged me today to say she had a great night just wished her happy Easter and left it that if she insists I will definatley pull the curtain down on this and say don't wanna take it any further and wish her well. Hopefully it can just fade out 

[Trail Blazer]

8 hours ago, Alvi said:

I am very curious if you would mind paying for her dinner if she she had:

1. No kids
2. No obvious dealbreakers
3. She looked better that her pics on the Tinder
4. She was nice, charming, witty, funny and all over you

If she was all that, would you mind paying for her? Would you post and complain about it at all?

Given that her entitlement was an obvious deal-breaker, had she not ordered food and wine he wouldn't have found himself in such a position in the first place.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Will do for sure surprised she messaged me today to say she had a great night just wished her happy Easter and left it that if she insists I will definatley pull the curtain down on this and say don't wanna take it any further and wish her well. Hopefully it can just fade out 

OP, do you think it's possible she ordered wine and dinner because she was hoping you might want to order same as a means to extend your date together longer? Initially your initial proposal of a "quick coffee" this might have been a way to get you to spend more time with her?

It just seems like she's trying to do a lot of convincing to get you to reconsider her as a dating prospect.

Albeit, her copping an attitude about you not paying for her meal is ridiculous on her part.

Honestly though if you feel like she is just looking for a meal ticket and/or you're not interested in dating her then your best bet is to stop responding/engaging altogether.

Edited April 13, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Maldives]

31 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

OP, do you think it's possible she ordered wine and dinner because she was hoping you might want to order same as a means to extend your date together longer? Initially your initial proposal of a "quick coffee" this might have been a way to get you to spend more time with her?

It just seems like she's trying to do a lot of convincing to get you to reconsider her as a dating prospect.

Albeit, her copping an attitude about you not paying for her meal is ridiculous on her part.

Honestly though if you feel like she is just looking for a meal ticket and/or you're not interested in dating her then your best bet is to stop responding/engaging altogether.

Possibly I don't know she said when she saw the menu it gave her an appetite lol all of a sudden and she likes there food cause she's eaten there before and she loves eating her words lol 

Edited April 13, 2022 by Goodguy05

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

.Hopefully it can just fade out 

Try to be more definitive. It's ok to say we're not a match and move along.  Perhaps in an attempt to avoid issues you're not speaking the truth, but honesty is the best policy. 

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Possibly I don't know she said when she saw the menu it gave her an appetite lol all of a sudden and she likes there food cause she's eaten there before and she loves eating her words lol 

Okay.

I'm really not sure what the above comment means.

In any case - it's fine to say that you don't foresee this working out.

And, not agree to go on any more dates with her.

Edited April 13, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

8 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Possibly I don't know she said when she saw the menu it gave her an appetite lol all of a sudden and she likes there food cause she's eaten there before and she loves eating her words lol 

What time was your date that she suddenly felt hungry?

I felt hungry on dates before, I tough it out. 

Story: Years ago I was heading to a coffee date. When I got there the man was sitting comfortable with a meal. I went to the table and introduced myself, he did not even get up to great me and I said: wasn't this a coffee meeting? and he said yes but I felt hungry. I told him obviously he's not a man with manners and I left. 

[Maldives]

56 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What time was your date that she suddenly felt hungry?

I felt hungry on dates before, I tough it out. 

Story: Years ago I was heading to a coffee date. When I got there the man was sitting comfortable with a meal. I went to the table and introduced myself, he did not even get up to great me and I said: wasn't this a coffee meeting? and he said yes but I felt hungry. I told him obviously he's not a man with manners and I left. 

It was 730pm 

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Goodguy05 said:

It was 730pm 

OP next time you find yourself in a situation like this, just say to her beforehand:

"See here, lady, we're just getting coffee, so maybe you should eat some nachos or something before our date."

 

[Kamille]

Most people can't drink coffee at 7:30 pm.

Regardless, apparently she didn't mind paying her own meal. Fair play to her. 

So unfortunately Goodguy, you're back to square one with her. Tell her straight up that you are not interested. 

 

[glows]

Just decline in future if you know it’s not a match. You’re creating issues and drama in your life. To think that all this time you could have been spending time thinking about a delightful date you’d rather be around instead of someone who reminds you of an ex being a single parent and a dealbreaker to you. 

Maybe you just haven’t gotten over your ex either.